stuff you learned from video games

In the case of a zombie outbreak, wear a black hoodie just in case I'm bitten, don't want to become bullet fodder when I come back.

It really did.

I learned from shooters that shooting someone in the pinky toe a couple times will kill them.

I learned from Mario Cart that it's a terrible idea to take the lead in a race until the last half lap.

I learned from Assassin's Creed that you will never die falling a couple stories from a building as long as you land in a pile of hay.

I learned to never worry about my health, since at any point I can just arbitrarily stop time to use some medical supplies.

I learned from Contra, if at first you don't succeed, cheat.

I learned from portal that I should never trust a disembodied voice's promises to reward me with delicious rhubarb baked goods.

I learned from RPGs that killing people makes me stronger.

But I sometimes worry that I don't learn enough, especially when I watch stuff like this:

1) I learnt to shout to my partners in the skype (xD)
2) To dance! DDR powah! xD
3) I learnt to fight in several fighting games (tekken, soul calibur...)
4) I learnt to solve puzzles! (P. Layton, Zelda...)
5) I learnt to skateboard, to snowboard...


AND THE MOST IMPORTANT: I learnt how to waste my time when I have exams xDD

-I learn how to speak english.
-I learn how to drive a car.
-I learn how to assasinate.
-I learn how to shoot a gun properly.

Most important thing that i learned from VG is probably English language. All other things are unimportant

-never walk into talk grass.
-there is always better shit to buy in the next town.
-in the case that there isn't better shit in the shops, venture into a cave for an hour.
-If you're talking to a woman, its likely a man in disguise.
-wimpy/whiny people usually make the better white mage.
-if its sparkling in an otherwise bland area, its important.
-always hit weak points for massive damage.
-avoid any and all giant enemy crabs.
-kill sewer rats for easy exp.
-play songs on a shitty flute for quick traveling.
-if its red and a barrel, it will blow up.
-get three of the same power and you're unstoppable... until you get shot.
- if it has a red outline or their name is written in red, theyikely want to rip your dick off.
-there is ALWAYS something worse after the end boss.
-never accept a quest from an old person.
-someone you know from your child from your childhood is likely going to be a douchey, butt hole mid-boss.

Defibrillating someone after they've been shot in the head with a M95 Sniper Rifle will revive them and heal all wounds.

You can survive drowning in lava as long as you keep eating grilled pork.

It's dangerous to go alone. Take what the man gives you.

If you train enough you can do 999,999 damage to any enemy.

It doesn't matter what kind of hideous crime I've committed and how many wanted level I have, I'll just need to go inside my safehouse (which can't be breached by police, FBI or even an army with TANK) and save my progress, chill for few hours then....all was easily forgiven.

I learn that girls have a visible Love meter.. sometimes

-Microing 5 groups of zergs will definitely increase your skill in foreplay.

-Someone posing as a 18 year old chick is really a 10 year old fag.

-If you die in any way, you'll respawn at the end of the round.

-You can catch anything with a ball that has an M on it.

-You run faster with a knife.

Useful things I've learned from Video Games, that will apply to actual life:
-Zombies drop ammo
-A mysterious potted green herb can heal anything
-Shoot outside the screen to reload
-Not everyone bleeds, some people shoot out sparks of light
-Devils cry when they lose a family member
-Don't attack a guy who's glowing

I learned how to think with portals.

you can heal mortal wounds by eating.

I almost walked into tall grass without a pokemon. I could have been killed!

Hookers are ATMs and baseball bats are their corresponding debit cards.

Every good DJ has a towel.

Life is just the Tutorial level, the real shit doesn't start until after you die.

People place coins inside brick cubes and leave them outside for others to violate

You can control armies with a single drum

Shooting the core usually solves most bullet-ridden problems

Old people have access to weapons no matter how senile they appear to be.

If you don't know anything, it is usually cleared up after the second or third time doing it.

Dying? No problem, buy green liquid from shady establishments

the guy at top is most likely evil = COD MW2

that you don't die from being killed = all games

lightning is the best jedi power = starwars knights of the old republic 1 and 2

shoot zombies in the head

the most important and least important person in the world is the "worker" = civ games

cheating is the way to go = all games

save often = all games/ out of habit

even if your 100% invisible shop keepers will always stare at you = oblivion

people stare at you and don't blink when talking to you = fallout3, oblivion

Ive learned that if you parachute from any distance you can wait untill your 2 meters from the ground before opening your chute.

Its absolutely guaranteed that you wont die and your knees will be perfectly OK... Also its quicker!! :D