Everyone has to have a problem.?!?!?!?!?
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So this is gonna be another post of , I have a problem please give me suggestions.
Well, at least what i thought it is going to be and probably will be. The only reason why i am writing this here is because i want to hear opinions of people i dont actually know. In my opinion the best opinion comes from people who dont actually know whats going on but only understands the story from where they read it from. ( Of course the truth works best but whats there to lie about in the first place if you want genuine advice?) Let's move on to the Story shall we?
So hello, i am in a Dilema at this point of time and i need your decisions on how i should approach this awkward situation. I have known this girl for 5 years now. I have treated her as a close friend as close as my sister since 3 years ago. I have had mutiple crushes on her. ( Mutiple as in inconsistently during the year.) She has been together with a guy for about 2 years now. This guy is a horrible guy, not saying he does anything harmful to her but more of a pampered asshole and doesnt understand how precious she is. This is where the story not in point form starts, we were celebrating our mate's birthday and we were all at this shopping mall except her and her guy who were in another shopping mall close to where we were. It was raining and they had no umbrella's or rain coats to get here so i had borrowed one small umbrella from my friend and went over to "fetch" them. I called her and told her where to wait for me and when i saw her, i just passed her the umbrella so that she could go over without getting wet with her guy and i just ran back in the rain getting soaked.( I know you are gonna ask what the hell i was doing, the only thought that came through to my mind at that point of time was just simply :" I want her to be happy".) We all had Lunch and a movie afterwards, we went home. Today we had our Class Barbecue hosted by my two guy friends at her house but they brought alcohol along and one of them got themselves drunked and i couldn't be bothered about him. I was there early to set up the stuff ( I always do the labour in buying the food, setting up the pit(its like my job) and as a result i had to go to her house first. Was using the kitchen in her house to heat up and prepare some staple food for the barbecue. Her guy came later when the barbecue was actually gonna start, everything was set upped and we started. After blowing the candles off the cake( I bought a cake for my mate who had his birthday two days before as we didnt get him one on that day.), her guy just went home at about 8pm. I didnt know he went home. I asked her where he had went, she told me he went home and i asked for what and she told me probably to play games. That got me irritated again, someone is hosting a barbecue at your girl's house and you cant be bothered to help her clean up and make sure nothing goes wrong but you are more bothered in playing your fucking video game. I am sure there is a line between both. Whatever the case, i helped her clean up as i always do. We left her house late at about 12am and we just got on the last train back. She texted messaged my friend and asked how we went home instead of text messaging me to ask. ( I assume she is closer to me. Thats why.) I always take it as a "job" to text message her goodnight wishes, ever since she has been spending alot of time with her guy, she has not replied me even once a simple goodnight. This guy has made her lose her girlfriends(From what i see, she does not have a 'best' girlfriend like all girls have.), lose her friends and most of all, lose her individuality. I don't believe that her relationship is perfect and she never has problems. I am worried about who she goes to to "vent" out, the last time she came to me was 5 months ago.
Now, from what you can understand from my story.
1. I detest the guy.
2. The guy is a jerk. ( At least according to me, i think i am a fine judge.)
3. No, i'm not prejudiced against the guy.
4. I am the maid.
5. I think i have liked her for very long and regretted asking her earlier.
The Umbrella incident got me thinking, Are all my actions actually worth it? What does she see me as? Does she even appreciate the stuff i do for her? I really am intrigued to know.
Well, at least what i thought it is going to be and probably will be. The only reason why i am writing this here is because i want to hear opinions of people i dont actually know. In my opinion the best opinion comes from people who dont actually know whats going on but only understands the story from where they read it from. ( Of course the truth works best but whats there to lie about in the first place if you want genuine advice?) Let's move on to the Story shall we?
So hello, i am in a Dilema at this point of time and i need your decisions on how i should approach this awkward situation. I have known this girl for 5 years now. I have treated her as a close friend as close as my sister since 3 years ago. I have had mutiple crushes on her. ( Mutiple as in inconsistently during the year.) She has been together with a guy for about 2 years now. This guy is a horrible guy, not saying he does anything harmful to her but more of a pampered asshole and doesnt understand how precious she is. This is where the story not in point form starts, we were celebrating our mate's birthday and we were all at this shopping mall except her and her guy who were in another shopping mall close to where we were. It was raining and they had no umbrella's or rain coats to get here so i had borrowed one small umbrella from my friend and went over to "fetch" them. I called her and told her where to wait for me and when i saw her, i just passed her the umbrella so that she could go over without getting wet with her guy and i just ran back in the rain getting soaked.( I know you are gonna ask what the hell i was doing, the only thought that came through to my mind at that point of time was just simply :" I want her to be happy".) We all had Lunch and a movie afterwards, we went home. Today we had our Class Barbecue hosted by my two guy friends at her house but they brought alcohol along and one of them got themselves drunked and i couldn't be bothered about him. I was there early to set up the stuff ( I always do the labour in buying the food, setting up the pit(its like my job) and as a result i had to go to her house first. Was using the kitchen in her house to heat up and prepare some staple food for the barbecue. Her guy came later when the barbecue was actually gonna start, everything was set upped and we started. After blowing the candles off the cake( I bought a cake for my mate who had his birthday two days before as we didnt get him one on that day.), her guy just went home at about 8pm. I didnt know he went home. I asked her where he had went, she told me he went home and i asked for what and she told me probably to play games. That got me irritated again, someone is hosting a barbecue at your girl's house and you cant be bothered to help her clean up and make sure nothing goes wrong but you are more bothered in playing your fucking video game. I am sure there is a line between both. Whatever the case, i helped her clean up as i always do. We left her house late at about 12am and we just got on the last train back. She texted messaged my friend and asked how we went home instead of text messaging me to ask. ( I assume she is closer to me. Thats why.) I always take it as a "job" to text message her goodnight wishes, ever since she has been spending alot of time with her guy, she has not replied me even once a simple goodnight. This guy has made her lose her girlfriends(From what i see, she does not have a 'best' girlfriend like all girls have.), lose her friends and most of all, lose her individuality. I don't believe that her relationship is perfect and she never has problems. I am worried about who she goes to to "vent" out, the last time she came to me was 5 months ago.
Now, from what you can understand from my story.
1. I detest the guy.
2. The guy is a jerk. ( At least according to me, i think i am a fine judge.)
3. No, i'm not prejudiced against the guy.
4. I am the maid.
5. I think i have liked her for very long and regretted asking her earlier.
The Umbrella incident got me thinking, Are all my actions actually worth it? What does she see me as? Does she even appreciate the stuff i do for her? I really am intrigued to know.
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In the words of a friend of mine LAWDY LAWD!
I'm really not going to lie this seesm to me like a classic mid late teen relationship. Girl has boyfriend, Boyfriend is not a jerk at all just ,hah, apathetic but does indeed like said girl Girl is content enough with situation. You're pissed off because you believe you would do a better Job than Boyfriend and believe you have stronger feelings (which to be honest in the situation you've described sounds like infatuation)
My advice try to tactfully say that maybe this boyfriend isn't the best try to invite her more back to her old friends and such
I'm really not going to lie this seesm to me like a classic mid late teen relationship. Girl has boyfriend, Boyfriend is not a jerk at all just ,hah, apathetic but does indeed like said girl Girl is content enough with situation. You're pissed off because you believe you would do a better Job than Boyfriend and believe you have stronger feelings (which to be honest in the situation you've described sounds like infatuation)
My advice try to tactfully say that maybe this boyfriend isn't the best try to invite her more back to her old friends and such
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Mmmh.. looking at this from a girl's perspective, I'm afraid you may be stuck in the "good friend forever" category... If she doesn't reciprocate your actions (good night texts, etc), then I don't believe she sees you as anything more than a friend.
If you try to take her away from her bf, it just might push her away more as she'll be thinking, "Who is this guy to tell me who I should like?" etc. But that also factors in, cus she's been with this guy for a long time, she might be less likely to want to let him go :\
If you try to take her away from her bf, it just might push her away more as she'll be thinking, "Who is this guy to tell me who I should like?" etc. But that also factors in, cus she's been with this guy for a long time, she might be less likely to want to let him go :\
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Hazah wrote...
In the words of a friend of mine LAWDY LAWD!I'm really not going to lie this seesm to me like a classic mid late teen relationship. Girl has boyfriend, Boyfriend is not a jerk at all just ,hah, apathetic but does indeed like said girl Girl is content enough with situation. You're pissed off because you believe you would do a better Job than Boyfriend and believe you have stronger feelings (which to be honest in the situation you've described sounds like infatuation)
My advice try to tactfully say that maybe this boyfriend isn't the best try to invite her more back to her old friends and such
Will try to do that. Thanks.
himeko wrote...
Mmmh.. looking at this from a girl's perspective, I'm afraid you may be stuck in the "good friend forever" category... If she doesn't reciprocate your actions (good night texts, etc), then I don't believe she sees you as anything more than a friend. If you try to take her away from her bf, it just might push her away more as she'll be thinking, "Who is this guy to tell me who I should like?" etc. But that also factors in, cus she's been with this guy for a long time, she might be less likely to want to let him go :\
Yeah, probably. Just gotta wait for him to make one wrong move then.
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go find some other females. put this girl on the back burner meaning you can still be nice to the girl but talk to her less. and try not to be a door mat
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i just think your suffering from "i dont want that guy to be her dude" sydrome just because you dont want to see her cry.....
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I have a close friend who sorta has the same dilema as you once. Basically my friend (who I will call Guy A) has a friend who is a girl, which he has known for awhile now. I'm not sure if Guy A liked the girl in the beginning or not but he eventually did. Now the problem is that Guy A never asked the girl out since they were close friend and now the girl has a bf (Guy B). The sad part is that Guy B doesn't treat his gf properly (I won't go into the details anymore..). The catch is that Guy A and Guy B are really good friends.. almost like brothers. Ok point is.. eventually Guy A got fed up with Guy B and decided to do something about it. Which was to steal the girl from him. Guy A and the girl now are one of the most happiest couples ive seen.
I'm not sure if this story will get to you or not but my main point is, If you really care for this girl and you see that she is suffering then do something about it. This is probably not the best time to be a nice guy if the girl you care about is being hurt. I'm not saying you should do the same thing as my friend and make her you gf. I'm sure there are other methods that you can think about. Now if she doesn't mind being treated that way, then just lay off. Sometimes it's better for her to experience being unappreciated than you telling her that she is.
My opinion might be too straightforward but it's better than always beating around the bush. So good luck with that and I hope you figure somethin out.
I'm not sure if this story will get to you or not but my main point is, If you really care for this girl and you see that she is suffering then do something about it. This is probably not the best time to be a nice guy if the girl you care about is being hurt. I'm not saying you should do the same thing as my friend and make her you gf. I'm sure there are other methods that you can think about. Now if she doesn't mind being treated that way, then just lay off. Sometimes it's better for her to experience being unappreciated than you telling her that she is.
My opinion might be too straightforward but it's better than always beating around the bush. So good luck with that and I hope you figure somethin out.
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himeko wrote...
Mmmh.. looking at this from a girl's perspective, I'm afraid you may be stuck in the "good friend forever" category... If she doesn't reciprocate your actions (good night texts, etc), then I don't believe she sees you as anything more than a friend. If you try to take her away from her bf, it just might push her away more as she'll be thinking, "Who is this guy to tell me who I should like?" etc. But that also factors in, cus she's been with this guy for a long time, she might be less likely to want to let him go :\
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for her, but I suppose she can notice one day. It just rarely happens.
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Haburi-Chan wrote...
himeko wrote...
Mmmh.. looking at this from a girl's perspective, I'm afraid you may be stuck in the "good friend forever" category... If she doesn't reciprocate your actions (good night texts, etc), then I don't believe she sees you as anything more than a friend. If you try to take her away from her bf, it just might push her away more as she'll be thinking, "Who is this guy to tell me who I should like?" etc. But that also factors in, cus she's been with this guy for a long time, she might be less likely to want to let him go :\
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for her, but I suppose she can notice one day. It just rarely happens.
Thanks. But i am not trying to say that i am the best candidate, yes i am saying that i think i could do a better job then he does but doesnt neccesarily have to be me. I hope she takes notice of my actions too.
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My honest advice would be to back the fuck off.
Either you get hurt by
-the girl lashing out at you (not entirely unjustifiedly) for your intrusion.
-you being taken advantage of ("I am the maid").
or you hurt the girl by
-driving her away against her will from the guy whom she obviously likes.
You consider the guy a jerk, fine. Nobody's forcing you to be near him. She obviously thinks differently, so give the two of them some god-damn peace, for their sake as much as for your own.
Either you get hurt by
-the girl lashing out at you (not entirely unjustifiedly) for your intrusion.
-you being taken advantage of ("I am the maid").
or you hurt the girl by
-driving her away against her will from the guy whom she obviously likes.
You consider the guy a jerk, fine. Nobody's forcing you to be near him. She obviously thinks differently, so give the two of them some god-damn peace, for their sake as much as for your own.
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Haburi-Chan wrote...
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for herYeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?
She clearly doesn't retribute your kindness nor your romantic feelings, and she also seems very superficial, seeing how she suposedly loves someone who doesn't give too much of a shit about her (and the relationship has been going for two years you say?).
The only reason that I can find to explain why she's still in it is because of the image.
My honest opinion? Stop being her bitch and get rid of her.
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Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Haburi-Chan wrote...
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for herYeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?
She clearly doesn't retribute your kindness nor your romantic feelings, and she also seems very superficial, seeing how she suposedly loves someone who doesn't give too much of a shit about her (and the relationship has been going for two years you say?).
The only reason that I can find to explain why she's still in it is because of the image.
My honest opinion? Stop being her bitch and get rid of her.
Thinking about it again, this man has a very good point
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Hazah wrote...
Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Haburi-Chan wrote...
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for herYeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?
She clearly doesn't retribute your kindness nor your romantic feelings, and she also seems very superficial, seeing how she suposedly loves someone who doesn't give too much of a shit about her (and the relationship has been going for two years you say?).
The only reason that I can find to explain why she's still in it is because of the image.
My honest opinion? Stop being her bitch and get rid of her.
Thinking about it again, this man has a very good point
Can't it simply be that she was too oblivious to notice it and got used to it?
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Haburi-Chan wrote...
Hazah wrote...
Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Haburi-Chan wrote...
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for herYeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?
She clearly doesn't retribute your kindness nor your romantic feelings, and she also seems very superficial, seeing how she suposedly loves someone who doesn't give too much of a shit about her (and the relationship has been going for two years you say?).
The only reason that I can find to explain why she's still in it is because of the image.
My honest opinion? Stop being her bitch and get rid of her.
Thinking about it again, this man has a very good point
Can't it simply be that she was too oblivious to notice it and got used to it?
No.
ps: My post wasn't directed at you. I just quoted that part to begin my argument.
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Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Yeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?Perhaps because OP does a decent job of sounding like a self-righteous whiny teenage kid, automatically causing everyone to side with the poor girl and her boy.
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Haburi-Chan wrote...
Can't it simply be that she was too oblivious to notice it and got used to it? Can somebody really be that dense though?
We don't really know much about the girl except that she likes a guy who doesn't really care about her. If she actually knows that crayons likes her then just move on. There is no point anymore on sacrificing yourself on someone who won't appreciate you.
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Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Haburi-Chan wrote...
Hazah wrote...
Kuroneko1/2 wrote...
Haburi-Chan wrote...
This, actually. It´s a cute story and from your words I would believe you are much more suited for herYeah, you've talked about how you're the friendzoned guy, and how her boyfriend is a jerk, but how about her? Everybody keeps talking about her like she's some kind of perfect princess, and you even make her seem like a victim. What's up with that?
She clearly doesn't retribute your kindness nor your romantic feelings, and she also seems very superficial, seeing how she suposedly loves someone who doesn't give too much of a shit about her (and the relationship has been going for two years you say?).
The only reason that I can find to explain why she's still in it is because of the image.
My honest opinion? Stop being her bitch and get rid of her.
Thinking about it again, this man has a very good point
Can't it simply be that she was too oblivious to notice it and got used to it?
No.
ps: My post wasn't directed at you. I just quoted that part to begin my argument.
@Haburi-Chan:There is a difference between being too oblivious and alienating yourself from others and going out with a guy (who from Op's description) seems to be a bit of a dick. But, to be honest like with a lot of these situations you can't ever solve something like that from hearing one view