Discussion: Obstacles in a Relationship

For those of you who have dated, what were some of the major obstacles and/or arguments that came up in your relationships? Was it mostly an outside force that caused tension in the relationship or did this occur naturally from the inside (one partner, the other, or both) who for whatever reason created stress in the relationship? How did you manage to resolve the issue? Did the two of you later form a stronger bond or did you decide to part ways? How do you feel about it after-the-fact? Do you feel like you would've handled things differently now then how you did then?

Discuss.

Trust, I have had problems with that after a certain relationship, with her dating multiple guys at once, I was the first guy to find out about this, I gave her an ultimatum and she found a new guy and got rid of the current 3 she was with (including me). I was depressed for awhile because I cared a great deal about her, I still care about her wellbeing.

I don't understand why you would still care about her well-being when she clearly didn't give two shits about yours. She should have disclosed the fact that she was with other partners before she even formed a relationship with you, but she didn't - so, she not only did she betray your emotional trust, but she also opened you up to the possibility of receiving an STD. She also was clearly not remorseful, since she dropped you like a hot potato and went to pursue another relationship shortly after (and probably is going to do the same thing to him). I understand why you would be cautious with others after enduring something like that, but I hope you know that there are lots of trustworthy girls out there. Instead of still focusing on this old relationship, go out and try to find someone who really deserves your care and affection.

Edit: Oh wait, you're married. Lolz.

I've experienced both, be it jealous exes, bullshitting friends of hers or the partner simply being a nutcase/trainwreck. Or both. You really don't want both, trust me.

Naturally what any sane person would do is sit down and talk to them about it, which I often tried to do but to no avail and the ensuing tensions would eventually result in us parting ways. Well actually, let me rephrase that; they'd part ways with me without even talking to me about it then get back with said ex a week later. It was good in a way because we obviously wouldn't have been suited for one another and on average I'd normally only been with them a month or two. I learned from it though, eventually: never stick your dick in crazy, or get with a girl who's still hung up on an ex.

Every relationship will have a fight or an argument. I never had an outside influence in one. Depends on what the fight was about, but sex fixes damn near everything non serious. Talking it out to a point. Don't hassle. Don't be needy or over insecure or even overly secure. You can't understand the minds of women anyways. Use that sixth sense to gauge there feelings and never use 'are you ok' too much. If you feel that piecing moods come.. step back and run to the store.. she needs time to cool off before the talk.

The question was written with a single relationship so i can't say it was stronger or the we split thing because.. yeah both. Women want a confident man, someone who would be fine when you dump or get dump by him. She wants a man with respect, honor and wouldn't bat a eye to put the pimp hand down on Jesus himself if ever disrespected. They want to be dominated to a point. They need a man who can back them in life.

Has long as you're not a cheater, beater or needer. You lay the ass right and are man enough to be a partner in her life then your good. I leave with the words of my father a man who impregnated a 14 year old girl. 'Never give your woman all your time, love and money, because they will want more.' Which sounds misogynistic, but it's true. You never want to give everything because they expect more. Also my father is on his fourth marriage.

Money, trust and jealousy were the 3 major issues. All of them caused internally and resolved internally as well.

Money part caused due to very different backgrounds and attitude towards spending/earning. Resolved by careful budgeting and a few talks.

Trust and jealousy come together apparently, but again, patients and persistence paid off. A few talks and some time rectified that.

It really helps having some patients and tranquility to solve such touching issues, our relationship became stronger with more understanding, but we looked at each other in a different way.

I would have started learning about human psychology and communication a bit earlier if i had a chance. A lot of problems are caused by the lack of understanding rather than anything else.



I agree with that.

A relationship that has no obstacles is no relationship at all but a facade. These obstacles are helpful to either strengthen the relationship or that is better to seek new horizons in separate ways. I have been on two relationships in my life: one that was a disaster and one that went all the way into a happy marriage.

Family is a common obstacle that can become overtime when you and your partner prove your worth and change their opinion about the relationship. It takes time and patience but it does deliver results.

Stress and pressure will always happen. It is not healthy to keep things to yourself, but relying too much is not good either. You have each other to help ease things and also encourage to not let bad things take you down for your partner who have been helping you all this time.

Communication is the most important part in a relationship, it can help overcome many obstacles such as jealously and trust issues. You need not only to tell your partner what you like and want him/her to change, but also the way you tell your partner is important ("I'm here for you, so please be confident in telling me your problems" is better than "why don't you tell me anything?!"). However, do not a lot much of your family or friends because it may backfire.

I am an old-school gentleman and because of that I didn't get much girlfriends (friendzoned a lot), but in my relationships I let things clear.

Obstacles I generally face:
-Trust
-Spending time with them (too much, and I feel suffocated, unless I really like them. There is also the point I spend lots of time playing games/ foruming)
-Spending habits (I spend all my money pointlessly... It keeps me entertained and distracted from what's going on)
-My car (I love to drive, and I want to build it up, which'll cost money, which comes in with the above, etc)
-Communication (I don't like telling people how I feel, cause I don't want to tell them, or I feel they wouldn't care either way. That and I'm terrible at picking up hints)
-Stress (I don't handle stress well, so I try my best to keep my stress levels to a minimum. I only have two ways to relieve stress currently, which is punch something (a wall, or solid object) or drive... and when I drive, I drive hard (depending on what has stressed me, and how stressed I am))

So, main things are trust and communication. Trust is a big one. Most of my ex's have cheated on me, so I'm not very trusting of a girl, and as such don't put everything into loving them until I'm positive she's not going to cheat on me. I think only two ex's haven't cheated on me? My last one, and my first one...

For those of you who have dated, what were some of the major obstacles and/or arguments that came up in your relationships?
In order of frequency, religion (I'm a convinced atheist), struggles with my chosen partner at the time coming to understand my family's dynamic (because who else goes drinking with their Mom and has her call you a pussy for not drinking a minimum of 4x her consumption), understanding my sexuality as an individual (for some reason bisexuality is rather hard for people to grasp, it's always A or B, you can't like both A AND B, that's preposterous), monetary issues (I'm too poor to afford to do much of anything), etc etc.

Was it mostly an outside force that caused tension in the relationship or did this occur naturally from the inside (one partner, the other, or both) who for whatever reason created stress in the relationship?
In order again, inside, outside/inside, inside, outside?

How did you manage to resolve the issue?
In general:
Stood my ground until it's either accepted as my stance, or if they try to "save my soul" aggressively enough I systematically destroy their foundation in their faith one contradiction at a time.
Go drinking with them and my Mom. After realizing that my Mom and I are more like best-friends (as one ex pointed out) they like her much more.
Typically they come to the conclusion naturally and if they do they typically accept it. If they're told they don't.
We just don't do much stuff that requires money.

In my current relationship
She whispers in my ear while I'm sleeping about Jesus. Tried making me read the bible (that didn't go as she planned), hoping I "get it" someday, sending people into my work occasionally to leave pamphlets, cards, etc about converting, it goes on, but it's just so ridiculous.
She moved me across the country so my Mom is >3,000 miles away, as is my younger and youngest sisters. I'm not able to talk to them on the phone either.
She won't accept it. Period, end of story.
As long as I'm not talking to, or looking at, or anything with anyone but her (no friends, no family, nobody but her) it's apparently fine that she pays the majority of the bills.
Did the two of you later form a stronger bond or did you decide to part ways?
In general we would move on stronger, though, if they cheat or problems go unresolved they end.

In my current relationship
Nothing is fixed, I can't leave.

How do you feel about it after-the-fact?
I really ought to have just gone to college and spared myself the headaches associated.

Do you feel like you would've handled things differently now then how you did then?
See above

I think you should try to do what most abused women attempt. If you are truly fearful for your life, then you should make plans to wrap up all your affairs and move out when she isn't around. For instance, pack up all of your most important possessions, and then the moment that she is gone - high-tail it with a friend or family member, and stay with them. You can also go down to the police station, and arrange for someone there to accompany you when repossessing the rest of your belongings at another time.

More to look into here - Livestrong.com. It's just a start, but good luck. This is a very serious matter. You only live one life, so don't continue to live in circumstances that make you unhappy. It isn't worth it.



That is pretty much the purpose behind this thread. I know that there are select individuals on this forum that I talk to who somewhat idolize the relationship that I have with my boyfriend, but I want them to know that it isn't always perfect. A relationship doesn't just fall into place without hard-work and a continual effort by both parties involved. There is a lot that goes on behind closed doors, so for those who haven't had a relationship before I think it would also be interesting for them to see what sorts of issues arise once you're in one from the people themselves rather then say a generic advice article or some such thing.

She's legit yandere. There is no escape. Also she hasn't attempted anything physical towards me yet, but she has on severa occasions had "that look" in her eyes. The trademark "if I can't have you no one can" look. The look that says, "if you leave I'll find you and you'll need to sleep eventually". I know you can't place too much stock in looks, regardless of how sinister, but by God if it was directed at you you'd feel your skin crawl. If she ever attempted anything while I'm conscious it wouldn't be successful, it probably wouldn't even leave me with anything serious as far as injuries are. If she was crazy enough to whisper things about Jesus into my ear while I was sleeping how hard would it be to add a knife into the equation? She sabotaged every plan I ever made to try to leave but as I'm financially dependent on her at the moment I simply can't afford to go. She moved my pathetic ass across the country and blocked me from making any friends. Once I had a friend who wanted to help me get to a position where I could afford to leave, but she severed the friendship through means that honestly escape me... Honestly the guy won't even answer a text, an email, anything... She had me fired from 2 jobs already and is blocking my path to college. She managed to even make my family not want to help me out on this one. Maybe that last one was me in retrospect being that I ignored both common sense and my Mom to move with her. In any event, I'm not physically abused, only intrapersonally, cognitively, emotionally and ideologically. I don't coach the physical ability to repel anything she can throw at me, I'm just trapped. Let this be a lesson to any yandere fans out there, in reality, they aren't at all worth it so avoid them at all costs...

Isn't that enough though? Are you really going to wait until she ends your life? You need to stop making excuses and get out of this situation NOW. It is within your power to do so if you just pull together your resources. Don't expect anyone to have any sympathy for you if you are going to victimize yourself by staying no matter what. You either like this sort of treatment or you don't and need to leave. There should be no middle ground whatsoever. Do you want to spend the rest of your life under her thumb? Do you want to be emotionally and physically isolated from anyone with the means to help you? Do you want to go nowhere with your life, accomplish none of your dreams, and become a slave to her whims - dead or alive, emotionally or otherwise - at her own digression? If not, do something about it or stop complaining. This is what protection orders are for.

You raise a good point... I can get out, it's just a challenge is all... It might take some time to shades the resources, but at a bare minimum I'll be in college next semester (I already missed the deadline for the coming semester, a mistake I won't repeat), in Florida, actually enjoying life. I owe you. If you ever venture to Tampa drinks are on me.

Good luck. Let me know when you've settled things with her. I'll hit you up for the drinks sometime if I'm ever down that way to visit family. :P

Incidentally you know who I originally was right? I'm just making the rounds to users I believe know me by my soon-to-be-deleted account...

Indeed, Yukito-kun. Now bug off, it's getting off topic!

The greatest obstacles:
1. She's my cousin, albeit distant
2. Already married, I am.

Imagine the detail yourself, though I think some users already know this. Problems solved beautifully though.

I like this post a lot, it is pretty realistic and obstacles do come up with relationships. And from some of the posts here it seems things turned out all right and people were able to move forward.

I refuse to disclose details but..
I hope that things will turn out similarly well enough for me and that the first obstacle will not prove to be one that destroys a relationship but strengthens it. Great input from everybody!

well, what we first started talking to each other we started out as enemies. She was a feminist racist that wanted to let the world know that all men are worthless piles of shit, me, a black guy that likes video games and to troll when trolling is needed. She, at first, only showed interest in me because I was very different, so when we first started dating, I was never trusted with anything despite haven't done anything wrong. In fact, she only dated me to prove that all men were animals and can never be trusted (her own words). Over time she became more attached to me, and over time her hatred over men subsided, and she's less of a racist

Another road bump was cooking, she watched a lot of cooking shows, I did not, so I pretty much had to relearn how to cook because she was a very picky eater, and I felt bad if she cooked all the time, so getting her to actual eat my food was rather nerve racking

Another one that comes to mind is that ever popular one....nationality. She is a mix between Mexican and Caucasian, so neither side of the family liked me, so I had to jump through the hoops for her family to warm up to me, and actually speak English, first time I met her Mexican side, all of them spoke Spanish...when they saw me, then English when I left the room. Her white side wanted a white guy....so when they so me (182.5 cm black guy) I didn't get the red carpet, just the constant asking if I would like some chicken and incredibly surprised that both of my parents are together.

But despite all of this, we have manage to make it work for 4+ years

I messed up my last relationship. I was not trusting enough because of my past and past bad experiences that kept me frightened. I wasn't open enough sexually because I was inexperienced and did not know how. I wasn't the kindest person and did not notice the other person was miserable until it was too late. I thought that if I did things a certain way it might fix things, but instead it made them worse. I wasn't aware of how I was coming across and if I could go back and change the way I was I would in a heartbeat. That person truly was my true love and to lose them was the worst feeling in the world. Not just losing them but losing their beautiful family whom I'd come to see as my own real family.