Still nervous about this

There's a girl that I really like and I've been forming feelings for her, but there's usually a chilling thought that haunts me when I think and talk about/to her . She's so innocent ,she's an otaku , she loves drawing a gamer and deals with on and off moments of depression . I haven't had lots of girlfriends, I guess I'm sort of a weirdo , but I really like this girl and I wish things would work but my fear is holding me back. I don't see any reasons why I would feel like I'm too much/bad for her, I just don't understand why I feel so terrible and nervous around her , even talking through IM . Why and where is my worrying coming from?



Sorry if this is unclear, I'm pretty tired tonight.

You think it's too good to be true, from what I can gather. My advice is, just go ask her out, and don't assume too much, good or bad. Overthinking is what kills it for most people.

Remember, confidence is a must. That's really what the phrase "nice guys finish last" is supposed to mean (doesn't mean you have to act cocky).

Here's a bit of wisdom from Drill Sergeant Harbaugh, "Private, when you've got a thought, don't. Drop that shit like it's going to give you cancer. You can't think because if you think you're already taking too long to get shit done." At first I thought, "that's not helpful, I cant just 'not think' " but I went to the reflexive fire range and shot damn near perfect on that advice. I took it with me in life and yeah sometimes it bites me in the ass, but usually it works. Try it.

Otakus are never innocent.

But honestly, she's probably just hiding her perverted side. Take it slow and tread lightly, but definitely give it a shot. If she is as innocent as you think she is, maybe you should try hanging out a few times before actually asking her out on a date. I'm sure she would be a lot more nervous/uncomfortable if you asked her out before getting a good amount of one on one time. Has she dated before? If she hasn't you'll have to be extra careful.

"Deals with on and off moments of depression"

Red Flag.

I strongly suggest pursuing a deeper, more meaningful friendship before considering a romantic investment. The artsy, nerdy types have slightly increased inclinations towards depression and social isolation. It's never a good idea to be with someone with deep and persisting emotional issues. You would find yourself shouldering her burden either partially or completely.

What she needs is a friend who cares, and a reason to get better. It's far too easy to feel like 'if I just have this person, everything will be better'. It's never, ever the case.

That's actually a good idea, what I've been doing is trying to drop the idea of pursuing a relationship with her for any of the pre-existing reasons. Instead I'm attempting to help her out as a friend and hopefully attempt to pull her out of this depression while working on my own by myself .(With patience of course)

Maybe she suffers from bouts of depression, because she's waiting for you to grow a pair and ask her out. You'll never know till you ask her. Now man up and go for it!

It's been 3 days... Update?

Well so far things have been going great! We've been talking a lot , tons of laughing and talking together on skype , even though it's only been about a week or more, she's really been opening up to me. I'm also starting to worry less and less about the whole situation , my thoughts and expectations have also simmered down a ton.

Skype?

Does she live near you?

>implying you can't Skype while still living relatively close by

> Implying nothing

He just failed to mention whether he lives near her or not, and it's a wandering thought above all else

Yes she does o-o It isn't a LDR , sorry If I didn't mention that.

Go for the gold man. Take a note on the wisdom of Drill Sergeant Harbaugh, don't think and simply ask her out. Worst case scenario you move on, best case an awesome relationship that would make you happy. It's really a no-loss scenario so gather the testicular fortitude and do it.

Guys, he already established that they're simply enjoying their friendship for right now. That's actually a wiser idea considering she's going through some stuff.

I agree with you in general, but I don't think that people with mental health issues should be treated as lepers either (not implying that you said such a thing). As long as they're open and honest about their issues, and willing & able to work through them with or without the assistance of a partner - I think that is someone who has a healthy enough image of themselves to handle a relationship. Nobody is perfect and a LOT of people deal with depression, but as long as the person is in a place in their lives where they feel like they can grow past it or at least handle the bumps in the road as they come along... then that's not someone I feel should be ostracized for what they can't always control. I mean, it would be worse if she didn't tell him about her issues, and sprung them on him after the fact. As long as she knows that she needs to value herself as an individual first, and as a partner in a romantic relationship second, then that's the most important thing. However, this will take a lot of communication to achieve - which it sounds like they're establishing as friends first. I think that's great. If OP does ultimately become this girl's boyfriend, then knowing the extent of what she is going through is important. He needs to know what he can handle, and what he can't.

I don't think depressed people should be outcasts, but I've tried far too many relationships where one or both people involved had some deep-seated issues and.. well, it never ends well. You need to really understand yourself and the roots of your problems in order to be able to separate your own insecurities and hang-ups from any real problems in your relationship.

Besides, meaningful friendships built on a looooot of time, make for the best relationships. I just want both of these people to be sure they can truly give themselves to each other.