Chuck Fucking Norris

Enough said
- Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, when he got back they were just, the islands
- Chuck Norris' Penis has a Hemi
- Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SATs, simply by filling in Chuck Norris for every answer
- There's no chin under Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist.

chuck Norris has only two speeds, walk and Kill!

When Chuck Norris falls in water, he doesn't get wet--water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris went to a McDonalds at midnight, when he saw it was closed he roundhouse kicked the building so hard it turned into a Wendys

-Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people
-There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits

Chuck Norris always sees dead people

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

The eternal conundrum”what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable
object” was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday

lol.. hahahaha...

Chuck Norris cannot use condoms. There is no protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isnt satisfied if you woman lives.

- the leading cause of death in the united states are: Heart Disease, Chuck Norris, Cancer
- outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is Hiding
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
- Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, HE decides what time is

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

What was his mother then? :P

Chuck Norris can reproduce asexually he choses not to because the overwhelming force of two Chuck Norris' would destroy the world.

No one listed my favorite one

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer... unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.

Chuck Norris did cry once... when he accidentally roundhouse kicked himself. Unfortunately his fury at his own tears led to the distruction of the west coast.

hermaphrodite?

or is it because he's long enough to butt-fuck himself and have a full-grown Chuck Norris come out of his ass?

no asexual reproduction is when an organism splits on half, into two exact duplicates. Ameobas do ths. And so does Chuck Norris.

Earth used to be one Island- till Chuck "WTF" Norris gave it a roundhouse.

i think butt-fucking self is much more fun





Continental Drift in two seconds


actually, he was playing football