Too Slow on knowing someone?

So in the past, Fakku has been a wonderful forum to help me out with advice, from relationship to dating advice in the past. So now I have another problem with dating/relationship again.

After losing two girls over this past semester to other guys, I started to see that I feel that I am a bit slow and too late on trying to get to know them to dating. It seems that when I start to get to know a girl that she appears to already started to date someone else. Perfect example was the last girl I was interested in. I’ve known this girl at the beginning of the semester and just last week I was able to ask her phone number (and got it too, but for other reasons) but I almost knew over the past month or so that she was seeing someone else (and I knew that she JUST broke up with her last boyfriend when I met her for the first time). I was only able to see her two times a week (we met by being in the same club) because we don’t have any classes together and I don’t live on campus. There was times she came by my house off campus to work on club stuff (other people in my house are also in the club). The guy who she is dating is also in the same club as me and met her at the same time.

So now, after loosing her and other girl (it was before her). I figured that my problem has to be that I am too late on everything. I need some advice where I can move things quicker. One thing that I should do that I don’t is text but I just feel like if I text or im them online (Facebook for example) that I am bothering them. I just feel like I should do something in order to move things along quicker. Oh, and maybe I should mention that I made out with both of these girls before they got b/f’s but the making out was part of a party where we were all drunk and we all made out with people left and right but even at those parties I could see that they were into their b/fs at the time before they became official so I don’t really count that.

Anyway, I’m just looking for advice on how I should go about doing this? Should I speed things up, slow them down, should I text and/or IM them as I don’t do that?

Did you ever ask her out on an offical date? If you don't make a difinitave move, sometimes you can be trapped in the friend zone.

That was part of the problem. I didn't even get to know her well enough before I could ask her out before another guy asked her out. We knew each other but not THAT well till a few weeks ago.

You should probably ask them out sooner in my opinion, or at least let them know you like them. This is a good place for advice I feel although I don't think I would ask for some advice myself considering things unrelated to the posters (who by the way provide really good advice imo).

I actually have this very same problem, and it bugs the hell outta me, so I feel your pain. The only way I've learned to really deal with this sorta problem is that as soon as I feel as there might be some connection, I ask them out somewhere, if only a small date (like a cafe or movie) or place. I usually give it a week or three after meeting the person, and if I sense even the slightest connection, I take action immediately.

Granted, it doesn't always work, and you may get that a lot. However, it's better to have lost then have love lost, or something like that. Hope that helps.

PS: Oh, and about that texting/emailing/IMing thing; Again, I have that very same problem, even to this day, but your best bet is to just text them ONCE if you feel like texting them. If they don't reply, or give you one to three word answers, presume them busy, or uninterested, and move on. If this happens more often then not in the course of a week or so, presume it a lost cause unless she specifically asks you at some point after why you don't text or IM her anymore. In which case, state your reason and proceed as you did before.

Girls love to be texted. If you want to be on our minds, you should give us a text. We check our phones constantly, and seeing your name up there in the inbox means that we're constantly having our thoughts drawn back to you even if it's just a little bit. I'd highly recommend doing it. Since you're so hesitant about it to begin with, I'm sure you won't make the mistake of being creepy and texting too often.

As for the whole 'taking too long' thing, you don't have to know you're in love with someone just to ask them out for drinks/dinner/events/whatever! If you want to get to know someone better, you need to be proactive about it whether it is a romantic interest or just a friendship. So, don't hesitate to take the initiative about things. Girls like it when men make the first move and take control over the situation. If you're feeling weird about it, you're not going to convey the strong, dominant characteristics that a girl probably wants.

I will tell you based on my experience of being too slow when I found my first love in school. I was extremely shy and and I was constantly fearing about messing up that I was too cautious of making a move, which was too slow and too late. I got friendzoned and she got her boyfriend. They were both in my class so I was seeing them every single day.

I will give you some advices based on my experiences

Texting

You say you don't want to bother them. I was like that as well about texting and only started doing that when I went to university. maybe a cause, like in my case is that you may not know what to write about and not feeling ackward about it. I found out that the most common messages are often the best. If you're not meeting the girl one day send her one or two text messages (simple hellos are a good start). Just be you and not too formal. Once you get to know her better you can know what you can send to cheer her up when she feels down, give her a good laugh and stuff. You can even use classes as a topic (midterms, proyects, teachers, etc.) since both of you are related to that. Don't text too much and don't text too little after that

don't ask for her number the first day, and maybe not the first week, later is better chances you get the right number (don't ask friends, ask directly).

If you don't see her often

Time can sometimes be a big obstacle to get close to a girl, so we must increase the time you spend with her and not hope for "events" to happen. Try treating her to lunch or a meal after classes and walk her to places even if takes just a few minutes to get there. use there shorts periods of time to talk to her and, above all, listen to them. In time you will get more chances to meet up with her, and if she gets interested she will look for time as well.

If you happen to know people that know her, ask about her. Don't dwell too deep, just ask about "trivial" information that is likely they will tell you (hobbies, schedule, tastes in general, etc.). This information will help you how to get more time together with her before asking to go on a date. Also, some friends relay messages and girls like it when you ask about them, it shows interest.

Thst's all I can give you based on your initial post. Hope it helps

You never lost them, they were never yours to begin with. You know your problem already and how to solve it, just ask them out. The thing that seems to be holding you back is that you don't want to be one of those guys who just shoots at whatever moves and is happy with whatever he gets. I understand that, nothing wrong with wanting something a little more meaningful. The thing is a date is not a big deal. Just treat it as getting to know her. You don't have to already be in love or something like that with someone to date them. Just spending time together, especially in a group is not enough. You need to create an environment which makes it clear you intend to be more than friends, or at least see if it's a possibility.

I'm not much of a texter or things like that, to me it's just chit-chat and doesn't really make much of a difference, but the constant exchange of flirtatious words is a good way to keep yourself in her mind so just say whatever, a simple have a good day is enough at times. In the end all you have to do is be more aggressive.

Lawl, you're still thinking like a high school kid.

"I need to know I'm in love. And then when I confess she'll say OMG I LOVE YOU TOO! And then we'll start dating and get married!"

That's not really how it works. Dating, real dating, is going "Hey I think we could work out. Go out with me and we'll find out more."

You don't NEED to know if you have actual feelings for her. If you have a connection then cool. If you don't then hey, you're cool with that too. Basically, dating is exploring whether or not you guys have a connection that could make things work.

Sure, the way you're doing things forms a connection. But it's a connection they're going to perceive as friendship and not romantic at all.

Oh and on texts.

Funnyjunk don't work on Fakku.

Fixed then.