Family Talk

I don't know where to start, so I'll just come out and say that she is one of the few people in my life I have a love-hate relationship with. On one hand, she is a caring loving person who would do anything for the people in her life. On the other hand, she is very manipulative and possessive, especially of me. Her manipulation and possessiveness has pretty much spoiled me to the point where I can't even leave her side and be on my own. There have been countless times where she would steal my financial savings which eventually led to me being deep in debt. This has started way back when my father gave me my first allowance.

Whatever I would try to save up, would eventually get taken by her. She had an authoritarian type parenting style which conflicted with my father's authoritative style. My dad would always say that in many ways I'm more like her. I asked him one day, in what ways are we similar, and he would say, we're both quiet, introverted individuals. What none of ever ever would've predicted is that we would be similar in another way: we both have mental illnesses. Ever since I've been diagnosed with Schitzo-affective disorder, my mother has been increasingly overprotective of me.

For instance, the last time I tried to live on my own, she found my apartment applications and shredded them. I would've kept trying to move out, but I realized that she would've been lonely and miserable with no one with her. If Asexuality wasn't the main reason why I don't plan on raising a family of my own, it would definitely be my inner fear that I would be just like my mother and treat my kids the same way she treats me. Despite all my gripes with her, I love my mom with all my heart...I just don't like her that much as a person.

If I were to say who my hero was, I would definitely say my dad (as corny and cliche as that sounds). The guy is a true people person. Ever since I was little, whenever I would walk somewhere with my father, there would be at least 5 people to walk up to greet him. I remember saying to him once as a kid "Wow dad, you know everybody". His reply?: "One day you will too". That was one of the few times he was wrong.

The one thing both of my parents have in common is that they go above and beyond for the people in their lives. My mom does it as a means to get into heaven, but my dad does it because he believes in karma. Out of all his 3 children, he's always had great concern for me due to my awkward and aloof personality. Aside from being a happy go lucky jokester, he's your typical strong-willed, don't make excuses, do as I say not as I do, authoritative type parental figure. He drilled a strong work ethic into me and my brother ever since we knew how to walk and talk. He exposed us to his small but successful clothing business to the point that by the time I was 15, I was already capable of managing the store while he was out on business trips.

Unlike my mother, he never beat me when I made mistakes or did things I shouldn't. Of course he would be mad and yell at first, but then he would later take me to the side and discuss why what I did was wrong. That fact alone made me respect my dad more than my mom (but love them equally of course). My mom was always jealous of how well mannered me and my brother would be around my father, especially after the divorce. She couldn't understand why we showed more respect around him than with her. Of course, another reason probably could've been because we spent more time with her than with him.

In my childhood, I only hanged out with my father over the weekend and would spend the summer at his place. In my mind, those were the golden opportunities to be in his good graces. One thing I didn't want was for him to suddenly despise me, and turn his back on his duties as a father. Who knows, maybe we would've been more informal towards him had we spent more time with him. However, the time we did spend together was usually a blast. He made sure to keep us entertained by taking us to various places, including his home country in Jamaica where I got to meet my family from his side.

Out of all the years we've spent together, there were never any serious fights or arguments. However, as I grew older he noticed that I never had any social interactions with other kids my age or experiences with the opposite sex. Naturally he wanted me to follow his lead by having strong social bonds and eventually raise a family. It wasn't until very recently that I confessed that I had no interest in family life or even making friends outside of the internet. Before my niece was born, he would constantly badger me about my social life (or lack of one). It was to the point where I finally had enough and argued back with him.

It got so heated that I just walked out in the middle of our discussion. When I got back home started acting weird like running up and down the steps manically nonstop to the point that I passed out. That's when it was decided that I had to be treated to a psychologist. We still butt heads over my new found sexuality (asexual), but its usually just in jest. For the most part, he's slowly accepting my choice to be companion free. I don't know where I'd be right now if my father wasn't in my life, but that's one life I hate to imagine.

My little brother, I didn't just consider as some family member, he was and still is my best and only true friend. Unlike me, my brother was more like my father: a people person. My mom would always brag about how when he was a baby, he would always hold his arms out even to strangers. Me on the other hand, I would only let my mother or father hold me. She described us as "different as night and day". However, I always noticed that even though we act differently, we think alike.

Whenever we get deep into a discussion, one of us wind up saying something that the other has been thinking the whole time. We goofed around a lot when we were kids doing things like making prank calls or writing obscene messages on bus billboards. There were times we fought, but it was mostly over stupid stuff (and I was usually the one to initiate the conflict). Sometimes I would mess with him just to see his reaction. He had this tic where when he gets mad, he would turn beet red (he's light skinned) and start breathing iraddically. He had a short temper most of the time, and I found it amusing to press his buttons.

Of course he would get me back by telling mom where I would get a slap up the head. If we fought, then I was the one to get beat by her cause I was the oldest and should "know better". My brother was sort of given a second thought before me in regards to how our parents treated us. What I mean by that is, my brother noticed that our parents payed more attention to me than him, and he was only taken care of after matter with me were settled. He would always complain about it, but I would shrug it off and sometimes even deny it. Although looking back, he was probably right. Deep down, even I noticed the difference in how our parents treated us.

But a part of me wanted it to stay like that. I guess you could call it sibling rivalry. Then again, its not like either of us could've done anything about it. Our parents acted that way instinctively. Even if we told them they were treating us differently, they would've denied it. Anyways, like I said before, he was a social person, so he had his own group of friends outside of the ones we both hanged out with.

Gradually I faded away from even the group of people we hung out with and exclusively only talked with my brother. He never said anything about it and thought it was just me being myself. Aside from that, he's a very talented individual. He's pretty good at rapping (although it was a nightmare listening to him at first), we both shared a gfx talent at one point, as well as text based roleplaying. His original plan was to make it big as a rapper, but he had backup career options in case that he didn't make it. He took up business management as a major in community college.

Even though he never graduated, he did end up working in a nice medical company (funny story, his wife works at a rival company). Before he settled down, he was a big time womanizer. As soon as he got a taste of pussy, he went wild. Apparently, the one he decided to settle down with was just a friend at first. They eventually got married and have a little girl. Ever my niece was born, I've noticed how mature he's become.

He started getting into things that didn't seem like he'd be interested in. Like spirituality and alkaline diets. It turns out, we share the same views in terms of how we view "god". Our dad is an atheist and our mom is christian, so you can imagine how the discussions go when they pop up from either direction. My brother used to follow me everywhere when we were kids, now that we're older, the tables turned and I look to him on ways to make my life better (at least as far as eating is concerned). When I look at how he was before and how he is now, I can't help but to be proud of him.

The brat of the family. Born when I was a teenager, she's my father's daughter born to a different mother. My dad had a really tough time raising her. She has a nasty attitude that I can't help but blame the mother on. If I had to describe her, she's like Kirino (I can't believe my sister is this cute) and Asuka (NGE) rolled into an obese Beyonce. However, she has mellowed out over the years, and luckily she isn't into dangerous things like drugs and prostitution.

She spent more time with our father than me and my brother, so that theory I had earlier about formal behavior might actually be half true. We don't really talk much, but when we do, its usually because she wants something from me. Which I don't mind, I always wind up spoiling her by reinforcing her demanding nature. If there's another reason why I don't want a family, she'd be reason #3. I don't want kids like her. As for her good points, she does have an ambitious side to her.

She recently got a job at the mall, I don't know what her plans are regarding when she graduates highschool, but if I take her grades into account, it'll be hard for her to get into a good college. She might have to shoot for community college or something. She's also trying out for the school volleyball team (why that sport, I have no idea). Like my brother and father, she is a people person, but she talks to people in a condescending manner sometimes (even to our dad). I don't know what her future looks like, but I got her back no matter what happens.