The World is Flat.

Catcher · 2009-11-18T09:33:21-01:00

Earth is flat. Allow me to describe why I know this to be fact. Just today, at 6:12pm, I quitted my house to dispose of the rather large stockpile of garbage I had accumulated the week prior to today. The sky had already dimmed, and the darkness consumed much of the street, except those miniature patches of light, illuminated by what could be described as bulbs hanging from the end of the smallest leg of a triangle without it's hypotenuse. Upon noticing this mathematical resonance in what normal society would refer to as a "street light," I gazed upon its mythical properties for over two hours. My mind wandered to fanciful thoughts, filled with grandeur of the power of mathematics and science merged to create such a wonderful piece of architecture. Imagine, for instance, all the engineering properties that must have been adherred to to create this almagation of metals; the strict design structure of the pole, a triangle suspended without leg, to endure the centuries of abuse by weather and human! These specific and many other thoughts haunted and creeped upon my conscience, and I stood marvelling at the power of science! However, I digress; I assume that you wish to know of my incentive to claim the "World is flat." Allow me to continue. Now, you have read my rather wonderful accounts of my astonishment of society's ability to create such an advanced piece of metal as the "street light." However, the journey was yet to begin. Through the day, I had noticed a light breeze, which began to accumulate in intensity about 12pm that day. By the time of my waste disposal, this wind had attained ferocious velocities. Walking out to my trash disposal, I felt fear of the power of nature. This only helped to intensify my feelings of gratitude towards society's working men, who would surely be in and active of their occupation even of that moment, when the winds were blowing as they were. At that thought, I was blown off of my feet by a particularily strong gale of wind, which discoursed me from my course of the trash bin, yet did not perturb me enough to cede to the conditions of nature. I continued with rigor to my course, and completed my actions, of which included bottles of beer, milk, and other vile substances. At this moment, the wind chose to howl with the anger of one thousand men whose spouses had been untimely ripped from the vestistudes life. I was blown far from my course, and in the process, my head was rather bluntly thrown against a tree, at which point I was knocked out. I awoke to find myself in a desolate plain of ice, gravel, and sand, a peculiar combination of grit that I would not realize to be of such oddity until later during my quest. The climate of this region, not oddly given the circumstances, was actually quite comfortable, and I for a second reveled in the beauty of the landscape. O, such wonderful expanses of white and black; such marvelous sine and cosine waves of lava; such splendid curvature granted to the rolling hills of sand! Soon, having exited this trance, I began to ponder the important and pertinent information, most namely the question: "Where am I?" I called out several times to anyone who might be able to answer, and recieved no reply. Shrugging this off, as I may have perhaps been in an isolated region of the city in which none thrived, I gathered a few scattered supplies to carry on a journey, in search of civilization and a means to food. As I walked onward and onward, a forest came into my vision, a dense patch of green on the desolate yet beautiful expanse of rubbish. I entered this forest, unbeknownst of what would soon follow. I heard voices deep within this forest, and, the fear of possiblly being a wild and ravenous land having struck me in full force by the tidings of their whisperings, I opted to wait in a small clearing not far from the voices, and crafted a spear from wood and stone which I would have used to defend myself. It was all for nought, however, as I soon awakened to the bobbing of the head so often associated with being carried by hands and feet; which I was. I shifted my field of vision long enough to notice the presence of a being to this point I can only describe as a "monster." These creatures, though composed in a structure similar to that of a human being (shapewise), were nothing short of vile, and the putrid odor that aroused my nose from their presence committed me to vomitting several times. I noticed, however, that they spoke the English language, and hoped for possible direction when time arrived. They soon brought me into the presence of their leader, whose title I can distincly remember as "Lord Kaiser Hegemon Xel the 3rd Fuhrer's Greatgrandson, whose Magnificence has Brought Upon us Much Grace, the Prophet, Messiah, and Savior of the Peoples." I was prostrated in front of this monster, and subjugated to his sexual whims. Over and over my body was ravished; the great pain of his entries left me in dire shock, and the uncleanliness of his body left me of fear of infection. He committed to these vile deeds, never taking a break in between each action. Until, one night, as he was intoxicated with his drink, I was able to slip out, in the pitch black of darkness, thus quitting the forest and running at full speed ahead. I ran with the strength of a man possessed, naked as Adam, and ran for an indeterminable amount of time. I had managed to procure rations from that monster's dwelling, and feasted upon them as hunger drove them scarce. I was about to succumb to the fallibility of the human frame, when finally, out of the corner of my eye, and to the thanks of the perpetual darkness of this land, I spotted a fire burning far across to the east of my position (I was able to determine this by means of a rock and paper gathered from the monster's palace). However, the unbearable obstacle of cold stood between myself and the fire: in fact, I was to later know these drifting blades of ice to be called by the local inhabitants "The Blade Drifts." I was unable to find any detour across to the fire, even walking an estimated several miles along the Blade Drifts to find a suitable walking zone. Having been unable to procure one, and out of fear of my energy being exhausted, I commenced walking towards the fire, through the burning cold and my own freezing feet. I soon arrived and found the inhabitants, thankfully, most hospitable. They informed me that I was indeed on the other side of the planet Earth, the side which is unknown to many scientists and geographers. They led me to the very end of world as they knew it, and bad me clothes, good will, and supplies for my trek back to my land. As they had not an idea of where I would appear in my world, as they had not crossed the line before, they simply gave me all they could without jeopardizing their own safety and wellbeing. I thanked them, but recieved a warning: In crossing to the other plane of the planet, I must do so quickly, as the gravitional flux in changing my direction a complete 180 degrees to a flipside may have proven daunting. I simply dismissed this comment, and soon traversed the boundary, eager to return to my land. I ended up in Canada, quite oddly. It would seem the end of the Earth is actually in Canada. I was unable to locate any way back to the "underworld," as a gust of wind blew me far back, into the state of California. With renewed ardour, I treked back to my house. This journey was completed in one day. And so, readers, I bequest of you. If you are able to find the end of the world, undergo my unfortunate tale, and realize the Earth is flat, please convey my thanks to these men who helped me, as you will as well.

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InternetCelebrity

15 years ago

one time it took acid n thoguht the world was an persistent stream of dichotomic congnizance predicated by solitary, anthropological, altruistic power

oh man i trippin so hard ahaha

iMoloko

15 years ago

skoodlez wrote...

Melancholy wrote...

Shia wrote...

tl;dr.

KG989

15 years ago

essays go in the writing forum.

TehMikuruSlave

15 years ago

tl;dr

Callonia

15 years ago

Found it kinda funny that only now today in this very thread, I think i finally learned what tl;dr meant, too long; didn't read. XD

anyways, I've been to edge of world before, Took pixs

Only a single picture survived mauling of a ogre troll tho.

Forum Image: https://www.fakku.net/image-404/images/68562-V9XSGIB.jpg

Forum Image: https://www.fakku.net/image-404/images/68562-V9XSGIB.jpg

Ain't worth it unless you wanna be alone.

Catcher

15 years ago

I am delighted to see the vast multitudes of FAKKU having read my most recent work, and am delighted to announce that I shall release an oeuvre of my works availible to the common FAKKU'er by the year 2012. This archive of my tales will include popular stories such as this and "My Toe."

catfish

15 years ago

I remember that.
Good stuff, I must say. The pictures were riveting and your fluidity was hypnotic.
[size=10]
Shit what am I saying...[/h] Forum Image: https://www.fakku.net/image-404/images/12547-AU8R4KP.png

Forum Image: https://www.fakku.net/image-404/images/12547-AU8R4KP.png

You're the bane of my animosity, the subject of every fiber within my waking beings discontent.

Anesthetize

15 years ago

tl;dr. But this reminds me of the experiment they did to find out if the universe was flat. They measure from the farthest two points of the universe they could find from the Earth and used simply Trigonometry to measure it.

They found out that the angles all combined to equal 180 degrees. But if it equaled a perfect triangle this means the universe is flat? But that can't be possible, like the universe i believe the Earth also has a slight curve, not visible to the eye that makes it round.

Catcher

15 years ago

catfish wrote...

You're the bane of my animosity, the subject of every fiber within my waking beings discontent.

Allow me to retort, in spades.

You are the bane of my existence, who bears the full brunt of my animosity. I bear you in utmost contempt through each and every vein of my body; your name is printed alongside derogatory terms on the surface of each and every one of my blood cells, whether white, red, or even dead. "There are 387.44 million miles of [blood vessels] in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word hate was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for [you] at his [micro-instant]. Hate. Hate."

Just kidding, I love you catfish.

pizzabite

15 years ago

Catcher wrote...

catfish wrote...

You're the bane of my animosity, the subject of every fiber within my waking beings discontent.

1. Write a book
2. Publish it
3. Give Fakku members before X date a 30% discount
4. ???
5. Profit!

Ramsus

15 years ago

Tl;dr is the bane of my animosity, the subject of every fiber within my waking being's discontent.

nacho

15 years ago

tl;orhoi

Catcher

15 years ago

nacho wrote...

tl;orhoi

You trouble me, good sir! What demon has encouraged you to produce such words, the meaning of which escapes me? I must bequest of you: what combination of words could this sequence possibly represent? Might it spell my doom or my creation; my entrance to the immaculate plains of Eden? Or perhaps a subtle tone, one carefully calculated, with each word embued with a brimming knowledge of the world and it's passive joys!

catfish

15 years ago

Catcher wrote...

If the word hate was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for [you] at his [micro-instant]. Hate. Hate."

Damn. Ill have to remember that.

nacho

15 years ago

Catcher wrote...

nacho wrote...

tl;orhoi

GUESS RIGHT WIN A REP LOL

Catcher

15 years ago

Too long; only read halfway onward in?

nacho

15 years ago

You failed me man. You failed me.

Ramsus

15 years ago

In B4 Catcher gets a -rep.

Noel

15 years ago

You're making fun of me... I know it.

Catcher

15 years ago

Shia wrote...

You're making fun of me... I know it.

That was nowhere near my mind until you mentioned it. Lol.

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