Yay Poly!

My wife and I are philosophically polygamists though functionally monogamous. That is, we date and keep our eyes open for a girl that could suit our family but wind up being quite picky about who we'd add so we haven't found someone yet.

I learned she was bi a while before we got married, we discussed it for a while, and decided it would be good for us.

Polygyny being male+ multiple females. Polygamy just means multiple marriages, and can go either way, polyandry being female+multiple males.

Polygyny is for us because I'm possessive and territorial, and she's bi. Also ideological things.

We've gotten to talk to a lot of poly supporting and polygamous people over the years. They're far more varied and diverse than what you'd get in the mainstream media. The range is still from nutters to pretty cool people, like in most things. FLDS get the attention, but otherwise mainstream protestants make up some fair sized groups, as do messianics, or more Jewish leaning Christians. Other religious dispositions are well represented with the occasional western Buddhist and quite a chunk of agnostics and atheists as well. Because of the nature of their beliefs I've never met a Catholic polygynist. Whatever Islamic Polygynists are in the West seem to keep to themselves a lot, and the polytheists I've talked to tend more towards straight Polygamy and eschew polygyny, though they vary more than most ideologies.

Interestingly there is apparently a sizable chunk of FLDS Polyandrists, apparently certain interpretations of their books can go that way. Polyandry is ultra rare for humans, so it was interesting to talk to them, though I find the ones I talked to somewhat intolerable.


Anyway. Hopefully the polygamists in the States keep getting more breathing room. We had a shot at legal recognition in Canada a few years back but IMO our defence botched it.

One of the most striking differences between the poly groups and homosexual recognition is that for the most part poly families just don't want to be criminalized. Since one of the very few common denominators is being very family focused we're not often out to flaunt our ideology and a 'poly pride' equivalent stance is usually laughed down.

To be fair the homosexual lobby has to push more because often they have isolated individuals that get taunted, while polygynists pretty much always have people who are there for them. You CAN'T functionally have an isolated polygamist taunted for their stance, where you can have a lone gay teen with no one there for them.

All the same not being liable for prosecution for having a poly family is a big deal. Frankly it's a pretty terrible double standard where you can be criminally liable for keeping a poly family together in one place but you can't be liable if you're a guy that keeps a bunch of mistresses. That incongruity alone should get people off our backs.

Anyway, hope the thread is interesting to some.

I have always supported the idea of multiple marries, even though i don't know anyone who would marry more than one person. Though I'm glad that i saw your post and see that there are some who are poly.

Thanks man, it's appriciated.

Pretty awesome to see there are people like this who are so diverse! I had no idea that there was such a (relatively) large number of people from those religions who supported the idea of being Poly/are poly.

It's the same kind of thing I propsed to my Girlfriend (Althoughs she's completely against it). But good luck to you with it anyway, hopefully you will get that 'breathing room' you desire!

I was surprised myself as I talked to more and more different people. It's not that there is that many overall as part of the population, but that different groups are well represented.


I've never seen anything work without the woman being on board, and it's a HUGE thing among almost everyone (yeah there are nutters) that a first wife has to be totally on board before thinking of a second (and everyone on board if you're going 4+ too). I've heard of people where the guy suggested it and the girl was against it and he didn't push and she changed her mind in time (usually if something comes up, like a close freind of her is available for some reason and it really happens to fit). But if he's pushy it never works.

A few times I've heard of the girl initiating the talks and the guy saying no. In those cases he usually comes around if she's pushy, so it's different by gender.


In either genders case its the strong initial reaction comes from cultural biass, they're really strong. But she has a jealous streak (if anyone has a jealous streak in polyamoury's case, but I'm mostly talking about polygyny) don't go for it even if she agrees. I've talked to a handful of couples that had huge problems becasue of that.

Everyone has to have just the right temperament and mindset or things don't work, it's something to think about for a long time before going for (we took a few years talking about it ourselves, even though she was never against it).



Where I live the legal breathing room is less of an issue, in some States they are VERY vulnerable to arrest and prosecution, though in others they're much less so.

Thx for the reply.

In my Provence specifically there laws that protect us on technicalities (that have been upheld in court), so I feel ok about making my family poly here.

Poly relationships from what I've heard are interesting, concepts and practices for them have been around for a rather long time, but never met someone who was in one. Thank you for your perspective and it is interesting to read and hear of this sort of thing.

I support the idea and I'm not against it, is it my thing I have no idea. But my impression of it is that only a small number of people can actually make a poly relationship work. Seen enough people have a hard time just trying to make a relationship with 1 partner work, hard to imagine what it would be like with 2 and in some cases more partners work. But if they can make it work more power to them.

It's interesting to note that while the majority of human cultures allowed polygyny, (very few non-European cultures where monogamous) within polygamous cultures very few people within those cultures actually practices it under normal circumstances. In many cases it was merely something allowed, or something required as a social safety net under certain circumstances (a young widow taken in by a married man or infertile first wife would be the most common reasons for polygyny, and though polyandry is very, very rare the case of a widower was in some cultures a reason for a woman to marry two brothers)

Even if it was allowed and accepted it's reasonable to think that most people wouldn't' do it. You're analysis is pretty much dead on and I wholeheartedly agree with you.


Part of what makes the FLDS 'weird' is that it is one of the few ideologies that actually thinks EVERY family should be poly, because it's a virtue to them. I think that's why some of their groups can get so twisted (though many FLDS live a very modern lifestyle and are pretty cool, and some of the agrarian FLDS are pretty level headed too, and just like the working the land sweat on your brow lifestyle)

Still a little bit of an odd concept to me, but to each their own. If a person wishes to be in a multi-relationship then by all means, so long as everyone is happy.

I'm a selfish women who couldn't stand the thought of their man having relations with anyone else other then me, but this is just who I am and I am lucky to have found someone who feels the same. Poly will never be my cup of tea, but I give kudos to those who could make this work without too many problems (I mean all relationships will have them regardless, but you know one is right when those issues can be worked out and communication is there).

I wish you the best in your marriage and/or future marriages (^^)

Thanks.

I don't think it's selfish not to want to be poly, I very much respect that most people (including guys, though they tend to think they would) wouldn't like to do it.

Like you said, to each their own.

I don't think it's selfish either. I was just mentioning why I would suck at suck a poly relationship lol. I'm selfish in my own respect and the thought of my man with another woman would make me go yandere in a non cute way (he knows this and finds it funny/cute somehow lol [size=4]thank you oh loving boyfriend!! Your too kind to me (TTwTT)[/h]). From what I have seen you have to be very selfless and have an open mind. Respect and communication between all parties and a care for one another (not just the husband, but for the other wives as well). This applies to any relationship.

As I said, I think any relationship can work so long as you work at it and it is what you and your partner(s) desire.