Bully Solutions, Which is Manly: Ignore or Fight?

Im so fucking mad about this post im not gonna say anything.

...The 'natural gender roles' as 'ordained by nature' extend about as far as the natural functions of the specific body parts that males and females have.

Sorry, still no.

'Strong differences', sure, if by that you mean - females have vaginas, and males have penises. Females have ovum and uteri to conceive and bear a fetus, while males have sperm and testes to fertilize the ovum to create said fetus.

Those are the 'characteristics' of males and females.

You can argue until your blue in the face that men are 'just naturally aggressive, combative, and strong', but that's bullshit and you know it. This kid is getting bullied. If that was true, this kid would've already beat the shit out of the bully. Or at least tried to.

There are no born-in instincts for either sex. Period.
Aside from the physical mechanisms such as lactation and arousal, babies do not just pop into the world, somehow figure out they're male or female, and decide that they're going to be masculine or feminine for the rest of their life.

The 'importance' of gender roles is not something that exists in actuality. It's a figment of hundreds of years of sexual division for the tried-and-true 'you got the pussy, you make the food. i got the penis, i make the rules.'

I didn't want to go there, but you keep insisting.

I'm not saying gender roles don't exist. They do. But they're not based in actuality. They're just there, to 'make the world make sense', because self-determination is just anarchy!

Males naturally produce more testosterone than females and females naturally produce more oestrogen than males. Both of these chemicals have a pretty heavy influence on the way we behave which affects our natural talent for various skills in life. Let's not forget the countless other differences in chemical production between the genders that affect behaviour and physical growth. This is fact, tried and true. I think you're looking at the world in the way you want it to be rather than the way it actually is.



I would say both men and women are naturally aggressive, especially when their integrity and social standing are being threatened. The main difference is that females tend to use psychological methods through which to channel that aggression and males more often than not use physical methods.

As for the kid beating up the bully, well, just take a look at how things work and have worked since time immemorial on this planet. The beta doesn't go out of his way to challenge the alpha unless he knows he can win, simple as that. If he's being bullied, the bully obviously thinks he's in a position of superiority and if the victim sits there and takes it this superiority is sub-consciously transferred to his friends, and even himself.



Yes, actually, they do. Genetic programming, DNA, decides the production levels of various chemicals in our body when we are first being formed within the womb. This has an affect on us throughout the rest of our lives and is the main deciding factor in whether someone turns out to be masculine or feminine. Go ahead and argue until your "blue in the face over this", but you can't deny reality, scientific fact. This isn't some theory I'm pulling out of my ass. Experiences do shape us over time, but unless it is in the absolute extremes it is an afterthought to the processes that control the future production of our chemicals as we are being formed.

Undeniably as we evolve physically and mentally to adapt to our ever changing environment and societies we will eventually cast away the idea of gender roles and there will be fewer differences between the male and female genomes. However, we aren't there yet, to say that the only difference between male and female at this point in time are purely sexual would be to deny many years of research and widely accepted truths.

Haha yeah. If this was a case of physical harrassment, I wouldn't be so naive as to give OP that kind of advice. I still stand by my words of communicating more assertively, without being aggressive. And as Lollikittie advises, worst case scenario OP should reach out to someone who can help intervene.


I'm not sure you understand what you're talking about. Gender roles are defined in terms of social and behavioral norms, not by XY chromosomes. They determine how far biological and/or cultural differences influence what's widely accepted of a "man" or a "woman." Or any alternative genders, for that matter. You can't deny that socialization plays a hand, otherwise you really need to study up on other societies.

Learn to differentiate a person's sex from a person's gender.

I faced a similar situation when I was in highschool, I was the butt of jokes for my group of friends. I tried to ignore them, they didn't stop... I never tried to fight them, because they were my friends, and as much as they annoyed the hell out of me, I wouldn't try to hurt them.. Mentioning that it bothered me to them probably would have only made it worse. I don't know the exact situation you're in, but I'll tell you what ended up working for me.


People who make jokes at other people's expense in group settings are generally predictable. I started making the jokes about myself before they did, and eventually started making fun of some of them back for how predictable their jokes were, its easy to shift the focus of the jokes away from you, if you're the one making everyone laugh, and eventually the jokes that were made at my expense became old and boring, and people stopped laughing at them. The thing about ignoring their torment, is that they still see that as you being upset, as long as they can draw more laughs out of other people at your expense, they won't stop.

Yes which is why throughout all of society for thousands of years, still today and throughout the animal kingdom the societal roles that have been placed tend to be quite the same. If it were based entirely on culture and society we would see far greater variation. Nature, DNA, heavily affects the way we perceive those societal roles as it heavily affects our own behaviour, this is undeniable. And if this is true, then one could attribute the societal roles that are placed on female and male genders to be foremost the cause of nature and not man. Don't put words in my mouth and read my previous reply.

I'm with you on this one, the best way to miff a bully is to ignore them, if they can't prevoke you anymore they will get bored and find another victim.

I didn't try to put words in your mouth, so I hope you return the courtesy by not putting words in mine. Not once did I argue that gender roles were based entirely on culture and society, since gender and sex are closely related - but not the same, which is the point I tried to clarify.

I didn't deny that hormones and other biological differences impact how females and males act differently from one another. In fact, I agree that the human physiology has a lot to do with social behavior. I simply wanted to support the notion that "manliness" is a silly thing to be considered in this thread's particular topic. Something more adept to ask would probably be "What's more mature?"

Would you have given different advice if OP asked which approach was more "womanly"? Based on statistics of male aggressiveness versus women's psychological tendencies?

As for the variation you claim doesn't exist, I disagree. It has existed in so many kinds of movements and contradictions, oftentimes intersecting with other contexts such as those of class and race. See more for brief examples.

If they're your friends you're just being sensitive and need to learn to take a joke or find new friends. Friends tease each other, it happens because you're supposed to be comfortable with one another. That's my take at least from friends I've had.

This states that I was referring to sex rather than gender role, which I was not.



As I stated in my previous reply to Lollikittie, in the future we might be able to cast off gender roles as we evolve to adapt to our ever changing environment and society, but we aren't at that point yet. You can't simply deny reality and the very clear contrasts between the way men and women often deal with things. You're looking at the way you want things to be, rather than the way they actually are.



My argument in simple terms is that they are indeed defined by our genome. Our genome defines our societal behaviour and thus the gender roles that we create and place on various people, including ourselves. It is the primary factor, societal evolution that comes from experience after we are born is secondary.



I did not give any advice to OP.



Again, putting words in my mouth.


Does not mean variation is non-existent.

We can be picking at each other's arguments all day, Bill. Bottom line is: I won't stop you from believing that gender roles are defined by DNA. I refer to "sex" in the context of biological differences, and "gender" in the context of socially-influenced differences. To say whether it is nature or society that caused what first is irrelevant. It's a matter of divergence in our views and how differently we use the same terminology.

Besides, if you aren't bothering to help OP, there's no reason for you to drag this out if you're not on topic. I'm not ignoring the reality of gendered behavior as both biological and social. I'm saying you don't need to put a gender to being rational and levelheaded in a confrontation. I want to say that that was what Lollikittie was also advocating, when she said masculinity was a meaningless standard, but I'm not her.

It doesn't take masculinity or femininity to have a reasonable talk with someone. There is no biological masculinity or femininity to being uncomfortable in a specific kind of relationship, whether it be serious or playful.

I don't want OP to believe that it's a feminine thing to not resort to physical violence if he can avoid it or use alternative means, just because "females tend to use psychological methods through which to channel that aggression" and female users like myself have supported verbal communication. If reality really is that discriminatory, I'd rather support my beliefs in changing it while I'm still alive.

It was your choice to enter into a debate with me hyphen. You're just as much a part of dragging this out as I am.

The reason I haven't given any advice to OP is because everything I would have to say has already been said. I agreed with everything in Lollikittie's initial reply but the part where gender roles weren't practical or relevant.

Sure, you don't need to include gender roles but realistically there will be differences in the way each gender will respond to confrontation. If you take that into account it just makes it easier to come up with a rational solution to resolve the problem without physical conflict. With conflict resolution it's better to take every possibility into account rather than leave something out and risk aggravating the problem even further.

By all means support your beliefs, just don't get blinded by them. It's good for anyone to dream about the way things should be and that they should be changed, however, if we don't step back from that dream and take a look at what's actually happening around us, we'll never be able to come up with a solution to make those dreams a reality.

I also believe that gender roles shouldn't make a difference, but that's not going to stop them from actually doing so.

Throughout elementary and middle school I used to get a lot of shit from other students. I used to ignore or crack jokes back towards them. However, if they wanted to get physical I'd beat the crap out of them. I can take words and walk away but once someone lays hands on me their body better be ready. People didn't mess with me in high school.

Of course not everyone's a talented fighter, so I recommend at least getting yourself familiar with defending yourself so you know what to do should the situation call for a fight. Of course, only use your fists if confrontations should ever get physical (never before). If they're only using words just ignore them and don't let them see any reaction. Eventually they'll just get bored, if not, bullshit with them. If you can avoid those individuals all together that would be best.

Sometimes you physically fight, sometimes you have to curse them out through words; it really depends on the situation that determines the course action to take but never ignore it or put up with it; no one has the right to make you feel like shit or take your life but you!

No offense, but how old are you? 14? because if you're at the college level like i am, bullying doesn't really occur unless you do something to make a lot of people hate your guts.

Bullying after high school seems almost unheard of.

I wouldn't say to completely ignore them, but just make yourself seem more self-confident.

I'm 18 if proof is needed please go here: Banned for 2 years, Waited for my account to be revived.

Anyway, I live in the Philippines, Bullying here is mostly done verbally and they do it either just to have fun or entertainment purposes for the group. Well that's what happens at my school anyway.

I would say it is wise to ignore and manly to fight.

It is wise to know when to simply let it go and ignore it. Like if your outnumbered and you know you can't win even if you fight.

Then it is manly to fight when the situation is right. An example. During gym lessons in highschool a guy in my class as a joke put a paper bag over my head. So I took it off and returned the favor by punching him..Well in the head.

After that situation he never bothered me again.

Man, just ignore that. It's just kids talking bull S word so they can get you mad, it's nothing to feed into. Just ignore that, someone said to me that "You can't let words get you mad, there are gonna be a lot of people that's gonna call you A lot of things. You gotta learn how to Ignore that and stick to what you're doing." now If they take it too far and like, try to attack you or push you over. Then you have a right to have them. Or if they get in your face, stopping what you are trying to do then I would take action. Otherwise, just ignore the bull S word.

Tenderly hold them. Works every time