Just Wondering 2....

Salutations community! You were very helpful with my problem last time, so I thought I'd try again. My best friend came to me last night and told me he likes a girl, but she's in a relationship with another guy. He asked me what should he do; "should I tell her or ignore these feelings"? They apparently are real good friends and he doesn't want to lose her. I have no clue how to answer him and I don't want to give advice that will jeopardize the friendship he already has with her.

Any suggestions will help!

Though, if you have or you know someone who has been in a situation like this, please relay to me how you/ they handled it. Much appreciated.

If he wants to keep her as a friend, he shouldn't tell her. He should find another girl or wait until she's single to try and get with her.

If the girl is in another relationship, then your friend would have almost no chance.

So he should just stay as friends.

Confessing his feelings would definitely jeopardize the friendship.

Suggestions : Let him keep in touch thru phone sometimes, or facebook, whatever.

So long there is ample communication between your friend and said girl, he shouldn't lose her in any way

I've been in a similar situation. I was close friends with somebody who was in a relationship with a girl for several months. My friend is very attractive. And it was tough when we first met, because he was my type exactly.
But I dealt with it.
I admit, I probably did stupidly hint at it a few times back when we first started hanging out.
But gradually it became easier, and I was just happy to have his friendship. And that's all I needed.

Now, I just regret letting my feelings show early in the friendship, because I was foolish enough to think that he would leave the person he had been with for months, to be with a silly person like me. In the end, showing my feelings in the past...although I don't feel the same way now...basically lead to the end of the friendship. Because his girlfriend feels threatened. Which was never my intention. :/
Just have him keep that in mind.
Would he risk losing the friendship over that?

If she's already friends with him, and in a relationship with another guy then he has no chance.

THIS IS THE ANSWER. IGNORE EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T THIS

Oh really?
But almost everything has been the same thing.

So i've done the same thing over and over, get in the "friend zone" however after looking back on it and regretting each time i ignored my feelings i finally told her, even when she was in a relationship. And i'm still with her today.

I would tell her, i have personally spent to much time wondering what if, I'd get it off my chest say how i feel and pray to whatever mf will listen that it will work out.
Tell her, and be done with it, so you don't have to wonder.

T.P

Do you really think when I post in a thread I don't read the contents of it first? That's rather insulting. I am offended.

Gonna have to agree with LQ and GeeGee on this one. He needs to tough it out or risk losing the friendship. :/

waiting for own friends to be single and try to date her afterward are bad ideas.
been there, done that.

things will be worst in the end if you ask me.

i suggest to find another one cause he is already in friend zone.

Eh, at the risk of everyone thinking I'm crazy (or worst), I'm going to say it depends what kind of relationship this girl is in. If she has been with this person for a while, then he shouldn't tell her unless he just wants her to of known how he felt but know that confessing to her at this point is pretty much going to close the door. If she is just starting to see someone else, then he might consider it before she is gone for good.

If I was he, and she was just starting to see someone, I'd ask one of her friends how serious they are.

And just an aside: I don't know why people think that telling someone you like them is a guaranteed way to end a friendship. As long as you go about it the right way (in a mature manner and not over dramatic) you should be able to get through it like adults. I know I wouldn't freak out if a friend told me they had romantic feelings for me. I'm not going to push his face away and say, "Eww! How weird! No way! I just wanted to be friends! Now that you made this awkward, I never want to see you again!" Really now ladies, wouldn't you just say, "Sorry, but I'm already with someone and/or don't feel the same way. We can be friends though"?

If you weird her out to the point you ruin your friendship, you obviously did something wrong when you told her how you felt (like tell her you love her so much you've been following her around town or been taking candid photos of her).

Everything mentioned up until now is loser's talk. Never suppress your feelings, because they will eventually harm you.

This is the basic battleplan:

He should not tell her anything in the first place. It is a common mistake to presume reciprocity in love.
First of all he must work on breaking her old relationship - since he is her friend, he should have easy access to her mind. He can provoke mistrust is his loyalty, or tell her her old friend is not good enough for her. Then he can start getting closer and closer to her, "protecting" and "comforting" her.
Important to note is, that in such situations, the easy way is usually the wrong one. If he wants to succeed, he must work precisely and choose his verbal and non-verbal communication very wisely. He must also get to know her very very well.

I hate our nowadays society, where people easily get into relationships, but very hard out. Good Luck to your friend.

@neko-chan

He said they are good friends. When I have a good friend who likes me, I know his advice about my life and relatinoship will be biased. So, I don't confide in him as much. Also, if she's really close with the boyfriend she'd tell him her friend asked her out and the boyfriend will feel weird about her hanging out with him.

@Tachyon

You're suggesting he pull a super dick move and try to manipulate her into ending her relationship? If she's smart and gets a clue on his plans, she will never date him let alone keep him as a friend.

I would never bury my feelings. Don't care if the women was married. I would let her know. But there are different ways of doing this without putting of your friendship. I could give you advise on those ways, but they are so depended upon the girl it would serve your friend no use.

Of course the precondition for this to work out is that he must be smarter than the girl. But I think it is self-explanatory to be smarter than someone who you are trying to outsmart (manipulate).

What you are saying is basically "let him fuck her for as much as he wants, and you will pick the rest then". I think it's obvious that such a thinking would make your ancestors spin in their graves, since they were ready to kill just to copulate once.

So not only does such a behavior make you a total loser, it is also against our instincts.

My live moves very fast, and I have a lot I still want to achieve, so I personally don't have time to wait. You are of course free to live however you like best.

I'm sorry, but I have barely a clue of what you just said.

It's against our instincts to not try to screw up this girl's relationship by manipulating her? What?

Life moves fast and doesn't stop for anyone. However, I don't see what this has to do with you telling him to manipulate a girl into dating him. There are other girls out there. He should wait until she's single or find someone else. If she's happy in her relationship, making her lose trust in her boyfriend is a douchebag move.

Then your comprehension skills are not the best.

It's against our instincts not to fuck everything first. It's against our instincts to let someone else fuck someone we would like to fuck. As simple and vulgar as that. It's how we think, how (almost) all Amniotes think. It's how our means of reproduction work, ffs.

If live moves fast, waiting is obviously no option. Yes, there are other girls out there, but he evidently wants this one. So, whats the only way to go if you can't wait? GOING FOR IT! And going for it without breaking the old relationship has hardly any chance of succeeding.

At this point even the not so bright ones should have understood it.

It is clear now, but insulting my reading comprehension skills was unnecessary.

What's your point of this? Regardless of whether it's against our instincts or not, it doesn't justify your suggestion of manipulating the girl into dating him. If he cares about her, he wouldn't manipulate her or make her unhappy in her current relationship just so he can be with her.

Life does move fast, so he should try dating other people in the mean time. If he hasn't found anyone if and when she becomes single, then he should try. Evidently he wants this one so he should be a douchebag and selfishly steal it? It seemed to me that the guy liked having her as a friend, if he decided to pull this punk move or tell her straight out that he likes her, there's a good chance of him ruining his current relationship with her.

We don't have those instincts as a species. We adapted and because of that adaption we as a general species have lost those instincts.

Just because other species related to us have them does not mean we will. The majority of family mammalia has fur covering the entirety of their body. And yet, we adapted out of that.

So saying "well these other species have them" doesn't mean we should have them.

Just because a lot of primates fling their poop is not a good reason to fling our poop around.

And eat it too. They eat it too. So why don't you eat some poop while you're at it since you seem to think that is all the reason you need.