Is what it is.

Understand one thing, love is not some "feeling"….Is what I want to tell my self….Yet I have a yearning in my core for a feeling. I know I have put myself in this ethereal pit of despair but, I want out and pathetic as it may sound, I feel stuck. This somber and joyless cycle of lather rinse repeat…. I will say this much to all or any who may care, never trip over yourself better yet do a quick check and look in the mirror and see that you are worth more than any amount of love or money the world can offer. Meh…depression sucks….S.A.D sucks. I guess I know what I should do and more than likely I'm not coming across clearly to y'all for a reason, just venting my inner feelings. Sometimes one just needs a pressure release, even if just in words. Loneliness leads to desperation which leads to separation which leads to exasperation which leads to an apathetic existence. I can't help but laugh at me now in retrospect of what I have typed here…A bit cryptic and maybe even nonsensical but as I said, I'm just venting. Though, input from those whom think they may understand what I'm saying is appreciated. Hmm….The question….. How would/have you over come these things? Sorry for my lack of info but, it's how I work. Deeper meaning for those who want to care and less for those who just say "meh" to a wall of text. ;p Not really all that deep but anyways...

Your opening post implies a lot of racing thoughts. It sounds like you're pretty deep at the bottom of something and frankly, turning to your computer may sound like the natural solution but it's actually only attributing to your depression and crippling loneliness.

Once again, I am going to suggest that you see a Professional. You will definitely gain a lot more by getting out of the house and speaking with someone who actually has a Degree in Psychology, and who can prescribe [only if necessary] any medication or treatment to help you cope.

Sidenote,

I'm noticing that a lot of people place insurmountable value on a significant other, and it seems so easy for the particularly introverted types to slip into a depression because they are single. A soulmate is not a harbinger of ultimate happiness. Issues will remain until they are dealt with. Love is necessary in everyone's life but it is not a band-aid. It can give you strength but it can't fix you.

I am one such a person. I too, was once wandering lost and confused through a wilderness of my own racing thoughts and fears. I got out of it by putting my foot down and admitting to myself that no person, no matter how strong, has the power to conquer their own internal demons. You have to humble yourself and ask for help. A lot of people view this act as weakness. It's actually the opposite. It's wisdom.

I'm currently in therapy and I strongly recommend it to pretty much anything with a pulse. We're all neurotic and messy. The most dysfunctional people are those who content themselves with living online, and telling themselves that their problems are insignificant, insurmountable, or just plain not worth fixing.

Honestly, it implies that I just wanted to vent. I understand my issues and believe me the computer is in no way an out in my mind. The yearning is for the emotional, though at the core it's a lot more than that(hence the beginning) . I understand my issues though I may not have the technical vernacular. I do however like to get opinions. As the saying goes, nothing ventured nothing gained.Though opinions from a forum as such (no offense) may not be the place....call it a curiosity. Sometimes what one needs is not so much a professional to tell them "ya got a problem now here is a pill" (been there) some times maybe just sometimes one needs to just vent in a way where they wont feel judged and wont care because of the impersonal nature of the audience at hand, but irregardless, I have been contemplating professional help buuuuut.....finances 'n all....meh... se le ve. For now is to but continue. Life ain't all bad though I suppose. Made me rethink...it's not all from finances, I suppose it's the stubbornness....Worst comes comes to worst, I'll become a crazy hermit who lives in the mountains....W.V.A ain't that far....just a thought. Gotta get a banjo now...

I specifically said that they would prescribe [or most often refer you to a Psychiatrist so they can evaluate you separately and prescribe accordingly] only if absolutely necessary. Cognitive Behaviorists essentially.. point out the behaviors and thought patterns that are irrational or otherwise unhealthy.

I don't know where you live but there are some free healthcare options that cover therapy.

Do your research.

Otherwise.. the most I can say is to get out as much as possible. Find as many excuses as you can to shower and be presentable.. it makes a difference. Don't spend all your free time at a computer, etc etc.

I'll just end this on one last note. Realistically I know what to do and my issues are more than just mere desires they are deep rooted as well as chemical ( yeah genetics) but as I said it helped to vent a little and just let at least something out. It may not seem like much but for me it helped even if just a little. Though I do agree all to often we as humans put to much on what we want a relationship to accomplish for us and don't always grasp the consequences of the burden to be placed on another when we aren't even willing to see and fix are selves first. I suppose partially it was just loneliness talking since my long term ( 6 1/2 years...) relationship which ended a while ago still seems so fresh at times. Oh, and I'm quite well kept even if in the mediocrity of my own doing. I didn't even think about free/assisted help, I'll have to look into that. Just had to post a thanks.

At some point you're going to be told to search for what you want. You're going to be told that if you want something bad enough that you can find it. That's not true. The search usually ends with empty hands. Instead of searching find something you love to do. Get involved with it, become a member of that community (off it's Fakku you're already here and socializing), socialize, get involved. If you do that you'll eventually happen across someone to provide you with that invaluable feeling. Trust me.

I honestly do believe in love has a non chemical feeling. We're design to feel it for sex then the three year period of our offspring health. Maybe because i have more milder feelings then most people. You have to deal with your stuff... lrn2notcare more.