A Fear of Most Women
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For a while I used to see a psychologist because I wasn't acting normal (not going into details) well while at the shrinks I was asked if I liked anybody and I said yes. He then asked me if i'd pursue a relationship with her and I said "I don't know" he wanted me to try to ask her out but I couldn't. I told him I can't stand rejection and that I am always a nervous wreck when asking a girl out to do anything. He asked me then what my life was like when I was younger I told him about my Mom leaving me at the age of 3 and my sister who is 3 years older attacking me because she was mad our Mom had left us. Until I was about 13 my sister would attack me for just living it seemed she even pulled my ears so hard the started to bleed in the back. Well after telling my psychologist he says I have fear of love and intimacy issues due to the fact that I fear women and it is possible I may never get over it and could be alone my whole life. Now I am not saying I have never had a GF I have but I can't say "I love you" and I never go past 2 months because like my psychologist said I am afraid because all the Women who were important to me growing up have either hurt my psychologically or physically my whole life.
I hate this about myself.
I hate this about myself.
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I think that one day you'll find someone who will be able to get through to you and keep you for longer than two months.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, though.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that, though.
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Don't think you are unique in the fact you fear rejection. I don't think there is a single person in the world who doesn't fear rejection or becomes atleast somewhat nervous about asking someone out. It isn't something wrong with you, everyone feels like that except the completely daring.
And I don't think you fear women - if you did then you wouldn't want to be asking them out or said there was one you liked. If you have trouble asking girls out, ask a friend or anybody you know who is good at it. Buy someone lunch or a beer and say "hey, what do you when you try to ask someone out" and tell them what you tried to do. They might tell you some good advice and see what your problem is.
And I don't think you fear women - if you did then you wouldn't want to be asking them out or said there was one you liked. If you have trouble asking girls out, ask a friend or anybody you know who is good at it. Buy someone lunch or a beer and say "hey, what do you when you try to ask someone out" and tell them what you tried to do. They might tell you some good advice and see what your problem is.
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razama wrote...
Don't think you are unique in the fact you fear rejection. I don't think there is a single person in the world who doesn't fear rejection or becomes atleast somewhat nervous about asking someone out. It isn't something wrong with you, everyone feels like that except the completely daring.And I don't think you fear women - if you did then you wouldn't want to be asking them out or said there was one you liked. If you have trouble asking girls out, ask a friend or anybody you know who is good at it. Buy someone lunch or a beer and say "hey, what do you when you try to ask someone out" and tell them what you tried to do. They might tell you some good advice and see what your problem is.
It is a fear of love and intimacy. I can talk to women but I can't ask them out.
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Even still, it doesn't make sense then if there are girls you like. You wouldn't like them or even want to ask them out if you didn't want to build that interest in them into something more intimate. I think you already stated your problem. You have a fear of rejection.
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razama wrote...
Even still, it doesn't make sense then if there are girls you like. You wouldn't like them or even want to ask them out if you didn't want to build that interest in them into something more intimate. I think you already stated your problem. You have a fear of rejection.You really didn't read anything of my original post did you? I have a fear of love and intimacy because the ones I grew up with were never their for me. It isn't that I don't wanna pursue a relationship it is that whenever I get into it my subconscious tells me to end it as soon as possible.
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I read that part, and you don't have to agree with me but I don't that that is your problem. An abusive sister and neglecting mother isn't a end all. If you are getting into a relationship first expecting someone else to be there for you and comfort YOU, then you are going at it wrong. While of course they SHOULD be there for you, if you instead aimed to be there for THEM you wouldn't be afraid of forming a relationship. You wouldn't want to end or get out of relationships if you were trying to be there for them because you would feel like you were abandoning them.
Your mom and sister shouldn't affect your courtship behavoir, they weren't potential people to have such relationships with - just because they were women doesn't mean you'd be afraid of non family member women. They belong in different categories. Either you have a fear of commitment or you have other problems that you didn't state that would explain better why this guy thinks you have a fear of ALL women.
Or it is simply that you haven't dating anyone worth while yet like LostQuartet said and just keep looking to you find someone worth dating longer.
Your mom and sister shouldn't affect your courtship behavoir, they weren't potential people to have such relationships with - just because they were women doesn't mean you'd be afraid of non family member women. They belong in different categories. Either you have a fear of commitment or you have other problems that you didn't state that would explain better why this guy thinks you have a fear of ALL women.
Or it is simply that you haven't dating anyone worth while yet like LostQuartet said and just keep looking to you find someone worth dating longer.
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I do kind of see Razama's point, but then again people's brains don't just sort things so perfectly in the way of my family's love is different than any other love. For people who haven't had good mothers in their lives, they need someone who will be there for them and take care of them sometimes and show some maternal feelings for them. I have a friend who probably needed/needs a psychiatrist, but he found someone (my best friend) who has gotten through to him and made him a better person. She's been able to help him reopen his connections with people and he's able to care, laugh, and love.
Family ties have a very big impact on relationships you make and the ones you avoid or run away from. Longevity probably subconsciously thinks that those women will leave him (like his mother) or be nice to him and then be horrible to him (like his sister).
But Longevity, even though people have PHD's, it doesn't make them God. People can have great insight with a certificate to back it up. You should take what your doctor says seriously, but you should never take it as concrete fact.
Family ties have a very big impact on relationships you make and the ones you avoid or run away from. Longevity probably subconsciously thinks that those women will leave him (like his mother) or be nice to him and then be horrible to him (like his sister).
But Longevity, even though people have PHD's, it doesn't make them God. People can have great insight with a certificate to back it up. You should take what your doctor says seriously, but you should never take it as concrete fact.
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I am not trying to say that I rejection doesn't hurt but what I am saying is the fact that the women who were supposed to be their in my life weren't their for me or they hurt me.
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LostQuartet wrote...
I thought I made that clear. =/sorry i was reading his when I replied should have quoted probably.
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Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
I thought I made that clear. =/sorry i was reading his when I replied should have quoted probably.
Oh oops. Continue reading, please.
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LostQuartet wrote...
Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
I thought I made that clear. =/sorry i was reading his when I replied should have quoted probably.
Oh oops. Continue reading, please.
I should have just quoted you.
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Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
I thought I made that clear. =/sorry i was reading his when I replied should have quoted probably.
Oh oops. Continue reading, please.
I should have just quoted you.
As a response to razama...?
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Like I said, you don't have to agree with me but LostQuartet is right. He may have the title psychiatrist, but that doesn't mean he is right.
Even if he was, you can't go around with a sign on your back and a introduction to women saying "Sorry if I can't have a relationship with you, I had past problems so I may not be able to go out with you for more then 2 months." You can't let pass problems prevent what you are trying to do and who you are trying to be today.
If the biggest problem you are having right now is keeping a relationship longer than two months, then I think you simply haven't found the right person.
Even if he was, you can't go around with a sign on your back and a introduction to women saying "Sorry if I can't have a relationship with you, I had past problems so I may not be able to go out with you for more then 2 months." You can't let pass problems prevent what you are trying to do and who you are trying to be today.
If the biggest problem you are having right now is keeping a relationship longer than two months, then I think you simply haven't found the right person.
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LostQuartet wrote...
Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
Longevity wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
I thought I made that clear. =/sorry i was reading his when I replied should have quoted probably.
Oh oops. Continue reading, please.
I should have just quoted you.
As a response to razama...?
Yes.
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razama wrote...
You can't let pass problems prevent what you are trying to do and who you are trying to be today.Past problems are part of what defines a person and who they are at the time.
razama wrote...
If the biggest problem you are having right now is keeping a relationship longer than two months, then I think you simply haven't found the right person.That, and also he probably does subconsciously or consciously freak out when the girl starts to take about things seriously. He hasn't found a girl that has been able to open him up yet, which kind of applies to everyone, but it may be harder for him than most because of that past.
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LostQuartet wrote...
razama wrote...
You can't let pass problems prevent what you are trying to do and who you are trying to be today.Past problems are part of what defines a person and who they are at the time.
razama wrote...
If the biggest problem you are having right now is keeping a relationship longer than two months, then I think you simply haven't found the right person.That, and also he probably does subconsciously or consciously freak out when the girl starts to take about things seriously. He hasn't found a girl that has been able to open him up yet, which kind of applies to everyone, but it may be harder for him than most because of that past.
Yeah I don't disagree with anything you said. My point though is that pass problems can have an effect on you and mold you, but they don't restrict you and you can't allow them to start to restrict you from doing what you want. If he thinks he has identified his problem, then great. But don't let it become an excuse, you now you are obligated to overcome it now that you now what to fight against.
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razama wrote...
LostQuartet wrote...
razama wrote...
You can't let pass problems prevent what you are trying to do and who you are trying to be today.Past problems are part of what defines a person and who they are at the time.
razama wrote...
If the biggest problem you are having right now is keeping a relationship longer than two months, then I think you simply haven't found the right person.That, and also he probably does subconsciously or consciously freak out when the girl starts to take about things seriously. He hasn't found a girl that has been able to open him up yet, which kind of applies to everyone, but it may be harder for him than most because of that past.
Yeah I don't disagree with anything you said. My point though is that pass problems can have an effect on you and mold you, but they don't restrict you and you can't allow them to start to restrict you from doing what you want. If he thinks he has identified his problem, then great. But don't let it become an excuse, you now you are obligated to overcome it now that you now what to fight against.
I agree. :]