So instead of the usual midnight post.
2
Tanasinn
The Bellpepper
Fakku Fanfiction X Movie 88 Disc Special Ultimate Semi-Hard Edition Volume Fighter IV-MAHAMAHA wave ZAWARUDO Cut GiftBox Playset.
So yea, I wrote this really shitty fan fiction [as all fan fictions are shitty by default]. Cliff Notes Time!
EDIT: Now with Epic opening credits and closing credits, New Characters, The Epic 6 hour return of Waar vs raaW! Tegumi beating the shit out of Antwon isn't new, but its mentioned here anyway. Easter Egg for the bitch slapping game 'Rose and Camillia'!. More failing to make a shitty thread! I'm wearing a top hat. Other less exciting shit. The next to last attempt to break the character limit!
then the closing credits
So yea, I wrote this really shitty fan fiction [as all fan fictions are shitty by default]. Cliff Notes Time!
EDIT: Now with Epic opening credits and closing credits, New Characters, The Epic 6 hour return of Waar vs raaW! Tegumi beating the shit out of Antwon isn't new, but its mentioned here anyway. Easter Egg for the bitch slapping game 'Rose and Camillia'!. More failing to make a shitty thread! I'm wearing a top hat. Other less exciting shit. The next to last attempt to break the character limit!
Spoiler:
- Kona has a nice lunch with Kona's Sister. This is the only normal part of the fan fic before I go off the fucking deep end due to inner angst and other shit the teenagers these days have such raging hormones about. [I'm actually 23, so basically im writing this in the style of stephanie meyer]
- Ok so it really starts off with SlyNinja posting a shitty thread. Its really bad. So someone else makes that same thread and its actually good. SlyNinja gets all buttfrustrated and rages. He later gets NTR'd by his real doll. spoiler, real doll gets train banged by his dog and a honey badger. Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.
- Antwon gets the shit beat out of him by Tegumi. Its usually the big fight scene in every fan fic about fakku. Even if it has nothing to do with them at all.
- Later on, Jacob shows up after he was assassinated by some yanhurdurre. He reveals he is a time traveler of some sort and tells us the identity of the person who killed him. Doctor Who opening credits.
- She-who-should-not-be-named offers up her body for sex, no one answers because no one wants to put dick in crazy. She notices this too late because Waar BECAME FOREVER and wiped her out of existance. [Authors note: this is the first and last time Waar shows up in this Fic. It is more realistic that way uguu~]
- Tegumi transforms into a giant robot to beat the shit out of Antwon who is still human sized, this is the second big fight of the fanfic. Row Row Fight Da Power.
- I don't really do anything but I'm in it anyway doing absolutely nothing for about 16 pages. AkA: the filler episode.
- Animefreak figures out how to impregnate someone through the forums using a special combination of words. However this goes haywire because this works on anyone regardless of gender.
- Jacob travels from the past to fight his future self because it was actually Jacob that killed Jacob. Doctor Who Ending Credits/Preview for next episode.
- Some shit about vampires and werewolves. I make a very off-color comment about why women get hot and bothered over fucking dead people and animals. I then proceed to do nothing for about a page and a half.
- PumpJack does cool shit with a shotgun, the rest of the story is done in a vaudeville style regardless of whether or not anything that happens is even possible in that era.
- Iam is actually 100 different people fighting for control over one account
- server crashes due to Jacob's evil twin, bocaJ sticking her reverse vagina into the server
- Grenouille IS THE POKEYMANS [seriously, I haven't played in years, thinking of getting heartgold and soulsilver]. Grenouille is actually every pokemon combined.
- Um more filler with a bunch of other posters. Shinji isn't present because the Author says so.
- Sneaky no sneaking!. He sneaks anyway, finds Nash and has to fight a bunch of people with guns. Oh and this happens in Nash's dream. Fakception is the name of this chapter. A few other users show up, Uncle Phil is the architech, there's drugs and bitches everywhere.
- Gism is a superhero. MOON TITTY POWER
- Final battleJUST GETTING STARTED: Tegumi transforms into a entire planet and Antwon [still human sized] get diced and killed in every which way only to be brought back to life by Tegumi for her to kill him over again [This is basically a blatant copy of 'I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream' but 90 pages long]
- Big brother gets reverse lolibang'd. Little sister is actually 37 years old and named bocaJ who travelled from the past to stop the bocaJ from the futu... Fuck it, time travel isn't funny anymore.
- MegaTen finds out he can summon demons by getting off. MTL then summons a succubus which he then uses to summon another, then another. He is then killed by the massive 20,000 succubus orgy he created. Then something about Ninety Nine Nights and stuff
- GD has the power to control what other people post and at different times. This leads to a lot of awkward misunderstanding and bizarre hookups. Badguy gets controlled by GD and forces him to break into the gibson. After the heist, they turn all the gold into crowbars because Freeman is the zombies
- PervyFatman is actually skinny and not pervy at all. He is the only conservative on the entire site. He didn't come to fakku to fap, he came to make people feel bad about touching themselves because he kicks ass for the lord. Enter Bible Black plot line but instead of sex its knitting and watching daytime television
- Gizgal makes a appearance as Princess Zelda. Completely OOC, because Princess Zelda has a machinegun attached to her arm and she has to kill the king before Link [played by 30 Emmy award winner, artcellrox] shows up to kill her.
- Your momma is so fat, she can't even see her own penis...wait wrong thread
- Grock is actually Brock's Cock, enter rule 34 of more stuff. This is the only part of the fan fic that rhymes.
- Tegumi pulls a Buffalo Bill and forces Antwon to PUT THE LOTION ON THE SKIN. Antwon complains that this fan fic doesn't make any sense. I say it does because I wrote it from beginning to end. Tegumi rips Antwon's skin off
- Gravity Cat has complete control over gravity anywhere in the world, uses it to jettison servers into orbit in a last ditch effort to save humanity. Think Watchman but Gravity aka Dr. Manhattan is not really a scientist
- Kadushy is a lovecraft style cookie monster that actually bakes people into cookies, he later teams up with the Kool Aid Man
- Crossover chapter [Whore Mango x Fakku] Completely drawn in MS paint, this chapter is about a group of Fakkuza [AnimeFreak, Sneaky, PumpJack, Nash, Kuroneko, Sisami, and Uncle Phil as a cameo] who, disgusted by the kool aid commercials, decide to hunt down the real kool aid man: A nightmarish drink pitcher that is filled with the blood and body parts of victims foolish enough to summon him from the depths of the void underneath hell. Special Edition cover by guest artist my penis
- Aai appears, can only say pansies
- Deftera is a professional wrestler. His dream is to become the best there ever was. He fights pokemon. He sees his best friend 'accidentally' get killed in a tag team match [MOTHERFUCKING MAGIKARP], His wife leaves him for his rival [GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK], he loses his eyesight in the middle of his last fight. After overcoming all this, he becomes number one. Three weeks later he shots himself in the head. Author interrupts the only serious chapter in the fan fic to apologize for completely ripping off Suda 51's Super Fire Pro Wrestling Special because he thinks no one is going to get the fucking joke
- Longivity is actually the character with the least amount of lines and fic time. Seriously, Silent Bob has more lines then Long does.
- Captain Badass fights Captain America inside a giant whale loaded with c4 heading directly to the white house. 'Is he a bad enough dude to save the president?' is answered within this chapter
- Mike and Pretend Waar go to a corndog gay bar. I say Pretend Waar because I already used up Waar's one time only appearance. Pretend Waar is now referred to as raaW
- Tegumi beats the shit out of Antwon again, this time Tegumi is Agent Smith and Antwon is a cardboard box that Snake is hiding inside...sexually
- Liu Kang and Sub-Zero double team Sly Ninja's real doll. Real Doll gains awareness and leaves him. Liu Kang deals the final relationshiptality by emailing him pics of liu kang making out with the honey badger who sly ninja has had feeling for since the beginning of the fic. Generally bad posters get NTR chapters
- Ronnie... Well nothing to write about there. His chapter is just his name on a otherwise blank page. the next page the Author goes on a rant about how he is wasting paper but also trying to warn the children reading about not being like the bad posters. It then turns into some anti-drug campai.... I can't lie to you guys, I've been drinking the majority of this chapter
- Alternate Universe Batman makes a cameo [his parents are alive in this Fic] Batmans says something like 'Am I kawaii father? Uguu~' then batman's father beats the shit out of him saying 'NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO BE A LOLI LOVING FAGGOT'. Batman then becomes Fapman and pilots the H-Mech 'Guro Lagann' He fights VanillaMan sometimes.
- bocaJ flies into space to mess with Dr. Manhattan Gravity's perfectly sound decision of sending the servers into orbit. Pervy Fatman, the only person non-perverted enough to fight bocaJ [we are NOT using time travel GODDAMMIT], is sent into space Major Tom style to prevent any sexual urgues due to bocaJ's reverse vagina. Whole space battle is set to the tune of Guile's Theme and at the end Pervy Fatman makes bocaJ a Family Man despite bocaJ actually being a woman.
- iamannie and OyOsama team up as the Obscure Fakku user duo called 'The PhotoColorRapists'. iamannie takes pictures of ghosts and shit to capture them and due to not being able to summon the ghost through the developed photo, OyOsama draws interpretations of them on slips of paper made out of the photo[think binding spells] then turns them into summoning gates to make the ghost work for them and solve crimes [this chapter is about THAT ASSHOLE THAT TOOK THE LAST GODDAMN COOKIE OUT OF MY FUCKING COOKIE JAR]. This is basically the Fatal Frame x Pokemon x Men in Black chapter
- Winter, a level 55 fapper, enters a dungeon with Tifa Lockheart, the next 50 pages is a epic choose your own H-Time chapter involving Cactaur, Fapman, the real kool aid man, and limit breaks. Aeris dies half way into a secret threesome sex scene too! So if you're int.. OH DEAR GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?
- Another chapter about Tegumi killing Antwon. This time it's that scene from Little Nicky, you know..the scene with the pineapple. Tegumi shoves things like Guro Lagann, your mother, the GDP, Manchester Utd., a playstation, two gamecubes taped together, Deep Blue, schrodinger's cat [is it in his butt or not?], fucking magnets, actual goddamn common sense, and the servers into Antwon's butt. However, Antwon doesn't die, so Tegumi pulls a Major Tom and decides to go to the planet that Antwon came from to destroy the problem at its source, It then turns into something like 'Iron Sky' meets 'Katamari Damacy'
- Maeve becomes some sort of inbetween for those looking to upgrade their image. A magic maker sorta. On one condition, one thing has to stay consistent throughout the lifetime of the user, Maeve's choice. This chapter focuses on a newfag that wants a new identity from Maeve. Maeve's choice is that the user has to have snooki's vagina photoshopped into every avi the newfag has [as that was the only memorable part of that user's existance]. Newfag constantly tries to get with OyOsama, but is friendzoned the entire time once she remembers who he is. This is the 'Little Shop of Horrors' x '50 first dates' chapter
- zeroniv is actually a manifestation of a urban legend. teams up with Kool Aid Man and Kadushy for heavy drinking and killing of things. Jacob and some other guy show up, just to be reminded that Time traveling isnt funny anymore. Its the 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' x 'Hellraiser' chapter.
- Zak comes out of lurking only to get into a horrible accident that places him into a coma. When he wakes up, he sees nothing but old [200+ years old] fat people having sex. The only normal thing he sees is a loli and... seriously outside of the 4 people who know where I'm going with this do I really need to finish describing this chapter?
- Koko7 has spicy sex scene with a chainsaw and Sailor Mars. It actually ends better than you'd think. spoiler they have babies and one of them is jacob, showing readers that the series of events are actually backwards with the past playing out last its not funny
- Grover fights Tesla. Why? doesn't matter, 'nuff said
- MantisPrime is a transforming robot/vibrator/truck/fakku server. Pornformers vibrators in disguise, Nekohime narrates the OP.
- CTFG is actually a place well-received by everyone.and that's the joke
- At this point of the Fan Fic, I break down. Realizing that maybe, just maybe, I have mistaken my insanity for actual sanity and so I continue writing the rest of the fic as if it was a movie script. I end up fucking some sort of bird bear thing. I think the canadians call it a OwlBear, but I remember my russian friend calling it a 'fuckbuddy' IDKMYBFFJILL
- AnimeFreak goes on a drinking binge and ends up killing Antwon. But as he sobers up, he realizes that Antwon has been dead for 50 years. Who the hell did he kill? iamannie and OyOsama make guest appearances in this chapter.
- There's something about servers going offline. Eva reference left and right, Shinji dies in a eva suit blahblahblah the government
- Yurixhentai fights this one bitch... Spiderman is some sort of woman the entire time. The setting is very victorian however it is still present day despite the fact that none of the recurring characters [Fapman, Long, Circe, Uncle Phil, your mother, Malkovich Malkovich also guest stars as Malkovich Malkovich] have access to the internet or anything electrical for that matter. Someone dies of...You guessed it, a electrical fucking mishap.
- Doswillrule is actually the son of the guy who killed the Highlander. He obviously killed his dad because in this chapter Doswillrule
- Damoz doesn't think he is special, is proven wrong when he finds out that he can destroy peoples lives and get away with it because the judge would just say he is just special. This is a mash up of 'Monster' and 'Death Note'. Spoiler, the badguy [Damoz] wins by killing TypicalGeek's self esteem [this is why TypicalGeek is no longer with us, he died of being buttfrustrated]
- EchoEagle is completely blind, but only wears one eyepatch to hide the 'Glare of Madness' until he has to use it. Uses his power for trivial stuff like ordering pizza, mowing the lawn, etc. The Glare of Madness drives people to the edge of insanity. Actually nothing that he tries to get done actually gets done in this manner. But he does it anyway
- Space Cowboy and Grover team up in a space station after debris from the corpse of bocaJ crashes into their ship. Action packed 'Alien' x 'Rambo' style Chapter. Yes, there is a Chaingun involved and everyone talks as if they were from a Jane Austen novel
- Antwon wakes up to a cold splash of water to the face. Tegumi has him tied up. She then eyes over a insanely impossible variety of sharp and dangerous objects, each one just as cringe worthy as the last [there's one that actually cuts open the skull and with fine scoops fitted with spikes, they dig into the victims brain, controlled by a crank that is attached to the lower left of the victims back. The crank digs into the side of the victim as it turns. As instant kill as it sounds, the scoops pick out just enough to leave the victim fully aware of pain while destroying any chance of escape. Called the Gentle Mind Fucker 9001]. Tegumi then settles on a dull rusty spoon. Cue 250 pages of Tegumi beating the shit out of Antwon with a spoon. Music by Queen
- Say What? is the main character in the palette cleanser chapter. Author gains a small amount of sanity and feels bad writing what is pretty much snuff material in what was supposed to be a family friendly fan fiction. Samuel L Jackson and Say What? exchange witty banter about Say What?'s name. Confusion based comedy at its finest
- Yoshii shows up to the party. Uses his secret power to steal the Egos of other people. Gism fights Yoshii and unleashes FULL ON ECLIPSE TITTY MILK POWER and transforms into a giant mech. Shinji dies in a Eva suit again despite already being dead. It's The best of Power Rangers, Sailor Moon, Kamen Rider and Jojo's Bizarre Adventure combined. No one can stop time though because anything to do with time is no longer funny
- Loner's chapter makes Time Travel funny again. Loner rides this sort of bike that bends time and space. Always riding away from the view of the camera. The entire plot is a fourth wall ascii text adventure where the reader gets to help Loner escape form the all seeing eye of the Camera. The story mechanic is interesting because the only way to communicate with Loner is if he is within sight of the camera. The point is that Loner doesn't want to be in view of the camera. This goes on for about 70 pages give or take how long it takes the reader to lose sight of Loner. Realtime text lighting yo.
- Deftera comes back from the dead as a zombie and fights cruz737 because he is a pokemon and we already covered that Deftera wants to be the best that ever was. Wait, that was already accomplished a few chapters ago. UMMMMMMM...
- Black Jesus instantly knows when you are touching yourself. He uses this to place insane amounts of money [see LOADS] on a no-wanking-for-a-year bet. In this dramatic chapter, everyone feels tense as they try to fight the urges to masturbate, all in the name of enough money to control Fakku's servers. A ingenious mix of 'Final Destination', 'Rabbit Doubt', 'The Fast and The Furious' and 'Ocean's Eleven'.
- Gambler is a lumberjack that fights bears equipped with not 1, not 2, not even 6, but 4 [yes 4] black hole missiles. Missiles that create BLACK HOLES. Directed by Christopher Nolan choreographed by and also starring as the bears: Stephen Chow, Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, John Woo, Tak Sakaguchi, Choi Min-sik, Lee Byung-hun, Ryuhei Kitamura, Michelle Yeoh, and Norio Wakamoto as that really big fucking bear. Epic lesbian scene featuring Maggie Q and Lucy Liu [FUCK THAT RHYMES] that has nothing to do with the chapter happens at the exact same time that the massive fight scene happens and lasts as long as that scene as well [at 12 hours, this is the world record for longest porn/action movie].
- Waar returns home after a long day of playing BanHammer 40k to realize that his beloved corndogs are gone. He gets a call from raaW, the pretend Waar that went to the corndog gay bar with Mike. raaW tells Waar that he has less than 9 hours to transfer a massive sum of 6.5 billion pesos [Ed. Note: Twerve Dahrah] into his mexican bank account before he kills Waar's corndogs. Waar has intense flash backs of his baby corndogs from the time he gave birth to them all the way to the time he took their cornginity. Waar doesn't get paid till tomorrow, so he grabs his guns and sets out into the sunshine to hunt down raaW because it was easier to do than bum 12 bucks from Jacob and whatever.
He makes it to raaW with less than 30 minutes left on the clock. raaW then grows fifty two fucking arms, each one holding a different weapon. Think somewhere in the lines of a male Kali [hindu goddess]. There's this really fucking awesome thing raaW does with the weapons like woosh and swipe and juggling shit. Man, I kinda wish I had the skill to write that part out, but this is a fan fiction, I am writing like some fat ass girl that gets boners from fucking dead people and ani- We already covered this topic. So after raaW finishes this display of pure awesome. Waar just bans raaW by shooting raaW in the head. Ah shit, you know what? I could just said, 'Oh its like that one scene from Indiana Jones with buttfrustrated extra stuntman but with 50 more arms'. Ah well.
Waar searches the compound only to realize that his corndogs are nowhere to be found. He then searches raaW's body and notices a familiar, arousing smell. Waar cuts open raaW's body and makes a horrific discovery. raaW is actually the sentient embodiment of Waar's corndogs. raaW was a mutation of Waar's corndogs. raaW was [insert rewording of previous two sentences] of Waar's corndogs. Waar, saddened, picks up the limp body of raaW and plants a final kiss before riding out into the moonlight..
then the closing credits
Spoiler:
- After the epic credits, Neya, who hasn't been mentioned this entire fic, gets a awesome after the credits scene. She basically goes down on this dude. The camera pans up to reveal that she is blowing Candleja-
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Lughost
the Lugoat
say what! wrote...
Nice
Edit: malware was detected on fakku?
That was my fault. A gif I posted apparently went bad.
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Grenouille88 wrote...
say what! wrote...
NiceEdit: malware was detected on fakku?
That was my fault. A gif I posted apparently went bad.
oh
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Tanasinn
The Bellpepper
Sneakyone wrote...
WhatI tried making a bad thread. So far I have failed.
I figured that if I could understand how the new people always make bad threads, I could make a vaccine that countered this behavior.
I did it all for the nooki science.
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Tanasinn
The Bellpepper
On reflection, I should have stuck with my usual midnight post.
Science was never my strong point.
Science was never my strong point.
0
Tanasinn
The Bellpepper
GracefulDiscension. wrote...
I find the lack of mention of me to be quite saddening, but regardless nice thread bro.I forgot a lot of people. I'm probably gonna fix the above post to add the ones I missed.
I have failed to make a bad thread.
EDIT: Therefore, I'm editing the first post adding the missing users and other crap. This will be the very definition of beating a dead horse.
0
Tanasinn
The Bellpepper
Deftera Mirage wrote...
ah I completely forgot about this.
Damn it now i'm conflicted. Both would have been really good chapters. I'd use the time travel bit again but that's not funny anymore...
0
Gravity cat
the adequately amused
If I jettison the servers into orbit maybe bocaJ will stop fucking them
Nice thread brah, always nice to have a giggle when you first wake up in the morning
Nice thread brah, always nice to have a giggle when you first wake up in the morning
