sakabato24 Posts

Online Dating. I never tried it myself because I'm currently not in the market for a partner. The way I see it, it makes perfect sense. You get all the awkward "who are you and why should I care?" bullshit out the way. If a person approaches you, both parties already know what they want out of each other, the only thing left to do is to see if a connection can be made.

At least.......that's what should happen in theory.

[GlaDoS Voice]

It looks like that 9 contestants will be fiercely competing for the position of second place.

Meanwhile one of you will be named best writer on the forum.......I'm sure it will be a major ego booster.........telling all your friends you're the best writer on a Hentai forum. I'm sure they will think very highly of you.........assuming that you even have any friends. I don't want to remind anyone how lonely they are but my tests show that, 9-out-of-10 people on Hentai forums have no friends.........and that they are sexual deviants.

So I give my pre-emptive congratulations to the winner of this contest. I'm sure that your non-existent friends will be very impressed...... that you are the best writer in a community made up of sexual deviants.

[/GlaDos Voice]

[Wheatly Voice]

Err....hello...heh...Hi Everybody.

I just wanted to say that everyone's done a great job, and that you're all winners here.....errrrr even though....you know......there can only..be..one...winner.

I uh personally liked that one where the whole planet gets nuked, big explosions, always a crowd pleaser......n-not to say that the other stuff was bad....it's all good, it's all good.......even if.....some of it is better than others.

Point is.....don't get mad if I didn't vote for you.

Cus you know.....I only got one vote...and...and I can't give it to everyone.....I wish I could....but well............don't fell bad okay?

[/Weatly Voice]

[Space Core Voice]

Theseallsuck,therearenonaboutSPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

[/Space Core Voice]

Nice job, this was one of the better poems in my opinion.

Voted. Apologies to those who were in round three. It's been a rough week for me and I didn't have time to read all of the round 3 stories and thus cast my vote fairly..... so I didn't.

This was an interesting read. The story builds up this drunken roller coaster momentum but then stops suddenly. The ending is a bit ham fisted. The protagonist seems real and flawed, yet I think he redeems himself far too quickly. I get the feeling that he wouldn't have given his exs peace offerings if he didn't end up with another girl at the end of it.

At the end of the day I think the story resolves itself far too fast and neatly.

As far as I can tell........yes.

When you are de moon you usually don't have much to do besides making bad jokes....and looking at porn.

I'd only vote for myself if I truly felt that my writing was the best in my group. Unfortunately for me, it seems I'm up against some pretty stiff competition.........

Herp, Derp.....stiff competition on Fakku....huuuuur.

Your prose is a bit purple. Having to wade through all those long descriptions makes reading your work really slow. I suppose that style does capture the monotony and tedium of the protagonist's life if that's what you were aiming for.

If you want to know more about the story I was trying to write something compelling yet mundane. That meant no action scenes or supernatural stuff. I was inspired by the late Roald Dahl who wrote a lot of stories where interesting things happen to random ordinary people.

I recently bought some of his short story compilations. In some of his short stories he manages to build up compelling scenarios without having to devote too much time setting up the plot or elaborating on a character's feelings. His writing is set up so that half of the story details can be deduced by the reader.
I wanted to try something similar. Even now I feel like I spent too many words elaborating on some things in certain areas.

As for the protagonist. Well.....you can imagine whatever you want. Maybe he's telling this story from the inside of a prison cell, maybe he's telling it to a friend while riding a private jet, maybe he's telling it on a hentai forum while sitting behind a com......oh wait. *Ahem* As I said: not a true story.

Personally I like to think he grew up, went to college, got a job and lived a full and happy life without ever feeling sexually frustrated.

No it's not a true story. It's not even based on a true story.

This is well written and reads like the plot of an anime show.

The plot point where you tell us how the protagonist knows the girl feels a little bit like an ass pull but overall only serves to make the story sweeter in the end.

I know your were trying to go for some absurdity here but the whole thing just read like you took a shit on your word processor, bashed your face against the keyboard and then pissed on the send button.

In short: you over did it. You put so many sick jokes in that story that the sick lost it's shock value and the jokes lost their humour. Throughout the entire story you just beat the reader round the head with the same concept: Santa is a giant dick.

This story would have had more impact if it had better pacing. Stretches of normalcy punctuated by Santa being a giant dick. Doing it like that would have made the jokes funnier and the story easier to read IMO.

I used to be a dedicated role player, then I took an .......NO!

*Ahem* I used to be a good role player back in the day. Then life got more demanding. Job, personal projects etc....
I would love to RP again if I had the time.

Quick question: Under Islamic law, what is the penalty for apostasy?

As far as I'm concerned the only difference between a moderate and an extremist is that the moderates are waiting for God to annihilate the infidels, while the extremists take this task upon themselves.

One group is waiting for me to die and go to hell, while the other will just kill me out right. How can I truly co-exist with such people?

You're welcome. I was inspired in turn by the Olive Garden, another contest entry. I'm glad to know I helped you out.




Well I wanted the Janitor to teach the protagonist all about covering his tracks in cyber space too but not enough words.

Wow......that was epic. I could ask why these people are nuking Russia, or what the deal is with James, but none of that really matters. Everything I needed to know was stated and or implied.

Hurr, hurr. I see what you did there. Nice one.

I would like to submit my entry into the contest:

The Wanker

I was in a....weird mood when I wrote this.

Here's My Entry


The Wanker

I was 13 and had just finished my second year in lower secondary or what the Americans would call: Junior High. Puberty was in full swing and I was becoming increasingly curious about girls, especially the length of their skirts and that slight bulge that many of them were sporting in the chest area.
School was closing for the winter holidays and most of the students were rushing down the hall way eager to get out and enjoy the snow that had fallen over the course of the previous night. I wasn’t in any hurry, the snow wasn’t going anywhere. Instead I was idly speculating about which one of my female classmates would have the largest rack by the end of year 12. I had just come to the conclusion that it would probably be one of the fat ones when I heard a whirring noise coming from the IT lab.

It was one of the printers. A laser-jet that we used for mass print outs was spitting out a steady stream of pages into the collection tray. In front of the printer stood the school’s janitor. He was a tall, rake thin man with a gaunt face who always wore a peaked cap that kept his eyes in shadow.
The Janitor was watching the printer intently but he must have noticed my gaze because his head suddenly snapped up to look in my direction. I could see his eyes narrowing beneath his cap. Slowly and deliberately he picked up the stack of papers, switched off one of the computers and walked coolly out of the room.
He must not have been clutching his papers tightly enough because one of them slipped free and fell to the ground at my feet. I picked it up and beheld an incredible sight: The top of the page contained the word: FAKKU in loud bold print while the bulk of the page featured an illustration of a woman, or was it a girl? I couldn’t tell. It was done in that ambiguous Japanese style that was all the rage. What was certain was that she was having her brains fucked out by someone called “Onii-chan”. Now by that time I had already covered the biology lesson on human reproduction but the cut away of Onii-chan’s penis penetrating the girl’s vagina seemed to carry far more impact than the clinical diagram in my biology text book. I was mesmerised. To many of you stuff like this must seem like old hat but to my 13 year old self it was quite the novelty. The fullness of the girl’s bosom, the ridiculous expression on her face, those large eyes and rosy cheeks, it all looked so......cute.

The Janitor snatched the paper out of my hands and stuffed it back into the pile from which it had fallen. He stared at me suspiciously for a few moments, sharp eyes boring into my soul, appraising me. Finally he spoke:

“You wanna see sum more?” he whispered in a dry voice.

Despite feeling thoroughly intimidated I slowly nodded. The Janitor didn’t answer; he simply walked towards the changing rooms and beckoned me to follow him. Once we were inside he took out a large key and locked the door behind me.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Had I been older and wiser I probably would never have followed him, but at the time I was really naive and my curiosity overcame everything my parents had told me about strangers.

The Janitor sat me down on one of the benches and handed me the sheaf of papers. It turned out they where the pages of an erotic online comic, though written in English it was drawn back to front. I read through it slowly, following the tale of a non-descript male protagonist and his nubile younger sister who was madly in love with him. Although the concept of incest disgusted me the story was so sweet and sensual that it still ended up warming my heart (and hardening my cock).
All the while the Janitor just sat there watching me anxiously. When I finished reading I looked up at him quizzically.

“Waddija think?” he asked.

I told him that it was wrong and disgusting for the protagonist to be doing his own sister.

“Still made ya ard though.” He said pointing to my bulging crotch.

I looked away in shame, suddenly feeling guilty. The Janitor chuckled softly.

“Dun feel bad bout that. Way I see it, the point of that story ain’t really incest.”

I asked him what he meant.

“Incest porn is a fantasy fer people oo never †˜ad a sister. Most folks would never look at their own kin with lust but can still get aroused stories like this.”

Again, I asked him what he meant.

“What does a sister represent?” he said, “but a girl oo will love you unconditionally, and always look up to you, or in the case of an older sister always take care of you. That’s what incest porn is really about. That an the thrill of doing something taboo.”

I shrugged, thinking that perhaps he had a point but still not quite convinced.

“You’ll want to do something about that.” He said gesturing to my crotch.

Indeed I still had a raging hard-on, plus I really wanted to take another look at the page where the sister was giving Onii-chan a titty fuck.

“Drop your pants an grab yer willy.” He said.

I looked at him incredulously.

“You eard me, don’t be shy. I’m gonna teach ya ow to ave a good wank. Yeh got a long life ahead of ya lad, some of which is gonna be spent alone an feelin like shit. I’m gonna teach ya ow to tah make yer own appiness.”

I still had my misgivings, but when he put it like that it certainly sounded more compelling. So I whipped my junk out and let my shaft stand tall.

“Now grab yer favourite page an feast yer eyes.” He said.
I quickly found the titty fuck page and allowed myself a good long look, further stiffening my member.

“Good.” He said “Yeh can’t ave a good wank until yer nice an ard.”

He turned away for a second and rolled up a wad of toilet paper before handing it to me. He also pulled out a tube of Vaseline and squeezed a dollop into my right hand.

“Now grab yer willy an start jerking, up an down, fast as you can.”

I did as he said. All the while looking at the page I had chosen allowing me to have a constant view of those luscious 2D tits. I don’t know how long it was but eventually I started to feel this incredible feeling welling up inside me and before I knew it I had sent a huge glob of spooge sailing half way across the changing room floor. That feeling of release, it was like taking a piss after having to hold in a full bladder all day only ten times better. The Janitor groaned.

“Aww crap! Now I gotta clean that up! There’s a reason I gave yeh the tissue yah daft wanker. Go wipe off yer willy and toss the tissue in the loo while I sort this out.”

The Janitor went to get a mop while I cleaned myself up. Once all traces of our little mis-adventure had been eradicated he unlocked the door and gestured me to leave. I asked him if I could keep the page with the titty fuck scene.

“Sure yeh can but two things: Don’t tell another soul about what appened ere. If anyone were to find out they’d crucify me as a sex offender.”

I asked him what the other thing was. When I did he cast his eyes downward, his voice becoming more sombre.

“Porn is a wonderful fantasy for satisfying yer lust, nothing more.......all these fantastic cartoon women with their enormous tits.......they’re a distorted reflection of reality.”

Now he gripped my shoulder and stared at me intently.

“A good wank can soothe yer soul and keep ya warm on a cold lonely night, but don’t overdo it because it’s ultimately an empty experience.....that and yer junk starts getting sore.”

With that he shoved me out the door and slammed it shut. I folded up my prize and carefully hid it in my back pocket before running off home. I never talked to the Janitor again, but every now and again I’d see him carrying a stack of papers out of the computer lab on a Friday afternoon. During those times he’d make eye contact just long enough to wink at me before moving on without a word.


Short Disclaimer: Some of you might find The Janitor's words a bit preachy. I'm just trying to express myself here, nothing more.