Manga nerd in love

Well, this is a quasi-fictional story. something like this happened to me, but DID NOT play out like this. wish it had. Oh well, ENJOY!!

P.S. debating if i should tell you guys what really happened...Well see how many comments this gets first. lol Enjoy. Also, at the beginning there's a part where i say something about not knowing how i smell. The thing is, i was born with out a sense of smell. can smell anything. Nada. so that's what that is a reference to.


*Location: Barns and Noble; manga section.

Fuck. How do I smell? Shit, I don't know. I can't know. I tell my friends to tell me but they forget, hell, I forget. Man she's cute, PLUS!!! She reads manga! DOUBLE POINTS!!! What do I do?!? Which manga should I pick? SHIT!! Oh boy, Shes peered up from her book. Oh my God she wears glasses, she is so damn cute.

"You going to pick something?" she said. Conversation! I know what I can say! "I don't know," I replied, "do you recommend anything?" Smooth, very smooth. Just hope to God you don't smell like shit. She waved her hand and patted the ground next to her. OH MY GOD SHE WANTS ME TO SIT NEXT TO HER!!! Please God, let me not smell like shit. "So what are you reading?" I hadn't paid much attention to the book. OH MY GOD ITS 'Sensei Negima'. She replied casually with "it's Sensei Negima; ever heard of it?" Have I heard of it?!?! Of course I have!!! I am up-to-date!! Should I tell her that? Sure, why not?

"Yeah I read Negima. I've read it on Onemanga.com" Damn, should I have said that??? Oh well, I said it. Let's see what happens. "Oh you have? So have I! I'm just re-reading this one part." She gave me the book and I read the page. It was a pretty romantic part. She is AWESOME!!! God, thank you for this. "Yeah I like this part, but I still think he gonna end up with Asuna." DID I JUST SAY THAT?!?!?That sounded fairly gay. She started giggling. Is she laughing at me? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? "You're the first guy I have ever met that has read Negima." SCORE!!! Wait; was that a compliment or an insult? I don't care, she's amazing.

"Yeah, a lot of guys bash it without reading it. Like where it's at now, it's a pretty epic battle manga." I said trying to redeem myself. "Yeah," she replied while looking at the ceiling, "truly epic." OH..MY.GOD..she said epic.. This is the girl of legends. "I'm sorry," I said, "we haven't formally introduced each other, my name is Mark. What's yours?" I need to know the name of this goddess. "No one ever calls me by my real name, they just call me Maka." This girl just gets better and better. "Ha. Soul Eater, great manga if I do say so myself." I said smoothly. Probably the smoothest thing I have said this entire conversation.

"Ah, Soul Eater too? You have good taste in manga," she said cheerfully. I quickly responded with "As do you," we both laughed for a while and she broke our laughter with "This looks like the start a beautiful friendship." I laughed even harder. "Wow that was very corny," I said while laughing. She punched me in the arm and replied with "oh shut up." We were both hysterical. I then said "It almost sounds like the beginning of a manga."

This is getting me excited. Maybe it's because I love romance. I can't fully comment right now, but this is looking to be an exciting story.

Although you could work on at least fixing your sentences and using the right punctuations. It looks as if you mashed the story together and the result was, well, very messy

was very intersting...
it didnt really seem messy to me(but i do tend to read very fast so that might be why)

would like to see what really happened and would like to see more...

I liked the well-produced feeling of urgency, and the passage overall. Good job.

A possible hint to help neatness is to italicize what the main character is thinking. It's still obvious if read, but like I said, it is strictly for neatness' sake.