Fitting in vs. Individuality

Which is more important to you?

This is something i feel very strongly about. i believe to many people sacrafice or conceal their uniqueness for fear of not fitting in with a certain group.

This concept first occured to me in jr. high when the group i had been with through most of elementry school started paying alot of attention to trends. it wasn't long before looking cool and fitting in became more important than being a friend.

Another thing that really bothered me was when those daytime talk shows would take a person from a subculture(goth, punk, etc.) or with a non-mainstream style and give them a make over. suposedly to make them 'normal'.

Edit:
this was meant to be a poll, but it came out like this when i hit the submit button.

Since there's no specific question you're asking here, I'll just say my piece.

Setting aside employment (conform or gtfo), the importance of fitting in depends on how much you care. If you just don't give a fuck what others think of you and your personal style, be as individual as you want. How much you care is determined by the context, but overall, that's how it seems to work.

good point, i have been denied employment for being a male with long hair before.

Work is different, I consider what I wear here more as a uniform - even if we are free to wear what we want, I mean I think its just common sense like you wouldnt wear a clown costume if you are a teller in a bank.

As for the rest in general, I dont really care about fitting in or even being unique. I just care about what I want as long as its my own time - not paid time; if I feel like going to the mall in a naruto costume I will, if I want to go to a burger joint wearing a business suit I will.

PS, you can have long hair and still look decent.

ADD:
There are people who are crazy on the individuality side and undergo extreme makeovers just to be unique - just for the sake of it. But how unique can you really be anymore in this world... youd have to be like the leopard man to be really unique.

On the inside I am highly individualistic, and I very much enjoy the company of individualistic people, so long as they don't confuse "individualism" with "being a fucking idiot". But, it takes tedious amounts of time and effort for people to build the trust necessary for me to show this individualism; on the outside, I am always hyper-conformist. I am as faceless, boring and devoid of any opinion or characteristic as possible. If you look up self-effacing in a dictionary, you'll find my picture.

As said before, it really depends on how much you care. I have found out that I do care, I just can't help but be me... something that does not always go over well with some people, and so I generally do not fit in very well.

Gibbs, I guess youve given some hints on this individualism already from what you just said.

Anyway, I always fit in with punks and delinquent men when I was young. Now, I mostly fit in with em ... groups of women

Individuality kind of pisses me off with what people consider individualism.

I know too many people who 'rebel' against conforming to normal society by hanging out by the entrance of HotTopic. Yes, that makes you soo different, by joining a different subgroup culture and wearing whatever those people are wearing, and listening to whatever music they're listening to. Weird hair colors just to show that you think differently and you're against the normal masses. Lets not forget all those piercings too that everybody's getting.

And don't take that offensively, if you happen to be one of those people who hang outside of HotTopic - but seriously, what's the difference between a person doing that, and people standing outside Abercrombie & Fitch figuring out what to wear to a party tonight?

And I don't think clothes are what make you an individual, but I hate it when people run for something bizarre just to say they are individuals and don't want to conform to the normal masses.

You're an individual by the way you think and the way you want to live your lifestyle.

I don't think there's an issue with fitting in and having individualism. In order to succeed anywhere in life you'd have to fit in some way. But having your own view points, and your own critical thinking style of making decisions on your own is what makes you an individual.

Individual - a person separate from other persons and possessing his or her own needs, goals, and desires.
Let us not mess it with common sense.

Basically, knowledge is what makes us individual. Everyone has their own grasp of it. When we are born we don't possess any of it and our needs, goals, desires are alike. But parents and culture deliberately impose us with their notions of needs, goals, desires. Thus individuality is born. By gaining more knowledge we differ our understanding, hence, changing our individuality. Fitting and not fitting doesn't change the fact that our individuality forms every now and then.

I use common sense to connect with people i know because every time i tried to open my knowledge to them they reacted without understanding.

I can very simply say that I like this. I don't know if I would say it about myself, but I like it. Because I would agree with Ziggy; a lot of folks are engaged in what we call, 'trying to hard.' Everyone wants to be an individual these days, which puts them all into a few different subcultures, same as it's always been. Sure, you're different, but all your friends are in exactly the same way.

And it's not BAD to conform, by any means. It's almost always a good thing, superficially speaking, to be pretty much like everyone else. It smooths the operation of common society.
But within your monkeysphere, you are the individual you. To your friends and family and the like, you are a distinct individual.

I am

Individuality to me is all about your mind. I used to be one of those kids who hung out at hot topic while in high school. I wore the baggy bondage pants and everything. Then I realized yes, I am different from the average person but, I'm not an individual, I'm an elitist fucktard member of a subculture. So once I realized this I stopped caring about the clothing and music. Sure the elitist pricks would claim I sold out or whatever nonsense their minds could come up with to rationalize the change.

I wear jeans and t-shirts like everybody else. What separates me from everybody else who wears jeans and t-shirts is that I can think for myself. Only an individual can make that claim. Everybody else who can't support that claim are simply lemmings.

Once upon a time I thought I was a badass, or at least a rebel, but there is a certain comfort that comes with fitting in.

Fitting in is only helpful up to the point where it helps people understand you, want to help you, and makes you want to help them out in meaningful group endeavors (like having a society of any sort). Otherwise it's pretty much a waste of effort. The world and you yourself get nothing out of a bunch of people who all do the exact same things.

Though I suppose you could flip it all the way around and say a hive mind would be pretty useful too. But except for that particular extreme I'd say individuality would be better.

Im adaptable. I change judging by the friend Im hanging out with at the moment. I dont change my views or beliefs, but I dress and act differently depending on who im with.

But I always keep a certain sense of individuality, and I think people are drawn to an individual. For instance, Ive never had trouble making friends or meeting women, it just comes naturally...

With my close friends, i am who i am.
With everyone else, i am who they want me to be.

My life is sad...

I agree with RBZ about the employment thing. A small law firm wanted me to take out my nose ring, the three piercings in my right ear, and thought my hair color was "risky" (it was really a bad hair dye, gotta admit). I was all self-righteous and everything, so I walked out on a good work opportunity and suffered two months of unemployment. I took out the nose ring, got a job at the next interview I scored.

Other than this, it is liberating to be yourself. It was harder to do this in high school. I was well-liked, but I had an emotional undergrowth: unsaid opinions, desires, a completely different outlook, secret activities no one knew about. This changed when I got to college. Suddenly honesty and being yourself was cool. I could hit on girls, like hentai, wear pajamas to school, tell someone I didn't like what they said, drink, party, be in Love, and be happy without having to worry what anyone else thought. I think the only thing you have to really be careful about is going overboard with this whole "being yourself" thing. At some point, focusing too much on being yourself only becomes another avatar or meta-representation of what you really are.

I also think it is very, very difficult to completely be yourself around most people. The only person that sees my cagey, cold, despondent, and unhappy side these days is my boyfriend. Not even my mother or brothers who I act completely nonchalant around. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about six or seven years, so it's a cake walk. He also likes when I get angry, argumentative, or cut in with harsh criticism. I don't know why.



I find this depressing, Jichan. Aren't there any people you know in real life at all you can open your knowledge up to?

Individuality is fine, acting special just because you want attention or being a bother to the people around you is not fine.

Evryone seemed to get the gist of what i was saying. i'm really bad expressing myself in writing. i tend to over simplify.



my reply:

Depends on what the people want you to fit in. In general I prefer individuality because the mainstream is often a dangerous thing. Actually we don't see many these problems of it because there are enough invidualist which prevent the worst.
If everybody would go with the flow nobody would fight "bad" things like war, racismn, atomic-power etc.
All the might would be in the hands of the people who are stupid enough to sacrifice so much to get into an high-position. And nobody would stop these to abuse their meight.

As thus invidualists are kinda neccessary for an working society.