Cinia Pacifica Posts

So it's like everyone will fight with pet.

Maybe Pokemons.

Maybe Shikimons.

Shhhh.

I can relate to what you're saying. It's very hard to get emotionally invested in some characters appearing in a short story. Development is a very long process and it's borderline impossible to outline all of it without actually detailing them in a long scene. Suffice it to say, given the word limitations of this contest I couldn't take a broader approach with my tale. Incidentally, my piece is about 2000 words including title itself.

I had a prior objective of ending around 1500 words. You can imagine how hard the failure at my succinct attempt was.



I wouldn't be a writer if I didn't listen to the opinions of my readers.



Yeah, the way I kept the setting unclear in the beginning was my very intention as you have guessed. I like to think people finding their answers is a virtue of a kind. I know there are writers out there who loves to provide you open details about their world. I have done so before too, but for pieces like these I want the readers to use their brains for once.

Evidently, your thought process progressed exactly as I thought an average reader's would.

Thus there was no mention of any devices or noises. After you see the mention of the device, you'd realize that Lucy was internally laughing at Mrs. Hailey in the beginning because she was hospitalized due to straining her body far too much. This was just her being salty, of course. As one would guess, she didn't assume her condition was in any way serious, because how could someone so awesome die so soon?

The last one was a hint I didn't expect many to figure. The reason why Lucy didn't even doubt her mother's possibility of death was because Mrs. Hailey was around the 30s. Meanwhile, her mother probably knew about her body more than anyone else.



Thanks! I didn't expect asking would actually get you to read considering how busy you appear to be.

If you like long stories with descriptions and one where character development is a thing, try out my RP. As you'd realize while reading how long it is, we've had more than enough time to work with developments in many ways. Albeit, first few pages are littered with old codings and there may have been some typos. I can't even edit old posts so it can't be helped... but if you do find the courage to try reading that I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I do like long review posts though so I really appreciate it. Thank you once again.

While it was an amusing read, I have to say that some of the developments happened as expected, so I wasn't surprised. Not that it's a bad thing.

If I found anything funny, it'd be the part where the protagonist's parents were busy fucking each other while their son was in danger of peril. That said, though, this was a total cowboy duel face-off Christmas edition and that's probably what I really found distinctive in this piece, even if it was a bit gay.

Good for him that he would be fucked every Christmas for being a naughty grandma's-panty-sniffing bastard, and good job to you for writing this piece. I don't think it was a bad attempt at comedy.

I'm not saying you have to give out time in a critical time of life, but your project could've just continued in winter instead of being completely terminated, you know?

Also... gib my latest writing a read. o 3o

I honestly thought he could continue managing it. I mean, he has to post chill and post around IB.

So basically everyone would be wielding your sperm as weapon in said world.

I'm sure you spelled Sperm World Online wrong, dear sir.

Sounds legendary.

So what, 200 years?

Hi, thanks for the more elaborated version of your comment. I really appreciate it.

I actually wrote the ending with such an intention, and am glad the hints weren't easily caught out. I happen to like making some kind of a surprise factor in my works as you may have noticed in my RP. I did not make the hospital room very apparent until the device was mentioned, so don't fret!

Thanks for reading, even if you did without glasses.

Is that 2 years worth?

I don't remember my old score for this.

6/10

Sure, just scoop one out from me.

I guess it's no surprise that the edgelord would toss out profane words like it's absolutely normal regardless of the situation, but I liked how it helped portray the character.

I found some words repetitive, so maybe it's not a good idea to always rely on profanity. Since it was based on a real life story, however, preserving the originality of the event instead of making changes is usually preferred by writers. I would say that writing a real life story is simply not the best method, but if you just felt like writing about it, then that's fine.

For winning, I'd recommend trying to appeal with creativity instead. Keep punctuation, and your tenses in mind, always.

Good job participating, though. I really wasn't expecting you to turn up. Let's hope you enter the next one too and perhaps show us more growth.

But rice is what keeps you alive and happy and shit.

Okay, that is actually a notable point. I will admit that my opening line wasn't the best, but hey maybe the line just above the real story was more chuuni!

Well, I did wanted people to figure things out as they would read. Instead of being completely contextually informed way ahead of time.

Would 77 grains of rice do?

Thanks for the feedback. I did dropped hints or implications about pretty much everything I could think of regarding whatever takes place... for instance, how the room was plain and in reality she was pitying her for being hospitalized. I don't know what was difficult to get through but if you do realize, I'd love to know.

Good day to you all.

5/10