I love my partner but

I love my partner, we've been together for over five years! However, our sex life is diminishing and I can't help but feel that my interest in the same sex is "the" or at least one of the primary reason. Before everyone goes off on a tangent and says "if your partner doesn't love you for you then you should leave" take into account that while they may not be ok with same sex relations I still love them and they are almost perfect in every other way.
Advice is always welcome but what I really want to know is whether or not there are any other people with similar dilemmas plaguing their lives and how do they or did they cope with them.

I'm not sure I completely understand your problem. You love your partner but he/she has a problem with same sex relationships...and you've an interest in it? I don't see how this could detract from your sexual life unless you actively wish for same gender sex while making love.

There was a time when my sex life was getting kind of stale, but it turned out to be we were just going at it too much. Finding other things to do and making sex a more rare occasion does seem to help make things more passionate and enjoyable for both sides. Overindulgence will lead to eventual boredom.

Thanks, Your closing words about overindulgence make a lot of sense. As for the confusion about my problem I'm bisexual and I know that my partner would be upset if they found out about my desires.

What is he, queer?
You could always start introducing new things, to see if it gets interesting... see if he has any fetishes you could play around with.
I can't see any guy saying no to watching his wife/ gf getting it on with another girl, especially if he was allowed to join in. unless he's worried you'd leave him for her... iunno.

End of the day, what rovencrone said is true

Have you considered an open or poly relationship?

I've always thought it was more then a little unfair to expect a single person to meet all your needs and then just stressful to try and do that yourself for the other person. Its not like people don't have multiple friends to help meet their social needs. Why not romantic/sexual partners too?


Also anyone who would be upset because of your sexuality is not worth your time. If they can't love you as you are then they don't really love you.

I'm speaking from a successful 9 year relationship.

Simply because it's your choice and it works for you, does not mean it'd work for other people. Not everyone is polyamorous. Not everyone would be okay with having a sexually open relationship.

OT:

I'm confused as to what you're asking here, OP.

Are you saying you don't want to have heterosexual intercouse anymore? Are you wanting to have same-sex intercourse now, and that's what's leading to a lull in your sexual satisfaction?

I'm very confused, it sounds like you're saying just your sex life with that person is waning, but somehow your same-sex fantasies are making you feel guilty...?

I need some clarification.

The bolded part seems to be about right. OP also seems to be saying that the partner is not OK with same-sex relations, and that's the fact still being hidden from them, on the grounds that the partner might get resentful or something for OP being bisexual.

That's what I'm getting out of it, at least...

Well, if that's the case then the OP needs to ask her/himself whether or not they feel it'd be good for them to explore same-sex relationships/sex for a while. Anytime a person is not enough, you have to ask yourself if it's worth it or not. If it is, you need to find out any way to compromise.

I never said it was for everyone, I just asked if the OP had considered it and offered my opinion. Im not telling them thats their only option.

Well, to clarify I feel guilty (and slightly confused) only after orgasm. The feelings don't last and they are absolutely not there leading up to orgasm.

Seeing as how you replied, I'm going to assume you're back in the forums. How's it going with your man now?

I'm confused

ill just say, figure out what you want out of the same sex part, do you want to just screw or pursue it real. i dont know how much experience you have but dynamics wise they are very much different. you give and trade things. be sure with what you want, really want and not what you think you CAN want as the situation goes.

if youre not happy, then just leave. if youre happy then stay and suck it up.

after a while, people tend to start to neglect.

Why would you wanna be with someone who you think won't accept who you are? How can any guy care if his girlfriend is bi? That's a great chance for threesomes and the like. I'm not going to say, "open relationship" because there is a lot of jealousy that goes with that but what about a threeway relationship? You get a girl that likes you as well as your boyfriend and satisfy your enjoyment for both men and women, she gets the same thing and he gets 2 girlfriends. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me, what's not to like about that idea? haha...I'm sure that I'm gonna get replies saying that it's a bad idea just because I said that last part...

Basing your relationship around sex is bad.

I'm surprised everyone assumed the OP was female. I was under the impression that the OP is male, based on their expressed fear of what their partner might think. It makes sense that as a man, he would be more worried about losing his partner if he were to come clean about his desires. In our society, male bisexuality is a lot less acceptable than female bisexuality. It's a double standard, and it sucks, but it is a reality. Even the most gay-friendly female might be hesitant to date a guy who is also into guys, or even to feel threatened. Or so I've heard from my bi guy friends. Additionally, apparently bisexual people receive a lot of flak from both sides of the fence.

Personally, I would think that it was hot if my guy were also into guys, but that's just me.

This in it's entirety is a horrible post.

Ot; if you are still active, define what you mean by it makes you feel guilty and or confused

No, it's not... for most people a dysfunctional sex life usually builds up into much more horrifying situations.

It's not that bad to break up an exclusive relationship, and turn it into a close friendship or sex-friendship even... love and lust are very different things, and when they can coincide is a blessing, but when they don't is very problematic, and can lead to very troubling situations for both parties.

As long as you can explain that you care about the each other, and both can accept each others' sexual decisions thereafter, it shouldn't be a problem... unless something else is wrong in your relationship.