Zeros Hentai Scripts

Hello word, I thought I might upload some of my works to get some critic about it.
I named the topic hentai scripts, because I am currently working on a Hentai shortie, but I might as well upload single illustrations.

The current project is going to be very short; I am restraining myself, because I tend to make things too long and loose interest before it's finished...
The story is quite unoriginal and stupid, but I don't mind, because I see this as a drawing practice:
Some highschool girlie (supposed to be kawaii) has terrible problems with hick-ups. A classmate jokes around and tells her, that drinking his sperm will cure her. Instead of stabbing him to death, she actually starts giving him a blowjob. Of course this didn't help, so they end up having sex. The next day (saturday) she calls him and asks for his help again...Lovey-dovey end.

I can upload sketches of the first pages right now and some more tomorrow:


I would appreciate all sorts of critics!

EDIT: The pages are read from right to left, but due to imagebams sorting-system you ´click the left pic first.

is it read from left to right or right to left. this is something you should point out so it wont cause any confusion.
the layout on page 2 is kind of random

Nice! Wish I could make such well-made storyboards for hentai. ;-;

First: I've just editet my post, thanks for the hint.
Second: What exactly do you mean by random? Can't you see the reading- direction? Does the layout not appeal to you?

You think it's well-made? Thank you :3

I'm not dedicated enough to create my own. I lose interest after a page or two ^^

Keep it up!

I kinda lost the pace of them dialogue too, but I'm sure thats just me.
I like it though.

I think a good manga is built so everyone can follow the dialogues naturally, without having to think of it. Therefore I think it's not just you. I think I have to rebuild it, but I'm trying to finish the script first.

BTW, if you finish this one-shot.
You should ask a mod to upload it to the galleries!
user-created works are always welcome!

Moar stuff now:

Page 3 left, page 4 right, read the page itself from right to left.
This took me some time, because I redid the faces several times. It's quite amusing to see her face vary so much, because I cannot keep it constant... Actually I am trying to do her very shoujo-like, but I cannot keep the proportions, especially in smaller illus.
Anyways, enjoy, and please crit me!

Could you name some? I am interested in seeing what others did :)

This is what happens when I get distracted while sketching =,=

why did the reading style change from left-to-right on pages 1,2 to right-to-left on page 3,4

Brainfart, perhaps? Everything is read from right to left, I dunno why I couldn't write this in the first post.

So far, I only know one. This.

Now it's even three pics, omg! Here are page 5, 6 and 7. Seven is a bit too rough right now, but well. The flow is like always too slow, I must find a way to make this more exciting!
Critics like always appreciated :> This is the sketch phase, so I'd really like some comments on perspective and anatomy, pwease.