[Winter Contest Entry 2013] An Analysis

Good mercy it took a moment to find the words to reply.
I suppose the part that threw me off should be first, I'm not used to writing like this and the humor employed so reading it brought some confusion to me and I found myself hesitating on preceding further.
However it was the also this very confusion that also made me continue, I like writing that tilts my head. I both wanted to stop and continue at the same time which in my book is a good thing so great job on it.
I need to go read a Doujinshi to get the image the elderly out of my head so excuse me.

I wonder if that was the response of everyone who read this.

initially, i stopped reading your thing because i didn't care about what you had to say. after i scrolled down and read some positive comments, i read it and i was right; it was so uninteresting.... to me-- but just because i didn't like it doesn't mean that it isn't well-written, etc.. i guess its not my cup of tea. i wish you commanded more authority in your writing.. you lose me as a reader because you basically go dictionary, then thought, dictionary, then thought, then u ramble. it'd be more interesting if you wrote something that you yourself cared about-- why should i care if you yourself don't?

as for the one about marriage, you can link it to me, and ill read it

I don't write stories. I go for monologues or rants to be more colloquial. It is written in my sense of humour of course.

Did you realise that the writer was trying to be funny? I am now very interested because the responses to this thread is like night and day with some laughing their heads off and others with similar responses to yours.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/concerning-that-wedding-soon-to-be-completed-contest-entry-

Another piece of work, written in similar fashion is at my signature.

i was once told that the average reader doesn't like to read and has like a 20 second attention span, so you're fortunate to find someone who doesn't feel like they're doing you a favor when they read your thing; personally i took it as such; i noticed the endeavors toward humor, but i didn't find it funny.

i guess i'm just not that easy :P

Not necessarily. If I had written something that catered to your tastes, you would read on. Doesn't matter how long one's supposed attention span is.

I am now even more interested in your tastes in writing having read your response to HumbugAssociates. I thought his work to be excellent.

I would like to parody your entry the day after tomorrow. Would you find that acceptable?

go for it

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1V94ijuG2AI

a silly reading of the ending part for your comic relief

This entry definitely sticks out of the rest, all other entries appear to be †šproper†˜ prose. The idea is good, the use of language seems largely proficient, and I can see the humour although it’s not for me – I did however chuckle at some parts.

There are a few odd sentences and at least one typing error (“Dictionary definitions can be somehow be sexually arousing.”), as well as inconsistencies in punctuation (at first you use numbering with a number followed by full stop (“1. The late […]”) then you switch to just numbers (“1 A temperature […]”) then you switch to numbers and letters, but leave out the numbers afterwards (“3a having […]”), but your use of different font sizes, strengths and colours makes your work fresh and lively.

You also got tangled up with what a dictionary entry is. The entry is about †˜cold’ and its meanings, each meaning is a line or part of the entry. After your analysis of the first line you say that your eyes go to the next line of the entry, but after part 2 you say you go to the next entry or entries – that would mean you are now looking up another word – etc. This goes back to being consistent in your choice of words.

I was however slightly disappointed. I was expecting something more akin to an essay, paired with witty arguments that would result in absurd – but believable – conclusions. Instead we have something more akin to a structured writing of someone’s thought process. This is not a bad thing, but for better or worse my expectations were not met from the title and the beginning in which you promised to analyse the word.

You seem to not conform to the reader’s expectations throughout the piece; you open up trains of thoughts without going into more detail (President Cleveland? I might be missing something obvious here, your rage about the use of relatively ends in only a few sentences, etc.) and you tackle each line of the dictionary entry in different ways, making it difficult to predict what will come next (which is not always a bad thing).

The biggest issue I had with this piece was the lack of confidence, as mibuchiha said: you sound whiny. This may be part of the style of your humour as you seem to play with the idea of being a whiny, unconfident person, but it is problematic in writing. If the reader knows that the narrator is not confident, then the reader cannot believe in him or in what he says; If the narrator isn’t sure or confident in what he does, then why should I care?

Since opinions differ this can work for some people, but not for others, and it may be partly why you receive mixed reviews. For most people the narrator needs to be confident and reliable to make for an enjoyable read. This is not say it cannot work, as people do like your pieces, and the unreliable narrator can be used to great effect – it always comes down to how you use it and how the reader perceives it.


Final Thoughts:

I like your entry for its original take, but because of its nature the divide in opinions is obvious. Prose writing is among the most popular forms of writing for a reason: it’s enjoyable and understandable for a large amount of people, but the more essay-style of creative writing that you approach here is not for everyone.

I want to again applaud your use of language and font tools – they are rarely used in prose writing as a certain form is expected of them, but they can have great effect when used right. The writing is very solid, apart from some hiccups and maybe an overfondness of commas. The thing I would most like to see is more consistency and more confidence, though the latter may not be possible if that is the style you are going for.


(End of feedback, now some responses to others)



I find this to be a nice touch.




This was actually a nice reading, made me laugh. ^^

GroverCleveland is one of the judges. Xenon is one of the judges. JerichoAntares should be thanking me on his knees for not referencing him in this entry.

Being whiny was precisely the joke. A megalomaniac with mental issues. He sounds confident, "My great contributions to this site," is one example. Then goes on to split hairs to a hilarious extent. I think this irony to be amusing, others do not it seems.


You are not supposed to sympathise with the author. You are supposed to laugh at him. The whole point of this entry is go through that poor person's thoughts as he analyses the dictionary entry.
For your information though, that is not my character but rather a facet of it.

That said, upvote please.

And thank you for pointing out that problem in the essay where I am supposed to say 'lines' instead of 'entries'. One reason why I posted my reading was to find out grammatical errors. I don't see any spelling errors at all. I will correct that later. That is a very serious mistake (and I mean it)

Most of my remarks on the entries submitted is the proper conveyance of information. I thought that analyses involve telling one's opinion of the subject. No. 3 for example, is to lampoon how vague that dictionary definition was. It can be used to construct a sex scene. That should be made clearer.

Yeah I missed that one, but now that you say it I remember reading that name.



That clarifies things, it's just not exactly to my tastes then.



I'm not that used to the upvote thing, sorry.

Yay! It is upvoted! Now, I will definitely see pictures of GroverCleveland's relations!

Do indicate the parts that you can't follow, if you don't mind. I take that quite seriously. After reading some criticism, I felt that I should have made clear why was this a case of the author analysing a dictionary entry.

Thank you for reading this entry! Have you read my remarks on yours?

Oh logic! Okay, I see. This is a nonsense article. Leaps of logic are pretty much the norm for articles like these. How does sharing a similarity with a Prime Minister (that of being not human) result in me becoming just like that particular Prime Minister? I can only say that the weasel word 'possibility' saves me the need of having to make that logical connection.

Yes, that makes no sense at all and I am quite proud of it actually.

I already read this but I forgot to comment lol.

Basically this surprised me. I don't think that someone would actually use the theme "COLD" so literally like this ahaha.

There's no story, but in the term of creativity this is really good.

Jahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

That's pretty much all of comments I got for this one.

Some of the readers here don't appreciate the jokes leonard267 have put in at all. To be able to see all of the jokes here and there, one must have a certain level of knowledge on the subject to find them amusing, like ones that are used in the show How I Met Your Mother, anyone who watches that know what I mean (great TV show, btw). I found the Xenon and Clever references were pretty funny. I actually enjoyed your craziness in this writing. I think it is much more interesting than the one with the marriage, which I read last year.

I did find it was strange with the 'entry' grammar thingy FGRaptor have mentioned. However, I read through the piece without much difficulties, but meh. I don't have much else to say about your thing anyway, as others have already pointed out your errors.

I think it was quite cool. Or 'cold'. I'm kinda have that craziness in me when I'm around my friends irl, but I sounded so serious in my entry, lol.

P/S: FGRaptor is such a beast when it comes down to grammar, lol. Specific to the minutest details. I didn't even pay attention to some of the error he listed.

I see that you strike the forums and this contest once again with your style! Pretty enjoyable I'd say (for the most part...). You take an interesting approach to this contest's theme, which I had no doubts that you would, and I think it works out in your favor.

As with many who have read this, I do not have much to comment on. I simply do not have any critique to lend you that hasn't been covered. A loss for words is usually a good sign though... right?!

Also, thanks for burning the sexual connotation of cold into my mind. Perhaps I should've headed the warnings of comments from those like mibu who were foreshadowing the danger.

You may say that. I enjoyed picturing Nejik's response who I thought summarises the thoughts of everyone who read that: I feel like continuing and stopping at the same time. The divide in opinion makes it even more gratifying for me. The urge to hit out at criticism and indulge in the (wholly undeserved) praise is rather invigorating.

I thought you are never going to reply to this thread! That said I have created a Mudslinging Thread parodying some of the entries, with their permission of course. You may (not) want to read it.



Coming soon, a guide on how to write like leonard267. This was what I thought after reading your kind remarks.

I try my best to keep my word, and I delivered this time! And I may stop by Parody Central, but no promises this time! Reading your work tends to force odd thoughts into my mind.

How to Write Like Leonard267 How to Appreciate Leonard267's Writing

1. Be utterly verbose. Use overly long sentences that string together many ideas at once. Never mind that the end product is difficult to read. Eg: However, the drunk people in the bar being drunk, begun stripping my clothes off in some bizarre dance sequence that involves poles and scantily clad women who are very poor candidates for lifelong partners.

2. Lots of explanations and justifications. However, they must not adhere to logic. Eg: Margaret Thatcher and I may not be human... Yet, just as I was entertaining the possibility that I would become a female Prime Minister, get backstabbed... (How does sharing a similarity with a female Prime Minister result in me becoming one?)

3. Contain references that only you can understand. Eg: It was rather obvious that these feelings of unhappiness have mutated into a desire for war on Earth and ill will to all mankind.

4. Referencing obscure references through the use of links. Eg: I was told by some section of an online forum that I need to mingle with more people.

5. Repetition. Eg: My thoughts turned to whether they were given a fuel allowance to tide the cold of the winter. My thoughts also turned to whether their homes have central heating in the first place.

6. Colourful and bright fonts. Eg: DON'T THINK THAT THE YEAR END FESTIVITIES ARE ALL THAT GOOD.

7. Random tone shifts that confuse the poor reader. Eg: They were nonetheless happy, even though they risk sending themselves to the gates of Hades by doing it at such an advanced age. Yet, more importantly, I am not happy.

8. Crazed rambling made possible through feelings of anger and frustration that makes one prone to complaining. Eg: PRETTY MUCH WHATEVER I WRITE!