Love to meet people and have friends but...
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...I am a rather shy individual who suffers from anxiety mostly through having to initiate conversation. If I am spoken too I am fine, but I don't know why, I start fearing rejection and ridicule and it prevents me from making any actual friends. So I spend most of my time on social media. I do love texting having interaction on apps like Twitter or Snapchat, but I have now accepted that I won't have any friends like that or have any sort of connection through these apps. What should I do to fix that, I mean its easy to say talk to people, but how do I get over this anxiety in order to make friends?
Of course, if it would be faster to text me, you could ask from my social stuff. Just saying not asking...
Of course, if it would be faster to text me, you could ask from my social stuff. Just saying not asking...
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OK, it's cliché, but I will write it. Everyone, and I say EVERYONE, is afraid to start a conversation. I consider myself a rather shy person but my voice tends to be very loud and I'm tall so I can't really hide. I've spend years during my adolescence having a bad posture, mostly because I was not confident in myself. I'm not really sure I am now, but I may have some advices:
-Try. Just try. It's difficult, I know, but like when you start learning a new thing, the most difficult part is getting into it. If you want to talk to somebody, then go talk to him for some bullshit reason, it doesn't matter, you just have to break the ice. If that person wants to talk to you, he/she will respond and bring new subjects in the conversation, and it will flow.
-You will feel stupid and uncomfortable, but don't we all? I mean it isn't easy for anyone to start a conversation. And moreover, if you start it, the one you're speaking to will see that you want to interact, and you have the guts to do it. Sometimes it won't work, but hey, that's statistics. No need to be afraid of that.
-Don't trust your eyes. Some of my best friends are people that are the complete opposite of me. Most of our interests are different but that is why we are friends, we learn from each other! So go talk to sports guys or skaters girls, they may looks confident and "scary" but in the end they will be just as awkward as you in the beginning.
-If you're in a party of some sort, drink a bit. Don't hammer yourself, just let the alcohol lift some fears you have. Just know your limits.
-If it doesn't work with a crush of yours well, that's sad, yeah, but like I said, shit happens, leave it behind and look for someone else. You can't be just mumbling about your problems, it won't solve them.
Hope that helps :)
-Try. Just try. It's difficult, I know, but like when you start learning a new thing, the most difficult part is getting into it. If you want to talk to somebody, then go talk to him for some bullshit reason, it doesn't matter, you just have to break the ice. If that person wants to talk to you, he/she will respond and bring new subjects in the conversation, and it will flow.
-You will feel stupid and uncomfortable, but don't we all? I mean it isn't easy for anyone to start a conversation. And moreover, if you start it, the one you're speaking to will see that you want to interact, and you have the guts to do it. Sometimes it won't work, but hey, that's statistics. No need to be afraid of that.
-Don't trust your eyes. Some of my best friends are people that are the complete opposite of me. Most of our interests are different but that is why we are friends, we learn from each other! So go talk to sports guys or skaters girls, they may looks confident and "scary" but in the end they will be just as awkward as you in the beginning.
-If you're in a party of some sort, drink a bit. Don't hammer yourself, just let the alcohol lift some fears you have. Just know your limits.
-If it doesn't work with a crush of yours well, that's sad, yeah, but like I said, shit happens, leave it behind and look for someone else. You can't be just mumbling about your problems, it won't solve them.
Hope that helps :)
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Smuggins
Just Some Guy
I agree with alot of Lord_Sandwhich.
I think if you identify why you have trouble socializing, it can give you something to plan for. For me, I was afraid of sharing myself and being rejected. So I thought about topics I could discuss that were low investment. I also worked to avoid over-valuing people (particularly stranger's opinions).
If some is a jerk to you, rejects you for who you are, you have to mentally say 'Fuck You'. Everyone is different and if someone can't accept you, don't waste emotional energy on them, move on. Way easier said, then actually done.
I also plan out what I am going to say alot of the time, so at this point, it is just routine. The BBC had an interesting article about how 'charm' is often learned, by gaining social 'soft skills', rather than innate abilities.
I would suggest finding events in your area to meet people, who share a common interest. Volunter at a food shelf or food bank, goto a board game event, whatever. I found meetup.com to be a good tool for finding local events. Basically, find something you enjoy/are passionate about. When you are there, talk to people, you already have at least one connection.
I think if you identify why you have trouble socializing, it can give you something to plan for. For me, I was afraid of sharing myself and being rejected. So I thought about topics I could discuss that were low investment. I also worked to avoid over-valuing people (particularly stranger's opinions).
If some is a jerk to you, rejects you for who you are, you have to mentally say 'Fuck You'. Everyone is different and if someone can't accept you, don't waste emotional energy on them, move on. Way easier said, then actually done.
I also plan out what I am going to say alot of the time, so at this point, it is just routine. The BBC had an interesting article about how 'charm' is often learned, by gaining social 'soft skills', rather than innate abilities.
I would suggest finding events in your area to meet people, who share a common interest. Volunter at a food shelf or food bank, goto a board game event, whatever. I found meetup.com to be a good tool for finding local events. Basically, find something you enjoy/are passionate about. When you are there, talk to people, you already have at least one connection.
