Ignored Users Society.

Subject: Suicide Bombers


Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day
strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are
entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so
far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death
will be cut by 25% this April, from 72 to only 54. The rationale
for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the
afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of
Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that
this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for
strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We
don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a
kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he
currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained:

"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply
not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not
accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive
marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic
shortage of virgins in the afterlife.”

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland,
Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike
would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our
areas anyway".

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put
down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle -
now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like that they are not so
keen on going to paradise.