So, I've been Friend Zone'd

I should probably explain from the beginning really, shouldn't I?

About 3 years ago, my former friend (friend at the time who isn't now. I now call him Cockface as his real name is blasphemy to me so I shall refer to him as such) got a girlfriend named Emma.

We all hung out for a bit. Things started off great, until Cockface got paranoid after he realised that I got on with Emma better than he did, so he began bullshitting about me to her and neither of them spoke to me for a year and a half. Hilarious thing is, I didn't even see her like that at the time, I just thought "She's interesting, fun to talk to. Nice girl" nothing more and my intentions were pure. One day, completely out of the blue, Emma banged on my door drunk as a fart with Cockface and a bunch of his friends' friends. Emma used my toilet and invited me out, much to Cockface's disdain. 10 minutes of being out with them all, I'd learned that Emma and Cockface's relationship was on the ropes and Cockface openly admitted to wanting to cheat on her with a random girl at his friend's party because he "found her annoying" to me and his friend, Shaun. How she didn't hear it is beyond me. Anyway, Emma was complaining that she wasn't feeling very well and that she wanted to go back to Cockface's. Cockface refused. Seeing that she wasn't lying, as she was obviously looking quite ill, I'd volunteered to look after Emma instead. We went back to Cockface's house and I kept an eye on her until she fell asleep on the living room sofa. Nothing happened, before you ask.

Fast forward to after their breakup, me and Emma continued talking and meeting up just as friends having a good time. She even came to my house to stay the night at mine and we both slept in my bed. Nothing happened, although I was hoping for something to, and she wore some of my clothes as PJs. By this time I'd seen Emma as both a friend and a potential partner (or love interest, if you will) but I didn't say anything and just kept it to myself. One day out of the blue, she admits she has feelings for me and has done since she first met me but was in denial of her feelings. I reciprocated how she felt and more, but keeps me in the Friend Zone because "she doesn't want to ruin the friendship that we have". To rub salt into the wound, she then goes to Uni in another part of the country and gets a boyfriend. Now, we barely talk as much as we used to because everytime she talks to me, it all comes flooding back and I start feeling like absolute shit. I still talk to her and respond, I wouldn't ignore her or anything like that, but just not like I used to.

Before I ramble on any more, I'm asking for advice. What would you do? I've been Friend Zoned loads of times, but this one was the only one that really affected me. I felt like she understood me and that we had a pretty strong connection and she accepted me as I was and I adored her for who she was. Given my horrible history of relationships, this was a breath of fresh air for me. But then this happens.

Meh, friend zone. I don't believe in that bs.

As for what I'd do... well, I dunno her personally, so I'm not sure. Basically, if I consider her not worth the hassle, leave the game, chill, drink some vodka, assemble nanoblocks...

If she's really worth it (this really is subjective but to me you know, I can see a future with her) then what else? Wing it.

Grav, honey. I'm telling you this for your own good.

She never had feelings for you.

How do I know?

Because everytime a girl breaks up with someone, regardless of how terrible or how awesome their boyfriend was... post-breakup, girls have no self esteem. How quickly we bounce back from that low point, varies from girl to girl. But believe you me, there is always a period after a breakup when we desperately feel the need to be 'validated'.

You are an extremely great guy, you have a big heart, and you're respectful. To a girl with breakup goggles, you look like fucking Superman.

When you welcomed her into your home and heart with only the purest of intentions, you made her feel safe. When you showed her kindness, you made her feel wanted. She needed to hear that she was desirable, and that split moment of her knowing you wanted her, was enough to bring her back from the bottom.

My suggestion to you is to try to get closure. It seems like she has you on her hook. You're too awesome of a guy to be on someone's hook. So she either chooses you and tries to make it work, or you get her to admit to her lapse in judgement, and let you move on.

I'm sorry, honey.

Girls can be so stupid. .-.

Pretty much what Loli said.
Kinda hits the nail on the head.

If it's any consolation,

if she were to have decided to go steady with you, it most probably have been a rebound relationship, and that's not really any better. You desvere better.

I figured as much.

Actually have thought of all possible options as to why it would happen and came to that conclusion at one point, but figured it be better to get an outsider's view on the subject.

Thanks dudes & dudette

That's a great advice in general, thank you very much.
+rep for this and that awesome short erotic story you wrote.

And Gravity, here's something possibly amusing if you haven't already seen it.

Always happy to assist.

Also, that vid is totally what I'm getting at. xD
She knows, buddy. Believe me, she knows.
She just don't curr.

So...what you're getting at is that he should build a nerve stimulation suit?


Time to move on and find someone who you connect with again.

this explains a lot. I hate friendzone, but I have been friendzoned so many time I said: "You know what? fuck it! If I'm gonne be friendzoned, I gonna get confortable and rule the friendzone with an iron fist!"

'Zoned, ooooooooor she's making you fall for her to keep you on the backburner as fallback XD

When did they make a comic about my life?

So you go around wearing a mask, killing politicians and then blowing your head off?

have you told her that you like her? i mean if she says no move on but sometimes their just waitin for you...just sayin, i mean worst she can say is no, and then you just saddle up and move on its all part of life

Did you even read my essay thread all the way through? She admitted she liked me first, then I reciprocated her feelings. In other words, I admitted I liked her aswell.

I do agree with something you all said though, I can't be kept flapping about in the breeze like a piece of rubbish caught on the branch of a tree.

The sad thing is, that those of us who are true gentlemen are often placed into the friendzone. We become the non-threatening confidants, and the shoulders to cry upon, but seldom end up with the girl. It sounds to me like the night in your bed was a test to see if you would 'make a move.' Unfortunately, women think they are sending clear signals, when in truth we men usually lack the subtlety read them. I would never suggest you forget a friend (they are too valuable), but try to go forward with your life. However, if she breaks up with this new boyfriend, and you are still available, then definitely re-assert your case. If you feel strongly about this girl, then you owe it to yourself to make the attempt. Don't let past relationships poison your chances at future happiness.

It sucks that you've had that happen to you. I've had my fair share of sucky relationships with people, exes, and past friends. It is also somewhat of a blessing in disguise though. I feel that people grow through the people they meet and their experiences with them. For example: I used to be so closed minded but after my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I stopped closing myself off to things I didn't know of or tried because I didn't want to be like her. It also steered me away from ever cheating because I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, so I wouldn't ever put anyone through that pain.

Cheer up pal, life goes on. Stay strong.

I couldn't agree further, I actually agree so much that I might get rid of that - rep. I find it funny though, I have been giving relationship advice for other people, most likely older than me, I am only 19, but I have seen and been through enough to agree completely with you Lolli.

oh em gee.. :D

then she dates some random person she meets a week later clearly stating she's not ready to go into another relationship so soon when you asked her out