Should I confess?

What is this high school level shit about confessing?

If you feel like you want to date the chick you just go "Hey, you want to go on a date sometime?"

Confessing is for high school and retarded romantic comedies.

Kind of off topic, but I guess it's relevant enough to post here instead of making a new topic.

I have never been in a relationship and I have never been in love so what I am wondering is, how does taking a girl out on a date make her your girlfriend? I mean, are dates considered some kind of ritual that only people who are in love do that makes their relationship "official"? Wouldn't it be simpler / more straight forward to just say "Hey, I am in love with you, will you be my lover?"

I understand the whole romance that is involved with taking a significant other out for a good time, but to me(and my imagination) hearing someone who I love and care for say "I love you" would be a lot more romantic than taking me out for dinner(however, in most cases it is the man who takes the woman out to dinner).

A date does not mean you are in a significant romantic relationship with anyone. In fact, not all dates are necessarily romantic in nature.

When someone says you are girlfriend/boyfriend then in most situations you are in a closed relationship with that person in that you are dating only them because you both feel that they are someone you care for and see yourself having a strong possibility of a future with them.

When you're younger it's usually less toned down about the future thing since kids really don't understand (though they might say they do) about the real world after growing up.

The purpose of a date is the social interaction with the other person. You can make the social interactions as romantic or non-romantic as you prefer but that is entirely the point.

Is it more romantic for someone to say "I love you" than a date? Depends. If you say "I love you" without any feeling behind it, then no, actions will definitely speak louder. It also depends on how developed of a relationship it is. If this is coming out of nowhere and is entirely unexpected, they're more inclined to feel surprised and possibly disturbed than romanced.

Dates are a way to progress your relationship to a point where not only do you know for sure what type of feelings you have, but where expressing those feelings are not out of place.

To answer mainly the bold part: it doesn't. To me, dates are ways to gauge true romantic and physical intimacy and connection between you and a potential lover. It is not something that should be reserved to people already in a relationship. If it were up to me, I'd ask out a girl whom I was mildly interested in having a relationship with, and if she agrees, I'll see how it goes from there. Either I'll find out she's not that compatible with me, or that we really click and I start to like her more, hence asking her to go steady once that happens for both of us.

I understand. I guess I got confused because earlier posts in this thread were mentioning "ask her out" which I assumed to be a date.

It makes more sense to me that confessing your love is how you start a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship rather than taking that person out on a date. And like you said, taking them out on a date would be a good way to learn more about the person.

Then again, I have no experience in relationships (pretty sad for my age) so I am glad I got this cleared up.

Asking her out DOES mean wanting to take her out on a date. Like I said, that way he really can gauge romantic compatibility with her. If you ask me, that's the original point of dating.

And honestly, complete confession sounds like something middle school students would do. I feel like, in this day and age, adults can just say "hey, I really like you, and I'd like to commit to just you", or something like that.

As the Nike logo Just do it
I want to.meet an sadistic girl who.like hentai to fill my pleasures

Da fuck you waiting for? What do you need? A brick upside your head? NOW MOVE!

Suck it up and stop being a whiny little bitch.

This isn't an anime, there's no "confessing", just straight out admit you like her and if she doesn't reciprocate then at least you tried.

Well everybody. Thanks for all of your responses.But alas,I got rejected

It happened last week but due to internet problems I can't connect with you all.

My confession started off with me asking her to go out. Based on Takerial's views on dates,I can say I did go on dates with her often but this is the first time I plan to take it to the 'couple' level.

Everything was going smoothly, watching movies, lunch, game arcades, Ice-cream at the parlour, giggling here, physical contact here and there, stares from the public, embarassing moments and whatnot. Then at the Ice-cream parlour I decided to ask her whether we could offically be a couple. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Y' know,spending my time with you is actually one of the few things I spend my thought's thinking, " Heh,life wouldn't be so bad if it's to be spent like this,with her". So, would you please be me...uhmm...girl- no, that's not it.I-

Her: -My name-, No need to say it out loud. I...I would love to....but..but...

She started sobbing afterwards. I was panicking. So we quickly went to a empty alley. She then continues where she left by saying, "I can't."

I can't say I wasn't ready for this but it hit me harder than I thought. To put it simply, she told me she doesn't want to trouble me with her. She told me I would face more trials of life if we were together. I responded I wouldn't care even if it would almost kill me because that happened before. I explained even further by saying spending my entire life with her,together as lovers would be worth all of the hardships I'll face.

I thought that would be a good enough reason but I was wrong, the first time I was ever at wrong with her. After my reasons further explained, she scolded me,shouting "What about ME!?Do you think I don't get hurt When you do!?".

That line further deepened the emotional wounds I had.

I went silent. A lot of mixed emotions came into me that time and it still has been in me ever since. After the failure of a confession, I sent her home. Upon reaching her house, She said "Thank you -my name-. Thank you for everything."

I went home afterwards.

She still keeps tabs on me amd I want to meet her like we did before. But she doesn't want to yet. She told me to let time clear our thoughts before we decide.

And later on, this response happened. I'm feeling quite skeptical nowadays,even more than I usually am. I'm frustrated and I don't know how to deal with this.

Lol you came on a bit strong don't you think?


Anyway, judging by what she said here (if you quoting her is word-for-word)



...it wasn't a full on rejection, but more of a rejection on the grounds that she's insecure and doesn't want be a burden to you - she could have some sort of medical condition that requires frequent hospital visits and checkups that you don't know about. Or your admission that you see her as anything other than friends might have just taken her by surprise and has very low self esteem.

Whatever the case, for now give her some space and let her ponder on it (if you haven't already). Then next time you see her bring up the subject of your admission, and speak to her about how she feels about it, how you feel about each other and discuss whether a relationship between you both would be a possibility. Don't be too pushy for an answer though, if she seems uncomfortable about the subject or asks you that you drop the subject, then just drop it and let her know that she can tell you when she's ready. But make it clear that you do need an answer and she can't avoid the issue for too long, otherwise it's going to keep getting more awkward between you both.

Welp, she either has serious issues, has issues that are serious to her(which are just as difficult to overcome regardless), or she doesn't want to commit and is portraying she has issues.

If it's the first option, then a relationship with her will be exceedingly difficult. Because it can take years to overcome issues like that, and more often than not the couple ends up breaking up. Imagine a situation of being friendzoned but with the label of boyfriend and maybe some benefits only for years down the line when you think a lot of progress has been made for you to end up dumped and see her go out with someone else. Yeah, that happens a lot.

The second option is usually the most common. People just like to believe they are really messed up for some reason. I think they believe it makes them feel special. This can be as difficult as the first option mostly because it takes time to convince them that they don't need to worry about whatever issue it is being a problem for your relationship.

The last option mostly just means she's scared to commit on an almost extreme level. It's definitely not uncommon to be scared of commitment, but this is extreme levels. It's different from the other two in the way that your biggest hurdle is going to be right at the start.

So it comes down to this question.

Do you care enough about this girl, to risk being put into situation of dealing with hell for years just for her with the strong possibility of still getting turned away?

Too much baggage, do not date, abort.

This is why you keep your emotions to yourself.

I hope you learned a valuable lesson about dating and relationships.

I'm sorry but it's best you abort the mission. She seems like she has too much emotional baggage for her to carry. Now I'm not saying "stop being friends with her" all I am saying is maybe you should look into other potential significant others. You said you had alot of female friends. If you ask them about this subject they may be able to tell you what the problem is. Thats all I can say. Well that and that I am sorry for you and send you my sincerest condolences.

Word of advice when posting in threads in this section: learn to read the whole thread first, in case OP updates on the situation. And yes, he has in this case. And not in a good way either.

I specifically date/like people with emotional baggage.
I think I'm an emotional masochist.

Really, as said above, the only thing you can do is give her time to think, and bring it up later. Before doing so, contemplate on whether you can deal with that emotional baggage. Whether you are willing to.

It can take a while.
My girlfriend was extremely self conscious and hesitant. She was talking about not having sex for years until she was ready, for not saying "I love you" for YEARS until she was sure. That she wasn't GF material, etc, due to previous experiences.
6 months later, we express our love daily and have had sex many times.
Half due to charisma( i mak da pussy wet), half luck and sticking with it.
Was fully prepared to go as long as needed to be with her comfortably.

So are you ready to commit to that? Not just saying it, but still hoping for her to be right as rain after a few months. But actually wanting her to be comfortable and okay with anything the relationship will throw at you.

Interested to see your response. It wasn't rejection because of lack of feelings though. But for wanting to not hurt you, as you say.
Personally, I get extremely pissed off when women say stuff like that, and immediately get it out of their heads that my potential discomfort at THEIR problems is any problem of theirs when I was the one to sign up for it.

tl;dr: Disregard feelings, acquire bitches.