The WRITER'S Lounge

10/10 masterpiece would read again

this is a draft.

titled : Game of Thongs

When will the thongs be there? It's been 4 sentences since you introduced them. When are they getting there?

When you play the Game of Thongs, you win or you die.

...

Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

There was a bug in the previous Lounge that appears to be resolved since you posted in it. I see that you appear to be unhappy with it though. Doesn't matter. I will use this thread for other purposes like posting drafts and chatting with others.



This made more sense than the prologue of that story!



Not the case of the Lord of the Rings. The prologue centred around what hobbits are. After reading that prologue and the maps of the Shire, the first chapter made sense. The second chapter "The Shadow of the Past" was expository in nature. I counted 41 pages.

And what does pacing have to do with simple explanation? I don't see how the prologue of the Game of Thrones be in anyway less readable if Martin bothered to explain what the Night Watch is. What I wanted is an explanation of what the terms mean. A sentence like,

Led by the youthful noble Ser Weymar Royce, Gared and Will were scouts for the Night Watch, a band of men tasked with keeping an eye on the raiders from beyond north of the Wall. Wildlings these raiders were called for that was what they covered themselves in to conceal themselves as they made their forays into the sunlit uplands south of the Wall.

It could have made much more sense. I don't think that would ruin the pacing much.



I have also the same thoughts as you after reading a comic you have showed me, Nanadome no Gomenne. I might consider reviewing it just to annoy you.

But yes, it is very strange why people would do that over one short sentence.

it's already out in the ocean, and that's all :D



you'll always win the game, as opposed to always losing the game :D



maybe because it's much shorter and no sexual absurdity.

maybe because it's much shorter and no sexual absurdity.[/quote]

By any chance have you read an excerpt of my impressions of the GOT prologue? It is somewhere in the second page.

yeah I did.

when will you finish it? :)

Hopefully by Saturday but I am not optimistic. I see the same repeating itself again and again throughout the prologue. New characters, new terms and names of organisations not explained in detail. Most of the plot had to be guessed by going through interpreting the dialogue and character interaction.

Not what I had in mind for a prologue.

________________________________________________

Wait, it even gets more confusing from here!

Page 1:



"Will saw them", Gared said.

At that point of time, I thought that Will, whoever he is, was not likely part of Gared's and Ser Weymar Royce's company. Perhaps I would have an idea what he is at the very next line.

Will had known they would drag him into the quarrel sooner or later.

It turns out that was not the case. In fact, the introduction of Will felt jarring to me. Without any explanation of who he is, we are now seeing this story from his point of view. If I tried skimming through the first page, chances are I would miss Will completely.

The story continues from his point of view. It appears that finally we have some exposition to make sense of the story. I will enclose those bits in a spoiler...



It seemed to explain matters. Yet, after reading that I had even more questions.

What is the Night Watch? Does it have anything to with Crime Watch? Are they trying to watch out for people having a hanky panky at night in the woods? Are they an occult group on the search of the supernatural?

What is a ranging? I don't think ranging is a noun the last time I checked that word in a dictionary. Could you explain it Mr. Martin?

Why are they hunting down wildling raiders? Ah... Perhaps that is what the Night Watch does, hunting down wildling raiders, whatever they are. However, I can't be too certain. Also, could you explain what a wildling is?

What is so safe about the Wall? In fact, other than a map, Martin hasn't given us a proper explanation of what the Wall is, its significance and so on.

For all the words put into explaining that something felt wrong, I still have no idea who they are, what they are and why they are doing what they do.

All I know is that they are part of the Night Watch, an organisation that I have never heard of, that they do rangings, which I never heard of, that they come from the Wall, a place I never heard of, and that they hunt wildling raiders, an endeavour that makes no sense to me since I don't see that many wildling plants behaving aggressively. Surely, these have to be addressed first before continuing the story? Otherwise, why should I care about them feeling uneasy?

maybe detailed explanations aren't all that necessary? I think if it could be somehow explained shortly as long as we get it, it's enough :) maybe some people just want to write the scenes like screenplay directors

It is not exactly detailed explanations but a lack of explanation in my opinion. The story could have made so much sense if it included something like:

Led by the youthful noble Ser Weymar Royce, Gared and Will were scouts for the Night Watch, a band of men tasked with keeping an eye on the raiders from beyond north of the Wall. Wildlings, these raiders were called, for that was what they covered themselves in to conceal themselves as they made their forays into the sunlit uplands south of the Wall.

ah, it makes the story more interesting :D I now kinda remember D&D RPG thing with epic battles or something like LOTR.

That is too generous. What I meant to say is, there must be at least some explanation for the terms you are throwing out. At this rate, even a business contract would be more readable than the Game of Thrones!

what you mean like an exposition.

that's a funny thought lol, a business contract :D

I suddenly remember a joke mentioning some contract 'bout asking a sperm donation from various people, and they won't take those who could read the contract because they're obviously lawyers.

Because the other one glitched/bugged. New page was missing.



Get used to the new WRITER'S Lounge banner, courtesy of Misaki_Chi.

It's just another thread I have to bookmark and check now. I prefer the original, though. Doubles are unnecessary since you already have the Cesspit, but do as you will.



This isn't new in Fakku. Threads glitch like that all the time, they create a new page even though no one has posted enough to go into a new page. You simply have to post more and the new page gets filled into. That's what happens, it doesn't mean you're missing anyone's posts because the new page is blank. I posted in the thread when this occurred and I didn't see any problems beyond that normal phenomena.

There are of course exceptions to any rule or trend. It's also worth noting that Lord of the Rings came out decades before Game of Thrones and pretty much every fantasy book I've read. I have not read Lord of the Rings and cannot comment further on it.



I was generalizing when I said that, but now that I think on it more, pacing is starting to sound a less satisfactory explanation.

I have another possible reason why GRRM didn't place convenient explanations of terms commonplace in the world of the story. Point of view. As you've no doubt noticed, the book is told from limited third person. It follows Will specifically in the prologue. It would therefor be strange for him to ponder on words he need not ponder on. He knows all too well what wildlings are, the purpose of rangings for rangers of the Night's Watch and what a lordling is. Breaking point of view breaks immersion, and that's a big deal for some people.

I checked my Oxford for wildling and lordling.

Wildling can also mean "a wild creature or an animal" apart from the one you provided.

Lordling had two definitions:

1. (My paraphrasing) A smaller or minor lord, often used contemptuously.
2. Obsolete A type of apple.

So maybe Martin is actually talking about plants and apples fighting each other.

needs more kawaii :D



lol :DDD