Does Dating Cost Big Bucks?

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TheYellowDart

I'm in a "on again off again" relationship with this girl I used to date back in high school. Back then, neither one of us had a car, or a source of income. We broke up in our Junior year. NOW, almost three years later, not much about me has changed. I still have no car, or job. SHE however has a car, but no job. (She gets money from her parents I think.) Shes also looking to move on to bigger and better colleges than the junior college we both attend, while I have no real plans or money to go to one.

She wants us to date again, but I'm kinda on the fence. I still like her for her personality and company, but I don't want to be that loser with a girl friend who drives him everywhere and buys him food all the time like a free loader. I also wouldn't be able to take her on dates, or get her anniversary, birthday, ect presents like a good boy friend should.

So what say you guys? Does dating cost you money? Or is it all about love and peace? What do you think I should do?

AvatarEnd

14 years ago

Yes, going on dates costs money. Depending on your tastes, it can vary incredibly on how much you're spending. I mean, it could cost you the gas money to run to a redbox and rent a dvd, then cook a meal at home. That's what. 10 bucks maybe, depending on what food you cook for two.

Gifts, birthday presents, etc. Yeah, that's gonna cost you money in some way. Totally depends on the other person.

n3lsongoth

14 years ago

You can try to be very resourceful when it comes to dates, make handcrafted things for gifts, make dinner at home, hang around public places and rent movies....if your date is not as fancy as mine >.> otherwise, it can be VERY expensive...all depends on your date tastes and desires... what I see as a main problem here is not the money, but the feeling you get from your situation, talk to her, be honest and maybe things can get better, or maybe end up the relationship once and for all (not friendship...if you wish) think about how you feel and how she sees you, maybe she can give you some ideas for your future...or if you have an opportunity,talk to a counselor, your near friends, old teacher or your family to ideas to progress...

Best of lucks man! :)

Half Man Half Amazing!

14 years ago

You don't need big money to go on a date! Whatever happen to taking a walk around the park. Use public transportation. I have a car but i don't want to take it out because gas is expensive man! You can't be that broke to spare a couple of bucks to have fun. A good BF showers his partner with love not with inanimate objects.

Sprite

14 years ago

Imo you should go to college, because in today's society the only jobs you can get without going to college are menial services and being an assembly line worker. If you want to be an entrepreneur, the person loaning you the money needs to have proof that you are smart enough to run a successful business.

Forsvare

14 years ago

Improvise on gifts. Make them. don't buy them.

Hubs

14 years ago

What you should do? Get a job, and dont get a girlfriend cause you yourself cant even support yourself. Only get in a relationship when you do know you have money and when you do know you can support yourself and your girl.

My answer might sound like a total dick, but seriously think about it. Even you understand that you have no money, you dont just complain of being a freeloader and like living off her over the internet. YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! in this cause, you get a job. even a part time job since you're studying would be nice, just to get a kickoff on experience when you do get a real job.

Cause if you get one now, I guarantee you, that you and your girl will not last and will end up with no money no food and etc.

So think it over. Should you really get a relationship in your state? Or should you work your ass off and start better and then get a girl that will leave you with a happy life?

Depending on the girl, I have no idea if she will give you a happy life... It all depends on the girl.

gizgal

14 years ago

Not really. You can work with what you have, stay in sometimes, or when you go out, be thrifty and/or share the burden of pay.

If the relationship is strong and true enough, it won't matter.

Rusty Hammer

14 years ago

TheYellowDart wrote...

I also wouldn't be able to take her on dates, or get her anniversary, birthday, ect presents like a good boy friend should.

where are you from, the 1950's? if you get married do you expect your wife to just squeeze out your spawn and live in the kitchen?

anyway, do stuff like picnic in the park(though it's a little late in the year for that). go for a walk. free shows/concerts. museums. there's plenty of stuff to do on the cheap if you look.

Russlem

14 years ago

People are people, there's not a round block round hole for girls. I'm asocial and don't go out much, I date girls who are also asocial and don't go out much. I successfully had a relationship and an engagement for marriage for 5 years living together and our money situation was always tenuous but rarely an issue. While having a "job" is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it will help develop social skills, its not the end all be all of any relationship. We're in the worst financial disaster since the great depression. Should all the husbands and wives who have been unemployed for the past 3 years get divorced because they are no longer in a position where they can be financially stable? Of course not. It goes the same for people with no job experience, it just depends on what you expect out of the relationship.

Another poster said something along the lines of "how are you going to feel when you don't have any money and can't support each other?" The better question is how are you going to feel when you have a "job" (something purely for money, mundane and miserable) instead of a career and all you have to show for it is a relationship based on your minimum wage salary. You don't know where you'll be in 1 year most likely, why burn bridges where you don't have to.

You're broke with no job and are interested in a girl. Embrace it. If you're uncomfortable with who you are at the moment, change it. Its not your responsibility to determine your value for someone who has already determined their own value of you. If she wants to expand on the relationship then do so, she's a big girl gone through puberty and everything. She can make her own decisions. I always find our double standards in this country frustrating. A girl relies on her boyfriend to pay for things, she's normal. A guy does it, he's a freeloader scumbag. Here's a fact: you don't owe anything to anyone ever. If people help you its because they want to. If people start relationships with you its because they want to. If people want to look down on you because their shallow measure of a human being is how many hours a day they do something they hate doing because society deems it "productive" its also because they want to and probably because they're dealing with their own issues.

artcellrox The Grey Knight :y

14 years ago

The more I go through this thread, the more I'm reminded of a certain Archie Comics' story.

Poor bastard wasted a fortune on a date with Veronica at an expensive, and it ended sourly, with her not enjoying it at all. Out of money to take Betty on a date with, he turns to Jughead for advice. The latter thinks of a cheap date idea that involves him taking free samples from restaurants at the mall, skateboards for Archie and Betty as transport to the date, a table at a restaurant where the owner let them use a table for free, Jughead being their personal waiter and prepping everything, him going back to his house to reheat the samples, and serving them with coffee that he bought with the remainder of his money. In the end, they had a wonderful night. The next day, Archie contemplates how he spent so much for Veronica on a horrible date, and so little for Betty on an amazing date. Jughead probably mentioned a moral to all of that, but I can't really remember that now. :P

Yeah, I think a lesson is to be learned from this tale, though. :)

Twillusion

14 years ago

TheYellowDart wrote...

Supposedly, dating is supposed to be all about love and commitment and pure-ness.
But in the materialistic world we live in, yes, dates are expensive as fuck.

Can't complain tho.

hightide

14 years ago

Money gives you the freedom of more choice. It can amplify things, but it's not necessary. She doesn't have a job and can't afford to do much either. This naturally limits you both to low/no cost activities. Makes things simple and you can focus more on the things you can do.

brok3n butterfly

14 years ago

TheYellowDart wrote...

but I don't want to be that loser with a girl friend who drives him everywhere and buys him food all the time like a free loader. I also wouldn't be able to take her on dates, or get her anniversary, birthday, etc presents like a good boy friend should.

As much as I dislike that view I will just pass over it for now.

TheYellowDart wrote...

I still like her for her personality and company

You don't have to have any money to like someone. There's tons of free places to go on dates. Generally anywhere publicly accessible like parks, beaches, some historical sites. Of course food costs money but I wouldn't feel bad about paying for it for my date or vice-versa. However if any girl expected a guy to pay for everything and buy her stuff just because he has a penis I would say she's too shallow and unless you have money not worth the time.

The best date I can remember was in high school where we just walked around the neighborhood and chatted for like 2 or 3 hours.

gizgal

14 years ago

I just googled "cheap date ideas" and got tons of sources.

Here's a long list of one person's ideas, at http://millionairemommynextdoor.com/2009/02/a-years-worth-of-weekly-cheap-dates/

Spoiler:

Obviously, some of the ideas apply more to married couples but most work for any couple at any stage. Just search around or ask your friends for their input; there is so much to do in the world!

TheYellowDart

14 years ago

I've been going through some of the responses, and I just wanna thank everybody who posted. Some of you had some really good advice. A special shout out to Russlem, who really helped me look beyond the "what if's" I was having about this whole situation. I needed to see that dating was beyond money, and you guys really helped me see that. This is one of the reasons I really love Fakku so much, the community is really cool about opening up and sharing their thoughts. I'm gonna go for this relationship, and do my best to find a job in the meantime. If it doesn't work out, then oh well, but I'm sure to have some fun along the way.

Rusty Hammer

13 years ago

If she ditches you for being broke, i'd say you dodged a bullet.

Gravity cat the adequately amused

13 years ago

To keep a long reply short; if you spend huge amounts of money on just one date, you're an idiot. But it depends on the activity you do. Most dates can be successful by cheapening out.

Akaoni21

13 years ago

Dating costs the fucking WORLD nowadays! :(

What most of my broke ass house husband (Another way of saying Base Slave) friends do now is have the woman pay for absolutely everything but im so pathetically old school and out of touch with society that id feel like shit if I was ever out on a date with a girl and she treated me practically free gratis. (Id only have to pay her with my body later on *Shudders* The bad sex... The never ending sex)

Guess times are changing and why shouldn't the girl pay for my food and all my drinks and the movie and drive me about and Et Cetera, Et Cetera?

gizgal

13 years ago

Akaoni21 wrote...

Hey, going Dutch (each pay their part, or pay every other thing) actually makes sense in this rough economic time.
I paid a lot for the dates I had with my ex, which yes, was a little of a pain, but I was confident that he would pay me back via reimbursement at a later time with another date purchase or in kindness.

But don't expect/demand sex because you pay for a date; a kiss (and in this case, an expenses-paid-date) is not a contractual obligation that forbids anyone from saying "no" to sexual acts. And vice versa, your date shouldn't expect you to "pay" with your body either!

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