I Fucking Hate Mondays

Do you know how much blood comes gushing out if you stab a man in his left eye with a kitchen knife? Allow me to answer that for you; no, you fucking don’t. Chances are you probably never had to stab anyone in your life. But I’m betting you felt the urge more than once. Truth is, there are a lot people out there that should be stabbed on principle. So here’s a little piece of advice: if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to indulge someone’s dire need for a good stabbing, make sure you don’t aim for their fucking eyes. They bleed like a motherfucker.

Seriously, if I had known about the ridiculous amount of blood that jets out when you plunge six inches of stainless steel into a human being’s eye socket, I sure as shit wouldn’t have stabbed my roommate. I mean, I’d still have stabbed him, but not in the fucking eye. The motherless, lily-dicked cabbage lover bled like a disposable extra on a low budget horror flick. He bled on the couch, he bled on the carpet, he bled on my face, he bled on my shirt; even the fucking cat had that condescending fuckwad’s blood on its fur. I had to scrub Sir Coconut for two fucking hours to wash all the gore away.

The worst part of it though, was that he didn’t even have the common courtesy of dying on the spot. What kind of inconsiderate shit sack does that? And how the hell is that even possible? He had a Kyocera bread knife literally planted in his brain and he still managed to dart out of the living room like a Jack Russell fucking Terrier chasing after a tennis ball. He was screaming like a bitch too; you know those really high pitch shrieks that a grown-ass man let’s out when he’s scared out of his wits and he doesn’t care if he sounds like a Hollywood scream queen? Yeah, it was much worse, since he wasn’t a grown-ass man and he had a naturally high pitched voice. As a matter of fact, that was one of the reasons why I stabbed him. It was annoying as fuck.

Thankfully, he didn’t get too far. Well no shit, he had a knife crammed in his fucking eye; you don’t see many Olympic runners winning marathons with that kind of gimmick. On a side note, he did almost make it to the main bathroom. It was a stupid fucking place to run to, but still a remotely impressive feat. What he was expecting to find there, I will never know. Vain little prick that he was, he probably wanted to check himself out in the mirror for one last time. Maybe try turning the whole “knife in the eye” thing into a fashion statement. Fucking hipster.

But what pissed me off the most wasn’t the fact that I had to clean the mess he’d made. I was prepared for that shit. I had twelve gallons of Lagasse industrial detergent and a big fucking cleaning brush just waiting for some action; I was ready to wipe out every trace of his sexually transmissible existence. It didn’t even bother me that I had to cut his slowly rotting corpse into small, square pieces and drive all the way to the radioactive Tejo River in the middle of the fucking night in order to dump them.

What really made me rage like a basement dweller with a suspended World of Wacraft account was beyond that petty crap. I’m talking about some serious shit. Can you believe that that scarf-wearing, vagina intolerant, hoity-toity scumbag used the last roll of toilet paper, just moments before I arrived home to stab him? He couldn’t have waited a couple of minutes, NOOOOOO, he had to clean his pretty white ass before I arrived. And I only found out about that later, when I took a break from scouring the floorboards to make some supersonic sewer sauce. Un-fucking-believable. Even in death, Miguel still found a way to make me lose my shit. One needs to be a world class thundercunt to pull that off.

And tomorrow’s a work day. God, I fucking hate Mondays.

Wow. That was awesome. And props to you if you actually did stab a bitch.

TL;DR - Translation.

1 paragraph of " I got home and had to use the toilet, But some used the last roll! I stabbed him in the eye for it!"

5 paragraphs of "Do you know how much blood that was?!"


--

I seperated my left leg (below the knee) interly at the age of five, and was still conscience for seven hours after. Yes, I do know how much blood that is, and yes, I know what something like that feels like.

I stab some dude back in grade 7 with a stick. There was alot of blood and i didnt get into trouble only because of the cut-ass i received from the guys that day.

Mondays are all right.

I bleed out of my vagina.
I didn't know my vagina had that much blood.
Its been like that for years.

Mondays all round the table good sir.

Mod Note: Let me try a different approach this time round.

1) If the above story is made up, the topic will be moved to the Incoherent Babbling section.

2) If the above story is true, I am calling the newspaper and then the police. Why the former? So that I can get some pocket money for giving them leads to a story.

I went with option 1. :D

Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

You're my hero...

Whoa, what the fuck does that even mean? Like, your leg was off your body, severed, etc? Holy shit.

It's most likely a lie because a 5 year old would easily bleed out way before 7 hours...

I... I think I may love you for this post. Have my cubs.

The same boring Mod Note message from myself gets a little boring, doesn't it?

I just happen to be in a different kind of mood today. :D

@Drifter995: You already have a girlfriend! Lol!

Quoting cause i can~

If only to fill this thread with the brilliance of this post~

I love Mondays

Starting episode of the week Attack of The Show

Monday Night Raw

*furiously humps your leg*

Edit: the other is more awesome but i ain't posting here man.

That's borderline freak

Keep it Clean ^__^

Not even near the border. Ero-guro is a general term that includes squid arms and extreme mindfuck. I seem way worse images on fakku then is. She not dead, nor guts, eyefucking, tourtue, necro or gore. A little blood and the scissors on her nips.. no more extreme then light knife play and suggestive over tones. Seem natural for this thead of killing and blood.

There are those who are squeamish towards blood not me per say
the pic is close to being violent an or for shock
to which FAKKU is not for such content

I'm just saiyan cause I like tits and yea desecrating them is a sin ^__^