am I being difficult

I don't know really if I'm being picky or too difficult with my partners.

thinking of the last year...

I had a bf, he was hot, sex was hot, he treated me really good we have fun whenever we are together. thing is he's a plane ride away and we can only see each other 3 times a year at the most and he will never move here. no vices, trustworthy. no weed no booze no drugs

next bf I had was he was average joe guy, sex was good, he is in the same county. but he is so emotionally distant. he's one of those people that has social anxiety and gets really really jealous, which we fought a lot over. manageable consumption of weed and booze, tries heavy drugs sometimes. and he just told me too that he wants to be with men too.

next guy I saw, he was below average in looks. sex was mediocre. same county, but he is emotionally there all the time. we get along fine but he has no social anxiety but he just wont go with me to the places I want to - clubs and music. no weed just booze. im just not attracted to him at all, I try to but I just cant

next guy I had, he was hot as fuck. sex is amazingly insane. love and attention is almost clingy level which I was fine with. just that, actually being with him isnt really that pleasurable sometimes. when he gets drunk he becomes a different animal, like a freakin slut and flirts with everyone in my face and acts shamefully. he gets crazy on me too and fights with me in front of people over nonsense! NONSENSE! hell he called me immature coz I told him he stressed me out. he's into heavy drugs, and he's really into booze.

one guy I dated was very young. he was so paranoid about his parents. he was hot but sex was hellish, he didnt knew shit about it. time with him is fun. hes too casual and carefree which you cant blame him for hes too young. hes just too young

one guy I saw, he's sweet. language barrier was there, he's peruvian. he is hot as crazy too, I mean he does yoga and sex was great, like really too its like he just can keep going and going. we get along fine. but he's a player and has a few girls on the side. plus he disappears from time to time. same county but he's always working at the time that I am free.

one guy I dated, sex is nice, he is also hot as hell. he plays in a band. girls love him and as expected he see's a lot too. we get along fine really. but he's too far away and we cant see each other much.

another guy I dated, he was ok. he lived so far away too. we got along, we didnt get far with sex so Ive no idea. but he was sweet like really sweet when we are together but thats it, its when we are together only which is rare and I dont hear form him much. this one, was a bad call for me to break up with him I guess. he's a bouncer at a strip club and we are into the same stuff too.

then I met this guy, he's also a musician, a producer of sorts. hes good looking. we never had sex. we got along fine but he wanted to move to puerto rico and live there, clearly I cant follow so... and he's a nomad.

is something wrong with me? I meet them but there's always something missing. I don't know anymore really. I have a very clear idea on what I want, am I being too pushy and selfish and retarded about this?

honestly, lately ive also just come to terms with myself that... I actually seem to like women. but I dont know how to really approach them. I know how to deal with men but, I dont know what to do with women, Im so lost that it makes me so nervous. When I am with men I am so confident. I'm hitting on a girl right now, but I feel so pessimistic, that I would fuck this up somehow.

Sorry just too much on my mind right now I guess.

i would think maybe you're being a bit too picky but the musician it seems like you dont know him as well as the other fellas you've been with previously,under the assumption that you're a woman,welcome to the club of being nervous when trying to talk to women and the confidence with men:a good amount of fellas are simple but the nervousness with women is because you cant really use the same plays that you use with men on women and you might fuck it up is she to into women/men(if you are a guy) i would see if somehow you could find that out subtlely and good luck and hope to hear how it turns out

well yes. men are easy to hook, I mean some of them would do things even they would not expect they'd do sometimes with me. with a girl, i dont know, I get confused. should I try to act like a guy? if I act like a girl wont they be turned off? I know there are lesbians out there but, assuming it gets intimate, I dont know really what to do. I guess im not confident in pleasing them. where as with men, theyve been really happy with me. Ok Im tired now and Im just talking BS now. Ive just been talking to this girl and I think she's really nice and decent. Well, a guy has neem hitting on me too and some other people in my life.

Hm... OK, a few things. Lets start with the bottom, and go up.

For sake of reference, I think it's pretty obvious you're of the female origin. I would suggest that since you're curious (rather, lets say you're curious) about being in a relationship with another female, but have no experience in the matter, that you should find someone who is willing to lead the way, at least at first, and teach you. Maybe find someone through connections you can sit down and talk to. Experiment. Try new things. The worst that'll come of it is that you'll find that it wasn't for you. Or you'll find that you're bi, or lesbian, and possibly fill that hole you need filling in a relationship.... and no, not that one. I mean the psychological/emotional hole here. Get your mind outta the gutter.

As for the rest of it, if your searching for a blunt, or more honest answer; Yes, you're picky as hell. By the sounds of it, at any time you've seen some fault somewhere, you've jumped ship to find something better. And finding something better isn't... well, I don't want to say wrong or right, but it's something we all want. However, relationships aren't always going to be perfect, and we aren't always going to have those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings we want to have. You have to work for that "perfect other", and I think that's something many seem to forget nowadays.

My other guess is that you might be afraid of committing, which would also explain your willingness to jump ship if something goes or seems wrong, for fear of it not working out. Which is understandable. We're all afraid of such things, but if you don't take the time to try, and jump ship at the slightest tendencies, you might be missing out on that person that you were "meant to be with". Granted, I'm not saying stick with that guy getting drunk all the time, or that abuses you or something, but if you find a nice guy, treats you right, makes you laugh, but probably isn't some sexy beast in the bedroom... work with it. Being good at sex (or anything else) is something you can work towards... so work towards it.

Or, you could simply be a lesbian, and are searching for a more effeminate companion. This would need some experimentation and soul-searching to find out, but you can do it... if you can stick to it.

As a side note:


Welcome to but a small taste of how us guys can feel. :P

Well yeah that is pretty correct I think. I originally didn't want to post anything cause what I had to say wasn't exactly positive but I believe Alex is right in this situation. If this is all within the last year then I completely agree with what Alex says.

Besides that, you can get the guy to work on looking better by choosing different clothes. As for in bed? Communication and working with the guy/telling him what you like so it can be better.

And as for that last part, hitting on girls? Man, maybe I'm just really nerdy but I find that is a shallow and lame way to get to know a girl compared to actually trying to talk to her about interests/intellectual stuff/and other things. But I suppose it is really effective, doesn't mean I have to like it =/.

If all those guys are from the same year, yes. Something is wrong with you. It's obvious you do not kindle a real relationship [friendship] with someone before taking things further. These guys clearly did not start out as friends - clearly, because, only one of them was a person you seemed to really connect with. The first guy. It's obvious that the fact the first guy did not work out due to distance, you rebounded hard and started taking everything that came at you; noticeable by your lack of sustained interest in any of them, and the variation that is literally all over the spectrum.

My advice?

Stop dating. Stop flirting. See a professional and thoroughly discuss the events of this past year, and your childhood. That many failed relationships in that short amount of a time is a red flag you should not ignore. This is not an insult, or an attack. This is a fact. If you want to be happy at any point in your future, talk to someone. It's clear that you do not feel there are any underlying issues but it is apparent that something inside you isn't right. Not because 'you're picky', it's exactly the opposite - you're acting desperate. And when you get into a relationship with someone you don't feel anything real for, it's -going- to fail.

Take a HUGE step back. Talk to someone, and re-evaluate.

From your initial post, it seems clear that your priority in a relationship revolves around sex. Physical attraction is important, and sex has its place, but what really matters is how you both feel for each other. Skills at sex can be improved with honest and open communication, but if you really want a relationship then it has to be about more than just sex and attraction.

Lollikittie's advice is very sound, and you should consider talking things over with a professional councilor, especially if you are questioning your sexual orientation. Instead of jumping from situation to situation, looking for someone to make you happy, you should decide on what makes you happy and take the time to find the person (man or woman) that you think will be the right partner.

Alex
i dont think im afraid of commitments, I really DO want to, I just cant commit to someone who doesnt want me to or is too far away of I think is someone who cant really take care of me decently and make me happy.

like I just got off the phone with my last bf's lover. seems my ex-bf beat her up in public, I dont think I made the wrong decision to leave that guy. some people's insanity just dont show up til way later in the relationship. he never pulled a physical on me though, he know's I'd beat the hell out of him if he even tries.

oh yeah, all of those werent in 1 year, its 1 year and 3 months ok >_>

if you were rooting for that one guy who was physically bad but was sweet, believe me, I REALLY REALLY want to like him, I tried to force myself to like him but I just cant ;_; I cant see him more than just a friend

A long long time ago, I had a relationship with a girl. I was so young. sometimes I still think of her. sometimes I feel, I just wanna find someone like her at least the way she was with me. maybe thats kinda stupid to look for in men(I take that back, thinking about it she was actually very tomboyish -_-. but its not physical I mean I dont really want pussy first off, its something else. its a feeling that I cant word out. I was just happy and secure back then and everything was simple and sane

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blue animal thingy
what are you talking about? hitting = trying to 'talk' to someone, with the intention of having a relationship later with the person. isnt that what it means in a casual setting?

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Lolli
Well, yeah I'll admit, I experimented a little and tried it anyway even if I didnt like it JUST to eliminate the 'oh you didnt try it, what do you know it mightve worked out'. on some not all.

I dont flirt with them, they come to me! 3 of them, I really had real feelings for. Hell I really loved them, one was the guy who lived so far away who I even flew half the country for just to see him. the other two, they were just abusive. everyone tells me to leave them back then

this time though, I really WILL wait and not jump into something fast. well, my ex's theyre still my friends really. I mean they did start as friends, we still see each other from time to time as friends.

like one time I went out with two of my ex-bfs and we all had an ok time.

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toy girl
Hey! sure sex is an element in each of them but it doesnt revolve around it. i mean, dont we all do that? to me sex is like rice or mash, when youre eating it you dont really care about it. you only notice it when its somewhat lacking and you get hungry you know.

and come on, I did show on the list that I did leave the guys who were insanely good at sex. if that was all I cared about and looks I would not have left my last bf who's the best ive ever had.

I would trade it for something more

9:18 oh my god oh god!!!!!!!!!!! my ex-bfs lover just called, hes like all bloody and the police and the ambulance is there!!! he got in a fight with some manager at a club oh god!!! i think theyre gonna take him to a hospital

Sounds to me like you really don't have your head on straight, when it comes to what and who you really want in a relationship, nor are you really, truly, ready for one. I'd take things slow, ease into it, don't jump at any possible relationships with anyone till you have a firm confidence that it may be someone you want to date, then date them, and maybe talk to someone about it that knows you really well. Because by the sounds of it, you're jumping at all the possibilities without thinking about what you really want out of them.

Sound like you're far too picky about what you want and not truely ready for a relationship yet, because you're still getting over that first guy and jumping into rebound relationships left right and center to whoever is easy on the eye or shows you the slightest bit of affection. It also came off as that you didn't care to wait before you jumped into bed with them all.

Try taking a break from relationships for while (and by a while, I mean at least a year) and don't just jump into a relationship with someone, because getting into a rebound relationship with someone for selfish reasons is a dick move on your part; they might actually really like you and you lose interest far too quickly for it to work and thus, fuck it up for yourself.

yeah im gonna take it slow and not think too much about it anymore. i just stress out anyway. its just simpler not to I guess. im too tired its 3am. but yeah Ill just take a break from relationships and just enjoy my freedom for now

You completely ignored my advice about seeing a counselor. I strongly suggest it. Things are off. A counselor isn't a 'shrink', but they can refer you to one if simply talking things out isn't enough.

hey im not crazy. but I am already seeing one anyway, my psych. she actually tells me that what I am doing is good to get to know myself and she even tells me not to feel bad about this. that its normal really to sleep with that many. I mean I told her, doc lets say im dating 7 people in a week, I'd feel bad about that, and she said that is fine and there is nothing bad in doing that, I do hope you get over it its a part of growth. You should go out there and enjoy your life and explore possibilities. Well thats her diagnosis so. And you cant argue with a professional right hahahaha

1. Advising a shrink is a far cry from suggesting someone's crazy. It's suggesting someone needs guidance.

2. I seriously doubt a licensed professional told you 'No prob, fuck 7 people in 7 days, seems legit."

The trial-and-error 'getting to know yourself' bit, sure. But I get the feeling you didn't phrase things to her the way you did to us because.. there are sirens going off. You'd have to be either ignorant or in denial not to hear them.

she actually is licensed, and yes its a doctor. I live in california,los angeles, the culture here is well you know. at first I thought this was abominable but everyone else is like...

actually she knows it in detail. like way more than what i say here, shes my doctor so she knows and everything I tell her is safe

and just to make it clear, I never fucked 7 people in 7 days ok. im not some machine, I still have to do the laundry and stuff.

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I was thinking of making a thread but ill just add it here I guess.

It's hard to admit, but I dont know how to make friends. Or more like maintain friendship. Each time, I get involved with the person. be it small and just a kiss and flirting or a full blown relationship

Also which is why 100% of my current friends right now have been involved with me one way or another.

I do want to have a friend for once, a normal friend. not a friend with benefits you know. but I dont know how to.

I live in California, so it's not a state thing, because I know a decent of people that would not agree with you on your... Argument. It's more of a social excuse, but that's my opinion. Whatever.

As for the second bit, if you want a normal friend, you could, ya know, decline the prospect of sex whenever it comes up or is offered. It would be a start.

Also, I'm with loli on the doctor thing; if your doctor is saying its cool to be with that many guys in short intervals of time, something seems off.

well i didnt say its a state thing. ive never been to san francisco or san diego before. and of course even here in, or the hollywood area, theres still a lot who are not. my parents for example >_>

my doctor, shes really hot. shes one of those liberated females who... well

you know what. if i get a friend and stays online, then we wont get to do such things nor would either of us be tempted to. atleast thats a start maybe, then I will move on to face to face level.

and whaaaat really? youre here. oh my god, alex youre not from san diego are you???? have you been here to LA the last couple of weeks. I was with someone named alex. uhm. -_-

I was talking to someone about starting a group thingy for 'friendly' activities. but i dont know how to start one. :(

I've been, like, everywhere in Southern California. San Francisco is one of the few places I have not been to, though. However, I haven't been down to LA in the past few months. I do live close to San Diego, though.

And your doctor sounds like she's giving you her personal opinion, instead of her professional opinion, which is something a medical profession should never, ever do. As for the friend thing, that might work, it might not. I would just learn to control yourself no matter what, but whichever works for you, I suppose.

Me and ex of mine talked before of going to san diego. I dont know if its bollocks but he said theres a train that goes all the way from downtown LA to san diego. i so wanna go, I heard theres this beach strip of sorts there with nice stuff to see!!! and seaworld! i havent seen shamu before, if hes even still alive -_-

But seriously though, is it really so bad in this day and age to be open to other people? I know its not something that a lot do extensively but... I remember an eddi murphy live comedy flick, and he was talking about how every man out there has this urge or instinct to dominate and get as much pussy as he can. it doesnt matter if the girlfriend or wife is the hottest and nicest perfect wife out there, he will always want to regardless. now, from a male's stand point, dont you think it would be nice if you had such a freedom to explore that? openly, I know most out there already do behind closed doors lets get real right. its just never said coz the girlfriend would go ballistic.

Hm. I do know of a few trains and such. I don't know if there's one straight from LA to San Diego, but I do know there's a a Metro that goes from LA, to another area that has a train, that'll go all the way to San Diego. It would be something that requires research I'm not willing to put in, but it's entirely possible.

As for the rest of it... that would me a matter of opinion, whether being with so many people is normal for this "day and age", or not. However, I would think a vast majority would not find it appropriate, nor very ethical, to do so even with today's TV and media telling you differently.

As for the whole guy thing; In some regard, that may be true, about the man wanting as many women as possible, mostly do our old primary instincts, but that doesn't mean he ever does. It's called self control. And just because there are other guys who are horny shits who can't keep it in their pants for more the five minutes (with another women), doesn't mean that the vast majority doesn't have the self control to stay with one partner. Just because "it would be nice", doesn't mean it would be right, necessary, or 100% true.