A Young Man's Summer (Version 2.0)
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Hey, guys! I'll have a new chapter up either by today or tomorrow. Much quicker update than last time huh? Haha.
I realized that with how preoccupied I am, I haven't been good at keeping my promises. I have yet to edit everything even though Xen's gone as far as to point out the problems. I've also only been appearing on the sight only during updates to my stories. I feel the need to apologize for my inconsistencies. I would also like to thank all the kind people who are so patient!
I realized that with how preoccupied I am, I haven't been good at keeping my promises. I have yet to edit everything even though Xen's gone as far as to point out the problems. I've also only been appearing on the sight only during updates to my stories. I feel the need to apologize for my inconsistencies. I would also like to thank all the kind people who are so patient!
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As promised, here's the new chapter. I hope you guys enjoy. Some familiar faces make a comeback, haha.
Chapter 17: Timid Beauty
Chapter 17: Timid Beauty
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Always happy to see another chapter. However much time you need to prepare them is just fine. They're a warm sight to see and you owe no apologies.
This chapter went by quite nice. A little saucy at the beginning and some interesting plot developments later. You always do a great job at ending the chapters on cliffhangers.
Additionally, this wouldn't be a complete response post unless it contained fixes, so here are the ones I noticed:
Completely.
You've or You have.
Off.
You.
Her.
His, I imagine?
Forgotten quotation mark before "What."
Forgotten quotation mark before "B-besides..."
This chapter went by quite nice. A little saucy at the beginning and some interesting plot developments later. You always do a great job at ending the chapters on cliffhangers.
Additionally, this wouldn't be a complete response post unless it contained fixes, so here are the ones I noticed:
crazr wrote...
He quickly fell on his back as Charlotte fell on her stomach, both of them lying on his bed, complete exhausted.Completely.
crazr wrote...
“You got to loosen up or you’re going to stress yourself out. Let me help you.”You've or You have.
crazr wrote...
He pushed himself of the washer and took hold of Cecelia’s shoulders.Off.
crazr wrote...
“See? There. I won’t approach your or do anything to you without asking if you’re comfortable with it from this moment on. I promise.”You.
crazr wrote...
“Oh yeah? What’d you learn?” Reimi asked without removing here attention on the outfit.Her.
crazr wrote...
“The way she’s always by her side. They way they’re so friendly with each other,” said Reimi.His, I imagine?
crazr wrote...
“You being in the tailor room counts as being busy?” James asked with a smirk. What does sewing a dress have anything to do with you being busy?”Forgotten quotation mark before "What."
crazr wrote...
Reimi reddened furiously and almost pricked herself with the needle. “No! The thought offends me!” she stammered. B-besides… just… just because you find my company pleasant doesn’t mean I find yours pleasant. G-go ask Charlotte or someone. I’m sure she’d be more than happy to do it.”Forgotten quotation mark before "B-besides..."
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Thank's, Xen, I just touched it up and noticed a few errors myself as I did so. I'm sure there are more that you and I missed, but that'll be for another day. It will most likely be when my gf reads it.
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Yeah! I cranked this one out today because I was in a particularly writing mood! I've only spell checked it once, but I really wanted to share, so sorry for the inevitable wave of grammatical errors. Nonetheless, I hope you guys enjoy it!
On a side note, my internet connection's slowly been getting better so I might finally be able to edit the first post with all the new chapters without having any net errors occur.
Chapter 18: Outspoken Art
On a side note, my internet connection's slowly been getting better so I might finally be able to edit the first post with all the new chapters without having any net errors occur.
Chapter 18: Outspoken Art
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
I really enjoyed that chapter, crazr! Rosalind seems like a character with such a flavorful personality, you do a splendid job expressing her passion for art through your descriptions and it really spills out of the text for me, I found it quite refreshing.
Also, I didn't bother to keep that keen of an eye for errors since you said you barely had a chance to look for yourself, but I'm glad you posted it anyway.
It's always nice to receive updates from you.
Also, I didn't bother to keep that keen of an eye for errors since you said you barely had a chance to look for yourself, but I'm glad you posted it anyway.
It's always nice to receive updates from you.
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Xenon wrote...
I really enjoyed that chapter, crazr! Rosalind seems like a character with such a flavorful personality, you do a splendid job expressing her passion for art through your descriptions and it really spills out of the text for me, I found it quite refreshing.Also, I didn't bother to keep that keen of an eye for errors since you said you barely had a chance to look for yourself, but I'm glad you posted it anyway.
It's always nice to receive updates from you.
As usual, my heartfelt thanks. I have a lot of free time over the weekend so I'll look for them myself. It'll also give me a chance to read and comment on some other people's stories. I've been wanting to contribute for a while.
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Who wrote another chapter in just mere days? This guy! I actually did proofread this one, but you should all know how bad my grammar is by now. Hahaha! I'm also proofreading the previous one! I know she won't be visiting this topic, but I'd like to thank Yuri for inspiring me to write. Her lovely story really hit home and help fuel me to write my own. At this point, I have enough for a novel! Maybe I should submit it somewhere... Haha!
Anyway, in regards to this chapter, there is very little character development. This chapter is nothing more than just pure, carnal sex. I promise the next one will continue with some development!
For now, enjoy!
Chapter 19: Until the Sun Comes Up
Anyway, in regards to this chapter, there is very little character development. This chapter is nothing more than just pure, carnal sex. I promise the next one will continue with some development!
For now, enjoy!
Chapter 19: Until the Sun Comes Up
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Wow, you were right. This chapter really was filled with enough raunchy material to cover for what was missing from the last one. That being said, those three have inhuman sex drives. It was phenomenal.
That being said, I've included some typos I noticed:
Tied, I believe you mean.
On.
No need for capitalization.
Not sure if the word "ace" has any real context in that situation.
That being said, I've included some typos I noticed:
crazr wrote...
James noticed that she had tide the lace to keep them from slipping off, but it was still loose around her waist.Tied, I believe you mean.
crazr wrote...
The movie went one with people dying left and right.On.
crazr wrote...
James reached down, Grasping at Elizabeth’s green hoodie.No need for capitalization.
crazr wrote...
He pounded into her, relishing her sweet moans with every ace into her cunt.Not sure if the word "ace" has any real context in that situation.
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I'm just cranking out chapters like a maniac! I gotta ride this momentum while it lasts! In all seriousness however, now that this story's first part is coming to a close, I've been making a beeline towards its ending. I am unsure how many parts it will take to finish this story, but know that I have an end in sight as well as points that lead to said end. Think of these coming chapters as the climax to a first book. The stakes are going to get higher!
Also, some more editing will be going into this story. The first few chapters are hard to update due to maintenance issues, so I might just need to re-upload them in a different post. In my journey to make this story as best as it can be, I've done some heavy editing and adding in the first two chapters which were both originally only 4 and 5 pages respectively. I covered points that caused some inconsistencies. I will be visiting my love this weekend and she will help me edit it! This story is like a child to me. I want it to do the best it possibly can.
Anyway, that is the end of my rambling! Enjoy the new chapter!
Chapter 20: Intimacy in Public
Also, some more editing will be going into this story. The first few chapters are hard to update due to maintenance issues, so I might just need to re-upload them in a different post. In my journey to make this story as best as it can be, I've done some heavy editing and adding in the first two chapters which were both originally only 4 and 5 pages respectively. I covered points that caused some inconsistencies. I will be visiting my love this weekend and she will help me edit it! This story is like a child to me. I want it to do the best it possibly can.
Anyway, that is the end of my rambling! Enjoy the new chapter!
Chapter 20: Intimacy in Public
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Man, these chapters just keep getting better and better. Still, I can't believe what a force of evil his mother appears to be, it's almost unreal how they paint her out to be responsible for all the suffering, but can a lady who presumably is nothing beyond the recipient of her husband's business be the evil tyrant that she appears? I suppose only time will tell about that.
As always, here are the fixes I noticed:
Off.
Buy.
Her.
Missing comma at the end of the quotation.
Inserted "of" to make more grammatical sense.
They are, or they're.
As always, here are the fixes I noticed:
crazr wrote...
He took of his fancy hat to reveal a nearly bald head as he took a few puffs from his pipe.Off.
crazr wrote...
“We have yet to but any actual clothing. How about there?”Buy.
crazr wrote...
Her action only made her noticeable guilt even more obvious as he sister continued to assault her with her gaze.Her.
crazr wrote...
“You’re drooling a little” James informed Eleanor with a smile.Missing comma at the end of the quotation.
crazr wrote...
“How are the girls?” Charlotte inquired of James as they stood outside his room.Inserted "of" to make more grammatical sense.
crazr wrote...
“Their fine,” James answered.They are, or they're.
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Man, these chapters just keep getting better and better. Still, I can't believe what a force of evil his mother appears to be, it's almost unreal how they paint her out to be responsible for all the suffering, but can a lady who presumably is nothing beyond the recipient of her husband's business be the evil tyrant that she appears? I suppose only time will tell about that.
Thank, you Xen. I'm actually fixing up the typos as I type this. Some of these are horrendous! How did I miss them? Hahaha!
As I said about this story, it's like my child. I only want to see it get better. After all, this story was a bunch of firsts for me. It's the first time I ever posted erotic fiction. I've written plenty, but never posted. This story is also the first time I ever wrote about group sex as well as public sex. I highly doubt I'll ever get the chance to do the former, but I've done the latter a few times. I only hope I did justice to the first threesome I ever wrote.
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With the release of this chapter, this story is boiling down and coming to an end in just three more chapters. As I said before, this is not the end of James' adventure, but it will be a short intermission.
Anyway, on to the story! Things have been pretty slow, but that ends here! Expect a lot of crazy shenanigans to unfold and plenty of secrets to come to light in this final stretch. Thank you to all the people that followed this story. I really appreciate it! Whether you're lurking or commenting, I enjoy your participation and hope you will be here when the last chapter comes out.
Now without further delays, here it is:
Chapter 21: Emotions Explode
Anyway, on to the story! Things have been pretty slow, but that ends here! Expect a lot of crazy shenanigans to unfold and plenty of secrets to come to light in this final stretch. Thank you to all the people that followed this story. I really appreciate it! Whether you're lurking or commenting, I enjoy your participation and hope you will be here when the last chapter comes out.
Now without further delays, here it is:
Chapter 21: Emotions Explode
Spoiler:
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Hm, a lot of progress is being revealed in this main plot. I must say, things certainly are taking an intriguing turn.
My only criticism is that you almost made a cardinal sin of having your characters go from anal to vaginal, it's pretty well known that it is a very unwise move as the bacteria spread from anal, even properly cleaned beforehand, can cause infections to spread. Maybe you knew that or not, and that's not to say it can't be done anyway, but as long as you're aware that it's cringe-worthy as a health risk.
Lastly, only a couple errors this time:
Her.
They're, or they are.
My only criticism is that you almost made a cardinal sin of having your characters go from anal to vaginal, it's pretty well known that it is a very unwise move as the bacteria spread from anal, even properly cleaned beforehand, can cause infections to spread. Maybe you knew that or not, and that's not to say it can't be done anyway, but as long as you're aware that it's cringe-worthy as a health risk.
Lastly, only a couple errors this time:
crazr wrote...
He body ached after having fallen asleep on a chair that rested close to Cecelia’s bed.Her.
crazr wrote...
“There right,” another voice came from the entrance.They're, or they are.
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Xenon wrote...
Hm, a lot of progress is being revealed in this main plot. I must say, things certainly are taking an intriguing turn.My only criticism is that you almost made a cardinal sin of having your characters go from anal to vaginal, it's pretty well known that it is a very unwise move as the bacteria spread from anal, even properly cleaned beforehand, can cause infections to spread. Maybe you knew that or not, and that's not to say it can't be done anyway, but as long as you're aware that it's cringe-worthy as a health risk.
Lastly, only a couple errors this time:
crazr wrote...
He body ached after having fallen asleep on a chair that rested close to Cecelia’s bed.Her.
crazr wrote...
“There right,” another voice came from the entrance.They're, or they are.
Haha, I know that for a fact even though I've never done anal myself. But considering all the outrageous things I have written, I thought most people would look it over. Don't worry, I'll be visiting my love this weekend and I'm sure her opinion on whether it should be looked over or not will affect how I edit a few sentences.
EDIT: Very quick edit! I just changed it! I actually sent her a text about it and gave her this specific part. She said she didn't mind, but it would be better if I changed it. So... it has been changed!
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leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Xenon wrote...
My only criticism is that you almost made a cardinal sin of having your characters go from anal to vaginal, it's pretty well known that it is a very unwise move as the bacteria spread from anal, even properly cleaned beforehand, can cause infections to spread. Very good Xenon. We both appear to demand realism in something that is fictional, i.e. not real. (Major reason why I take to newspapers rather than A Game of Thrones) In due time you will become a leonard267, cynical, soulless and demented. By the way, I am back.
On a more serious note, I think I have already told you how I felt about this story haven't I, crazr? It (The story) is understandable. There is plot progression but I can't bring myself to criticise the plot because of the nature of the plot. For some reason, I don't have much to say about erotic stories like yours that come off (that is a compliment) as a plot for many of the comics posted on this website.
It is every boy's fantasy I will give you that unless you are a boy called Shikinokami.
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Yeah! Things are coming to a spectacular close! Here is the newest chapter, leaving two left before I go on a short hiatus. In this chapter, I implemented a ton of ideas my love gave me when I spent the entire weekend with her! She' the best!
Please enjoy:
Chapter 22: Final Preparations
Please enjoy:
Chapter 22: Final Preparations
Spoiler:
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leonard267 wrote...
Xenon wrote...
My only criticism is that you almost made a cardinal sin of having your characters go from anal to vaginal, it's pretty well known that it is a very unwise move as the bacteria spread from anal, even properly cleaned beforehand, can cause infections to spread. Very good Xenon. We both appear to demand realism in something that is fictional, i.e. not real. (Major reason why I take to newspapers rather than A Game of Thrones) In due time you will become a leonard267, cynical, soulless and demented. By the way, I am back.
On a more serious note, I think I have already told you how I felt about this story haven't I, crazr? It (The story) is understandable. There is plot progression but I can't bring myself to criticise the plot because of the nature of the plot. For some reason, I don't have much to say about erotic stories like yours that come off (that is a compliment) as a plot for many of the comics posted on this website.
It is every boy's fantasy I will give you that unless you are a boy called Shikinokami.
How did I miss this lovely comment? Haha, any words from the writing nut himself is music to my ears! Thanks, Leonard.
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
A good chapter, and one with a nice spicy addition. I'm looking forward to seeing how things unfold and you begin a new arc in the hotel.
As always, my corrections:
Reimi.
Both should be "their."
Off.
Of.
Missing ending quotation mark.
You're.
Not.
Probably a typo and should just be removed.
Two.
As always, my corrections:
crazr wrote...
"Shut up!” Remi cut Cecelia off before she could even start.Reimi.
crazr wrote...
“I… I don’t deserve there… love,” Rosalind said timidly. “I don’t understand it. I… I am so plain and… and they are all so beautiful. I don’t… don’t deserve to be in there company…”Both should be "their."
crazr wrote...
She took of the gloves and leaned against the sink for a moment, taking a deep breath to take in everything that has happened.Off.
crazr wrote...
“I cannot help my eyes from performing certain actions,” said Cecelia. “You have a body many women would be envious off.Of.
crazr wrote...
“That’s why I said to not make any sudden moves! If you need help, tell me!Missing ending quotation mark.
crazr wrote...
“If your horny and need to masturbate, I can do it for you.”You're.
crazr wrote...
It can’t be that difficult. Look, do you want help or nor?Not.
crazr wrote...
She vigorously fingered her he friend until she was moaning into her mouth.Probably a typo and should just be removed.
crazr wrote...
“What the hell are you to doing?!”Two.
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Xenon wrote...
A good chapter, and one with a nice spicy addition. I'm looking forward to seeing how things unfold and you begin a new arc in the hotel.As always, my corrections:
crazr wrote...
"Shut up!” Remi cut Cecelia off before she could even start.Reimi.
crazr wrote...
“I… I don’t deserve there… love,” Rosalind said timidly. “I don’t understand it. I… I am so plain and… and they are all so beautiful. I don’t… don’t deserve to be in there company…”Both should be "their."
crazr wrote...
She took of the gloves and leaned against the sink for a moment, taking a deep breath to take in everything that has happened.Off.
crazr wrote...
“I cannot help my eyes from performing certain actions,” said Cecelia. “You have a body many women would be envious off.Of.
crazr wrote...
“That’s why I said to not make any sudden moves! If you need help, tell me!Missing ending quotation mark.
crazr wrote...
“If your horny and need to masturbate, I can do it for you.”You're.
crazr wrote...
It can’t be that difficult. Look, do you want help or nor?Not.
crazr wrote...
She vigorously fingered her he friend until she was moaning into her mouth.Probably a typo and should just be removed.
crazr wrote...
“What the hell are you to doing?!”Two.
Thanks as always! As usual, these are really bad! I need to step up my grammar. I even read this one multiple times. Maybe I should slow down a bit when I do.