Epilogue of Nagare Ippon’s Confession From Beyond the Mirror
Boring. That was what Nozomu had realized life was. It was the Mundane, The daily grind, the machine. Call it what you will. Even after what had happened a few days ago, Nozomu still held his apathetic view firmly in his hand.
If anything, what had happened only served to prove how unappealing this world is. No that’s not it. It’s more like the world is an unwelcome place. People like me; we can’t survive in a world like this. We just get trampled on, or pulled out of the ground like weeds. Fuck, I hate this. Why am I such a spineless monkey?! To this thought, Nozomu paused. Was it that he was spineless, or was there something else bothering him? Whatever the case, Nozomu was so enthralled in his thoughts that he had not realized that someone was next to him and shouting his name. “Nozomu. Nozomu? Hey are you listening?” Nozomu didn’t respond, as he was still in thought.
“HEY NOZOMU!” the voice had shouted in his ear. It was without saying that at this point the entire room was silent, and that all the eyes were upon the two individuals in question. Nozomu looked at them with passive eyes. “Something interesting here for you guys to look at?” at this the class had returned to what they had been doing previously. Having had his train of thought broken, Nozomu finally acknowledged the voice. Lazily, he turned in his seat to face her. “Haruka, is it lunch time already?” he asked the girl in a flat tone. Haruka, his childhood friend, the one he was supposed to be in love with.
Is that right? Nozomu had thought. But once again his thoughts were unable to continue as Haruka caught his attention.
“Yeah, I brought your lunch today again. But you already knew that right? But yeah, of course you would. I’ve known you for so long, and you’ve always been a really smart person, even if you never show it, and also….”
She’s droning on again. Why do I put up with this? Oh yeah that’s why. I’m too much of a nice person to say anything to get her to stop. Nice person? What a load of bullshit. You’re just a coward, a wimp. You see everything yet you do nothing, no matter what happens. So what? I don’t care anyways. It’s all just pointless necessity, just another struggle all the while I’m slowly dying. I might as well relax while it’s happening. Hmm, that’s true. Having noticed that Nozomu’s attention was no longer on her, Haruka realised that she was rambling on. “Well anyway Nozomu, here.” She passed him the bento as she took her seat across from him.
During the time he ate, he said nothing. For the past week, he would simply eat the bento, thank Haruka, and return to looking outside the window. When this had started, Haruka was elated. For the first time, Nozomu had eaten the entire bento, peppers and all. She had wondered why he said nothing during and after the meal, but she didn’t push the thought. She figured that the whole eating the peppers thing really was taxing on him and his silence was either a way to cope with his dislike, or him trying to get back at her for making him eat the entire thing. But as the week dragged on and Nozomu's behaviour continued, Haruka found herself worrying about the boy next to her. She had tried to ask what had been bothering him, but all of his replies were one word answers or short responses like “dunno”, “nothing” and more recently, “I’m not sure”. Of course she didn’t believe him, but she had no idea what to do. She was never the type of person to give moral support, let alone pry into a person’s privacy so that she could help them. But she simply couldn’t just sit there and do nothing for him.
After all, I… am in love with Nozomu. Maybe, I should ask him to go to the movies, so we could watch something together. Having gotten away from her thoughts, Haruka looked at Nozomu and saw that he had finished and, once again, was looking out the window. “Ne, Nozomu, are you doing anything this weekend?” she asked him, trying her best to stay confident. Whether or not he had heard the uncertainty in her voice, Nozomu tore his gaze from the window and looked at her. “No. I’m not really doing anything. Why do you ask?” he said to her in an unenthusiastic way. Haruka noted his slight monotone, but she was not going to let that alter her determination. “Well, there’s this new movie I wanted to see, I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?” she asked sweetly. Nozomu’s gaze once again began to wander toward the window. “Why do you need me to go with you?” he asked bluntly. A look of shock registered on Haruka's face. Suddenly her determination began to waiver. “I… I… well you see it’s just that…” as she tried to formulate her words, a third voice decided to join them. “So! The indecisive couple is fighting again huh?” At this Nozomu turned to the voice he had hoped he wouldn’t hear. 　His gaze now focused on the girl. “What do you want, Hayari?” A playful smile on Hayari's face was directed towards Nozomu. “Now, now Nozomu, I’m only trying to help the two of you here.” Nozomu couldn’t help but scoff. “Help huh? Last time I check, I didn’t enjoy you helping me.” Hayari’s smile remained fixed on her. “Oh? I’m sure you
enjoyed it” Again the images of what happened that night filled Nozomu's mind.
Damn this girl. This bitch. This fucking bitch! What is she playing at? She knows what happened, yet she’s going to keep torturing me about it?! I hate her! Are you sure about that? About what?! Hehehe. “A guy who’s indecisive and easily distracted, now wonder you can’t do anything.” Hayari complained as she gave Nozomu a sideways glance. Nozomu angrily stood up from his seat. “FUCK THIS!” he yelled as he made his way to the door. The entire classroom was silent after his outburst. As he reached for the doorknob he turned to his male friend who was subsequently now focused on him, wondering why Nozomu had acted that way. “Hey Yuuki, tell Yamada-sensei I went home early.” “What should I tell him the reason is?” Yuuki’s asked. Turning his head back to where Haruka and Hayari were standing, he gave his simple reply. “I feel sick.”
“This pisses me off!” an irate Hayari complained to her brother. “Seriously, that asshole can’t do anything, no matter what you do. You’d think traumatizing him would get him to man-up! But no! He’s still the indecisive prick he was before what we did. Seriously, if it was the apocalypse, he’d still do nothing. He’s a spineless wimp!” Her brother, while appearing uninterested and inattentive to his sister’s tantrum, was actually intrigued with her reaction. “Hayari, we’ve done this several times before, and never once had you followed up on the progress on our…
patients. Furthermore, you’re showing more disdain than you normally do. What makes these two any different?” Sawairi asked. Hayari, on her part, avoided any detailed answers. “Fuck if I know why.” Sawairi looked up from the papers he was reading. “Perhaps, I should rephrase the question. What makes him different from the others?” Hayari avoided her brother’s glance, not answering his question. “I see, however I do recall a certain someone
saying something after what we did.” Sawairi remarked, looking back at his papers. Hayari’s question voice drew his attention once more. “And what would that be?” she asked almost inaudibly.
Haruka was standing out side Nozomu's door, looking intently at it. Nozomu’s sudden action to leave had put further strain on her worries, up to the point that the remainder of class was spent with her thoughts on the boy. The second that the bell signifying the end of the day had rung, she immediately headed toward Nozomu's house. Upon getting there, she saw Nozomu's mother walking out the door. “Haruka-chan? Are you here to see Nozomu?” she asked while picking up her bags. “Um, yes auntie. I heard that he went home early, so I was wondering if he was sick.” Haruka didn’t particularly enjoy lying, but she didn’t want Nozomu’s mother to know that she didn’t try to stop him from leaving school. “Oh, you’re such a good girl, unlike that boy. He’s been in his room with the lights off since he got back. Would you mind being a dear and helping me out?” Haruka gave her a questioning look. “Sure auntie, but what is it you want me to do?” Handing Haruka the spare set of keys she had, she regarded the girl with a smile. “Well, it’s just that I’ll be gone for a few days on a business excursion, and you know my son can barely take care of himself. I wanted to know if you could look after the place for a little while.” Haruka smiled back at her. “Sure auntie, I’ll make sure everything will be fine.” Loading the bags and opening the car door, Nozomu’s mother turned to Haruka once more. “Thank you Haruka-chan; you’re always such a helpful girl. Your mother must be proud.” She sighed. “If only I had a daughter like you!” she said with a dreamy look on her face. “Haruka-chan, you wouldn’t mind becoming my daughter would you? Nozomu might not be the best man out there but his heart certainly is in the right place!” Haruka blushed at this, realizing what Nozomu’s mother was implying. “A-A-Auntie! T-That’s not what! W-We-re not!” Nozomu’s mother’s giggle brought Haruka out of her attempt to dissuade the implications at hand. “Sorry, Haruka-chan, I’m just joking.” Haruka waved good-bye as Nozomu’s mother drove off.
Now she was a mere ten feet from the source of her worry, a wooden door between them. She had been standing here for a few minutes deciding on whether she should confront Nozomu or not. Furthermore, she was debating what she was going to do once she did confront him. She slowly opened the door, peering inside. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She looked around the darkened room and found Nozomu’s crumpled form under the sheets of his futon. “Nozomu, are you awake?” Having heard no response, Haruka sat down on the floor next to the futon. For a while, she just looked at him sleeping, watching the steady rhythm of his chest rising and falling as he was breathing. She sat there in silence. “I’m not sure what I should do. I’ve known you for so long and yet I can’t do anything to help you. I know that there’s something bothering you.” Haruka turned her gaze to Nozomu’s sleeping face. “I don’t know why I can’t even tell you that I love you. Every time I see you, every time I talk to you, I want to say it to you. But I can’t even get three simple words out of my mouth.” She was sobbing now, her vision obscured by the tears in her eyes. Wiping her tears with her sleeve, she stood up and left Nozomu’s room.
When Nozomu had woken up, he looked at his clock and noted the time.
I slept for that long huh? I wonder if mom made dinner. Wait, she said she was going on that trip of hers right? Damn it, that means I have to make something for myself. Whatever, I’m sure there’s still instant stuff in the freezer. Nozomu tiredly wiped the drool of his mouth and headed downstairs to prepare a meal. He was surprised when he did get to the kitchen. The table was already set, and there was food under some plastic wrap.
I guess mom made something before she left. Sluggishly, Nozomu put some of the food on his plate, and placed the leftovers in the fridge. After he had re-heated his meal, Nozomu headed to the living room to watch TV as he ate. He set his plate down onto a side table, as he sat down on a lounge chair. It was at this moment, that he noticed the sleeping form of someone on the couch across from him. Well, more specifically the sleeping form of Haruka.
Did mom let her in? His question was answered when he picked up a note that was on the center table.
Really mom? Did you think that a few days without you would kill me? I’m not that hopeless. He placed the note back on the table, and turned on the TV.
As the night wore on, Nozomu continued to slump further in his seat, his now empty plate on the table next to him. Every now and then, his eyes would wander to the sleeping Haruka. For the past few minutes she was shivering, progressively getting more noticeable as time wore on. After picking up his plate and putting it in the sink, he shut off the TV and turned to Haruka.
Do I let her sleep here? No that wouldn’t be the proper thing to do after she made me dinner; the least I could do is to grab her a blanket or something. No, I should at least get her to sleep in a proper bed. Picking up the girl Nozomu headed up the stairs back to his room. He gently laid her down on the bed in his room as he settled down in the futon on his floor.
I never really liked that bed anyways. I hope she likes it better than I do. His last coherent thought was of the classroom, and someone sitting on a chair waiting for him.
The clock read 5:00 am when he woke up the next day. He turned on his side to see if Haruka was still asleep. Instead of her being in the bed, he noticed her distinct form beneath the covers, in
his futon. She was also hugging him.
Oh great, if she sees us like this for sure she’ll freak out. Better leave before she wakes up. As Nozomu moved away from her, Haruka’s grip tightened, a small whimper escaping her lips. Nozomu could hear her faint voice call out to him. Against his better judgement, he laid back on the futon and went back to sleep. As he dreamed, he saw the classroom once more. There in the center of the class sat a person. To be precise, it was a girl. The odd part was that no matter how hard Nozomu looked he could not see her face. Yet, he had the nagging feeling that he knew who she was. “Nozomu” the voice called out. “Nozomu, I’m happy to see you.” Again, the nagging feeling of knowing who the mysterious girl dogged him, re-enforced by the voice he now heard, it was familiar, yet he couldn’t tell who it was. “Who are you?” he asked the dream spectre. Though he could not see her face, he could see the smile.
That smile… I know that smile. The voice called out to him again, “Nozomu, I want you to know that all those terrible things I do to you, are only because I don’t want you to know how I feel.” Nozomu was perplexed at the girl’s statement. “What do you mean?” he asked her. She simply smiled once more and said his name.
“Nozomu”
“Yes?”
“Nozomu, I-“
“Nozomu?” He awoke up, opening his eyes, feeling slightly disappointed that the dream was over. He turned on his side and saw a flustered, and probably embarrassed, Haruka staring at him. There was an uncomfortable silence in the air, as neither said anything. “Um, Nozomu, why are we in the same futon?” Haruka asked, half covering her face with the blanket. “I should be asking you that. I left you on the bed last night, and slept here.” Haruka blushed further. “Oh sorry.” Once again, there was silence. After what seemed like minutes, Haruka stood up and walked downstairs. “I’ll be making breakfast! I’ll call you when it’s done!” she yelled from the stair case. Picking up a towel from his closet, Nozomu headed to the washroom to take a bath.
