I can be your girlfriend but I can't be your wife?

Okay..... I got seriously f*cked up with that... I plan on having a girlfriend and make it go steady and get married like when I reach 25 or 27 years old? Now this girl whom I've chatted to about a week it's like well we're close, and I just ask her some stuff about the future and she answered that. Can someone give me ideas on why woud she accept being my girlfriend but not be my wife in so so year from now??? X_X

General apprehension, fear of commitment, not being so sure about the longevity of the relationship, perhaps her parents divorced when she was young, or she thinks that a relationship which is started when she is young probably won't be right, a lack of knowledge into your true nature, things like that. It's early on though, don't be too far-sighted. If you want my advice, just wait it out and see where this goes. Best of luck.

Well I asked her just recently what she meant and she told me that I can't treat her as my wife because the future isn't final. I guess my message to her got the wrong impression XD

Some people just don't want an outdate contract of ownership to serve a love or a concept of eternal mutual life with one person. Marriage was never about love but safety of one wealth and survival.

Most people are uncomfortable with such a commitment at an early stage. You stated that you only started talking to her recently which will also add to the apprehension. Take the time to really get to know each other first. If she's willing to be your girlfriend that means she likes you enough to give the relationship a shot but she is entirely correct in saying that "The future isn't final." Going into a relationship which such heavy expectations quickly can put strain onto a relationship. Try to take it at a pace that's comfortable for both of you.

Uh, you two just started dating, so I find it totally insane and incredibly off-putting that you would even EXPECT her to remotely consider one day being your wife. Couples can date for -years- without truly knowing whether or not they are made for matrimony, so the fact that you think (and are offended) by her not knowing if she's ready for that level of commitment after... what, a week, is really... irrational. There are no other words for it.

It seems like you are mixing up a lot of different notions here. First of all, it is totally fine to date with the serious intention of seeing if someone is fit for marriage. However, there is a huge difference between that, and expecting them to enter into that level of commitment right away. She's right when she says the future isn't set. How can you know the future RIGHT AWAY? If you did, there'd be no point in dating whatsoever. The only way to know if someone is truly right for you is to take your time and get to know them as a person without all these complicated strings attached. She obviously likes you enough to agree to date you, so just trust in that. It's a simple and vague statement, but it rings true - if it's meant to be, it'll be. Just go with the flow and see where things lead. Either way, it'll be a worthwhile experience.

If there is anything in this world that you cannot FORCE, it is someone else's feelings. Respect her enough to let her settle comfortably into the relationship and into a life with you before you press all of these unnecessary obligations onto her. If you do such a thing, you'll lose her before you even knew if she was capable of becoming "the one" for you or not.

I just realized from reading everything you guys posted... You guys are absolutely correct... I don't know if there something wrong with me or maybe there is but I always make plans and make sure they get implemented with proper consent of course and I always hope that the plan works... Sometimes my planning or my way of thought gets over the limit and I don't even notice it... I've also realized that sometimes well most of the time this train of thought that I have I think suffocates the girl I fall in love with... I'm to obsessed with creating a secure future, I forget to think of other peoples emotions... I also rush too much... Most probably because of my promise to my father... He's 60+ years old and I made a promise that he'll enjoy his grand children on my side, which led me on planning on getting married at least when I turn 25 years old or 27 then probably get a kid after a year or two... Someone give me a comment on that plan I made, and tell me the how in a rush I am and such...

... aren't you like, just 18 or something? Why are you making plans that far along in life?

Your life is yours to live, not your grandfathers. He shouldn't be asking you to rush anything for his sake. Live your own life independent of others people's expectations, and you will be much happier for it.

Nobody should even pretend to know what they're going to do with their life at this age, least of all who they're going to spend their life with.

From age 18-28, it's like a second puberty. Life is a morphous, abstract, simultaneously meaningless and meaningful experience fraught with broken and changing dreams, hearts, minds. No one ever ends up how they thought they would at this age.

Saying you don't want to commit, don't know who you are, what you're doing, or where you're going is the wisest thing you can say.

Oh that's because I have a promise to keep with my parents, let them enjoy their grand children from my side when I get married and their ages are already 60+ so I worry a lot, which influences me to rush...

Is that what YOU really want, or is it actually just your parents talking through you?

As art said/ is saying. You shouldn't rush these things. If you rush, you'll miss important things, make poor decisions, and possibly end up with the wrong person. Having kids and marrying somebody is a serious commitment/ a big deal. It's not something to idly throw at them going 'Oh hey, I'm going to marry you, and we're going to have kids' before even dating.

I have actually no complaints about it... I do want to have my parent's wish come true and yes you guys are right. I am too much in a rush... Btw it kinda felt apart me and her, it seems she likes older guys. Also there's another reason why I rush though... It's because I want someone to be there by my side, in my school I'm bullied for being too kind, make that they make use of my kindness, and as well the fact that I don't get too angry easily which results on me being teased and such... Even though I say stop, they won't even listen, they're hard headed and I'm such a pacifist... That's where it comes from, I get very lonely then all of a sudden my desire to have a girlfriend increases...

See a psychiatrist, kid. Your introversion and insecurity is making you do terrible things to people to fill a hole that only you and you alone can fill.

No, this response is not malicious, and it's also not a cruel jest. I'm serious. If you don't want to be proactive, give me your zipcode and I'll find some in your area.

I already thought of that actually, I went to see our School's Guidance Councilor and she said I didn't need professional help, but yeah I am gonna go consult one sometime soon when I graduate and get a job. My priority right now is getting a good job and graduating.

Your guidance counselor was either retarded, or you didn't open up to her the way you did here. Definitely see someone. If nothing is seriously wrong, it's still a great release for people.

Boy oh boy, you are SO wrong about that. My uncle is married with my aunt-in-law for 14 years! A female friend of mine who´s around 65 years old and had 2 marriages. Her first one was foe about 1 and a half year and her current one is for about 32 years!

He means the basic premise of what marriage was intended for. The basic, primal reason human animals pair off 'monogamously'.

Some people really are in love,

most people just think they are,

some marry for convenience and necessity,

some people don't know what else to do.

I see, thank you for clearing that up!