Give this a read, what do you think?

Advent · 2009-06-03T03:09:57+00:00

Hey everyone, I found this article whilst doing research for an assignment. Anyway, tell me what you think about it. Is the article right? Or is it way off? Or does it simply depend on the individual, lemme know what you think! I do apologize in advance as this article is HUGE!! But all the same, its a very intriguing read. It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department. Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole. Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you area “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all. And in closing... Fuck you. Allow me now to add my own thoughts to Garrett Hols informative rant and lets take a closer look at the asshole appeal for women now. A wise man once said, "As a man, you have to die once in order to live." While this may in truth not be what was meant, one can use this saying to best understand the relationship with Nice guys and assholes, and of course at the center of it all women. It is a widely known fact that women habitually date men that are jerks or assholes while the "nice" guys are often left twiddling their thumbs in solitude. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Figuratively speaking, in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and be able to seduce them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner Jerk/asshole/bad boy/whathaveyou surfaces and goes on the prowl. Any man that has experienced love, only to have his heart crushed by the woman that he thought he would spend his life with, will understand what I am talking about. A man that has never experienced the heartache of being burned by the one person he really trusted probably won't understand my commentary. In any case, I am well experienced at this and unfortunately will probably never take my own bitter advice, but allow me to continue. it is important to understand why nice guys finish last and why they probably always will. Contrary to what most women think, there are men interested in successful relationships. Most men will never pass up the chance to date the woman of their dreams. In fact, when a man does encounter this rarity of a woman, his passion gets the better of him. The thoughts that race through his mind are something along the lines of, "This woman is a keeper. I'm going to treat her right and do all I can to make her happy." The only problem with being the nice guyis that you also become the boring, predictable guy in their fickle eyes. The excitement of the seduction process begins to fade for the woman because she has what she wants and doesn't have to do any chasing. Eventually the woman starts losing interest and before you know it, her eyes start to wander. In the end, she'll look for a new man who will bring excitement back into her life by being the "new and improved" challenge. Pursuit and excitement usually stem from selfish attitudes, much like the bad boy who doesn't care about anyone but himself and treats women like some much trash. The nice guy will be left heart broken and will start wondering what in the world he did wrong. It's at this point that men begin to realize that most women generally don't know what they want from us. Evidently, being the nice guy certainly doesn't help. The conclusion of the afore mentioned scenario in many cases? The death of the nice guy persona. So that's the life and death of the nice guy and, as a result, "Mr.Nice" is resurrected into "Mr.Asshole" or in some cases "Mr. Bitter", but bitterness is an unhappy role and so it is likely "Mr. Asshole" will eventually be born. As long as nice guys continue to get burned, there will always be a healthy supply of new assholes on the horizon to provide the dose of misery that women seem to yearn for. Eventually (often quite quickly), these nice guys will realize what type of man women actually want. The result is something that snaps inside of them as they begin to mimic the assholes that most women seem to pursue incessantly. To become that kind of man, the charade must be taken to the extreme, which involves acting like a selfish person that has no regard for other people's feelings. This amounts to a jerk that will say anything to get a woman into bed, that will not respect a woman and will cross into territory that the "nice guy" will wait for invitation into. The jerk will furnish her with tons of roller coaster emotions and once he has sex with her, he'll dump her. Why? Because he feels vengeful and wants to burn women the same way he was burned or because he truly is an asshole now. Remember; once you get burned, don't STOP playing with fire -- you TAME the flame. So when women inadvertently give life to these jerks, they are really shooting themselves in the feet. That's the life and legacy of assholes everywhere. If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories about women dating big jerks that took them for a ride -- literally? The fact is that women generally don't want nice guys, or maybe they're too busy chasing after jerks to realize that they do. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact. So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but in the same instance, no true "nice guy" wants to be perceived as an asshole either. In other words, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends, and then your woman. I say this with all sincerity, Bro's before Ho's. True friends will stick with you and if still trudge the road of the "nice guy", at least they will take you out for drinks after your heart dies a little more.

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g-money

16 years ago

Fiery_penguin_of_doom wrote...

G-Money I'm surprised that you think "rebounding" is a too good to be true. In the simplest description it is the emotional trashcan but, when are emotional issues ever 'simple"? They're not, they are complex, irrational and illogical.

Rebounds are never meant to work they are done solely to block out the painful feelings of the original break up

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/singles/onthepull/ontherebound

I'm probably saying this through experience, since I've been a emotional dumpster and then was elevated to "friend" status, but nothing really happened, and this happened on three different occasions. Then again, I was never looking for a relationship with said girls, but the point is that they never rebounded, so I tend to think that something like a "rebound" is something of a fairytale that happens in stories and movies. Well, I know better now, but I find it funny how it's never happened to me. (Or maybe it did, and being the "dumb" man I am, didn't recognize the signals from the women.)

Tsurayu

16 years ago

g-money wrote...

Wait, who are you refering to? I don't think anyone except the author of the articles is blaming the female side of this relationship equation.

That is who I am referring to, and perhaps anyone who agrees with the article.

Fumako

16 years ago

@Tsurayu : Nobody here is blaming the female side, or any other side. Except maybe the author of the article (but I personally don't think it was the point of this article). We have just been stating facts, and discussed to find a way for the two sides to understand the other one.

@Ziggy : Thanks for the wise advice. Be sure I'll remember it for the next time I'll be in this situation. A bit of subtlety and less passivity, to distinctly come out of the friend zone.

@g-money : I must admit confidence is one of my weak point. And I guess it's kind of the same for all the nice guys. They're nice because they can't be anything else with their shyness, here's the truth. But I'll absolutely make my best to be, or at least seem, more confident.

Brittany Director of Production

16 years ago

Tegumi wrote...

Hello everyone. There's also a good chance of an issue with "I am simply not attracted to you", or "I am simply not interested in a relationship right now".
And oh my, I speak for myself.

I stated that earlier ;p I agree with you.

Tegumi "im always cute"

16 years ago

ZiggyOtaku wrote...

I stated that earlier ;p I agree with you.

Oh, sorry. I skimmed most of the thread since most of the posts were rather long.

lollollol12

16 years ago

THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF MALES IN MALE-FEMALE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS-

THE ALPHA MALE: THE GUY WHO IS USED BY THE BITCH FOR HER SEXUAL NEEDS

THE FRIEND ZONED FAGGOT: THE GUY WHO IS USED BY THE BITCH FOR HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS

WHOEVER WROTE THAT ESSAY THAT THE OP POSTED IS OBVIOUSLY A LITTLE BITCH WHO IS UPSET BECAUSE HE ALWAYS GETS FRIEND ZONED AND IS OBVIOUSLY JEALOUS BECAUSE SOME OF HIS FELLOW MALES ARE ABLE TO GET PUSSY AND HE CANT

Dante1214

16 years ago

Not to say that that is all entirely wrong, but I've heard that sort of thing a lot before, and it always seems, to me, to be an excuse used by guys who think they should get the girl on the basis that they treat her well, without ever making any real move.
I mean, there is the psychological play in it and all, but the most likely reason that any woman would choose the "asshole" over the "nice guy" is because he made it clear he wasn't looking for a friendship and was more confident.
People in general are dumb. A girl might not even think the "nice guy" is interested in a relationship with her because he does no behave like he is.

It's also a good idea to remember that the entire male population is not divided between bros and nerds, and there is a lot of rejection in life.
If you are a guy who is worth a damn, then just act like it.

Failing that, just remember; being a bastard works.

Brittany Director of Production

16 years ago

Dante1214 wrote...

If you are a guy who is worth a damn, then just act like it.

iCockmaster

15 years ago

I'm haft and haft on this sort of thing.

I feel for men a lot of the time, because women are very complicated and hypocritical in a lot of aspects. They say one thing but go after another. Truth is, what women say out loud is never to be trusted, you have to go by their body language and their actions. Women are a confused species and haft the time don't know what they want. We're also very physical people. Women don't like doing the chasing because they want to see you love them, not to hear you. Thats one of the few ways we feel men show their love or desire, when they flirt or chase us. Take that away and we assume you don't care about us that much.

Keywords, not what you say, its what you do.

Then of course, physical attraction has something to do with that as well. Most women subconsciously feel, (Not to offend), that if you don't have the will to take care of yourself, who says you'll want to take care of me or our future children. (Most women don't think about it, but it goes through our minds naturally) Not to say big men or not-so-lucky-gened men don't have a chance, but it can of course be a turn off. Women think ahead maternally, even if their not planning on having kids, just as a what if. Its natural.

Another thing that "nice guys" do wrong is ask a girl out after they just broke up with their boyfriend.
No.
No no no no.
NO.
I shouldn't have to explain why thats bad, I understand that you waited six long months, etc, but the girl needs time to trust herself, and trust men again. And that can take years, though men can speed up the process, if they play their cards right. Every girls different though so I can't give an exact "How-to". Sorry~

-1

gizgal

15 years ago

Ziggy wrote...

What? .... What?

I felt mildly insulted with this whole rant/article of yours.

You can't take one type of girl and judge the entire female population with that. The article itself is very narrow with very limited variables and actions that can take place.

What's the source of that article anyway?

There's a lot of reasons why girls are drawn to the 'asshole' type. And it's a type of girls, not all girls - because I for one am repulsed by assholes.

Psychological reasons of feeling like they don't deserve better - that they deserve to be neglected and mistreated.

Vain reasons of attraction towards the male and doesn't care about the actual relationship, but the way they look together in the public eye or in bed.

Money, some older women go for men who simply have money and may turn out to be a bad relationship and treat her badly. As long as she has money, why care about him?

Cornered. She lives with him, he pays the bills and supports the kids - she can't leave because she's trapped.

Attention, some girls like attention even if it's negative attention. If she has a bad boyfriend she has something to complain about and always something to talk about related to her with her friends/family.

And so on.

The problem with the 'nice guys finish last' statement is the fact that usually those guys never really tried to begin with.

They listen, and listen, and listen, and listen - then one day they grab their nuts and ask the girl out. She declines and he sulks and goes away.

If the friendship is going fine, and someone suddenly wants to make a change in it, the other person may be hesitant about it. They have to show that they can do more then be a friend and listen. Most of the guys you're talking about doesn't do that.

I want a guy whose confident in himself, I want a guy whose funny and kind. I need him to be independent and able to support at least himself. Above all I want a guy who can be my friend within the relationship.

If I have a friend who I think can fit all those categories, I more then likely would be also interested in that friend. However, if one of my male friends didn't - it would have nothing to do with the fact that he was a nice guy. If he wasn't a nice guy, I wouldn't even be friends with him. It would just be conflicting personalities that would affect a relationship.

For example, I have a male friend who I care about, and who I'll listen and talk to - we can even hang out and have fun. But we get into arguments easily due to different opinions of certain topics and maturity levels from the other side. We wouldn't be able to spend the quality time together in a relationship as we do with the time we spend with our friendship.

I also have male friends who are very lazy and would rather sit in their moms house and play video games all day versus working and supporting themselves. I'm in college now and I don't want a guy who I'll have to mother. I'm looking for a significant other, not a child.

Yea - they're great friends. Probably hilarious to be with and always fun, but does that make them responsible and a compatible partner? No.

SECONDING. You can't judge everyone from one probable poor experience.

simplechild

15 years ago

Girls, generally, are attracted to assertiveness and openness. It's not applicable to all girls, but it's a particular trend. An asshole is the closest thing a girl can get to an ideal boyfriend these days.

Nashrakh Little White Butterflies Staff

15 years ago

simplechild wrote...

An asshole is the closest thing a girl can get to an ideal boyfriend these days.

Wait, what?

willy191

15 years ago

Nashrakh wrote...

simplechild wrote...

An asshole is the closest thing a girl can get to an ideal boyfriend these days.

Wait, what?

seconded....

that only applies to a fraction of girls...

Timeenforceranubis

15 years ago

simplechild wrote...

So, it's impossible for a guy to both be assertive/open, and respect girls as people? 'Cause I'm thinking that would be the ideal boyfriend.

simplechild

15 years ago

Timeenforceranubis wrote...

simplechild wrote...

So, it's impossible for a guy to both be assertive/open, and respect girls as people? 'Cause I'm thinking that would be the ideal boyfriend.

I'm not saying that it's impossible. It's just really hard to balance the two. Assertiveness and openness can also just as easily translate to aggressiveness and disregard for respect, and there are instances where the line between them blurs. Be too assertive and you're an asshole. Be less assertive and you start becoming secretive and passive.

I do admit that I'm being narrow in my judgement, though.

Timeenforceranubis

15 years ago

simplechild wrote...

Timeenforceranubis wrote...

simplechild wrote...

So, it's impossible for a guy to both be assertive/open, and respect girls as people? 'Cause I'm thinking that would be the ideal boyfriend.

I see where you're coming from and, while I disagree that it's particularly difficult to balance the two, I'd agree that many people just don't bother to balance the two, and that's where the problem stems from.

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