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[Winter Contest Entry 2012] A Lil Thing Called Companionship

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AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...


No, we are NOT buddies...

Haha, I'm just messing with ya. Of course we ARE all buddies. Fapping-to-2D-girls-buddies, that is, hahaha.

And we're also fellow writer-wannbes buddies, too!

You should give others' entries in your poll a peak, too. I have left them all a wordy review, just like what I did for you, ahaha... You could say you won it, just very barely, ahaha. All of them were very good, too. I think you could learn a thing or two from them.

About my part... I think I'm in a tough spot now that I have been grouped with very strong competitors... Well, chances are slim, but I still think I got a chance XD


Gods you scared me. I thought i offended you by assuming we're buds.

I am really busy, so i don't really have time to read over everybody's work. I just feel i should read yours because you've done me a favour by reviewing so i thought i oughta return it.

Yeah, 3 votes, literally by the skin of my teeth.

Strong competitors...Yeah, that's how i felt being grouped against sora, Cinia, Leonard to name a few, the others were all strong contenders.

Gluck! I'll see when i'm free to check it out.
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Dawn_of_Dark
11 years ago
AssasinZAssasin wrote...
Gods you scared me. I thought i offended you by assuming we're buds.

I am really busy, so i don't really have time to read over everybody's work. I just feel i should read yours because you've done me a favour by reviewing so i thought i oughta return it.

Yeah, 3 votes, literally by the skin of my teeth.

Strong competitors...Yeah, that's how i felt being grouped against sora, Cinia, Leonard to name a few, the others were all strong contenders.

Gluck! I'll see when i'm free to check it out.


Well, I'm not always free, but I'm not that busy, either, so you don't have to feel like owning me or something. But if do find spare time, feel free to check it out!
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Lughost the Lugoat
11 years ago
Review time.
You did some things here that I liked and some things I didn't like.

Starting with the good.
Spoiler:

I like your concept for writing here. Man that should be/is terrible sad gets brought back by a random stray dog. It's heartwarming and approved for the whole family. I wouldn't say it's all that original but it didn't really have to be.

I like the way that you paced your entry. It wasn't abrupt and it wasn't just dragging along.

I feel like you've done an adequate job writing the dialogue between the main character and the old man. You could tell the man was old and I liked that.


Ending with the bad.
Spoiler:

This man has just found his fiancé sleeping around and suddenly lost his parents, how can he take everything so casually? I mean really, this guy would be in some state of shock if not cripplingly depressed. Really, this is my biggest complaint.

You mentioned that you originally wrote the whole thing in third person, yeah? There is at least on instance where you forgot to change things to fit first person.

Only other complaints are nit-picky things in the spelling/grammar. There were some comma splices and an instant where your tenses don't line up.


I like your entry. Good job.
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NeoStriker
11 years ago
Equipping it on Snowy

Equipping

I was, for a moment there, brought to every RPG I've ever played. Snowy could've been more of a character, instead of the protag's crutch.

Opinion(tm)
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AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
NeoStriker wrote...
Equipping it on Snowy

Equipping

I was, for a moment there, brought to every RPG I've ever played. Snowy could've been more of a character, instead of the protag's crutch.

Opinion(tm)


To be honest, that's what i was thinking when i wrote it...Someone actually pointed it out haha!
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Dawn_of_Dark
11 years ago
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Snowy :)))))) When I read it my head was like "Hey, that's the name of Tin Tin's dog, right? This guy still have time to think about comic book after his parents' death, hmmm...." :)))))

You know him, right? I mean, who doesn't? One of the greatest comic book series ever!
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AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Snowy :)))))) When I read it my head was like "Hey, that's the name of Tin Tin's dog, right? This guy still have time to think about comic book after his parents' death, hmmm...." :)))))

You know him, right? I mean, who doesn't? One of the greatest comic book series ever!


.....................................

Uhm, if i said no, would you hate me?

Because seriously...No. Never heard of it man.

I literally thought of the setting of Snow and put a "y" behind.
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