Illumia's Relationship Advice 2.0

So I made this thread about three years ago when I was under the account Kricketlovesyou, or kirino chan, can't remember what one it was. But ether way that thread is long gone, SO Here we are with 2.0 version of the thread.

It simple.


I Illumia, Will answer any question on love, life, dating, sex, feelings for another, and advise about women, to the best of my ability and with my own opinion.


For starters, I am simply telling you what I think on the subjects you ask.

This is a serious thread, not IB. Rudeness will not be tolerated.


So lets start.

Any questions?

OK here's a question, so like how do you choose your men (for dating and etc.)?

Is that questioned aimed at me, or in women in general?

Of course at you.

I'm sure your personal preference already has a thing or two of that which women search for in general.

I really not as stuck up as people think when I look for in a man or women. (yes I am bi.

I don't want some one who would do everything in there power to make me happy, or buy me gift, spoil me. none of that.


I want some one who I can enjoy there company. Some one who I want to simple be around, and the same for him or her, some one I can get along with, and make me laugh and smile, and just by simple being there by my side makes me happy. I don't mind if they can't fully understand me, But it would be nice, if they can see the through some of the lies of my face. or be able to say just the right things at times that even when I am in a good mood it takes my breath away. It does help if I am also physically attracted to them. but that not really important to me, I simple want some one, who make me happy and I make him or happy, just being around them, Loyalty is a big thing for me also.


Sorry if I ranted and repeated my self. I tried to explain it the best I could.

So basically someone you can consider a friend as well as a lover.

Easily the best kind of relationship evurrr. Makes things so much less complicated when you can trust someone to that extent.

once it get to that point in my eyes they are much more then just a friend. more then a lover.

Sure, I'll bite. Where does a guy(me) start even trying to find somebody special when I have never really been out on a date despite me asking when appropriate and being turned down? I'm in this odd situation where I'm already 23, all my friends got a significant other in what feels like an instant, and any girl I have been interested in or attracted to has only wanted to be friends, massively ignored me, or has been taken(which is 100% ok, I'm not so arrogant to think that I am better suited/could replace their bf.)

Currently not sure what it is. Maybe because of my lack of experience dealing with women outside strictly school/work stuff. Without being given a chance for whatever reason I don't exactly know how to learn the right things to say or do besides some crappy pick up line stuff which I am 100% opposed to because not only are they terrible sometimes but generally not my thing.

Maybe I just don't share the same interests, although I do make it a point to keep up with popular tv shows and such just to be able to relate to more people in general, not just women. And I have a multitude of topics I can talk about such as news, politics(bleh), technology, movies, anime/manga, video games, even sports though I don't actually count myself as a big fan of it.

And I hope to whatever higher power is/isn't there that the problem is not I'm unattractive. Because I can't be that bad looking. Sure, I'm 5'5 and Asian but I know people who are fairly good at this stuff regardless of factors such as height or race. Therefore it shouldn't stop me or be a problem.

And hopefully it isn't "The girls I am attracted to are out of my league" because I don't believe that. My preferences are not so outrageous that they are immovable or without exception(within reason) because of really awesome personality. For reference the general things I like are girls who are pretty close to my height(taller is fine too, I have zero problems with that and I would hope they don't have a problem with it either.), not extremely anorexic thin but not too much fat, decently intelligent, has a good looking face(or not bad looking to me), and easy to talk to.

As a note, just asking out of curiosity. Lately I've kept trying but really I do get tired of literally getting nowhere despite branching out and meeting a LOT of people and figured that maybe I will just keep working on my education for a well paying career to support myself. These types of things just elude me although I love thinking/talking about them since romance is one of my favorite things in some stories/media(depends on the story).

Do you by chance have a lot of insecurities, or have a hard time reading people or situations, or more in touch with your emotions, these are some time things women pick up on as turn offs, it could also be simply has cleanliness, or how you prosent yourself to others. if you find some one you like do you want to talk to them all the time, and is wanting to text all day long or hang out all the time, these are some things also they might effect how a women sees you, yes talking is fine and hanging out is also, but to much can push the women away, it could also be how you talk or some of the things you say.

I wouldn't say I have a lot of insecurities. I do have a few but they can be counted on one hand. Not any more than any normal person I would think and I generally try to hide them at least on the surface because they aren't things I share with people who I'm not close to.

I don't think I have a hard time reading situations as well, but I can't say with 100% certainty that I can determine things other than "This person is angry with me" or "I should stay out of this". I just try my best in that regard and usually it seems to work out.

By in touch with my emotions...? I guess I am, I don't believe that I have to be some emotionless guy. I get angry, sad, happy, ect like most other people. Having feelings and emotions could be labeled as "Sensitive" but generally things don't hurt me too much. Maybe I misread the question but I don't understand how being more in touch with my emotions is a bad thing. I don't end up crying all over the place except in very specific rare situations.

I know it isn't cleanliness because I generally try to keep myself clean with all the usual stuff.

Presentation to others might be a problem. Talking to people I don't really know and really don't share any common ground with can be a problem as it leads to me just not having anything to respond to or talk about. I'm fairly sure I'm not the most well dressed but I don't wear anything too bad. And the only reason I don't wear super tight pants or a shirt is because I don't have the extremely slim body for it. That doesn't mean I'm overly fat though.

Sadly I am a little guilty of wanting to talk a lot to the people I am close to in general but I understand the concept of space and I try not to overdo it in terms of talking a lot to somebody I'm interested in. I generally can read when a conversation is over ish in any form of text(or messaging system). I guess I would hang out with somebody a lot if they were ok with it but honestly I don't think I've ever been close enough to a girl that they would want to hang out with just me.

Hopefully this all helps. Maybe the problems are bigger than they seem to be for me personally because I do try to put my best forward and leave the negatives to myself. I may not be the stereotypical "manly man" but I do want to keep believing there is hope for me romantically even though I haven't seen any real chance.

That has nothing to do with it, and I was simple asking some questions to get a better handle of understanding what kind of person you are. so I can give you a better answer instead of some half ass right to the point that doesn't really help you in the end. I am taking your question seriously. So I will do the best I can.

And from it, I may be wrong but from what you said, You may be simple not used to being around the opposite sex, and not really to sure what to talk about, Do you by chance get nervous, or treat women like you would treat a male friend, Yes that does work with most women, but it also put you into the friend zone faster, it quite hard to be able to understand a concept of women, and be able to act on it, and treat them the appropriate way, in the attempt to be more then friends, because just about every women like to be treated differently, and you cant treat them all the same, it got to be certain way for each one, and to be able to understand that and adjust to each one change of personality is really quite hard thing to do, if you are not used to women already, it can also be the lack of understanding romance, and how to do it correctly, that is another thing that is different with each female, some like like one thing, and other like it a different way. women in general, are confusing as well, and con traditions, some women are simple and easy to understand, while others are really hard and difficult, there are also out there who try to make people think they are difficult to understand, but in fact are really easy, and the same the other way, some out there seam to be really easy to understand, but in fact, are really difficult. Judging women is really a bitch. Some guy are able to do it, because they are comfortable around women, and we are able to pick up that vibe, and it easier for us to get along with those kind of men, while some are not used to it, and not sure, like yourself, and we also kind of pick up on it, and it makes us not sure about the male. On another note it can be something as simple as Pheromone that the human body releases, some attract some women easier, and others dont so much, but that goes down into your DNA and cromozones (spelling horrible i know)and it something that was just dealt with you. and cant really change it. I know I am not really able to give you a direct answer at the moment, but with some more talking to you and a bit of time, I may be able to help you get an understanding. would you have an issue if i asked to see a photo of what you look like?

Hmm I guess that makes sense. Not knowing what to say. I try to treat them the same as any other person I meet male or female. I do get nervous if they don't really engage in a conversation with me. Makes me feel like they don't really want to talk to me and I'm bothering them.

While the "friendzone" is a novel concept I don't believe that it really means that because you are friends they don't want to date you. It is more of a nice way to say "I'm not interested" rather than it being a reason because you are a friend. I know this because the girls I am good friends with say they are actually more likely to date somebody who was their friend and some of my other friend's girlfriends are also similarly their best friend.

The part after that pretty much is just reinforcing that "It's complicated". I'll see about sending a picture in a pm. Not too comfortable putting it out in the open too much besides my facebook profile.

I don't see any problems with how you look, ofcorse there will always be people who are attracted to the way you look and some who are not, and in my book a friend zone, is some one who company you enjoy, but don't see them as possible love mates, or relationship material. I think some interaction with women, more often would help you better understand how to be around women, but that right there is a cache 22

That is unfortunate. But I guess not unforeseen. I guess just continue with the same old stuff. It'll happen eventually, I do try to talk to women but usually it is just as friends. Haven't really met somebody I talk to or see often enough that I am attracted to/connect to recently. Though if I were completely honest about being attracted to/connecting with somebody, one of the girls I'm good friends with is somebody I consider very attractive and one of my best friends. We joked around once that if she was not taken she would consider dating me lol, but I didn't take that too seriously. She has a boyfriend though so that is a no go for me.

I will get more into it with you in a bit, but I currently dont got the time to sit around on the computer most of today. but I will try to respond to all messages with decent responces on trying to help you out

So, there's this chick who told me she's a stripper after two weeks. Should I dump her?

First of all this is not IB, Just for future notice insults or harassment will not be tolerated here.


If this is a serious question. Then the answer depends, is she serious about you, just because she a stripper does not mean she will cheat or sleep with other people, or is she one of the skanky sluts who use the job of being a stripper, to find clients to whore herself too.


If she just a stripper, then I'd say no.

if it the later, then don't even other

I am a 19 year old rich boy. But that is all I got haha. I am not smart, I am not athletic, and I have a social anxiety. I am not attending college right now, but I do go to the gym every other day. Any tips for meeting or talking to girls?

Just simply find a reason to say hello, be friendly, chances are just walking up to them and saying it has it chances it won't work. But thing thing that tickles my button every time in my opinion for a random pick up like.

Just walk up to them, don't be rude. say "Excuse me" when they give you attention.
continue with " I only wanted to say I find you one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen, and I just wanted to say thank you, because you simply being here has brightened my day, That's all I wanted to say" and walk away. Hook line sinker. Because you able to walk away it kind of tosses them off and make them more interested in you as a person. every women like a really good complements

Back in highschool I had a friend who was always getting laid while I struggled to get a date. To be fair despite being willing to put out like nobody's business most of the women he dated were bat-shit crazy and some still stalk him to this day.

However seeing him get all the pussy he wanted while I remained a virgin left me with a deep feeling of inadequacy that even now eats away at my self esteem. I don't want a girlfriend anymore, I'm too angry and self absorbed to sustain a relationship. I just want to get on with my life and pursue my career ambitions. Yet everytime I find myself attracted to a woman this insecurity rises up and makes me feel depressed. It's a distraction I don't want in my life.

How do I get rid of this insecurity once and for all?