In need of advice.
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I've had 3 girlfriends in the past.
The first one ended ok, nothing too saddening.
The Second one ended Quite badly, because she was cheating on me even though i had full trust in her.
The last one ended the worse. again i had full trust in her but then for no reason what so ever, just stopped talking to me completely and acted like i didn't existed and only rarely talked to me until i eventually just gave up on her.
ever since then, i've found it almost impossible for me to trust girls nowadays. i mean for god sake, there are 2 pretty good looking girls that like me but i'm just not interested in them at all. and the girls i do actually have intimate feelings for, i find it incredibly hard to trust them in fear the same scenario will happen.
Can anyone give me advice on how to get over this paranoia i have with girls..?
The first one ended ok, nothing too saddening.
The Second one ended Quite badly, because she was cheating on me even though i had full trust in her.
The last one ended the worse. again i had full trust in her but then for no reason what so ever, just stopped talking to me completely and acted like i didn't existed and only rarely talked to me until i eventually just gave up on her.
ever since then, i've found it almost impossible for me to trust girls nowadays. i mean for god sake, there are 2 pretty good looking girls that like me but i'm just not interested in them at all. and the girls i do actually have intimate feelings for, i find it incredibly hard to trust them in fear the same scenario will happen.
Can anyone give me advice on how to get over this paranoia i have with girls..?
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Tsujoi
Social Media Manager
Take time off from relationships until you feel comfortable with trusting someone again. Build up the self esteem, ect ect.
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I'm in a similar boat as you, brosef.
My advice is to go for what you think is right. I'm sure its been long enough since those relationships to try and give women another chance. Not all of them are going to stab you in the back.
Don't just shut them out before you even give them a shot.
My advice is to go for what you think is right. I'm sure its been long enough since those relationships to try and give women another chance. Not all of them are going to stab you in the back.
Don't just shut them out before you even give them a shot.
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Drifter995
Neko//Night
as said above.
You sound like a person who doesn't get jealous (ie, your girl hangs out with another man and they hug, you're fine with it) This can sometimes be considered weak by women (read: Sometimes) so that could be an issue, but that i wouldn't put faith in. I'd put faith in being careful, don't put your full trust in them, if you see them being affectionate with another guy, go hug her or something, make it known she is yours. like, do it and say hi to everyone, but don't rock up and punch people.
If any of that made sense, I'll add: I was in a similar situation, 3 of my ex's cheated on me, 1 used me... it was hard for me to try to find a girlfriend.. I pretty much gave up, until I just took a chance with my current gf and went there. Best thing i'd done.
Long story short, give it another crack, don't trust them 100%, be protective. etc etc
You sound like a person who doesn't get jealous (ie, your girl hangs out with another man and they hug, you're fine with it) This can sometimes be considered weak by women (read: Sometimes) so that could be an issue, but that i wouldn't put faith in. I'd put faith in being careful, don't put your full trust in them, if you see them being affectionate with another guy, go hug her or something, make it known she is yours. like, do it and say hi to everyone, but don't rock up and punch people.
If any of that made sense, I'll add: I was in a similar situation, 3 of my ex's cheated on me, 1 used me... it was hard for me to try to find a girlfriend.. I pretty much gave up, until I just took a chance with my current gf and went there. Best thing i'd done.
Long story short, give it another crack, don't trust them 100%, be protective. etc etc
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I'm, for the most part, in agreement with Drifter here. To add my own to cents, though, a few things;
One, is take a break from relationships for a while, and just do something for yourself, maybe hang out with the bros, and keep those women on your mind, should you be ready again. Two, is the common misconception you seem to have about women. Women, under ANY circumstances, should NOT be trusted 100%, ever.
What guys fail to realize, is like men, women ARE capable of cheating, or flirting with other guys. Men seem to have the imaginary idea that women, once in a relationship, will never cheat, or try to break your heart. This isn't true. Guys, women can and do, do it just as much as men do. It's human nature, and just how we are sometimes.
I'm not saying to have ever wavering faith in the women you're going out with, but if you smell something fishy, chances are that shit might be going down, and you need to take care of it.
Besides that, I think Drifter pretty much nailed whatever else I wanted to say. Good luck, bro.
One, is take a break from relationships for a while, and just do something for yourself, maybe hang out with the bros, and keep those women on your mind, should you be ready again. Two, is the common misconception you seem to have about women. Women, under ANY circumstances, should NOT be trusted 100%, ever.
What guys fail to realize, is like men, women ARE capable of cheating, or flirting with other guys. Men seem to have the imaginary idea that women, once in a relationship, will never cheat, or try to break your heart. This isn't true. Guys, women can and do, do it just as much as men do. It's human nature, and just how we are sometimes.
I'm not saying to have ever wavering faith in the women you're going out with, but if you smell something fishy, chances are that shit might be going down, and you need to take care of it.
Besides that, I think Drifter pretty much nailed whatever else I wanted to say. Good luck, bro.
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1. Give yourself more time. If you're not ready, you're not ready. It's okay to not be ready. It's okay to withdraw for a while, self-analyze, and recuperate. There are no gold standards in matters of the heart. Everyone heals at their own pace.
Your heart is giving you signals. If you feel like you're not ready.. you probably aren't. The best thing is to just work on yourself. Work on pleasing yourself. Work on your goals. Work on getting to a place in your life that's comfortable and happy. Love is what happens when you're too busy working on everything else.
2. If you feel like your trust issues run deeper than what can naturally be healed with time, seek therapy. It may be kind of daunting.. asking for help.. but even if your issues are few.. being able to look honestly at yourself, and make a conscious effort to fix the parts of you that are broken, mean you can have a healthier, more meaningful relationship when you finally ARE ready.
Your heart is giving you signals. If you feel like you're not ready.. you probably aren't. The best thing is to just work on yourself. Work on pleasing yourself. Work on your goals. Work on getting to a place in your life that's comfortable and happy. Love is what happens when you're too busy working on everything else.
2. If you feel like your trust issues run deeper than what can naturally be healed with time, seek therapy. It may be kind of daunting.. asking for help.. but even if your issues are few.. being able to look honestly at yourself, and make a conscious effort to fix the parts of you that are broken, mean you can have a healthier, more meaningful relationship when you finally ARE ready.
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Seeing as every one else said what needs to be said, on a less serious note.
If you know them, you like them, just go for it. Fall off, check nutts, get back on and ride again.
Not saying it wont suck but it is slightly better some times to do that then to sit on the sidelines alone, but remember- every one gave good advice, step one is to put it to action.
If you know them, you like them, just go for it. Fall off, check nutts, get back on and ride again.
Not saying it wont suck but it is slightly better some times to do that then to sit on the sidelines alone, but remember- every one gave good advice, step one is to put it to action.
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I think that you need to stop trying to find a girl.
Just let it happen on it's own.
You will eventually meet the right girl. There is someone out there for everyone, sometimes you just have to wait longer then others.
On a side note, i think it has a lot to do with the type of girls you're dating too.
Just let it happen on it's own.
You will eventually meet the right girl. There is someone out there for everyone, sometimes you just have to wait longer then others.
On a side note, i think it has a lot to do with the type of girls you're dating too.
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Tsujoi wrote...
Take time off from relationships until you feel comfortable with trusting someone again. Build up the self esteem, ect ect.This. Clearly you should not just give up (or worse, judge all potential lovers/genders) based on three shitty experiences. Take some "you" time to figure out what you're looking for and what kind of person you REALLY want to go for.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
I've had a rather bad history with women. One lied about her age, 3 used me as a rebound and got back with their exes, 2 lied about getting pregnant with my child and one found WoW more interesting than me. A few of those were the same woman.
Know how I dealt with it? I sucked it up, took time out from relationships for a while and moved on. I don't speak to any of them now, by choice.
Don't let past relationships spoil the future. They obviously weren't worth your time.
Know how I dealt with it? I sucked it up, took time out from relationships for a while and moved on. I don't speak to any of them now, by choice.
Don't let past relationships spoil the future. They obviously weren't worth your time.
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Gravity cat wrote...
I've had a rather bad history with women. One lied about her age, 3 used me as a rebound and got back with their exes, 2 lied about getting pregnant with my child and one found WoW more interesting than me. A few of those were the same woman.Know how I dealt with it? I sucked it up, took time out from relationships for a while and moved on. I don't speak to any of them now, by choice.
Don't let past relationships spoil the future. They obviously weren't worth your time.
Thiiisssss.
You're such a wise and sagely feline, Grav.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
Lollikittie wrote...
Gravity cat wrote...
I've had a rather bad history with women. One lied about her age, 3 used me as a rebound and got back with their exes, 2 lied about getting pregnant with my child and one found WoW more interesting than me. A few of those were the same woman.Know how I dealt with it? I sucked it up, took time out from relationships for a while and moved on. I don't speak to any of them now, by choice.
Don't let past relationships spoil the future. They obviously weren't worth your time.
Thiiisssss.
You're such a wise and sagely feline, Grav.
*bows gracefully*
Thank you Lolli. You're a wise girl/feline hybrid Nekomimi. The advice I've seen you give is spot-on
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Gravity cat wrote...
I've had a rather bad history with women. One lied about her age, 3 used me as a rebound and got back with their exes, 2 lied about getting pregnant with my child and one found WoW more interesting than me. A few of those were the same woman.Know how I dealt with it? I sucked it up, took time out from relationships for a while and moved on. I don't speak to any of them now, by choice.
Don't let past relationships spoil the future. They obviously weren't worth your time.
massively inspirational. you have balls my friend. not to discredit the rest of the advice i have been given, but still.
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ToyManC
Forgot my safe word
Trust is a thing that all people must earn, whether it is only a friendship or something more intimate. If you go into a dating situation with blind trust, then you will be hurt more often than not (A lesson I have learned, to my sorrow). I assure you, that most women do not go into relationships from a position of absolute trust, and neither should you. Trust comes with time and experience, and should be proven by BOTH parties. I think that most of the trust issues that develop, come from rushing into serious relations before establishing a solid understanding of each others needs and feelings. If you find you have too many differences, end things BEFORE you get in too deep. If you have prospects, as you say, pursue them but take it casual. Don't let your fear of rejection keep you from living your life. Trust will come in time, but it should never be one-sided.
