come pour your heart out

yea I guess my gender is kinda hard to tell, I'm like that on most sites though must be an "old habits" thing.

ok, so this really upset me.

background: i've been working at a restaurant for the past few months waitressing. most of the kitchen guys hit on me and it's been mostly just playful and innocent. there is one guy though whose asked me out a couple of times already and each time i've said no and just dropped the issue. even after i rejected him twice, he asks me questions all the time and always wants to know stuff about me and when i am working. i always respond in a curt and cold manner because i don't want him to like me but i am nice and respectful when it comes to work related things.

yesterday: i had agreed to help him communicate (spanish to english) with his immigation attorney and i gave him my cell number just for the purpose of setting up a meeting with his attorney. yesterday he calls me discuss dates. soon after we ended that conversation i start getting texts from him telling me that he is in love with me, that he could picture us getting married, describing my lips and so on. i tell him to stop. he says that he is sorry to offend me but that love is not something you can hide. then he tells me that i should tell him that i don't like him and he will not call me again. i tell him i don't like him and that he needs to delete my number from his phone. i also revoke my offer to help him, which really sucks for him, but i can't let him get closer. argh, the whole damn situation made me feel dirty, gross and then guilty for feeling dirty and gross. ruined my day and told the manager i could not come into work that day.

the f'ed up thing is that this shit happens to me often. i've had so many guys tell me within a week of knowing me that they are in love with me, or that they never felt this way before, or some crap like that. i've had a cousin who i met at my grandmother's funeral try to start a long distance relationship with me and basically cyber stalk me on gchat, facebook, and skype. at another restaurant i worked at i had a guy ask me out every single time we worked together for 5 months until i agreed on a supervise "date" with my brother to make him stop. i was once attacked by an internship supervisor from a human rights organization who had gotten it into his head that he had feelings for me and that i had feelings for him. this drives me crazy and it makes me feel horrible every time it happens. i don't know what to do about it, and i just expect that maybe once a year or every other year, something like this will happen and i just have to deal with it.

sorry, just needed to vent. yesterday was just one awkward, horrible day.

what I wanna get off my chest...
i still have feelings for this guy I got to know the past 6 or 7 months and we basically fought a lot near the end and he changed completely. his family situation got the best of him and he just became so cynical and quiet and pushed me and others away. but im trying to move on and ive gotten asked out by other guys but i just cant feel the same way about them. the guy i lost ... he was my ideal guy before he changed. every single thing about him...and now hes gone...but hes technically still here?

but we arent talking and im not sure we should. its really hard moving on. i cant find anyone like him.

im starting to become cynical myself

its only been 6-7 months. don't become so cynical yet..

i know i shouldnt but its really really hard to when you fall for someone. and i dont mean like i saw him and BOOM LOVE. im not one of those people who take the word "love " lightly. but i know it. I'm in love with him. and it's hard coming out of it because it's like to him any memories of me were just wiped away. I was replaced by his own loathing. It's really tough thinking he treated me so sweetly and we connected so well only to be thrown away nearly overnight. Its a long wierd story of what happened that i wont get into unless asked but rest assured I am in love and I am trying to forget that I am.

It's ridiculous

no no, i get it. i've had an experience like that. it can take years to get over it and sometimes you might never get over it and he'll just be "that guy." my suggestion is just don't let yourself regret not having done something, find some way of getting closure, or just accept that he is "that guy" and just take a break for a while from guys until someone pretty awesome comes along, which they will :).

sorry, weird and unrelated, but your avatar makes me squirm. :( its the popsicle..it gives me shivers whenever i see someone biting into a popsicle.

sorry, continue.

ha, didn't know. i am kinda weird. i also don't like the sound of ice coming out of an ice cube tray. i had a roommate who learned of this and would chase me around the apartment with trays of ice. ::squirms::

thanks for your advice guys! That actually has helped me put this in perspective a bit :)
thanks

and heat-chan, i think the popsicle is adorable

dont creep girls out and be confident. thats simple advice, but effective.