Friendzoning your bestfriend.

So basically, here's the story.



TL;DR : I friendzoned my bestfriend for my ex.

Fuck, Don't get with your ex. It'll only end up worse.
Try to cast away your feelings for 'A' as much as you can. By the sounds of it, it's not worth it. As hard as it would be. If 'B' truely loves you. Do it for her. Tell her you will won't go back to 'A'. Go back to being friends, and once you have a clear head, and are calm, maybe get closer to 'B'. Make sure you tell 'B' what is happening, maybe even have a d&m session. Find out exactly what your ex had been saying (if you really want to know. It may be true, it may not be. Either way, if you don't know, and get back with her, you'll always have that doubt in the back of your mind about how she feels about you. You'll have the worry that things won't work out, etc.)

So yeah, my opinion, as a friend; Drop everything you have towards 'A'. 'B' Obviously has feelings for you, and if she is your best friend, you obviously get along well. So, tell 'B' you will need to take some time to sort your shit out, but you won't go back. And then hang with 'B' more, and see her as a girl, not as your friend. Well, as your friend... but you know what I mean.
Who knows, she could be the one. You never know. It's worth a shot, man. She seems to have a thing for you, so I'd take the risk, and just go with 'B'

I swear to god, I will come up there and have a long hard chat with you. Remind me, I need to get time off soon, and save up some dosh. Contact damoz, find out when you guys are both free in say 3+ weeks time, and I'll actually get my shit sorted. I'm thinking either monday for a few days, or wednesday till friday morning or something. Up to you guys. Could do weekends, but the missus might get a little upset :3

Ahem, back on topic;
TL;DR: 'B' all the way

Finally, someone who understands English!



You're right I guess, as much as how confident I am with A, she's an ex for a reason.

Maybe, I don't see anything wrong with getting back together, but she might still have doubts whether things would work out or not. But, I'm in the stage where I even want to make things work out in A, whatever it takes. Even if that means me giving up smoking (which is something that really, not me) simply because I wanna be with A.

I want to try to tell A, Drift. But, really, I'm scared. I'm scared I could push A away due to my confession and not have her at least as a friend. I consider her to be a friend, and I take care of my friends.

It's gonna take months, maybe a year for me to get rid of my feelings towards A and make myself seeing B as more than friends. But then again, if things does not work out with B, I'd hate myself even more for losing A and B.

We really do need a sesh together real fucking soon. Make it some time around 11 - 17th of August, I've got mid-term break then, so I'd be free whenever you're here.

I feel it's for the best. You shouldn't have to change yourself for somebody else. They should accept you for who you are. If you smoke, and enjoy it (That's what I'm getting from that... Sorry if it's wrong) I don't see why you should change for somebody else. Then again, how does B feel about it? I imagine she's fine with it, considering she likes you so much.

It's one of those things... You can try to be friends with your ex's, It's tricky. It's up to you on how you pull it off. It's sometimes easier just to cut all ties, and move on. Being close with them can put others off, and can also hold you back. But then again, they also know a lot about you, so it can also work the opposite way, in them being a really close friend. But, if you have feelings for them, and they get with somebody else, jealousy may kick in.

Just talk to B, and see what she says. If she's as serious about this as it sounds, I'm sure she can hold off, and possibly would help you move on.
And man, as long as nothing bad happens (which it shouldn't do), I can't see you guys stopping being friends.

And shit yeah. I'll try to write it off in the book, and see how we go :D

People come and people go. If B is as good a friend as she and you both believe she is, then your pursuit of A will not result in her total and permanent loss.

Be straight up with A. You have to. There is no such thing as 'stuffing' feelings down. Trust me - it's just not possible. It makes you miserable, and resentful, and ...well... stupid. Shit -always- explodes at some point.

Talk to A. bring up that B mentioned her saying something rather damning, and have a real talk. If nothing else, you need closure. You need to know that if it's not happening, it's not GOING to happen.

Trust me - as nice as it would be to be able to just wish these feelings away, lead an uncomplicated life and somehow, miraculously fall in love with B, you and I both know that that's not how life works.

Edit:

For the love of God, ignore Drifter. Life does NOT work like that, Devs. I'm serious. If you really, truly, want to get over A, you need closure. There is simply, and please, I implore you to listen to me, there is NO WAY that 'wishing feelings away' for A, and 'wishing feelings in' for B is even remotely how this works! Just man up and speak out! B's not going to ditch you simply for opening up. And if she does, then... let her.

She'll need time to mourn and work through her feelings regardless. You can't be afraid of that, not if you truly love her and want her ultimate happiness. Grinning, bearing a 'relationship' with B that you don't truly want, is only fucking her over leagues more than you would be if you just... manned up, told A your feelings, and led an honest life.

I'd rather stay single than let go A for B, Drift. It's just not happening for me. I really, really, really can't see myself being with B, and I don't plan on going out with B. It's just one thing that is certain for me. But, this is not an option, considering how far my feelings towards A has reach. I have to somehow confess.




You think it'd be a good idea to tell A about this? About the whole situation between A, B and I? I mean, I know A long enough that I can be AT LEAST 85% SURE that if I tell A about all this, things won't be as smooth as it used to be between the three of us. Hell, to still be able to hang out together would be a miracle.

Risking my whole friendship for a girl, huh, I never thought I'd do this.

You have to get A by herself. You have to get to the bottom of things, find out what B meant by 'If you heard what she said, you'd stand the fuck down.'

You have to spill your guts to A. You have to know if she would ever try again with you. If the answer is no, tell B that it's not happening, but you need time to work through your feelings and get over her before you can even consider thinking of anyone else as a potential mate.

You can't think of it as all the damage you do to everyone else. You have to do what's right for you, or the version of yourself you'd be for everyone else's sake will eventually become a resentful, spiteful jerk.

Kittie, I don't worry about that bit at all. Because, at the end of the day, if A would give me the chance, I'd make things right no matter what. I'm that serious, if I was given the chance. Also, if B was trying to stop me from advancing towards A, that could cause spark between A and B, which means more trouble for me.

If things don't work out with A, I wouldn't go to B and start advancing her I think. I would feel as if I failed to get A, and now I'm using B as an alternative.

That's a point... As I said... or if I didn't say, thought. Give it some time, and work yourself closer to b (if it fails with a. It looks like kittie is right on this matter. and fuck, you seem like you're that serious) see how it goes, but definitely make it clear that you need time to think and move on, and all that jazz.

As for A, you know how it can turn out if you say it the wrong way, I know how it can turn out. It does sound a little catty (read; very). But still, that proves how much she likes you. But, I'm thinking if you do manage to get back with A, things with B won't be the same... She'd probably distance herself, and it'd get awkward between you all. I imagine. Depends on her, she could be the kind that puts on a smile and pretends. Fuck knows.

Exactly, I'm this serious that it pains me to lose someone to have someone. I keep thinking "Am I really ready for this?".

But come on, Drift, that really is a cheap shot. Something that starts off with a lie wouldn't end well you know. I can deal with B distancing herself IF things really work out with A very finely, I mean, it's not like I want to neglect B, but if she distance herself after seeing me happy with A, what can I do? But, it'd hurt so much if I lose both.

Sorry dude, didn't mean to chuck any cheap shots >.>
I get what you mean. I'd say, confess to A. Depending on how things go, talk to B. If A says yes, Tell B you're getting back together with her, and giving it one last chance. but say you want to stay friends, because you don't want to lose one of your closest friends or something like that.
If Variable A = no, (Sorry, had to) tell B that you confessed to her, and she said no. Tell B you need time before you consider anything. And maybe just talk to her about your doubts. I dunno, see how you go.
But first things first, talk to A, and see what she says. I still am not a huge fan of you having to change things for her approval/ for her to like you. But still, if you think it's worth it. Go for it. Face to face, son. None of this girly over text or facebook nonsense. You know the drill

Good. No one deserves to be anyone else' reluctant back-up relationship.

Go to A. Make sure B doesn't know about it, or she'll pre-emptively give you the finger - and neither of you know how it's going to turn out yet. Talk to A, mention what B said, and if A isn't into it... ask the golden question: "If it's going to happen now, I need to know that it's never going to. I need to know exactly how you feel about me, and know that it's not going to change."

If it isn't meant to be, it'll hurt, and it'll suck. Let B know that it's not going to happen, and just... take some time. Distance from both a little bit [and tell B why you're distancing, she can and will freak out and wonder if you don't. Trust me... I'm a girl.]

I'm still thinking telling her that B said it is a bad move... Especially if he plans on being friends with B still... All I can see happening is A forming something about B, and then the two not getting along, or A refusing to let him see B or something. I'd either not ask, or just say I heard it along the grapevine

I couldn't say it any better than the others.

You're a full grown man with his own decision. Personally if it was me, i wouldn't go out with A again because I always keep family like people 1st before a ex. That's just me but do what is in your heart my friend. If A is not willing to fight for you then throw the deuces up and go to with B or some other girl you find has your best interest. Look all I can say if 2 of them really love you then you're going to have to break a heart or leave them both idk but just do it in a sincere way.

After what happened, I think I'm gonna leave both and try to not to be in touch with any ever again. You know, I spent hours of my sleeping time thinking about them, and yet, what do I get from it all? NOTHING! Exactly.

I guess this determines who's a real friend and who's just there just for the sake of it.

Hey it be like that sometimes just next time you find someone who you know actually give a damn About you then that's your true friend. Also don't get anti social or break down IRL because then you're going to fall apart and thats something that would make me sad so Just live and learn my friend. You'll be fine.

Edit: When I say sad I mean sympathy. Another word for sad but more in a manly way. Don't start to think I'm soft ya here!

I'd hate to risk sounding like Kenji from Katawa Shoujo, but this absolutely is the right decision. Who forces a guy(who values both as a friendship) to choose between the two? Also, who in their right mind would change who they are for a person?

To me, a true prospective date is someone who values me for who I am. She's also someone that makes me feel as though I couldn't possibly live without her. Compatibility is the most important thing.

If you feel neither of them are truly compatible, then why force yourself? A compatible relationship is one that's smooth sailing. A relationship shouldn't be a struggle, it's just what most people expect it to be and found a way to romanticize the struggle over time.

You'll know when you found "the one." When that happens, you'll have more in common then not and even if outside circumstances are evident, they're a non factor because there's a bond between you and "the one."

A bond that doesn't exist in 99% of the relationships with their "romantic struggle."

That's one of those things you can't force. If you haven't seen her as anything other than friends at any point in your friendship then you probably never will. Not 100% anyway.

You know what, a similar thing happened to me. I just got blown off by some chick I spent 3 weeks working on, aside from those 2 months of idle chat on school, so I was kinda on the rebound. I went to my best friend's house for some videogame night with the guys and his sister which was also my best friend at one point, until 8th grade cus she started aiming for the "popular kids group" and I stayed as the 'underdog videogaming guy'... Back to story, that night she was really affectionate, something that really othered me cus she's never like that, but I was kinda depressed so I kinds make a move on her, which she immediately replied with a cold shoulder and a fewe minutes later, she bailed on the group.
And now our relationship is more broken than before.


Moral of the story, don't date or try to date your bestfriends, if you're already besties and you're happy with that then keep it that way, if their truly one of your besties then they'll eventually get over it and slowly start healing and getting things back to normal and will have to live with it. This applies for both parties (the one wanting more and the one no okay with it).
It's better if you start a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that with people whom you just met, after 2 years this may not apply. Since you're both kinda strangers the route in which your relationship will mature is very unclear and unstable so is worth a shot.

[color=green]Anyways that's how I see it.[/color]

i think you should pick one before you lose both. i think you should just confess to A already and get it over with. you should also prepare yourself to get shot down if worse comes to happen like what if A likes someone else now. if you like A then you should act already and not waste to much time or she'll be the one that got away. or maybe B will be the one that got away hahaha :P if you like A sooooo much and you already ascertain your feelings then just confess already. weather B likes it or not she should also understands what makes you happy. and if she distances herself from you, so fucking what. she might even come back later on and apologize or just move on with her life like a normal person. ^^ if you like B then you should show her that your serious about this. if i was in love with girl who friend-zoned me and she shot me down then im gonna move on with my life. which is what B should do if she can't accept the fact that you like A.