Girlfriend broke up with me... :(

SherlockHR · 2013-08-30T11:09:43+00:00

There's a TL;DR at the end, so if you're not interested in the drama, skip to the last line (just a friendly warning :D ). So my girlfriend and I had a spat. I'm kinda wondering if she's really breaking up with me or if she just got really super pissed. I hope not, because it's kinda a silly argument, but she seems to take the topic seriously. The topic, btw, is "The Merits Of Feminism" and we do not seem to see eye to eye. I want evidence of her claims, she basically tells me I'm just a misogynist and I "don't even realize it." But then, *she* pressed it on *me*. She asked me if I was a Feminist and I said no. She said something like "You don't believe men and women should be equal?" I said "Yes, but that applies to everyone, not just to men and women. That's not strictly Feminism, that's Egalitarianism." Her obvious response? "Then you're an Egalitarian and a Feminist." Ugh. I tried to explain to her that Feminism receives a bad name because women try to force these labels on men, but she just kept pushing to make me agree that I was a Feminist. Finally, we get into the chicken and salad, so to speak, if chicken is a metaphor for my belief system and salad is a metaphor for something I don't really like very much. She asks me a series of questions, such as "do you think men are stronger than women?" Of course, anyone who has dabbled in biology like she has--it's her college major--would know that humans are a sexually dimorphic species, and as a result their bodies naturally develop certain ways and react differently to internal and external stimulae. Mentally, women are many times stronger than a man--and if you don't think so, how do you think they get through childbirth? Squeezing a child through such a small opening is a lot like a man having all of the bones in his legs broken and then being forced to win first in decathlon in every event versus twelve Olympic medalists, and they're not allowed to rest between the events. Women win hands down when it comes to the mind. But physically, no, women are inherently weaker, and that's what every biological, medical and scientific study has ever found. And because the science supports my claim, I tell her just that. Her response? "So you don't think a woman could ever out-bench you?" Oddly enough, I'd heard that argument before. It's not exactly new. I don't remember where I heard it, but I've heard it somewhere, and there's really only one truthful response that can be used here--as you may have guessed, I'm big on honesty, which is why I have such a problem with most Feminists. The response I gave is "Yes, of course she COULD, but she would need to train harder than I do. Women can't just overpower men given the same set of circumstances. They just can't." Push eventually comes to shove and we start getting deeper into a heated argument. What it comes down to, and in her own words, she told me, "If you don't agree with me, you are against me." At this point I'm tired of playing nice. The Great Wall of My Patience was attacked by the Mongols Of Vapid Crap and I was in full-on defense mode. "Oh my God, REALLY? So if I have a fundamental agreement with you, I CANNOT just talk with you about it, I must unilaterally agree and not challenge any of your positions, regardless of how utterly wrong and devoid of substance it is? So if, for example, I brought up your argument about women being paid less than men for the same job, and my research shows that the study that you cite saying women make 77 cents on the dollar to a man for the same job, and I say 'They're just grouping different jobs together because they belong to the same field and that skews the data,' then I'm against your whole movement because the evidence points in my favor? Is that *really* what you think?" Finally, after more back and forth, she ends the Skype call and tells me, "We're done." ... 8| Fffffffffff....... tl;dr: I'm back in the dating market. Looking for a woman in her twenties. Here's a pic of me being all broody. I'm 26, currently full-time employed, and a computer nerd. I'm a cat person, I like to work out two or three times a week and play all kinds of video games. And in case it's not quite clear, I am heterosexual. Send me a message if you want to chat.

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DangerouslyDia

12 years ago

Lollikittie wrote...

I feel like there's nothing wrong with finding out if that's really where things are. If they can't learn to accept these differences, try to come closer together and learn from each others' reasons and opinions.

I agree wholeheartedly with you, Dia, that fundamental differences can be a healthy reason to terminate, but I also feel like there should be enough effort expended to find out if things really are that important, and really are that different that it's necessary for them to part.

True, I'm glad that the OP managed to work things out with his girlfriend. I wasn't sure if she'd have the maturity to actually hold a civil conversation about the topic, but I'm glad to see she did.

SherlockHR

12 years ago

Kavi wrote...

Smooth as fuck. So much so that I have to ask: had you thought those lines beforehand? :D

Not exactly. I had been thinking of the best ways to approach this particular situation. I had to start by making sure she was receptive to talking to me and then make my point in the clearest way possible to avoid miscommunication. From there it was mostly improvised, but I was still completely honest.

leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer

12 years ago

SherlockHR wrote...

Kavi wrote...

Smooth as fuck. So much so that I have to ask: had you thought those lines beforehand? :D

I am taking a course in communication so I would like to ask some trivial questions. Did you speak to her face to face or via any other media?

As for finding out how receptive she is, did you take into consideration the time of the day (month) or where she is?

Glad to hear that you've made up. Still looking for friends in the forums?

SherlockHR

12 years ago

leonard267 wrote...

Glad to hear that you've made up. Still looking for friends in the forums?

Absolutely. Always good to have friends. :)

blobyhead

12 years ago

[color=brown]hey OP, i understand your way of thinking that equality is the best solution and everything but that's going to be unrelated to the things i'm about to tell you.

i just want to save you time and energy by telling you, if she's worth it, the bear with all the shit she says regardless, but if it comes to the point where she wants to break up with you over a stupid single reason like having matching points of view, you should break up with her.
since there was verbal evidence that shows she wanted to break up with you over the purpose of arguement then thats only a downhill from there on OP.

i don't mean to offend but if she is so immature to the point where breaking up seems like an advantage over anything that gives you an opposition to her statements then OP you're going to have a rough time.

Think about it.

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