Best Makeshift Weapon
What's the best makeshift weapon?
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Been a while since I've made a poll/topic so excuse me if it sucks. Who the hell am I kidding all my topics and polls suck.
Anywho, this poll is about the best makeshift weapon. Scenario is that you're suddenly ambushed by some ninjas, or a Tigrex, or fucking Cthulu. You don't got time to shop for guns at Wal-Mart (Wal-mart has everything), so you have to improvise and make a weapon out of all the conveniently placed random stuff around you. Your choices are:
A baseball - Some hobo has a baseball and is trying to used it as a wheel on his shopping cart. You falcon punch that hobo because that's your favorite pastime and to get the baseball. You were the star pitcher back in high school on the baseball team and with a good pitch you can knock anyone the fuck out. Problem is that it's one-use only.
Your belt - Unbuckle and whip out your belt to lay down the hurt! This makeshift whip made to whoop ass like your mom did to you in the old days is perfect to smack around any enemy. Downside is without your belt holding your pants up, you'll be fighting in your undies (much like Vincent Brooks), or if you go commando then that's another story.
A child's bicycle - You see little Sally Thompson from across the street ride her bicycle right behind you. You dropkick that bitch right off her bike and take it from her. You can swing the bicycle around like a shield or put the tire to your enemy's groin and pedal like you're fucking Lance Armstrong. Rugburn the hell out of crotch!
Your textbooks - Being that you just came back from community college, you got your 10 ton textbooks with you. Textbooks make great shields and not to mention great blunt weapons! Bash in your foe's head or make them do calculus, textbooks are a deadly weapon. Who knew learning could be so much fun?
A laptop computer - Start playing some heavy-metal on your laptop and then you're ready to kick Cthulu ass with your weighty laptop. If an enemy reaches for your eyes, trap their fingers in the laptop and crush the fuck out of them so they can never masturbate to loli ever again. A true defeat that would be. Not to mention you could whip them in the face with the adapter.
Your fists - While your hands may have been used to mold beautiful pottery and give fantastic scalp massages, they're now kickass weapons that are named "fuck" and "you". Those boxing lessons your alcoholic, abusive dad made you go through are now paying off. A nice shoryuken to the jaw stops any Tigrex in their tracks.
Hairspray and a lighter - You conveniently have some hairspray from when you were performing West Side Story at your local drama theatre and a lighter from your stoner friend who always eats Cheetos. Putting them together you can flame your foes more than trolls on FAKKU. A burning inferno is always the best way to kick ninja butt. Not to mention you can use the hairspray to look good doing it.
A dildo and a cone massager - After a very questionable Friday night with your lover, you have a dildo and a cone massager on hand. Nothing screams menacing more than a guy with a big, vibrating dildo in one hand and a large, vibrating cone in the other. You're like some perverted NC-17 version of Link, if Link was a sexual deviant who liked to get his freak on with Zelda.
There are other weapons available around you yet for some reason there's no description for them because some guy didn't feel like writing 10+ fucking descriptions for them.
So those are your choices and so now you must pick the best makeshift weapon to renovate your enemies' ass.
Anywho, this poll is about the best makeshift weapon. Scenario is that you're suddenly ambushed by some ninjas, or a Tigrex, or fucking Cthulu. You don't got time to shop for guns at Wal-Mart (Wal-mart has everything), so you have to improvise and make a weapon out of all the conveniently placed random stuff around you. Your choices are:
A baseball - Some hobo has a baseball and is trying to used it as a wheel on his shopping cart. You falcon punch that hobo because that's your favorite pastime and to get the baseball. You were the star pitcher back in high school on the baseball team and with a good pitch you can knock anyone the fuck out. Problem is that it's one-use only.
Your belt - Unbuckle and whip out your belt to lay down the hurt! This makeshift whip made to whoop ass like your mom did to you in the old days is perfect to smack around any enemy. Downside is without your belt holding your pants up, you'll be fighting in your undies (much like Vincent Brooks), or if you go commando then that's another story.
A child's bicycle - You see little Sally Thompson from across the street ride her bicycle right behind you. You dropkick that bitch right off her bike and take it from her. You can swing the bicycle around like a shield or put the tire to your enemy's groin and pedal like you're fucking Lance Armstrong. Rugburn the hell out of crotch!
Your textbooks - Being that you just came back from community college, you got your 10 ton textbooks with you. Textbooks make great shields and not to mention great blunt weapons! Bash in your foe's head or make them do calculus, textbooks are a deadly weapon. Who knew learning could be so much fun?
A laptop computer - Start playing some heavy-metal on your laptop and then you're ready to kick Cthulu ass with your weighty laptop. If an enemy reaches for your eyes, trap their fingers in the laptop and crush the fuck out of them so they can never masturbate to loli ever again. A true defeat that would be. Not to mention you could whip them in the face with the adapter.
Your fists - While your hands may have been used to mold beautiful pottery and give fantastic scalp massages, they're now kickass weapons that are named "fuck" and "you". Those boxing lessons your alcoholic, abusive dad made you go through are now paying off. A nice shoryuken to the jaw stops any Tigrex in their tracks.
Hairspray and a lighter - You conveniently have some hairspray from when you were performing West Side Story at your local drama theatre and a lighter from your stoner friend who always eats Cheetos. Putting them together you can flame your foes more than trolls on FAKKU. A burning inferno is always the best way to kick ninja butt. Not to mention you can use the hairspray to look good doing it.
A dildo and a cone massager - After a very questionable Friday night with your lover, you have a dildo and a cone massager on hand. Nothing screams menacing more than a guy with a big, vibrating dildo in one hand and a large, vibrating cone in the other. You're like some perverted NC-17 version of Link, if Link was a sexual deviant who liked to get his freak on with Zelda.
There are other weapons available around you yet for some reason there's no description for them because some guy didn't feel like writing 10+ fucking descriptions for them.
So those are your choices and so now you must pick the best makeshift weapon to renovate your enemies' ass.
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If this manga taught me anything, it's that books are the best weapons in the world.
And that awesome things always turn to shit, but that's another matter.
And that awesome things always turn to shit, but that's another matter.
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From your list of scenarios I would have to pick Textbook.
In real life I would have to pick the gun which sits a foot and a half away from my pile of textbooks.
In real life I would have to pick the gun which sits a foot and a half away from my pile of textbooks.
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VotableDrWhat wrote...
If this manga taught me anything, it's that books are the best weapons in the world.And that awesome things always turn to shit, but that's another matter.
Protractors and rulers are weapons of math destruction.
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Can I use my dick?
"My grandmother wasn't racist, then again she did refer to broken bottles as nigger knifes.... OH MY GOD MY GRANDMOTHER WAS RACIST!"
"My grandmother wasn't racist, then again she did refer to broken bottles as nigger knifes.... OH MY GOD MY GRANDMOTHER WAS RACIST!"
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If it were a baseball BAT....I'd go Maebara Keiichi on their asses.
But I went for child's bike. Little sally doesn't need it, but i'll make use of the wide area of it and get them...
Oh who am I kidding, no one can beat ninjas...
But I went for child's bike. Little sally doesn't need it, but i'll make use of the wide area of it and get them...
Oh who am I kidding, no one can beat ninjas...
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I'd use a paintball gun. Shooting enemies with cool colors sounds awesome. Imagine a ninja wearing all black covered in neon paint. Freaking art!
