A Young Man's Summer (Version 2.0)
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Xenon wrote...
Man, Charlotte is a succubus, for certain. Her scene was quite arousing.The beach scene was a lot of fun, it was good to see the interactions between James' friends and the servants. They might need an attitude adjustment when it comes to status and treatment of the common class, minus Vincent, but they seem alright.
It was nice to see a scene with Elizabeth, so innocent, yet raunchy at the same time. Quite nice. I am a bit fearful of what will end up happening between her and her sister, but we shall see soon, won't we?
There were a couple typos, but I was feeling too tired to record them down at the time. Just so you're aware of their presence, though. Sorry to not be more helpful.
I kinda wrote her as such now that I look back at it. She's definitely the kind of woman that I would love to know in real life either as a friend or lover. And it's okay if you didn't list them, I can always reread it and pick them out. I just need to find a moment alone to read them aloud without anyone else hearing. The best way to spot typos is to read your story aloud, after all. Hopefully, nobody will walk in when I read one of the raunchy scenes, haha.
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Boy, it's been a while since I was last on here! I see you've written a new story, Xen. I promised to you that I'll read it when I get a chance. I don't even know if anybody still wants to read this, but here's a new chapter. College, my job, and transfers have been keeping me so busy. Well, whether you guys read this or not, I will keep updating all my stories including my CYOA. After all, I don't know any other way to relieve my stress than by writing. I would like to add that the next chapter should be proofread and posted tomorrow.
Chapter 13: Eleanor’s Advance
Chapter 13: Eleanor’s Advance
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
crazr wrote...
Boy, it's been a while since I was last on here! I see you've written a new story, Xen. I promised to you that I'll read it when I get a chance. I don't even know if anybody still wants to read this, but here's a new chapter. College, my job, and transfers have been keeping me so busy. Well, whether you guys read this or not, I will keep updating all my stories including my CYOA. After all, I don't know any other way to relieve my stress than by writing. I would like to add that the next chapter should be proofread and posted tomorrow. I'm happy to hear from you, and happy to see this story updated. It's a great series and one I think deserves continuation. I'm also glad to hear that you're using writing as your medium of stress relief. I often choose to use it in that method as well. When you know of little else to do, sometimes the best choice you can make is to just write.
Also, thank you for your offer to read my story, I'll look forward to your comments and thoughts on it.
In regards to the story, it's nice to see the progression. It was nice to see the interaction between the characters this time around. Cecelia and Reimi seem such polar opposites in regards to temperament, it's highly amusing. I must say, this is quite a shocking development for Eleanor, always so prim and proper. She knew what happened, she must be heartbroke. Let's hope all develops well in the ensuing chapter to come.
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As promised here's chapter 14! If any of you have been wondering as to why neither chapters 13 or 14 are on the original post, it's because my internet won't let me edit them in! Every time I try, I get the Fakku! maintenance page saying that I have a bad gateway and that I'm trying to add too much information. I guess a post can only have so much on it before it finally starts to lag, right? Hahaha!
Without further ado, here's the new chapter! Xen once said that Charlotte's a succubus, this chapter might make him change his mind!
Chapter 14: Resolution Under the Fireworks
Without further ado, here's the new chapter! Xen once said that Charlotte's a succubus, this chapter might make him change his mind!
Chapter 14: Resolution Under the Fireworks
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Saucy.
Reimi truly is a tsundere through and through. I appreciate being able to see the sweet side of her much more, but that speaks volumes for her character. She has a great amount of depth and that's something I appreciate from all characters in your story. You could use the setting as a major excuse to just write empty one-shot lemons with character archetypes, but you give them a lot of psychological depth and back-story, and that's the reason I enjoy it so much.
Eleanor always seemed so cut and dry for respecting the rules, but this chapter emphasizes just how fickle and young she really is. She got NTR'd by her sister basically, so it's no surprise she is overcome with emotion and her mentality is depressive and torn. I hope we will be fortunate enough to see her consoled quickly by the young master.
Very well done this chapter, crazr. Very well done.
Reimi truly is a tsundere through and through. I appreciate being able to see the sweet side of her much more, but that speaks volumes for her character. She has a great amount of depth and that's something I appreciate from all characters in your story. You could use the setting as a major excuse to just write empty one-shot lemons with character archetypes, but you give them a lot of psychological depth and back-story, and that's the reason I enjoy it so much.
Eleanor always seemed so cut and dry for respecting the rules, but this chapter emphasizes just how fickle and young she really is. She got NTR'd by her sister basically, so it's no surprise she is overcome with emotion and her mentality is depressive and torn. I hope we will be fortunate enough to see her consoled quickly by the young master.
Very well done this chapter, crazr. Very well done.
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Xenon wrote...
Saucy.Reimi truly is a tsundere through and through. I appreciate being able to see the sweet side of her much more, but that speaks volumes for her character. She has a great amount of depth and that's something I appreciate from all characters in your story. You could use the setting as a major excuse to just write empty one-shot lemons with character archetypes, but you give them a lot of psychological depth and back-story, and that's the reason I enjoy it so much.
Eleanor always seemed so cut and dry for respecting the rules, but this chapter emphasizes just how fickle and young she really is. She got NTR'd by her sister basically, so it's no surprise she is overcome with emotion and her mentality is depressive and torn. I hope we will be fortunate enough to see her consoled quickly by the young master.
Very well done this chapter, crazr. Very well done.
Well, thank you! That's quite the compliment and I honestly don't think I deserve it. Hahaha. In all honesty, I just write what feels... well... right. Sure some pre-planning goes into it, but I make a good chunk of it up as I go. I've never thought of my self as anything stellar, so such praise is really foreign to me. Anyway, I got a few finals tomorrow so I won't be able to write more or review your new submission until then. Thanks once again.
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Woohoo, here's chapter 15! I cranked this out in two days as fast as I could before the familial problems came.Due to that, I've only proofread it once and it might have lots of spelling errors. Sorry if that's the case.
Also, still having issues with posting these recent chapters on the original post. Sorry about that too!
Without further ado, here's chapter 15!
Chapter 15: Resolution at the Beach House
Also, still having issues with posting these recent chapters on the original post. Sorry about that too!
Without further ado, here's chapter 15!
Chapter 15: Resolution at the Beach House
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Well, that was sweet, and indeed quite erotic for Eleanor. She seems to have a preference for a more rough style of play, even being inexperienced.
That aside, I'm very happy things seem to be cheering up for her. I hope the two sisters will make up soon and provide our hero with a much desired threesome. I'm sure your mind is running wild with ideas. Things are progressing very nicely so far.
In regards to the status of the chapter, there was indeed a larger presence of typos and errors. I'm sure you'll pick up on them with a proper read-through, but I counted more than a handful or two. Take your time when reading over it and fix what you can.
I hope it won't be too long before you can submit the next chapter, but I hope even more that the situation you've fallen into will resolve itself and you find your privileges returned.
Splendidly done once again, crazr.
That aside, I'm very happy things seem to be cheering up for her. I hope the two sisters will make up soon and provide our hero with a much desired threesome. I'm sure your mind is running wild with ideas. Things are progressing very nicely so far.
In regards to the status of the chapter, there was indeed a larger presence of typos and errors. I'm sure you'll pick up on them with a proper read-through, but I counted more than a handful or two. Take your time when reading over it and fix what you can.
I hope it won't be too long before you can submit the next chapter, but I hope even more that the situation you've fallen into will resolve itself and you find your privileges returned.
Splendidly done once again, crazr.
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Xenon wrote...
Well, that was sweet, and indeed quite erotic for Eleanor. She seems to have a preference for a more rough style of play, even being inexperienced.That aside, I'm very happy things seem to be cheering up for her. I hope the two sisters will make up soon and provide our hero with a much desired threesome. I'm sure your mind is running wild with ideas. Things are progressing very nicely so far.
In regards to the status of the chapter, there was indeed a larger presence of typos and errors. I'm sure you'll pick up on them with a proper read-through, but I counted more than a handful or two. Take your time when reading over it and fix what you can.
I hope it won't be too long before you can submit the next chapter, but I hope even more that the situation you've fallen into will resolve itself and you find your privileges returned.
Splendidly done once again, crazr.
Yeah I expected as much with how fast I got this cranked out. I still gotta edit chapter 12 too. I'll get it done when I get it done, haha. It's most likely going to be after my gf reads it. She's my unofficial editor. Thanks as always, Xen.
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
crazr wrote...
Yeah I expected as much with how fast I got this cranked out. I still gotta edit chapter 12 too. I'll get it done when I get it done, haha. It's most likely going to be after my gf reads it. She's my unofficial editor. Thanks as always, Xen.My pleasure. That must be pretty neat to have your gf act as your editor on the side. Has she been helpful to you through this ordeal? Don't feel pressured to say more than you want to, but I'll be sending warm wishes your way, for what they're worth.
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My pleasure. That must be pretty neat to have your gf act as your editor on the side. Has she been helpful to you through this ordeal? Don't feel pressured to say more than you want to, but I'll be sending warm wishes your way, for what they're worth.
She has, actually. She gives good advice as well as ideas and does a great job with finding typos. I posted chapter 12 and 14 before she read it which is why they have typos. 12's been edited, I've just yet to re-upload it. Now, if you meant has she been helpful in a naughty way, then yes, she has. I've known my gf for close to half a decade now, so it's easy to get her restless and raunchy while she's reading.
EDIT: Also, the wishes are nice. I'd also like to say that things are looking up. Seems that there's an argument in the house whether I should be punished so my privileges come and go depending on the situation. How odd...
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
crazr wrote...
She has, actually. She gives good advice as well as ideas and does a great job with finding typos. I posted chapter 12 and 14 before she read it which is why they have typos. 12's been edited, I've just yet to re-upload it. Now, if you meant has she been helpful in a naughty way, then yes, she has. I've known my gf for close to half a decade now, so it's easy to get her restless and raunchy while she's reading.EDIT: Also, the wishes are nice. I'd also like to say that things are looking up. Seems that there's an argument in the house whether I should be punished so my privileges come and go depending on the situation. How odd...
Well, it's great to know that she's helpful as an editor, and even as...inspiration? But, I was asking about through your ordeal, as in helping you with this familial issue.
Just keep thinking positive, and from personal experience, things go much better for you if you take the high road, assume responsibility, and bite your tongue, even if you think things are unfair.
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Well, it's great to know that she's helpful as an editor, and even as...inspiration? But, I was asking about through your ordeal, as in helping you with this familial issue.
Just keep thinking positive, and from personal experience, things go much better for you if you take the high road, assume responsibility, and bite your tongue, even if you think things are unfair.
Just keep thinking positive, and from personal experience, things go much better for you if you take the high road, assume responsibility, and bite your tongue, even if you think things are unfair.
Good news, I managed to sort it out so I'm back! Not that that's saying much since I'm usually busy, but hey. As for my ordeal, of course she has! I turn to her for advice even before I turn to my family. I was pretty unstable on the day my shit got taken and she kept me together. Oddly enough, she gave similar advice, Xen.
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
crazr wrote...
Good news, I managed to sort it out so I'm back! Not that that's saying much since I'm usually busy, but hey. As for my ordeal, of course she has! I turn to her for advice even before I turn to my family. I was pretty unstable on the day my shit got taken and she kept me together. Oddly enough, she gave similar advice, Xen.Haha, well that's good to hear! She seems like a sensible lady and, consequently, quite the catch.
Great that things got sorted. I'll be heavily awaiting your next chapter once you find the time to write it out.
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Hey, guys! Sorry, but I have no update for the story today, just an update on my life. To please my parents, I have actually gotten a better job. The problem with it is that it's a seasonal. So until I can guarantee that I can keep it, I'll be working two jobs! Such is the pressure of living with parents who built themselves from nothing. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I won't know whether I can keep this better job until January. Plus, I have to deal with school until December so I only get about 7 hours of the day to myself. If you thought updates were slow now, they'll get even slower! But come January, everything should be sorted out and everyone should be happy. Please be patient with me and I do apologize...
Thank you!
Thank you!
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
crazr wrote...
Hey, guys! Sorry, but I have no update for the story today, just an update on my life. To please my parents, I have actually gotten a better job. The problem with it is that it's a seasonal. So until I can guarantee that I can keep it, I'll be working two jobs! Such is the pressure of living with parents who built themselves from nothing. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I won't know whether I can keep this better job until January. Plus, I have to deal with school until December so I only get about 7 hours of the day to myself. If you thought updates were slow now, they'll get even slower! But come January, everything should be sorted out and everyone should be happy. Please be patient with me and I do apologize...Thank you!
I was just wondering how things were working on your end. I realized this story hadn't updated in a while.
Don't worry so much, it's good to hear from you and I hope things will mellow out for you soon and become more clear. Feel free to use the time in the day that you do have for yourself to do as you see fit to keep yourself sane.
That said, I'm sorry to hear you'll be busy until January, because we are intending to host the winter contest again this December. If you can manage it, it would be great to see a submission from you.
Give it some thought, and best of luck in these coming months.
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I was able to keep my promise! Here's the latest addition to this story. Honestly, I didn't think I was going to keep this January promise with how close I was cutting it. Anyway, I've settled in to a more comfortable and much less abusive job that pays better. Though updates won't be coming out by the week, readers can expect them to come out a little bit more often. (I hope, haha) Anyway, I've proofread this a few times, but I feel I might have still missed some errors.
Chapter 16: The Restless Ride Home
Chapter 16: The Restless Ride Home
Spoiler:
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As an extra update, I will be editing all the chapters for typos and other whatnots as well as attempting to place all chapters on the first post. The second might prove difficult however because my horrid connection to the internet in my current location is causing gateway errors that are preventing me from adding or sending too much information in one post. Sorry for the inconvenience!
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
I was just wondering how things were going with you, crazr. It sure has been some time. Happy to see this new chapter and that things are progressing well with your new job. I wish you continued success there, and good on you for keeping your promise.
This chapter was nice. I almost had to remind myself about the personalities of the characters, but that usually isn't an issue for my memory. I think the content was fulfilling and contained a good amount of appropriate description and genuine emotion. Well done, as always.
And also, as always, below are my spotted edits.
Were, since you've committed to past tense.
Now, I imagine you mean.
All should be James', of course. And chests would be more appropriate.
For, it should be.
Could, since past tense.
This chapter was nice. I almost had to remind myself about the personalities of the characters, but that usually isn't an issue for my memory. I think the content was fulfilling and contained a good amount of appropriate description and genuine emotion. Well done, as always.
And also, as always, below are my spotted edits.
crazr wrote...
He pulled her up with little effort, causing him to make a further realization of how petite they are.Were, since you've committed to past tense.
crazr wrote...
His cock was no completely engulfed in their lips as the twins seemed more interested in making out with each other.Now, I imagine you mean.
crazr wrote...
Their hug became snugger, tightening the lovely hold their chests had on the rest of James shaft. All these spectacular sensations racing through James body was more than he could handle . . . Instead, James seed coated their faces and chest . . . She greedily ate James cum before she assaulted Elizabeth, making out with her.All should be James', of course. And chests would be more appropriate.
crazr wrote...
He did the same fore Eleanor soon after.For, it should be.
crazr wrote...
His fingers were going into overtime, doing everything they can to keep both twins in pure bliss.Could, since past tense.
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Xenon wrote...
I was just wondering how things were going with you, crazr. It sure has been some time. Happy to see this new chapter and that things are progressing well with your new job. I wish you continued success there, and good on you for keeping your promise.This chapter was nice. I almost had to remind myself about the personalities of the characters, but that usually isn't an issue for my memory. I think the content was fulfilling and contained a good amount of appropriate description and genuine emotion. Well done, as always.
And also, as always, below are my spotted edits.
crazr wrote...
He pulled her up with little effort, causing him to make a further realization of how petite they are.Were, since you've committed to past tense.
crazr wrote...
His cock was no completely engulfed in their lips as the twins seemed more interested in making out with each other.Now, I imagine you mean.
crazr wrote...
Their hug became snugger, tightening the lovely hold their chests had on the rest of James shaft. All these spectacular sensations racing through James body was more than he could handle . . . Instead, James seed coated their faces and chest . . . She greedily ate James cum before she assaulted Elizabeth, making out with her.All should be James', of course. And chests would be more appropriate.
crazr wrote...
He did the same fore Eleanor soon after.For, it should be.
crazr wrote...
His fingers were going into overtime, doing everything they can to keep both twins in pure bliss.Could, since past tense.
Oh, why thank you very much. Sorry for the long absence, by the way. It's been so long, the site almost feels foreign. Haha.