A single question for the ladies.

[color=#9D0A0A]The story itself is just an example and not intended to be responded to .. but rather the question is important .. so please no response about my story.[/color]


Hi Ladies and gentlemen, first I would like to start off with writing a story of mine before I can ask you this question.

I am average looking, chubby, a little over on the hairy side, and my sense of styling is kinda below average. ( Just to let you know )

So here is my story :

I met this girl about less than two months ago, fine figure, mid long black hair, kinda brownish skin, but has a great smile. We met at a center for hanging out and she was with her friends and I was alone ( Guys don't really wanna chill with me ), so we kept our distance and her look on me felt like she already rejected me and I knew that because usually women "believe" they know who the guy is based on their looks ( which I find nonsense ). However there came a time where I spoke my language and she heard it, so she came over and said if you also came from there ( not mentioning any infos )and I answered yes, born but not raised.

So later we got casual and started to get to know each other and then came a time where she and her friends talked about other guys hitting on her and calling her " Butterfly" and " Fairy " and also " Chocolate " and such .. so I overheard it and came up to her and told her that those lines are just an excuse and a cheap way for guys to even get a response from you. She was curious so she asked me what would I call her to flirt with her and I told her this, " You are the woman of my dreams", she laughed but I told her I was dead serious, she quickly blushed and started acting like a "tsundere" character denying all this, but later on she calmed down and told me with a blushed face. " You know, that was the first time someone told me that".

After that we pretty much got along and we seem to get closer even though we have different schedules in life. Although she really is a beautiful person and I am not, we connected and I believe we are off to a good and steady start.

So my questions to you ladies is, if a guy who isn't up to your expectations ( looks and such ) suddenly gave you words you would never hear and it threw you off, and then made you feel warm, would you deny this person or actually give him a chance to win your heart because he reached inside you no other guy did?

Oh and I really like her, I wanna advance this because I don't wanna be alone anymore in this world and I wanna make her a happy gal.

Well, if you're being honest and not cheesy, why not? Beautiful sincerity every so often is hot!
Just don't go overboard on the fancy poetic language, as it CAN get old when overused.

Yeah, sure. I would definitely give it a shot. It sounds like you made a really good impression on her, but try not to be so resentful of girls for being superficial and judgmental initially. After all, you also judged her on her looks before you got to know her, didn't you? So, same thing. Looks are all we have to analyze right off the bat, so we often do it - consciously or unconsciously. If you don't like how you look or dress, then change it, but don't be defensive about it.

Sorry im not a chick but i just felt i could help out in a different way. I was in a similar situation where i didnt have any style what so ever but instead of over weight i have a condition that makes it really hard for me to gain weight and especially muscle mass so i had a bmi of 17.1. But i figured i should at least try still so i grew out my hair to a length/styling i thought was cool (actually started seeing a stylist at that point), started taking vitamins and working out as much as i could then drinking alot of protein shakes, I also started really paying attention to the cloths i buy making sure they fit me well and looked good. While im not entirely a cassanova at this point im definitely better looking and more confident with girls and myself. What im trying to get at is you can always improve your self no matter what youre like right now. 2 of those 3 you can fix very easily too you could just make sure you shave alot more then usual and just experiment with cloths/ hair styles that really fit you. Weight is a bit harder but its defiantly attainable. I dont know your position or anything so it may be different for you but your story just sort of reminded me of how i used to feel i guess :I

Ah no I don't wanna be resentful .. I know how females can get so I knew how to behave towards those kind of stuff.

Yes you are right about me changing my style, that is why a little later I changed that and dressed more decently so I could be more social with her.

I didn't judge her at all, I wanted to be more patient so I carefully maintained my judgement until she really became open.
( Never judge beforehand ... learned that through experience )





Thank you for such a mature and helpful response.

I don't actually consider myself the best, because I wanna have that state of mind that I can change into almost anything I like, because being perfect is boring.

I apologize if I didn't explain thoroughly so I will do it now ... the guys in my city really care about their looks and are extremely styled to the point where girls just constantly look at them .. so I myself wasn't up to their expectations.

I didn't say I was ugly, but not enough to become the super playgirl with extreme level of pheromones ... there are some days I wanted to be just sloppy and she caught me in one of those days. ( Normally I dress normal, like total average )

I wouldn't say my weight is getting in the way, but I know females wanna get guys that take care of themselves so I definitely need to dedicate to that. Yes, I do believe shaving is important, because it makes me look younger so yeah, definitely.




I strongly agree on that, most females wanna hear such things in moments of total happiness and not just on average days.

I'll definitely remember that.

Would I be impressed? Unlikely, I've heard a lot of 'amazing' lines, there's probably nothing I haven't heard before.

Would I date you? Probably not. I don't really like the types that say those things, anyways. I don't like 'romantic' guys... guys with a romantic side, yes. But I have never been successfully wooed, it's not my thing. I like a guy with a sense of humor, and ambition.

I generally get extremely turned off by guys who express interest immediately. It just.. colors the entire relationship. It becomes even harder for me to even develop those kinds of feelings after their too-soon confession.

OUCH!!!
Anyways I haven't wrote would you date me, just dating a guy that knows how to reach inside you even though he isn't perfect by appearance.

I.. haven't had such an experience.

Isn't it kind of a stretch to say you "reached inside" of her? All you really know is that you said something that was surprising to her. I don't really think a single comment by itself is enough to foster an entire [potential] relationship onto. Also, I kind of agree with Kittie here. It is really weird for a guy to be ALL OVER YOU with compliments right off the bat. He doesn't really know us, so he's pretty much just pulling shit out of his ass. Commenting on someone's looks is the bare minimum, really, and it isn't what most women really want to be regarded for. Brains, sure. Interests, sure. Talents, sure. But anyone can compliment a woman on her beauty. The fact that most guys don't pick the same words to describe it as you do doesn't mean it is inherently shocking, but then again you have the whole line of dumb ass girls who think the difference between "beauty" and "sexy"/"cute" is somehow profound in importance. It isn't. So, what makes you think you "reached inside" of her by commenting on something purely on the outside?

You make it sound like as if I just saw her and commented on her looks, which is CLEARLY not the case .... of course we got to know each other in time and I also known her good points before telling her she is the woman of my dreams.

I only said that because I overheard her conversation and I decided to tell her what is on my mind. Of course I told her the truth, she is after all a girl who got more in her than just looks, and she isn't naive either. ( :) )

( Sigh ) ....

Also I meant reaching inside in a non-perverted matter .. more like she felt that you were serious about it.





Which is why you can't truly understand it since you haven't had that experience, but eventually you'll experience it.

I have to agree with HappyDai. All you said you told her was that you said she was the woman of your dreams, going off that it doesn't really seem like you have "reached inside" her, but then again she could be a woman that easily gets fuzzy feelings. It all depends one how you two interact with each other.

Back to the question, I would probably still deny them. I don't like to be woo'd with sweet words about my body and personality. If I am thrown off by something someone says I am usually quick to put my guard up because to many times have I heard 'sweet' words spoken. It really is a ground of common interests that make me connect with a future partner, no compliments are needed.

Oh we did get to know each first, I was lucky to even have had a connection with her based on the fact we come from the same place ( luckily ) ... I guess you could say that I did leave a good impression in her and that she found it surprising, but she took it pretty well. I wouldn't say fuzzy, rather it was said in a unexpected time and place because she isn't one of those kind of girls. ( Trust me on this one )

Oh and we interact splendidly ... took a while but we both managed to break the barrier and got to know each other.

She knew exactly what you meant, and what she means is 'How can you be so sure you made any measurable profound impact at all, when you're essentially patting yourself on the back for saying something you don't hear other guys say too often?'





No, no. You misunderstood me. I've heard very similar lines. Perhaps even more poetic and profound than that [yours was.. admittedly... very cheesy, and short. and vague.]. I've just never been moved by such things. Because.. there's no reason to. O_o If you seriously think all it takes for a girl to fall for you is to say something a 'more attractive' guy wouldn't typically say, you have a lot to learn about women.

If you really want to surprise a woman, show absolutely no interest in her appearance and get to know her brain and interests. Tease her. Challenge her. When a woman is attractive and knows it, she likely hears compliments all the time. The most refreshing thing to those types is a guy that wants a fun, challenging companionship, rather than constantly being oggled, or complimented, etc.

But 'you're the girl of my dreams'... ? No. Frankly? A little ew.

Actually that is what I have been doing this whole time and we have actually formed a mutual kind of relationship where we feel comfortable with each other. ( I still keep my distance to avoid the friend zone ... )

That comment just struck her in a weird way ... I don't know ... sometimes stuff happens which normally doesn't and then POP, opens up a new possibility.

Guess I met a weird girl .... don't you think?

I will do what you wrote and keep our relationship in all flavors.

I have numerous experience with relationships, and i found that the nicest guys are never the most handsome. So, don't worry about your looks.

Would i date you, yes probably. But you have to know that all girls are different. I personally like a rough guy who knows how to treat a lady. Try to get to know your girl better.

And compliment her looks too. But just once in a while. Especially when u notice that she had worked hard on it. Girls appreciate that.