Bullying

You are so welcome! :D



That's if the child isn't scared to do so at the first place, since it will attract unwanted attention and it might make it worse

There is no simple answer to this, because this might scare the bully away or might not.

I work with grown up people their problems by dealing with the original causes from their childhoods and youth. I had several clients with aggression problems as grown ups, because they never learned to deal with their problems in a non violent way.

I had clients who were over 30 years old and got into violent fights on regular base, because they learned as kids that violence is THE solution to their problems. I had clients who used to be bullied and clients who were bullies. The bullies were mostly scared little kids, who had either tough fathers or mothers, who were teaching them that this is a tough world and that you better be mean to others before they have the chance to be mean to you. Some of those bullies were abused and/or terrorized by their parents or even other bullies.

It is not so rare that victims become aggressors and do the same terrible things they experienced to others.

Every one of us is the direct result of circumstances we were born in. Bullies weren't born that way, someone or something made them into this. That doesn't excuse their behavior - but let's not forget then childhood bullies are kids themselves and just don't know better, as any other kid in their age.

But what I want to say is that violence and preaching violence is not the solution. Teaching your kid to use fake weapons may turn your kid into a teen who uses real weapons (i.e. knifes) to deal with every conflict. Teaching your kid to beat the crap out of the kid, who keeps calling him fatty or nerd or geek or freak or whatever, may turn your kid into a bully, who beats the crap out of everybody who says something the kid doesn't like.

I don't want to raise future delinquents. Do you?

Such looooong explanation...
I think he is just kidding.

I got bullied for two years, was already going through depression at that point and contemplated suicide quite a few times. My parents worked long hours, 12+ each so i grew up from about 7-15 with very little contact with them other than the occasional hello, i'm hungry or i'm going to the toilet. Bullying is a tough issue because no kid wants to be "that" guy, the outcast. It's often hard for a child to tell anyone let alone their parents they're being bullied, more so for me because i knew my parents as well as i knew calculus formulas and they the same.

I don't want to tell my entire life story, but from my experiences and how i ultimately ended up conquering bullying and my depression was, as cliche as it sounds - friends. Actual friends and an ideology to ignore bullies. I think as a parent the worst thing a parent can do is tell the school or try to impose on their child's school life. The best thing a parent can do is try to be aware of the situation, be there for support but not try to force the issue, and teach the child the correct way and positive way of thinking about things like that through example and care. I think my parents made the right decision to have the trust in me that i would develop my own resolve and i'm thankful for that.

I would honestly tell my child to stop being such a pussy & fight back. At some level there may be a deep reasoning behind a bully's bullying, but in the end I cant be sympathetic towards someone who decided to fuck with the wrong child. I would quite clearly lay out how I approve of tearing such a person apart. If it appears that no physical solution would help no matter how many dirty tactics or weapons are used, then I would sit my child down & come up with a simple, yet effective enough to carve thoroughly into the brain of the bully to NEVER ever fuck with my child, or possibly any other ever again. After all, they are children anyways so coming up with a detailed enough plan to disarm one isnt at all difficult, just more time consuming. I would even help create excuses &/or escape plans should things go slightly awry. Cant say its pretty, but in the end Id be far more interested in my childs comforts & progression, rather than dealing with some bullshit situation where I have to care about the children that arent even mine, & even worse are fucking with mine. But thats just the type of parent I figure I would be.

Worked for me as well. The only difference with me is the bully in question and 3 of his friends ended up in hospital with broken bones.
(If your wondering, the first bully attacked me, I broke his arm in 2 places. His friends stepped in to help him beat me up, 1 broken leg and 2 broken arms, and a fucked elbow. No one ever messed with me after that.)

Back when I was a kid I should have used violence earlier to stop kids fucking with me.
Though if you're of jailable age then something other than violence would be better since assault doesn't exactly look good on your resume.

Yeah, and I think people are mature enough not to use violence, but verbal assault my sound like a pussy.
So, it's kind of hard to decide what method to use to get the bully out of your fucking life.

Get the community to help stop their parents abusing them (as said earlier, in most cases, bullies come from houses where they are abused themselves) perhaps?

A form of rehabilitation, I suppose... trying to find a way to teach these kids that they don't need to do the things they do in order to get attention or feel empowered. Something of the sort would definitely be a good step in the right direction.

The biggest obstacle is whether or not the whole community would actually want to invest their time and money into a program like that. Some people might just opt for the easy choice and punish the kid.

As we can see clearly by the posts in this topic, most people would prefer punishment and violence as a solution. Teaching children that violence is THE solution for everything is a big mistake in my opinion.

Children who show that form of aggressive behavior need therapy, not punishment. They need to understand that what they are doing is not the way to go and that are other solutions and possibilities to deal with their hurt/anger/fear/fill-in-the-blank.

I used to psycho analyze my bullies. They would get really pissed off when I started to point out their insecurities which they were trying to mask by picking on me. Its usually better to do it in a public place where you can embarrass them.
But either way, bullying is part of growing up. Not everyone is going to be nice to you in the real world. I'd let my kid figure it out him/her-self. If it got really bad I'd call a parent and get things straightened out.

Even more so than the professionals I think I would know the best ways to deal with bullies because I know the bullies point of view.

In my experience, In my 11th class there was this boy who was super annoying to everyone in the class(he was white), and there another boy who didnt do anything to anyone, but its was funny the way he acted.(he was black). Now the white boy was wimpy and majority of the class would pick on him all the time(including myself) and no matter how many times he went to the teachers or other school officials the situation wasnt remedied. The same didnt go for the black boy he was tall and weighed a good 230 pounds so he could have easily beaten up any1 of his bullies (including myself whos only 5'9 weighing 157 pounds). But no matter how much he retaliated we just took his hits and laughed it off, because despite his size he didnt hit hard at all. The black boy always got results when telling school officials and we would get detentions but his bullying never stopped. On the other hand the white boy would tell his father which bore no results until the dean at school had realized that he was a writer for sports illustrated magazines. Now continuing, telling the parent didnt remedy the situation because the bullying continued until the boy transferred.


So I think the way to overcome a bully is to hurt them mentally. What we saw as harmless fun was ruining the school life of another, and if you pay attention the bullying actions are fueled by the reactions to spectators. So the way to overcome the bully is to embarrass them in front of the spectators.

I think beating the bully up wont work because the bully wont learn his lesson and will strike back when you are most vulnerable. Telling parents wont work well at all time because the bullyin can get his revenge before he is punished. But if you mentally attack the bully they will no longer be able to continue.

For those who want to know ways to embarrass the bully, you just have to observe there are only a handful of people who have hard to find faults(if one of them is you bully, your shit out of luck), you could insult them in wittty ways to gain the laughter of their audience.

Hey if your kid isn't strong enough or doesn't like fighting, verbal assults on a bully that's alone with no friends around is like a kick to the balls.

Honestly, I don't see bullying happening in my school. I suppose it's because many people in my school come from well-known families.

Though, honestly bullying is just stupid. If I saw a person at school bullying another, I would really come up to that person and have a "talk". I mean, I can be intimidating at times. I don't think violence is a good solution. In my school, if a person was caught bullying someone, they would have an incident report. This goes on your permanent record and you will forever be remembered as... you know. They keep a close eye on you, and could probably put you on probation. Bad behavior can get you kicked out of my school.