I'mma get real with you guys [again]

What really pisses me off more than anything, is 'new and innovative' products that throw nothing but specs in your face to show that its worth the change and welfare checks in people pockets.

You know the spiel...
Flashy graphics SCREAMING>>

New and innovative ways to:
Call people
Play games
Create content
Organize shit
etc.etc.etc.

Massive harddrive space, the fastest processor, 'wiggle' room ram or the lastest bluetooth connectionfacebookstalkingtumblrmastorbationwhatevrethefuckitisidon'tfuckinguseitcan'tputmydickinitsofuckitfiguretively

The reason that this pisses me off is because of two things:

1. Its the same shit done differently, a technology rehash if you will. Oh look! you can now reply to text messages with your voice! Set alarm reminders to your phone from the computer! Answer texts from your phone on your PC! etc etc etc.

2 [and this is the big one] Every time I ask if the device can suck a dick or take a good dicking, I always get a negative response followed by a solid no.

Why the FUCK do you call a device 'new and innovative' if the piece of shit can't suck my dick? Hm? WHO THE FLYING FUCK WOULD JUSTIFY A 500+ PURCHASE WHEN IT CAN'T EVEN SHOW YOU APPRECIATION AND THANKS BY SUCKING YOUR MOTHER FUCKING DICK [size=12][or by licking the vaginal area for you female readers out there] FOR FUCKING BUYING IT IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE[/h]

[size=28]DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SAY THAT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE SELLING IS 'NEW AND INNOVATIVE' IF IT DOES NOT, IN ANY ADD-ON OR DLC APPLICATION, PLEASURE MY MASSIVE FUCKING BELLPEPPER DICK[/h]

Ladies and gentlemen:

The case of Bellpepper-san vs Apple.

If phones were to start sucking dicks now, there'd be no need for relationships.

this is kind of what I thought when all those iwhatever touch screen mini computers that they called phones came out. Like really you have a computer just like your desktop or laptop, only worse, that just happens to be able to call people. No thanks.

You should learn electronics, product design, and coding, and bring this to the world, and become a billionaire.

My thoughts exactly when advertisers label it a "Smart washing machine."

When you make a washer straight out of Ghost In the Shell or the robots from Space Dandy, then you can call them Smart; simply having a machine that washes shit and nothing else isn't very smart.

My mind was blown by the freshness of this post. OP you are a true innovator.

Well there's this.

This was my favourite part.

Shut up. You don't have to buy three iCrap6's because you're a pussy whip fool walking AMEX card with a inability to tell girls no.

I do need to get me a new phone but i just get the old model note or droid.

I like innovative and new hentai inventions though.

When was the last time you said no to a girl?

edit: this should be a topic.

When my ex said 'i going to cut off your dick'. Long story, her fault, bad human being.

Truthfully i rather just nod and agree then my life be a yandere game. Only good advice my pappy gave me. He on his fourth wife but hey. That and if the fields are green then it not statutory rape. My mom is 14 year older then me.

Badass. The way it played in my mind:

-I'm going to cut off your dick!
-No.

And giving advice when he can't follow it himself... Though I can relate to his last choice

Counterarguement: Relationships are insanely expensive [over the course of a very small period of time] and very iffy [possiblity that as awesome as it started out, eventually it will start sucking.. and I don't mean your dick]. Tech, once the dick sucking feature is added, will cost significally less and will probably sigway into the creation of the cure of cancer.



OH GOD THE FUCKING PHABLET CRAZE. That's right, I called it a craze. Not only is the phablet craze annoying as fuck, but extrememly damaging to not one but two THREE fucking markets. You know... MARKETS THAT ALREADY FUCKING EXIST AND SHOULD NOT IN ANY MOTHERFUCKING WAY BE MIXED IN WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE. [size=12]Oh hey let me take a selfie THAT BLOCKS OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN. OH ITS RAINING? NO NEED FOR SOMETHING FUCKING PRACTICAL LIKE OH I DON'T FUCKING KNOW AN UMBRELLA-LLA-LLA, LET ME JUST HIDE UNDER MY MASSIVE NONDICK SUCKING TABLET PHONE HOME COMPUTER WRECKING RICH [READ GOLDDIGGING] AMERICAN WHITE BITCH SYNDROME STATUS HASHTAG RAPEWHISLE ELOHEL DOES THIS DRESS MAKE ME LOOK SO KAWAII DESU NE 800 MOTHERFUCKING SMACKAROONS PIECE OF SHIT. [/h]

here's a idea, why not [size=28]FUCKING BUY A REGULAR PHONE, A TABLET, AND AN ACTUAL FUCKING COMPUTER? IT'LL MAKE ME NOT WANT TO OPENINGLY BITCH ABOUT WHY YOU WASTED YOUR INVESTMENT ON ONE ITEM RATHER THAN DIVERSIFYING YOUR BONDS NIGGAH.
[/h]

think about it if someone steals your mobile electronic home, you are out on three devices at once. Its just a waste of money to spend it buying things to do shit that OTHER SHIT YOU OWN CAN ALREADY FUCKING DO



Funny story, I actually drew up some plans for a device that would learn your fapping material and instantly provide data feedback when connected wirelessly to your pc. This way you'll be able to instantly get it on with fine tuned suggestions as to what to get off to without spending a insane amount of time searching for anything new to masturbate to. May it be hentai, erotic literature, games or otherwise. The device also had several features like a 'post this to fetlife' styled social feature, the abilty to 'explore' other peoples taste profiles to discover new things. Saving favorite links based on either a simple one click button or a revolutionary 'no click' that senses how turned on you were while watching, playing, reading whatever you had in front of you at the time. This was originally designed as a dildo based on a few very choice conversations with a friend of mine. Oddly enough said friend wasn't as open with what turns her on but had a willingness to expand her horizons [and dat pussy eh heh heh]. Now what got me into the kinks I like was just gradually easing into them and from there the concept took shape. I haven't came back to this to finish it but after these two games I'm making it seems like its due time to return to the hardware side of design.



dear lord... I really hate the way companies take advantage of shit like this. Let's add some buzzwords to a product that in all actually does nothing to change the game other than a new 'fresh' coat of shit that other models can do. And the sad part is that some of these 'smart models' either perform less or worse than their regular counterparts. AND NONE OF THESE DEVICES WOULD SUCK MY DICK EITHER. It has gotten so fucking out of hand, smart mousepads, smart refrigerators, smart coffe machines, smart excuses for another shit joke, smart shopping carts, smart bedsheets, smart mirrors, smart wipe my ass machine, smart ... [takes breath]

[size=28]SO I GOT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA GUYS SAID THE PR MOTHERFUCKER WHOSE PARENTS DIED IN A FREAK RAPE ACCIDENT IN FRONT OF HIM INVOLVING A DONKEY, SOME ROPE, THE CONGO AND MAYBE SOME DONKEY KONG PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND LISTENING TO SOME SHIT HIPSTER BAND CALLED 'ROPE'.

LET'S MAKE A PAINT CAN WITH A TOUCHSCREEN AND CALL IT A SMART PAINT CAN, HIPSTER KIDS WITH TRUST FUNDS AND SUBURB CHRISTIAN MOTHERS WHO DON'T KNOW ANY FUCKING BETTER WILL EAT THIS SHIT UP!

COMPANY: SO WHAT WOULD IT DO

PR MOTHERFUCKER: OH JUST WATCH PAINT DRY

COMPANY: GOLDEN AS MY SWISS BANK ACCOUNT MY NIGGAH. BUZZWORDS SYNERGY DOGGYDOOR SERVICE CRACK COCAINE VIP LOUNGE POOR SINGLE MOTHER HOOKERS THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER NOW RIDE OR DIE MY NIGGAH.

PR MOTHERFUCKER: THANKS OBAMA! [THUMBS UP.... HIS FUCKING ASSHOLE][/h]



So for your reply I was going to make a comic but I'm missing my pen so here's a transcript of it:

First panel: [me pointing at my screen looking over to my pile of electronics] SEE FUCKERS? THIS BAGMAN GUY IS GETTING BLOWN, WHY THE FUCK AREN'T I GETTING ANY OF THIS BLOWING ACTION?

Second panel: [pile of electronics saying nothing]

Third panel: [hyper realistic close up of my face] SOMEONE BETTER START TALKING OR IMMA START FORMATTING A BITCH.

forth panel: [psvita is talking] W-w-ell you can touch my katamari master..

Fifth panel: [Me punching the fuck out of my vita] WHY CAN'T YOU TOUCH MY KATAMARIS TOO EH BITCH?!?!?

Sixth panel: PHONE, 3DS, X360, GET THE LOTION AND GET THE FUCK OVER HERE... [inset focus on eyes, me whispering: it's play time]

Seventh panel: lewd noises and panel is focused on a lone mp3 player crying on top of a laptop as a shadow of a hand is posed above it.

-END-




Hold the fuck up... is that a modded Novint Falcon? Holy shit that is a modded Novint Falcon...



You heard it here first guys: [size=28]MY MASSIVE FUCKING BELLPEPPER DICK IS THE BEST DICK, YOU BETTER TELL YOUR FRIENDS.[/h]



[size=28]OH MAN IF ONLY YOU COULD JUST HAVE ALL THREE OF THOSE iSHIT'S SUCKING ON YOUR DIC-[/h]

[size=28]OH WAIT! YOU CAN"T DO THAT! THINK OF THE FUCKING CHILDREN AND SHIT! YOU WASTED FUCKING MONEY MAYBE NEXTTIME YOU TELL HER TO TAKE HER GODDAMN PHONE AND SHOV- [/h][well i mean you have a wife so maybe it would be best to listen to her i guess.. yea..]



probably the last time a girl told him to 'stop'

Well I totally didn't see that coming.

Yes you did. As soon as virtual reality shit came out, Porn was going to be one of the first things that people are going to want

I did. I just thought my sarcasm would come through enough but I guess it didn't. My apologies.

Uuuh Anger confirmed?