How to deal with crazy ex's?

Just wondering what to do. When I dated him he had a severe alcohol problem, was mentally unstable, rarely showered, and was in general an absolutely awful person to be around. I never cheated on him the entire duration of our almost 5 year relationship however HE cheated on me multiple times. My mistake for staying with him I suppose. In fact I'm friends with one of the girls he cheated on me with who agrees he's absolutely out of his mind. She reached out to me a few months ago because she needed a friend. She said he pressured her into sex, super rape-y, and said she had to end contact completely because she's terrified of him.

He even tried soliciting underage girls on an online Steampunk forum we were both on, was banned, and the forum moderators contacted me sending me all the chatlogs and stated that if I didn't get him "under control" they'd send the information to the police.

He still sends messages to my phone and has his friends emailing me harassing me. He even harassed and solicited me for sex when he first started dating the girl he was with. It's just sick. I've saved everything in screenshots and logs in case I need them for the restraining order I am sincerely thinking of filing. I doubt it'd be hard to get one at this point.

I've come to my breaking point, I don't know what else to do beyond the restraining order idea. I work 2 jobs and do rock gigs with my band every other couple of nights. I'm busy as hell and don't have time to deal with excess stress and upset this causes. I just want him to go away and leave me alone.

Advice/tips???

Do one of two things: either ignore everything (do not reply or say anything) or file the restraining order (but be careful when doing so).

This person requires serious conseling and you should have no contact with him at this current time if ever. You need to do what is best for you and at this point in time, you need to keep your distance (do not say anything even if it is just a "leave me alone" msg).

Just keep in mind that if/when you file a restraining order, you will need to be very careful. Even if you file a restraining order, obsession is a terrible thing. Keep 911 handy and carry around protection with you at all times (pepper spray, tazer, etc). Keep all of your doors and window's locked securely and make sure they are strong. Have friends or family around so you are not alone or be around large crowds. I know this may sound a bit silly or overly cautious, but you just never know with guys like these so best to be cautious then sorry.

I'm am so sorry that you have to deal with something like this, since no one should have to. I hope this helps and please stay safe.

Thanks. Yeah, when we first split up I had extended the offer to be friends to hopefully mitigate how bad the situation might possibly get but I literally had NO idea how bad it would be!

When we'd talk he'd talk all the time about killing himself, he'd talk in 3rd person and call himself the "Devil", and even texted me that he was "always" watching me. I went to Barnes and Noble after not communicating with him for months and he texted me out of nowhere saying he was there and that he "saw me" there and that he "sees everything". I freaked out and left ASAP. It was just too twisted so I ended communication entirely then. That was way over a year and a half ago. I thought that would be the end of it but it just never ends.

I am just going to keep ignoring the messages sent like you said. And all the people around me are burly guys who know the situation and all agree he's sick and needs help. They just encouraged me to get the restraining order and also agreed they'd help keep him away from me. :/

Kill that dog than feed your piranhas breeding with it.

On a more serious mode, learn also how to use protections -- or else you may even get caught by those. Reading a notice does not make people learning safe reflexes ; because if somthing was be to happen, there would be no time to reflect on what to do nor how to do.

That's good to hear, it's always nice to have people around that can help you if something like this happens. Also make sure to be able to defend yourself if no one can help, sucks to say that it happens more often then less. The world is shitty sometimes in instances where you need help the most, it may never come and then it is up to you to defend yourself.

I know that often people will say to look for the "red flags" that could pop up to warn about about people, but honestly we don't always see them. If you do, sometimes its just too late, but you seem to be handeling this as well as you can for the time being.

I'm not very legal savy so make sure to look into restraining orders and to talk with the police or anyone else about how to file one. Never hurts to know the laws.

I would also (if you don't already) maybe take some self defense classes? I've taken them myself at the local police station near me since I worry about my own safety. It's fun to practice throwing a person to the ground over your shoulder (^^)

Aside the fun, it's a really good way to teach the body how to move on it own against harmfull opponent. That way, even if you would be surprised, you stand a better chance to get out woundless or at least escape.

Well, at least for the texting issue, check if your phone has a blocking function. At the very least, you can probably block his number, so his texts won't be noted by your phone anymore. And on a side note, this guy sounds more insane than I am, and I've been hospitalized in handcuffs 3 times in the last year, :|

Yeah I just contacted my current provider and they assisted me in blocking his number. My old provider didn't have a way to block numbers, so I finally decided to seek out a different carrier. At least that part is finally taken care of.

Also I'm really sorry to hear of your hospitalizations, I hope that you are doing better now! :)

Im still have an occasional issue with my ex of 6 years ago. The calls are funny as fuck. Creepy but funny since she a hobbit and im 6'1". It partly my fault it like this. I shouldn't of told our friends the shit she done after she posted my number with' Small limp dick and bad at sex'.

Instead of protecting the ass, let the cops have him (especially if its for trying to get underage girls to sleep with him)

Problem solved.

Believe me I've tried. I've sent all the information over but have heard absolutely nothing back. I keep hoping to hear they've taken care of it but I suppose it takes a while. I also sent the police the information from the time he crashed a motorcycle he just bought into the side of a parked car with no license and no insurance and then ran away and didn't pay for the damages.

The weirdest thing lately is when his friends, or him under different usernames(?) keep sending me messages saying "Oh you cheated on him with a coworker and got pregnant and aborted the baby". Which is absolutely hilarious considering I never cheated on him, and there was never a baby (he's probably misinterpreting a hospital stay I informed him about on an entirely different issue). Either way it's gotten to the point where they have to make shit up which makes me feel a little bit better considering it's not them sharing my address and info and telling me to "watch out".

I don't know why he's wasting so much time with me. I guess because he's nuts but still... I mean it's been 2 years and he's still obsessed with contacting me and going to the point of making up weird Jerry Springer-esque shit to... bother me? I don't even know. I just delete the messages now without even reading them. Hopefully he'll wind up in an institution somewhere and won't be my problem anymore.

Yeah, he is bat-shit crazy. He needs to be neutered and permanently dosed with horse tranquilizer. Only then will he be able to become a responsible citizen.


Also, may i ask WHYYYY would you even get involved with a hygiene-phobic alcoholic in the first place?

When I first met him he was the complete opposite. He was a germaphobe who showered twice a day every day and only drank with family rarely. We dated for 5 years, things started to go downhill from the moment we moved in together around year 2 and a half.

He took offense when I pointed out he was finishing a 30pack in one night, or an entire bottle of Bacardi and then vomiting himself awake. I wanted to fix it because I was concerned, not because I was trying to be controlling. He also informed me he drove home drunk from his friends house and didn't understand why that made me upset. I was upset because he could have killed himself and other people on the road. He stopped showering and would leave his gross crap-stained underwear on the floor yet would yell at me for not cleaning my side of the room.

He grossed me out so our sex life took a huge dive. I pointed out, hopefully in the nicest way possible, that I would like him to shower more than once a week and a half but that never happened. I tried in every possible way to fix the things he wanted me to fix about myself, but if those fixes didn't happen fast enough he'd take offense. He never even realized all of the things that he needed to fix with himself. I was stupid for staying so long, especially after I started realizing how crazy he was, but sometimes love deludes you. Now that I'm with the current guy I'm with I am quickly seeing how a relationship is SUPPOSED to be. But that realization is coming far too late. I guess I just didn't have a decent experience to compare him to, he was my first real solid relationship and I just... I wanted it to work. *shrugs* :(

*pats back*

At least you learned from your past and you have a new guy in your life. It's not stupid to care for someone and want to help them. Some of my first relationships were like that to some extent. I realized pretty quick that some things can be helped, but that other's are not the case. The only way to change a person is for them to want to change themselves.

I usually tell women this, "you can sometimes change a man's wardrobe, you can sometimes change their table manners, you can even sometimes change their hairstyle, but you can never change who they are as a person."

Make sure that the current bf takes good care of you and treats you the way any woman is meant to be treated ;)