Fucked up (Female opinions and responses would be prefered)

History: Been with this girl for two years, this is significant to me as I don't tend to do well in relationships. We've broken up numerous times, but she always manages to convince me that we should be together, I must have believed it too as I got back with her every single time till now. She's smart, she's nice, she's beautiful and she likes a-lot of what I like. In all honesty, she is so much better than me, but I made her fall really deeply in love with me. Really deeply.

Well the this is the same girl, I broke up with her around a month ago after two years with her because I'm going to a different college (probably). But she thinks I broke up with her for another girl, which isn't true, but we stopped talking after I stopped replying because she kept saying that I broke up with her for someone else. I more or less broke communication from that point. Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I'm wondering if I'm even going to leave. The only reason I broke up with her is because we're going different places, I don't want to stay in the place we are together. But throughout the times she talks to me, she always tells me how it's unfair, how it's been two years, how we love each other which is all fair but I didn't listen. I'm second guessing the decision a-lot more as the taster lessons for college start and I'm trying out for the one we're both in.
Today was prom, I arrived with some friends, she didn't arrive til at-least 45 minutes in. And hand on heart, she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She looked amazing. Throughout the day, she went on like she's completely moved on, like I thought I was. She acted... A lot more 'intimate' with other people that I've ever seen like biting and sucking on guys fingers and sitting down on guys lap, I went on with prom trying to ignore it, but she came up to me and apologized for everything and we shook, she was smiling, and happy.
She won't take me back, nor do I feel comfortable being with her after she was so intimate with people, but I'm really... Just I can't do anything
Talk to me. Please, I really need to focus on my studies, but I genuinely can't until this is resolved... Even if it takes months on years.

Dude you dumb-ass. Fucked up is right. Don't go to a different school just for her. I was in your exact situation. Exact. Girlfriend for 2 years, she always threatened to break up with me, blah blah. Except I realized that that behavior is shitty behavior and someone shouldn't treat someone that way. So when she stayed in the area, I went off to a better school and that was a way better decision. I'm a teacher now and from what I've heard she's a part-time secretary on the weekends.

I will tell you right now: most people don't end up marrying their high school sweetheart, so to make such a big life decision over her is a terrible idea. So, seriously, don't go to a different college just because of her.

You broke up with her for a really stupid reason, because you were going to a different school? What the fuck. I can totally understand why she'd think you left her for another girl, because your actual reason is the dumbest reason ever, I wouldn't take someone back if they gave me that excuse..

After two years of working through hard times and bullshit, you pull that. You clearly don't understand what it is to be in a relationship with someone you care for. Your supposed to work through hard times like having distance..

She was trying to make you jealous, because even though you guys made amends she's going to be hurt, because after two years you don't just up and get over someone so quickly.

You fucked up bad. Lame excuse for leaving her, have you ever thought maybe you're just trying to make up reasons to leave her, since she always brought you back into the relationship?

You are only to blame. She must feel as if you had used her as a stepping stone for the next part of your life. When she wanted the next part of your life to be with her. At this point she must realize you do not value her as much as your think you do. And she has moved on, Probably after many tears shed for you. One can only cry for so long before they stop and accept and move on. It is life. If you wanted to be with her you should have though things through and not have been so selfish.

It's quite possible she's not the best girlfriend you know. Who says that he broke up with her all those times? Could have been her freaking out, breaking up with him, then regretting it and going back on it. OP isn't completely at fault here. Besides, even you should know with your "working through the hard times like having distance" crap isn't worth it for a high schooler. He should go to college, have fun with nothing holding him back from high school, and learn life lessons there. Seriously, OP, high school is stupid and college is where you start to put your life together.

I understand I'm a fault here, did I ever deny it? Though when I say I'm at fault, I'm at fault for not telling he I was going somewhere else. Other than the that, I've had her best interests always with me whenever making decisions, would you rather me break up with her after we went to prom together and spend the whole night together? She's the type that talks about marriage to me. I did the best thing for her, and for that I'm the asshole to everyone because I want to get my education sorted too.




It's quite possible she's not the best girlfriend you know. Who says that he broke up with her all those times? Could have been her freaking out, breaking up with him, then regretting it and going back on it. OP isn't completely at fault here. Besides, even you should know with your "working through the hard times like having distance" crap isn't worth it for a high schooler. He should go to college, have fun with nothing holding him back from high school, and learn life lessons there. Seriously, OP, high school is stupid and college is where you start to put your life together.[/quote]

In terms of getting over a relationship like that, I guess I'm better at dealing with being alone than her. Should I be judged because of the way I am? I don't think so. Again, I know it was my fault not to tell her, but if you think ''distance'' especially in college is something that can be overlooked, you're being ignorant. Long distance is horrible, you don't even know if people are constantly hitting on your partner, if they're okay, if they're being unfaithful for whatever reason, it's not a good position to be in. My education isn't a 'lame excuse' for me to leave her, I've always treated her well, but my intentions of letting her down before we have a prom together and she talks about moving in with me just for me to suddenly say ''Errr hey, I'm leaving to go to another college" is interpreted as bad 'apparently'.



I know, but it's just I really do care for her, I don't know how many times it's going to be said, but I did mess up. Her friends told me today that she was encouraging someone to date me, as she was planning to date someone else. If I don't get the place at my preferred college, things will go to shit.

Just keep what you're doing right now, focusing on school. You can't go back on what you did, so just stick in there and do your best.

Do not get back with your ex. Take it from my experience, there is always a reason behind a breakup even if the two parties involved see the reason differently. Nothing changes, seriously. And I'm not saying that because I've soured due to breakups. I'm saying that for your sanity. If you go back you are only taking one step forward and two steps back for your future. And yes I am also talking about school. If I had spent less time having boyfriends and investing myself in their lives in high school and more time focusing on my studies and getting back to earth then I would have a job right now instead of fours years in still forcing myself through uni at a doubly slow pace, years behind the peers I graduated with (most of which have graduates university and are getting their full time jobs now). I wish I had listened to people when they said there are plenty of more fish in the sea and that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.

Please trust me when I say you are better off having good times with your friends and pushing through with your education. Mrs right will come along after a few more bad relationships but you don't need to have those relationships right now. You are all that matters. Cheer up :)

Thanks, I do mean it. But I really can see a future with her, it's not just a romance that dragged, though when she did the things she did to other people, be it to induce jealousy or whatnot, can't take her back like that, even if she did ask, which is unlikely... I don't think I can do anything, can I?



Cheers, I know that's the smartest thing to do, just focus on my studies, but by far isn't the easier thing. I can't focus without this resolved.

1. Don't bother getting back with the ex.
You guys have been in and out of a relationship for two years now? At this point, don't even bother with it.
Its a high school relationship and more often than not, they flop. Also, considering how she didn't believe you AND the way she acted during your prom, you can see that the maturity isn't present there. DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER.

2. Commit to that decision.
You're about to head off to college soon and shit is going to be fairly different. You will keet new people, you will possibly meet someone who catches your eye, who the fuck knows. College is where you're life actually starts (where actually once you're out of high school it starts) and you need to focus more on yourself than you do with relationships. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't be in relationships at all, I'm only saying that you should focus on making yourself successful and hopefully better as a person. So stick with what you done for yourself. From here on out, any and all decisions will likely not have redos and you're gonna have to commit with whatever you decide for yourself. Thats being an adult.

As a guy I don't think you are at fault, it's obvious if you've broken up with her multiple times you don't have feelings for her, or at least they don't run deeply.

The breaking up before knowing if you're going to different colleges is a little fucked up, I would understand if you knew 100%.

Also it depends on distance, and means of transportation. LDR's do not work.

Also "prom" you're in high school...forget about her and move on. If you don't you're just a sad pathetic man.

You have been approaching an important crossroad for some time. You know you are young and important changes are coming your way. I suspect your feels for her are deep, but you do 'distancing maneuvers' to counteract them- because you know or suspect you must go your separate ways. I see guys do that all the time. They brace themselves for change by shoving away people close to them. It's a self protection move. The best I can say is reflect on your actions and feelings. Be honest with yourself. Then, often, it's adviseable to communicate with those close to you about how you feel or what's going on in your head. You're going through growing pains. There is not getting around it. No doubt you'll meet up later in life. Don't burn bridges and who knows what the future will hold?

I will say that, if and when you find a good solid match- don't throw it away ! Age be damned. I have to be honest, choice gets more narrow and less based on perfection and more on who is left over. NO BUENO! If you have similar goals in life and interests/activities, stop thinking something else better is going to show up. If your gosl
Is to experience your youth and travel, etc., fine. be ok with passing up good mates. But if your gosl is to be with a partner and experience the world in the same way she does, believe it and act on it! 'Grass is always greener' mentality is a foil. That is where lifelong bachelorhood comes from. From a lifelong bachelor :(

I don't think your reasoning for breaking up with her a bad one, you want to focus on your studies and she misinterpreted the motives behind the breakup as something else. Since the relationship would have been limited to a Long Distance thing, would it have really worked out? Given your history, probably not. You probably would have just broken up again in the future and deciding to break up with her now just gets it overwith.

Also she was probably acting intimate with other guys to make you jealous. Nobody who is that in love with someone does that without ulterior motive. Either that or she's a slut.


For now just focus on your studies and try to get over her.

Bear your heart and soul. Apologize. Ask for her back.

If she says no, ask "Do you still love me?" "Is it enough to be together?" "Will we ever be together again?"

Take her response as law, and don't push for anything she hasn't said she feels comfortable with.

If it's over, it's over. Mourn your loss, refrain from other people, and feel the pain. Let the reality sink in and one day you actually will, in fact, be over her.