Cinia Pacifica's Estate
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
It doesn't seem to flow well, in some ways, including you using the word "serene" too much.
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Hanasaku
i should just die
i had to cut alot because of the word limit :/
also i like the word serene, it reflects the title too.
also i like the word serene, it reflects the title too.
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
But you can't overuse it. That kinda ruins it.
Some of the problems surrounds your word choices and sentences themselves, but those are minor issues. My issues is with the story itself. Unfortunately, we can see that it is very unoriginal, at least with using common senses. And after looking at the plot... well, there are better entries out there with good use of deception and such.
Try to always write something unique. Something that can catch one's attention and make them read until the end. Some readers have closes the tab and reads something else sometimes when they don't like what they're reading. And write as well as possible. You might wanna get more creative with the wording when writing metaphors, too.
The word limit is there to pose a challenge. If you can't write something solid within the given limit... well, you know the rest. I hope this ride given by the contest allowed you to gain experiences and more knowledge. I hope you improve well in the future.
Some of the problems surrounds your word choices and sentences themselves, but those are minor issues. My issues is with the story itself. Unfortunately, we can see that it is very unoriginal, at least with using common senses. And after looking at the plot... well, there are better entries out there with good use of deception and such.
Try to always write something unique. Something that can catch one's attention and make them read until the end. Some readers have closes the tab and reads something else sometimes when they don't like what they're reading. And write as well as possible. You might wanna get more creative with the wording when writing metaphors, too.
The word limit is there to pose a challenge. If you can't write something solid within the given limit... well, you know the rest. I hope this ride given by the contest allowed you to gain experiences and more knowledge. I hope you improve well in the future.
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Cinia Pacifica wrote...
GAH! TAKE A SHOWER OR SOMETHING FOG. DXgonna take it soon....AFTER I'M DONE COVERING YOU WITH THE SWEATS THAT I GOT BUKKAKE'D WITH!
*continue doing *beep*,*beep* and *BEEP* to rice's entire body*
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
FUK U.
HANA, or WINTER, HALP CLEAN ME OF ALL THIS DESPICABLE MUCUS.
HANA, or WINTER, HALP CLEAN ME OF ALL THIS DESPICABLE MUCUS.
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I got me a boss card out of sheer luck. Too bad I don't need 30% reuse delay reduction that much...
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
Gahald_Mills wrote...
I know you like this song, Cinia..NOPNOPNOPNOPNOPNOP.
@Winter: Thank you~