[Locked] 'You're very sweet'

I normally lurk around this forum daily looking for stories that people post. It has provided my with entertainment and justification to not be in a relationship. Even though it isn't entirely by choice.

I came to an absolutely horrifying conclusion yesterday. I was at a friends apartment. This female roommate he has was telling a story of how this one male was trying to court her at a party in a somewhat "stalker-ish" sort of way. Her words, not mine. She also said that he was kind of "cute" and he was also "sweet". I told her: "In my experience, when a girl calls a guy 'sweet' it means that she has no interest in this person. She agreed.

I don't know if at the time i meant it as a joke but moments later it hit me like a brick in the nuts. That is my experience. Time and time again females have called me 'sweet'. Sometimes following it up with 'but' or a 'however'. Then i started thinking about all the girls who has ever called me that before. That is when i noticed that i had crushed my own soul. The list of girls included the one girl who i believe to be the most perfect specimen of a female human being that traverses this earth.

This "sweet" word that although has a 'positive' definition seems to have been turned into a perversion of sorts. Now it seems like it is being used as a way to "let a guy down easy" and i cannot believe i fell for it all these years. Not anymore, this is where it ends. From now on when the word "sweet" is thrown at me, i feel like they might as well fling some poo my way as well.

I could barely sleep last night because of this shit and it was like 4:30 in the morning. A girl in my class that was interested in also used that accursed word to describe me. In fact, the only person i can think of who i don't think ever called me "sweet" was my one and only girlfriend (now ex) who i had once upon a time. But now that i think back to all those individuals who described me as sweet, coupled with my fear and disdain for rejection has left me feeling crushed. It is dawning on me that i have been rejected significantly more then i thought. Even though all of those rejections are in the past, i'll be blunt, i'm taking it like a bitch.

How do i get out of this and should i continue with my current mindset to tell any girl who calls me 'sweet' from now on to go fuck themselves?

I think you've put waaaaaaaay too much thought into this. You've gotten yourself really riled up over the word "sweet".

Sure, you're going to find people who are just plum aren't interested and don't have the balls to tell you that they aren't flat-out, but you're always going to find someone who isn't interested. It's a fact of life that not everybody connects or finds you emotionally/physically attractive enough to pursue anything. Just take things as they come and don't go actively looking for a relationship otherwise you'll just keep telling yourself that you're being rejected in this endless cycle of clusterfucking yourself and thus make yourself feel worse. Eventually you'll find someone who'll be interested in you and worth your time.

All in all, suck it up and get over it. Life's too short to be worrying over a single word.

It seems you think that you are entitled to women. No one is obligated to like you. They have every right to reject you for whatever reason they deem fit. It's obvious you're one of those "nice guys" who are only nice so long as there is an immediate benefit - the potential to get in a girl's pants. How about you get your head out of your ass first and foremost rather then come looking for some sort of justification for your shitty attitude towards women?

Also, the fact that you describe the girl you like as a "perfect specimen of womanhood" shows that you're probably too immature to view any potential girlfriend as an equal to you - a REAL person with REAL flaws. Grow up.

I think you may be right. My therapist has told me many times that i think too much and she is right. Although i haven't been actively looking for a relationship. It's just that when i was, it seems that i was being rejected more then i thought. This does not does not bolster my confidence for when i go back to actively looking for someone. Oh well.

Congrats, you win. You've completely figured me out. I am kidding of course. Perhaps my choice of words made you go on this tizzy. Allow me to rephrase the first sentence you quoted: "How do i get out of this feeling and should i continue with my current mindset to disregard comments about me being 'sweet'?"

Look, i wish you were right. Then i can easily be the asshole that you assume i am. Unfortunately I was raised a certain way that i can't do anything about. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. I believe in that, so i wouldn't want to change it. But if what you say is true then perhaps this 'nice guy' thing is true because people see it and view the person as being 'fake'.

Allow me to rephrase the paraphrase: The best looking girl I've ever seen. As in appearance. I haven't had the pleasure to speak to her much. She was very real, i wish she was a product of my own imagination. I am mainly judging a book by it's cover in this case. From what i can see before my eyes, she is beautiful... Do you understand? If not, then i'm here.

So, basically - you're shallow as fuck, but hate the fact that other people (i.e. women) are shallow as well in deciding whether or not they want to date YOU?



Ironic?

Wow it's just a word. And like all words it has a meaning and typically connotations and sometimes implications. However, it's not like those connotations and implications are the end-all-be-all (or whatever that phrase is). Don't put so much weight on it.

It's just a fucking word, and a positive one at that too. So what if it means they're not interested in that way, at least being called that already puts you a step above most assholes.

My advice: get over it.

I definitely think and know that you are completely over thinking a simple word, I have used the word sweet on a few people before and it just means that they are sweet, it does NOT by any means mean that us women don't like you, however your lack of confidence and reliability on a word determining the fact of whether someone likes you or not is something that would turn women off from you.

It's a word, it does not meaning something so complex, it's not like we sit here and discuss a code word for putting guys down.. :/

You'll do fine, you've just given up too early in the process.

This + If they call you sweet, at least they're being nice about it, and not saying 'No you fucking dickweed, There's no way in hell I'd date you. Fuck off' They're being considerate of your feelings, which is good. This being if they actually mean it as a word of turning you down. In most cases, if somebody says that, it's only a word meaning no if they follow it up with 'but I'm sorry, you're not my type' or something along those lines.

I fail to see how that makes me shallow. Let me be even more clear. Her appearance is all i have access to. Like i said, i haven't had the pleasure to speak to her much and get to know her better and what kind of person she is. I really wish i could. I don't think calling someone's outward beauty the best I've ever seen makes me shallow. But there are all kinds of people out there with all kinds of experiences and interpretations.

You are over thinking it. Sweet is just a word, it is the meaning, tone, and intent on the use of the word is what you need to read. A lot of people use it as a nice way to say no, others use it as really positive compliment the key is figuring out which intent on the use of it they are using.

It's just a word, your over thinking it. I've been called "sweet" by girls who try to ask me out.

Let me see if I can phrase it better for both you and him: He's kind of discouraged about the fact that he was silently put off, and that up until recently he thought was praise.

On the one hand, I agree with the other guys in that you shouldn't put too much of a factor into the word 'sweet' alone. Look at body gesture, eye contact, as well as tone of voice. If all of those things are in a positive, affirmative manner then surely there's mutual interest.

On the other hand, there are plenty of girls who put guys off "softly", part of it is ironically, as Dia calls you 'shallow' it's actually these women who are shallow: They'd much rather be turned away softly(at worst) and would much rather be accepted by the man that tickles their ectasy.

In 21st century egotism, the female actually believes men have the same psyche of wanting to be turned down softly.(This soft rejection, which also has the convenience of stashing a guy in a friend zone) is also a secret weapon of sorts for females.

The truth, couldn't be farther. Most men, would actually like to hear it straight from the horses mouth. Not a friend, not a colleague. And some half assed "Oh you're a nice guy" is actually a stinging insult.

If I'm such a "nice guy", then why reject me in the first place? No, I'd rather hear you say "I'm not interested." I can then actually move on.

Love, in all of its wholeness is pain. Trying to soften that pain, in reality actually deepens it. From innocent words, to even a rebound relationship in which "opps, I got pregnant by a guy I didn't actually want to be with."

Just be truthful, candid and frank.

There is no such thing as the fucking friendzone. When will you guys shut up about that? The reason the friend zone gives me such a bad taste in my mouth is women are under no obligation to return romantic feelings for a man and the existence of a “friend zone” suggests otherwise. A man claiming to be “friend zoned” by a girl suggests that the only reason he was nice to her in the first place was for the potential of sex — and once she makes it clear that she isn’t interested in having sex with him, he gets the second place trophy of her dumb friendship.



Also, who the fuck gives you the right to SCREAM at someone for rejecting you - regardless of whether it is polite or not? Seriously, grow up. That is my problem with this OP.

But that's implying they are after sex, and not a relationship... Which, I'll be honest, most of the ones who get 'friend zoned' seem to be the desperate ones begging for sex... The others though, eh.
Not saying there is such a thing as friend zone, just being meh about it.

If only it were that simple, Dia. In all honesty, we know it to be quite more complicated: A woman can put a guy in the "friend zone", cue a few weeks or months later the girl calls up the guy and says "I miss you" and so the female pulls the guy's strings.

Your right in that a girl has no obligations to return a guy's feelings, but a friend zone doesn't "imply" that at all. There's a simple reality: Either a male and female are in a relationship, or they are not. It's black and white, there is no gray.

The "friend zone" in a way, exists as a gray area. For females and females alone.
If females do not "exist for sex"(and I agree that they don't) then equally is it true that men don't exist purely to wine and dine for his "female friend"?

Yet, that is what a vast majority of females in today's society would like to believe. The "guy friend" if not financial support, is mental and moral support.

So tell me Dia, what is so great about this "friendship"? A male is egocentric, this is true and always will remain true. So what does 'ego' mean? It means the very core essence of a person. To an extent, the human race is egocentric. The male just happens to be moreso than the female.

You may think a friendship that's totally benefic to you is benevolent. To the male who focuses primarily on himself(and all males do, in varying degrees) this is an insult.

The concept of "Friends with benefits" is sickening. Perhaps to a few males, if the benefit is sexual they might put up with it. I won't deny this, but I'll charge just the same that females want those same benefits and in fact get them.

Without the drawbacks.

I swear to God, if you two keep this up, I'm gonna report this thread to be locked. I think we've all done our best to give our advice to the OP in whatever way we saw fit. This isn't a discussion spot.



And you. Ho-ly shit, do you never stop? The OP asked a simple question, and wanted a simple answer. We all did that; why can't you? You always seem to target Dia of all people, too. It's not wonder the girls of the forums hate you and the guys all laugh.

Please, for everyone's sake:

Quite to the contrary, my egotistic friend this *IS* a discussion spot. Regarding "Love, romance and relationships". And we engaged in the topic at hand, expanding on its various elements.

If we cannot discuss the matter of which the topic is involved, why is there even a forum in the first place? How is it possible that I "targeted" Dia? I disagreed with her rather obnoxious approach towards the OP, the 21st century ideology that women can do no wrong in the dating world, and for a guy to be rejected in a manner that humiliates him is not to the fault of the passive aggressive female.

If you want a TLDR version, here it is: If Women expect men to be candid, honest and frank, men expect(and need) that honesty all the more so. Being passively put off is NOT merciful, in fact it's quite cruel and misleading.

No different from how we expect advertisements to properly advertise and if not the fraud is prosecuted.

P.S: "Report" the thread to be locked if you want, though if you report this thread to be locked that means every other consequential thread which has a discussion in it will also have to be locked(for consistency purposes).

OP: You're thinking about it to much. Like everyone else(well, mostly) I will tell you that it's just a word. I've been described as sweet many times. Heck, I think my main-angle with women is "being sweet".

Take it chill, if you find that girl attractive then try to strike up conversation. If that seems scary to you try to find some common ground where conversation will come naturally.

---

Sorry Art, I just can't resist.




You have never been part of an adult relationship, have you?