My name is Wesley.
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I was directed here by Ryssen, a wonderfully friendly fellow who thought it might be a good idea to post my story I had written out for everyone in my Introduction post in the Meet and Greet thread. Any advice, or simple discussion is all I can ask for from the lot of you.
Hello there, my name is Wesley. I'm a 28 year-old somebody who is taking a step to get involved in something. Fakku has been my go-to place for reliving stress, and pleasure-reading for some years now. Making the transition from a passerby to regular when it comes to interactivity with the site seemed a little strange at first, but there isn't any harm in trying. If you have any questions about my tastes in the manga here feel free to ask. I rather like the Vanilla tag if that gives you an idea.
Apart from an introduction, I bring a story and a plea. I need some conversation. I need to connect with someone that either feels the same way or can sympathize with my feelings. I've grappled with loneliness before, for years really, but today I think I've hit a new low. Let me tell you why I'm feeling so down in the dumps and maybe someone out there wouldn't mind just chatting with me for a little while.
Ever since I was in junior high I treasured girls. 12 years-old and I constantly pestered my mother about how pretty this girl was, or how I'd give anything to hold hands with this girl. I grew a little older and I was a romantic, buying flowers for girls, and attaching poems I'd spent hours writing myself to brighten their day after a hard break-up, or the passing of a family member. I'd help them carry books, stand-up for them if they were being treated unfairly, and sit with them if they were alone in the lunchroom.
This strong sense of chivalry that drove me through every day held steady, but a new feeling developed. I finally began to notice just how beautiful girls are. I'd had my fair share of naked women through pornography I'd gotten from a cool uncle, and adult films I managed to sneak home. But, It was a unique feeling that developed inside of me. Every beautiful girl I'd see I'd chase after endlessly until I was helplessly shut down. I'd come to my senior year of high school, not a single kiss, hug, or date. I think I'd become bitter by then.
Then, I met her. God, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But, not just because she was physically attractive, but her sheer intelligence that was complimented by her unique and radiant personality burned into my heart. I approached this carefully, making sure I wasn't too pushy, slow but gradual steps hoping that if I stayed at a steady pace she knew I was interested, but not too fast as to scare her away like the countless others. That winter I had finally done it. I'd gotten a date with a girl and was the happiest young man in the world.
We met at a small family-owned bakery, and I'd purchased her a set of ruby stud earrings - her birthstone. We grabbed some warm rolls and sat at a table by the window, and talked as people passed by. After some conversation she took my hands in hers and explained she was already seeing someone else, and that I was a very charming, cute, and loving man who will find a girl someday I deserve, and that the girl is not her. She explained she wanted to be friends still, and hoped we could keep talking as we went to college, and from then on.
Some time passed, and we stood up from the table facing each other. I reached into my back pocket and handed her the box, crudely wrapped just minutes before I had left for our date. She opened the box slightly, and I started to explain how they were ruby studs - I laughed a bit making fun of the corny birthstone gesture, but I had honestly forgotten her birthday when shopping and ended up needing to make several calls to friends to determine just when her birthday was. I was looking away from her and didn't notice she was crying. I didn't notice I was crying myself. We stood there awkwardly crying, and then she embraced me, and I lost all feelings in my knees and fell to the floor. She pushed away from me, and as she did whispered "I love you" and left the store.
That date was twelve years ago, and every week following we've exchanged hand-written letters with pictures of what we've been doing. I've noticed though that in our postcards her backgrounds are always changing, and the people she's with are always different except for Andrew - the man she married. They've sent me cards from all around the world, and some of them blow my mind when I receive them in the mail. I however sit down at my wooden desk, and write out how I've been feeling, how the job is, family, and general at-home things. I set up a dinky tri-pod facing my worn couch in the living room, and throw on a new sweater (I've made it a rule to never wear the same top), smile, and snap a photo. I seal the letter, and walk to the post-office to mail it out to where she currently lives. She's in Sydney now. From what she has told me the view is beautiful there. I joke, and say the view from the bakery is just the same.
Apart from an introduction, I bring a story and a plea. I need some conversation. I need to connect with someone that either feels the same way or can sympathize with my feelings. I've grappled with loneliness before, for years really, but today I think I've hit a new low. Let me tell you why I'm feeling so down in the dumps and maybe someone out there wouldn't mind just chatting with me for a little while.
Ever since I was in junior high I treasured girls. 12 years-old and I constantly pestered my mother about how pretty this girl was, or how I'd give anything to hold hands with this girl. I grew a little older and I was a romantic, buying flowers for girls, and attaching poems I'd spent hours writing myself to brighten their day after a hard break-up, or the passing of a family member. I'd help them carry books, stand-up for them if they were being treated unfairly, and sit with them if they were alone in the lunchroom.
This strong sense of chivalry that drove me through every day held steady, but a new feeling developed. I finally began to notice just how beautiful girls are. I'd had my fair share of naked women through pornography I'd gotten from a cool uncle, and adult films I managed to sneak home. But, It was a unique feeling that developed inside of me. Every beautiful girl I'd see I'd chase after endlessly until I was helplessly shut down. I'd come to my senior year of high school, not a single kiss, hug, or date. I think I'd become bitter by then.
Then, I met her. God, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But, not just because she was physically attractive, but her sheer intelligence that was complimented by her unique and radiant personality burned into my heart. I approached this carefully, making sure I wasn't too pushy, slow but gradual steps hoping that if I stayed at a steady pace she knew I was interested, but not too fast as to scare her away like the countless others. That winter I had finally done it. I'd gotten a date with a girl and was the happiest young man in the world.
We met at a small family-owned bakery, and I'd purchased her a set of ruby stud earrings - her birthstone. We grabbed some warm rolls and sat at a table by the window, and talked as people passed by. After some conversation she took my hands in hers and explained she was already seeing someone else, and that I was a very charming, cute, and loving man who will find a girl someday I deserve, and that the girl is not her. She explained she wanted to be friends still, and hoped we could keep talking as we went to college, and from then on.
Some time passed, and we stood up from the table facing each other. I reached into my back pocket and handed her the box, crudely wrapped just minutes before I had left for our date. She opened the box slightly, and I started to explain how they were ruby studs - I laughed a bit making fun of the corny birthstone gesture, but I had honestly forgotten her birthday when shopping and ended up needing to make several calls to friends to determine just when her birthday was. I was looking away from her and didn't notice she was crying. I didn't notice I was crying myself. We stood there awkwardly crying, and then she embraced me, and I lost all feelings in my knees and fell to the floor. She pushed away from me, and as she did whispered "I love you" and left the store.
That date was twelve years ago, and every week following we've exchanged hand-written letters with pictures of what we've been doing. I've noticed though that in our postcards her backgrounds are always changing, and the people she's with are always different except for Andrew - the man she married. They've sent me cards from all around the world, and some of them blow my mind when I receive them in the mail. I however sit down at my wooden desk, and write out how I've been feeling, how the job is, family, and general at-home things. I set up a dinky tri-pod facing my worn couch in the living room, and throw on a new sweater (I've made it a rule to never wear the same top), smile, and snap a photo. I seal the letter, and walk to the post-office to mail it out to where she currently lives. She's in Sydney now. From what she has told me the view is beautiful there. I joke, and say the view from the bakery is just the same.
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I... don't really get it. You were obviously obsessive when it came to your interactions with women. You might feel like they friendzoned you irrationally, but look at it this way - almost every pathetic guy that drools along the heels of a woman does absolutely everything that woman asks of them. You give them what they want, but not necessarily what they need. And what grown woman needs a dog of a man by their side? There is nothing challenging, thought-provoking, or arousing about someone like that.
So, then you get to this one particular girl, and it sounds like nothing changed. I mean, I'm sorry - I find the whole "calling up her friends" about her birthstone thing and lavishing her with this gift on a FIRST DATE (which ended up not being a date) is all... kind of excessive. In a creepy way. And then you proclaim that you love her? You can't love someone that you worship. I'm sure the relationship wasn't genuine in the least, because there is a huge barrier between someone who is head over heels in love with their fantasy of a person and the person themselves.
She probably thinks that she is doing you a favor of some sort by mailing you all the time. I don't know why she would think that, but that is probably exactly what it is - Oh, I'll send him all these great letters about everything that I'm doing in life, and maybe that'll convince him to move on in his own! Obviously not, because you've let yourself rot with your memories of this girl as your only consolation FOR TWELVE FUCKING YEARS.
I'm sorry, dude. That is insane. And might I mention this whole thing was about you? Interesting that you say you love this girl, but you described her so blandly - pretty, smart, interesting? - there's tons of girls like that out there! Maybe if you opened your eyes, you could see some of them. Anyway, she's married. It's been years. It wasn't even really a date. Why are you focusing on this!? If I focused on every first date/meeting I had been on, I don't... I don't even know.
Also, 28-12=16. So, you were 16 when you had this supposedly life-changing romantic moment? You weren't even fully grown up yet! Ugh, the whole thing is just so pathetic that I don't even know what to tell you. So, you went to college, and didn't meet a single person in the entire melting pot that is, you know, college? If you haven't met anyone by now, sorry bub - it's your fault that you haven't been looking. She obviously moved on. What are you hoping for here? And god, look how many romantic, consenting relationships between high school students work out once they hit college? Hardly a single one! And yet you think this girl is your magical true love? I mean, that's just appalling... and changing your shirt/sweater for each picture like she gives a shit? I just... wow.
So, then you get to this one particular girl, and it sounds like nothing changed. I mean, I'm sorry - I find the whole "calling up her friends" about her birthstone thing and lavishing her with this gift on a FIRST DATE (which ended up not being a date) is all... kind of excessive. In a creepy way. And then you proclaim that you love her? You can't love someone that you worship. I'm sure the relationship wasn't genuine in the least, because there is a huge barrier between someone who is head over heels in love with their fantasy of a person and the person themselves.
She probably thinks that she is doing you a favor of some sort by mailing you all the time. I don't know why she would think that, but that is probably exactly what it is - Oh, I'll send him all these great letters about everything that I'm doing in life, and maybe that'll convince him to move on in his own! Obviously not, because you've let yourself rot with your memories of this girl as your only consolation FOR TWELVE FUCKING YEARS.
I'm sorry, dude. That is insane. And might I mention this whole thing was about you? Interesting that you say you love this girl, but you described her so blandly - pretty, smart, interesting? - there's tons of girls like that out there! Maybe if you opened your eyes, you could see some of them. Anyway, she's married. It's been years. It wasn't even really a date. Why are you focusing on this!? If I focused on every first date/meeting I had been on, I don't... I don't even know.
Also, 28-12=16. So, you were 16 when you had this supposedly life-changing romantic moment? You weren't even fully grown up yet! Ugh, the whole thing is just so pathetic that I don't even know what to tell you. So, you went to college, and didn't meet a single person in the entire melting pot that is, you know, college? If you haven't met anyone by now, sorry bub - it's your fault that you haven't been looking. She obviously moved on. What are you hoping for here? And god, look how many romantic, consenting relationships between high school students work out once they hit college? Hardly a single one! And yet you think this girl is your magical true love? I mean, that's just appalling... and changing your shirt/sweater for each picture like she gives a shit? I just... wow.
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HappyDia basically summed up everything that I was thinking and more. You're wasting your life brooding over someone you didn't get. It sounded good at first (the stuff in the third an fifth paragraphs, with the exception of spending hours writing something for someone you aren't romantically involved with) but you went to an absurd level after that. Why would you give something like that on a present for your first date? All that would do is scare the girl or (depending on how expensive they are) make her think you're made of money! Neither are good. Try and find someone else. If your standards are "like her" then lower them to something realistic. You won't find her doppelganger.
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What Dagger and Dia said. Move on...No seriously, MOVE ON. It's been twelve years? Dude, that's pathetic. Find a girl to like, lower your expectations and you might be surprised.
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that was asweet story bra. i would think that would makee a good bitter~sweet vanilla. if you or someone u know can draw, make it happen.
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Delbruck wrote...
that was asweet story bra. i would think that would makee a good bitter~sweet vanilla. if you or someone u know can draw, make it happen.More like an unsettling story from the perspective of the obsessive stalker. Could be interesting.
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Quite a sad story, but if anything you can that out of it is knowledge, there was a point where you missed you place to lay it on the line, I chalk that up to being 16 and well at that age who really thinks like that (I personally didn't). In a way you reminded me of my younger self, except two very key details.
1 sounds like you were far more romantic then me, by a lot actually
2 I am a complete idiot and I'm selfish
There was a time where my gf could have followed her dreams, and head to Chicago to intern with alright restaurant, but I asked her to side by my side (differently a wrong answer in pretty much any and all game you have ever played) considering how the relationship started, I could have destroyed everything that I have done in a single sentence. However, I didn't care, if she was going to leave me, she was either going to hate me, or one of us would have pasted out to the other side was how I looked at it. From time to time I asked her if she regretted her choice, and she replies, "it would be boring without a tall, pokemon fanatic running around cramping my style."
I have only one thing to offer you, the romantics swoon the women, the bad boys excites women, but the bold and stupid gets the girl, that's why wives always call their husbands "idiots" a saying I picked up from my dumb father
1 sounds like you were far more romantic then me, by a lot actually
2 I am a complete idiot and I'm selfish
There was a time where my gf could have followed her dreams, and head to Chicago to intern with alright restaurant, but I asked her to side by my side (differently a wrong answer in pretty much any and all game you have ever played) considering how the relationship started, I could have destroyed everything that I have done in a single sentence. However, I didn't care, if she was going to leave me, she was either going to hate me, or one of us would have pasted out to the other side was how I looked at it. From time to time I asked her if she regretted her choice, and she replies, "it would be boring without a tall, pokemon fanatic running around cramping my style."
I have only one thing to offer you, the romantics swoon the women, the bad boys excites women, but the bold and stupid gets the girl, that's why wives always call their husbands "idiots" a saying I picked up from my dumb father
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Delbruck wrote...
that was asweet story bra. i would think that would makee a good bitter~sweet vanilla. if you or someone u know can draw, make it happen.Take a look at this fucking guy, thinking of Vanilla and shit.
OT: Move on dude.
What the hell are you waiting for?
For all you know, a better girl is still out there for you, but you hide away because you didn't get what you wanted.
Tough dude, but that's life.
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Well uh...dang...you do know how to make a good attempt at making somebody sad lol. Great story though, I'm sorry it turned out that way. You'll have to move on of course but that doesn't make it any less sad to how it turned out.
I guess I may relate a little bit because I am a bit of a corny romantic, or you could say normal romantic but...I actually hate that about me for various reasons.
But I'll have to say this, I'm not sure I could spend that many years on a single girl who I wouldn't even marry. It is fine to not forget the past since I believe you can learn from it but hopefully you'll meet somebody else. I understand it can be hard but maybe my outlook is different because I'm younger. Just keep trying, even if you aren't lucky/popular you'll find somebody eventually. I'm actually reflecting on what I just typed since it seems uncharacteristically hopeful of me since I wouldn't say I am an extremely positive (yet not super negative) person, yet I do believe it even if it is a longshot.
Sadly nowadays it seems to be more of a numbers game of meeting many people rather than getting to know one person really well then start a relationship since you end up in the infamous friendzone. Keep working at it. And don't get bogged down by a single girl. Stop reading the letters/replying if you have to, throw them away or something. Just make sure you aren't hung up on her because it would cause problems in any future relationship you will have.
I guess I may relate a little bit because I am a bit of a corny romantic, or you could say normal romantic but...I actually hate that about me for various reasons.
But I'll have to say this, I'm not sure I could spend that many years on a single girl who I wouldn't even marry. It is fine to not forget the past since I believe you can learn from it but hopefully you'll meet somebody else. I understand it can be hard but maybe my outlook is different because I'm younger. Just keep trying, even if you aren't lucky/popular you'll find somebody eventually. I'm actually reflecting on what I just typed since it seems uncharacteristically hopeful of me since I wouldn't say I am an extremely positive (yet not super negative) person, yet I do believe it even if it is a longshot.
Sadly nowadays it seems to be more of a numbers game of meeting many people rather than getting to know one person really well then start a relationship since you end up in the infamous friendzone. Keep working at it. And don't get bogged down by a single girl. Stop reading the letters/replying if you have to, throw them away or something. Just make sure you aren't hung up on her because it would cause problems in any future relationship you will have.