Illumia's Relationship Advice 2.0
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Second_Prototype wrote...
Back in highschool I had a friend who was always getting laid while I struggled to get a date. To be fair despite being willing to put out like nobody's business most of the women he dated were bat-shit crazy and some still stalk him to this day.However seeing him get all the pussy he wanted while I remained a virgin left me with a deep feeling of inadequacy that even now eats away at my self esteem. I don't want a girlfriend anymore, I'm too angry and self absorbed to sustain a relationship. I just want to get on with my life and pursue my career ambitions. Yet everytime I find myself attracted to a woman this insecurity rises up and makes me feel depressed. It's a distraction I don't want in my life.
How do I get rid of this insecurity once and for all?
Some insecurity s run deep into the heart, they overwhelm part of the soul and will always be with you, to your dying day. I am not to sure how to help you... But you say you don't care to have a relationship and want to focus on your job, yet you keep finding your self attracted or caring about women, Maybe you are simple looking for a women, who will love you to the point you never think you two would be leave each other. Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love. Some time It take time. And maturity, not the kind of maturity of your age, but the maturity of life. Your might be having a hard time taking those first steps. If this was an anime, there would be a women who comes a long out of the blue and just changes everything for you, before you know whats going on.
But Real life is not an anime, try simply going out and trying new things, bar, clubs, book reads, or outdoors, sports, work out centers, concerts, Try new things, and enjoy life, meet new people, don't look for a relationship, but be willing to do other things then just work. Interact with people. Make friends of both gender. Maybe some feeling will arise from some one and the same with them.
But like I said, Taking the first step is the hardiest, and no one will give likely give you the shove you need to take it, you most likely have to take it on your own, and that might scare you. But it's the only thing I can think of currently that might help
And about your friend, chances are, he lonely as hell, yes he might get ass, and all the crazy bitches who stalk him, but he obviously not finding some one, who even with out sex he simple wants to be with him. It might be his way also of trying to find true love, he is just not sure the right way, and another thing, super crazy bitches are easy to get with, well to a point, chances are once the crazy women find some one they really like, or some one who puts interest in them, that person becomes there whole world. If you're looking for some crazy bitch like that, it would be easier to find some one who is not already stalking some one.
Not sure if this helps or not, But I tried my best to help.
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Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
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Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
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Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
Prototype's situation sounds a bit familiar to how I thought when it was a big deal I had to fix. Though I like to think that there is still some hope even if all evidence and experience points to the contrary. I would at least try to talk to the women you find attractive. I do, I don't get very far since they usually don't talk to me/engage in conversation. But I try o-o. The ones who do all have boyfriends sooo lol. Seems that if I were playing tabletop RPGs, I would be constantly rolling 1s-6'es. (terrible).
Positive thinking I feel helps a bit imo, it may not get you very many girlfriends but it'll do wonders for your thought process and success in other areas.
Oh and Illumia you were going to get back to my last post o-o? I'm actually quite curious about the response. *it is a guilty pleasure of mine talking about romance and stuff even if it makes me reflect on my lack of such XD. Same with reading it in seinen manga.*
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セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
Prototype's situation sounds a bit familiar to how I thought when it was a big deal I had to fix. Though I like to think that there is still some hope even if all evidence and experience points to the contrary. I would at least try to talk to the women you find attractive. I do, I don't get very far since they usually don't talk to me/engage in conversation. But I try o-o. The ones who do all have boyfriends sooo lol. Seems that if I were playing tabletop RPGs, I would be constantly rolling 1s-6'es. (terrible).
Positive thinking I feel helps a bit imo, it may not get you very many girlfriends but it'll do wonders for your thought process and success in other areas.
Oh and Illumia you were going to get back to my last post o-o? I'm actually quite curious about the response. *it is a guilty pleasure of mine talking about romance and stuff even if it makes me reflect on my lack of such XD. Same with reading it in seinen manga.*
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How do you know when you're ready for a relationship again? I feel like I finally am, but I never had a long stretch of being single before. I never gave myself the chance. I never had the chance to sort my shit out. I've got a lot of shit going on, but I also feel like I finally have a good enough idea of who I am, on my own, to bring something to a relationship.
But, really... how do I actually know?
But, really... how do I actually know?
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Lollikittie wrote...
How do you know when you're ready for a relationship again? I feel like I finally am, but I never had a long stretch of being single before. I never gave myself the chance. I never had the chance to sort my shit out. I've got a lot of shit going on, but I also feel like I finally have a good enough idea of who I am, on my own, to bring something to a relationship.But, really... how do I actually know?
I can answer that one easily ^^
You are always ready.
The question really is, who is it that I am ready for, and where are they at.
There is some one out there who will just swipe you off your feet like nothing ever before, if you never had a really to serious relationship before, or lasted to long, chances are you haven't met the right one yet.
sorry. I am medicated right now, It makes sense in my head.
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Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
Prototype's situation sounds a bit familiar to how I thought when it was a big deal I had to fix. Though I like to think that there is still some hope even if all evidence and experience points to the contrary. I would at least try to talk to the women you find attractive. I do, I don't get very far since they usually don't talk to me/engage in conversation. But I try o-o. The ones who do all have boyfriends sooo lol. Seems that if I were playing tabletop RPGs, I would be constantly rolling 1s-6'es. (terrible).
Positive thinking I feel helps a bit imo, it may not get you very many girlfriends but it'll do wonders for your thought process and success in other areas.
Oh and Illumia you were going to get back to my last post o-o? I'm actually quite curious about the response. *it is a guilty pleasure of mine talking about romance and stuff even if it makes me reflect on my lack of such XD. Same with reading it in seinen manga.*
Oh, I didn't mean to imply I stop being friends with them if they have a boyfriend XD. I still talk to them and they are some of my best friends. Though I don't intend to go in any romantic direction if that makes sense. They have been in a relationship with their bf for a long time (years) and being friends with both people for one of the girls I can say they seem perfect for each other o-o. So hence, friends is about as far as I think. Any farther and it becomes a no-go zone for me and I definitely don't want to "hope they break up with her boyfriend" because that is just rude, mean, and not in my personality.
I'm looking elsewhere when I can :P. Kinda busy with schooling, and big life decisions. While my social life may be taking a nosedive I think taking care of myself in terms of academics/financials is first. Who knows, maybe I'll met somebody lol.
Off topic: What is the theme/premise of the visual novel o-o? Characters? XD I love games with dating aspects as well as visual novels. A guilty pleasure of mine when it comes to games are the harvest moon series and the Sims. Just for all the sillyness and fun. Oh and for visual novels I have played Tsukihime, Fate Stay Night, Little Busters, Kazoku Keikaku, and so on. Though generally I only pick one route and stick with it (minus type moon games, cause you have to finish the routes in order to unlock all.)
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セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
Prototype's situation sounds a bit familiar to how I thought when it was a big deal I had to fix. Though I like to think that there is still some hope even if all evidence and experience points to the contrary. I would at least try to talk to the women you find attractive. I do, I don't get very far since they usually don't talk to me/engage in conversation. But I try o-o. The ones who do all have boyfriends sooo lol. Seems that if I were playing tabletop RPGs, I would be constantly rolling 1s-6'es. (terrible).
Positive thinking I feel helps a bit imo, it may not get you very many girlfriends but it'll do wonders for your thought process and success in other areas.
Oh and Illumia you were going to get back to my last post o-o? I'm actually quite curious about the response. *it is a guilty pleasure of mine talking about romance and stuff even if it makes me reflect on my lack of such XD. Same with reading it in seinen manga.*
Oh, I didn't mean to imply I stop being friends with them if they have a boyfriend XD. I still talk to them and they are some of my best friends. Though I don't intend to go in any romantic direction if that makes sense. They have been in a relationship with their bf for a long time (years) and being friends with both people for one of the girls I can say they seem perfect for each other o-o. So hence, friends is about as far as I think. Any farther and it becomes a no-go zone for me and I definitely don't want to "hope they break up with her boyfriend" because that is just rude, mean, and not in my personality.
I'm looking elsewhere when I can :P. Kinda busy with schooling, and big life decisions. While my social life may be taking a nosedive I think taking care of myself in terms of academics/financials is first. Who knows, maybe I'll met somebody lol.
Off topic: What is the theme/premise of the visual novel o-o? Characters? XD I love games with dating aspects as well as visual novels. A guilty pleasure of mine when it comes to games are the harvest moon series and the Sims. Just for all the sillyness and fun. Oh and for visual novels I have played Tsukihime, Fate Stay Night, Little Busters, Kazoku Keikaku, and so on. Though generally I only pick one route and stick with it (minus type moon games, cause you have to finish the routes in order to unlock all.)
Click the link in my sig, and it will take you to a thread about it, with the download is also at.
next time you respond I will go back and try to answer your previous question
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Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Second_Prototype wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
Maybe you are looking for some one. Who with there love for you, can wash away those insecure wounds you have? But the fear of being cheated on, dumped, lied too, and other things make it difficult for you to try to get close enough to a women to try and achieve those feelings of love.
Yeah I would really like that. But no woman wants to act as a salve for my issues. It's tantamount to wishing for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Such a woman doesn't exist.
They'll all hurt me in the end anyway. It's an inevitable by product of intimacy and I am not willing to wade through all that pain for the slim chance of finding somebody I can love deeply.
May it be that kind of thinking that may be part of the problem. Like i said no one is going to just go out and help you. you need to clear your mind, try to forgive, yourself, others, people who hurt you, try to start fresh, even pure. and just live your life, then they may start to be drawn to you.
Prototype's situation sounds a bit familiar to how I thought when it was a big deal I had to fix. Though I like to think that there is still some hope even if all evidence and experience points to the contrary. I would at least try to talk to the women you find attractive. I do, I don't get very far since they usually don't talk to me/engage in conversation. But I try o-o. The ones who do all have boyfriends sooo lol. Seems that if I were playing tabletop RPGs, I would be constantly rolling 1s-6'es. (terrible).
Positive thinking I feel helps a bit imo, it may not get you very many girlfriends but it'll do wonders for your thought process and success in other areas.
Oh and Illumia you were going to get back to my last post o-o? I'm actually quite curious about the response. *it is a guilty pleasure of mine talking about romance and stuff even if it makes me reflect on my lack of such XD. Same with reading it in seinen manga.*
Oh, I didn't mean to imply I stop being friends with them if they have a boyfriend XD. I still talk to them and they are some of my best friends. Though I don't intend to go in any romantic direction if that makes sense. They have been in a relationship with their bf for a long time (years) and being friends with both people for one of the girls I can say they seem perfect for each other o-o. So hence, friends is about as far as I think. Any farther and it becomes a no-go zone for me and I definitely don't want to "hope they break up with her boyfriend" because that is just rude, mean, and not in my personality.
I'm looking elsewhere when I can :P. Kinda busy with schooling, and big life decisions. While my social life may be taking a nosedive I think taking care of myself in terms of academics/financials is first. Who knows, maybe I'll met somebody lol.
Off topic: What is the theme/premise of the visual novel o-o? Characters? XD I love games with dating aspects as well as visual novels. A guilty pleasure of mine when it comes to games are the harvest moon series and the Sims. Just for all the sillyness and fun. Oh and for visual novels I have played Tsukihime, Fate Stay Night, Little Busters, Kazoku Keikaku, and so on. Though generally I only pick one route and stick with it (minus type moon games, cause you have to finish the routes in order to unlock all.)
Click the link in my sig, and it will take you to a thread about it, with the download is also at.
next time you respond I will go back and try to answer your previous question
Oh derp, I found that after I posted and never bothered to change it. O-o Seems interesting enough. Can't wait for more characters. psst, add a tall girl in there. *nod* I find girls around my height/taller attractive sometimes lol, hopefully that doesn't work against me though.
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セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Sure, I'll bite. Where does a guy(me) start even trying to find somebody special when I have never really been out on a date despite me asking when appropriate and being turned down? I'm in this odd situation where I'm already 23, all my friends got a significant other in what feels like an instant, and any girl I have been interested in or attracted to has only wanted to be friends, massively ignored me, or has been taken(which is 100% ok, I'm not so arrogant to think that I am better suited/could replace their bf.)Currently not sure what it is. Maybe because of my lack of experience dealing with women outside strictly school/work stuff. Without being given a chance for whatever reason I don't exactly know how to learn the right things to say or do besides some crappy pick up line stuff which I am 100% opposed to because not only are they terrible sometimes but generally not my thing.
Maybe I just don't share the same interests, although I do make it a point to keep up with popular tv shows and such just to be able to relate to more people in general, not just women. And I have a multitude of topics I can talk about such as news, politics(bleh), technology, movies, anime/manga, video games, even sports though I don't actually count myself as a big fan of it.
And I hope to whatever higher power is/isn't there that the problem is not I'm unattractive. Because I can't be that bad looking. Sure, I'm 5'5 and Asian but I know people who are fairly good at this stuff regardless of factors such as height or race. Therefore it shouldn't stop me or be a problem.
And hopefully it isn't "The girls I am attracted to are out of my league" because I don't believe that. My preferences are not so outrageous that they are immovable or without exception(within reason) because of really awesome personality. For reference the general things I like are girls who are pretty close to my height(taller is fine too, I have zero problems with that and I would hope they don't have a problem with it either.), not extremely anorexic thin but not too much fat, decently intelligent, has a good looking face(or not bad looking to me), and easy to talk to.
As a note, just asking out of curiosity. Lately I've kept trying but really I do get tired of literally getting nowhere despite branching out and meeting a LOT of people and figured that maybe I will just keep working on my education for a well paying career to support myself. These types of things just elude me although I love thinking/talking about them since romance is one of my favorite things in some stories/media(depends on the story).
Do you by chance have a lot of insecurities, or have a hard time reading people or situations, or more in touch with your emotions, these are some time things women pick up on as turn offs, it could also be simply has cleanliness, or how you prosent yourself to others. if you find some one you like do you want to talk to them all the time, and is wanting to text all day long or hang out all the time, these are some things also they might effect how a women sees you, yes talking is fine and hanging out is also, but to much can push the women away, it could also be how you talk or some of the things you say.
I wouldn't say I have a lot of insecurities. I do have a few but they can be counted on one hand. Not any more than any normal person I would think and I generally try to hide them at least on the surface because they aren't things I share with people who I'm not close to.
I don't think I have a hard time reading situations as well, but I can't say with 100% certainty that I can determine things other than "This person is angry with me" or "I should stay out of this". I just try my best in that regard and usually it seems to work out.
By in touch with my emotions...? I guess I am, I don't believe that I have to be some emotionless guy. I get angry, sad, happy, ect like most other people. Having feelings and emotions could be labeled as "Sensitive" but generally things don't hurt me too much. Maybe I misread the question but I don't understand how being more in touch with my emotions is a bad thing. I don't end up crying all over the place except in very specific rare situations.
I know it isn't cleanliness because I generally try to keep myself clean with all the usual stuff.
Presentation to others might be a problem. Talking to people I don't really know and really don't share any common ground with can be a problem as it leads to me just not having anything to respond to or talk about. I'm fairly sure I'm not the most well dressed but I don't wear anything too bad. And the only reason I don't wear super tight pants or a shirt is because I don't have the extremely slim body for it. That doesn't mean I'm overly fat though.
Sadly I am a little guilty of wanting to talk a lot to the people I am close to in general but I understand the concept of space and I try not to overdo it in terms of talking a lot to somebody I'm interested in. I generally can read when a conversation is over ish in any form of text(or messaging system). I guess I would hang out with somebody a lot if they were ok with it but honestly I don't think I've ever been close enough to a girl that they would want to hang out with just me.
Hopefully this all helps. Maybe the problems are bigger than they seem to be for me personally because I do try to put my best forward and leave the negatives to myself. I may not be the stereotypical "manly man" but I do want to keep believing there is hope for me romantically even though I haven't seen any real chance.
That has nothing to do with it, and I was simple asking some questions to get a better handle of understanding what kind of person you are. so I can give you a better answer instead of some half ass right to the point that doesn't really help you in the end. I am taking your question seriously. So I will do the best I can.
And from it, I may be wrong but from what you said, You may be simple not used to being around the opposite sex, and not really to sure what to talk about, Do you by chance get nervous, or treat women like you would treat a male friend, Yes that does work with most women, but it also put you into the friend zone faster, it quite hard to be able to understand a concept of women, and be able to act on it, and treat them the appropriate way, in the attempt to be more then friends, because just about every women like to be treated differently, and you cant treat them all the same, it got to be certain way for each one, and to be able to understand that and adjust to each one change of personality is really quite hard thing to do, if you are not used to women already, it can also be the lack of understanding romance, and how to do it correctly, that is another thing that is different with each female, some like like one thing, and other like it a different way. women in general, are confusing as well, and con traditions, some women are simple and easy to understand, while others are really hard and difficult, there are also out there who try to make people think they are difficult to understand, but in fact are really easy, and the same the other way, some out there seam to be really easy to understand, but in fact, are really difficult. Judging women is really a bitch. Some guy are able to do it, because they are comfortable around women, and we are able to pick up that vibe, and it easier for us to get along with those kind of men, while some are not used to it, and not sure, like yourself, and we also kind of pick up on it, and it makes us not sure about the male. On another note it can be something as simple as Pheromone that the human body releases, some attract some women easier, and others dont so much, but that goes down into your DNA and cromozones (spelling horrible i know)and it something that was just dealt with you. and cant really change it. I know I am not really able to give you a direct answer at the moment, but with some more talking to you and a bit of time, I may be able to help you get an understanding. would you have an issue if i asked to see a photo of what you look like?
Hmm I guess that makes sense. Not knowing what to say. I try to treat them the same as any other person I meet male or female. I do get nervous if they don't really engage in a conversation with me. Makes me feel like they don't really want to talk to me and I'm bothering them.
While the "friendzone" is a novel concept I don't believe that it really means that because you are friends they don't want to date you. It is more of a nice way to say "I'm not interested" rather than it being a reason because you are a friend. I know this because the girls I am good friends with say they are actually more likely to date somebody who was their friend and some of my other friend's girlfriends are also similarly their best friend.
The part after that pretty much is just reinforcing that "It's complicated". I'll see about sending a picture in a pm. Not too comfortable putting it out in the open too much besides my facebook profile.
I don't see any problems with how you look, ofcorse there will always be people who are attracted to the way you look and some who are not, and in my book a friend zone, is some one who company you enjoy, but don't see them as possible love mates, or relationship material. I think some interaction with women, more often would help you better understand how to be around women, but that right there is a cache 22
That is unfortunate. But I guess not unforeseen. I guess just continue with the same old stuff. It'll happen eventually, I do try to talk to women but usually it is just as friends. Haven't really met somebody I talk to or see often enough that I am attracted to/connect to recently. Though if I were completely honest about being attracted to/connecting with somebody, one of the girls I'm good friends with is somebody I consider very attractive and one of my best friends. We joked around once that if she was not taken she would consider dating me lol, but I didn't take that too seriously. She has a boyfriend though so that is a no go for me.
She might of been seriously interested in you, and was simply seeing if it would even be a chance of you two going out, but with a response like that maybe she felt that you where not as interested in her as she was in you. Or it could have been a complete joke, or even a trap to see your true intentions of being friends with her is. Women can be evil and manipulative.
and on another note, I updated the vn thread again right after you probably saw it.
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Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Illumia Sarrow wrote...
セナリオ wrote...
Sure, I'll bite. Where does a guy(me) start even trying to find somebody special when I have never really been out on a date despite me asking when appropriate and being turned down? I'm in this odd situation where I'm already 23, all my friends got a significant other in what feels like an instant, and any girl I have been interested in or attracted to has only wanted to be friends, massively ignored me, or has been taken(which is 100% ok, I'm not so arrogant to think that I am better suited/could replace their bf.)Currently not sure what it is. Maybe because of my lack of experience dealing with women outside strictly school/work stuff. Without being given a chance for whatever reason I don't exactly know how to learn the right things to say or do besides some crappy pick up line stuff which I am 100% opposed to because not only are they terrible sometimes but generally not my thing.
Maybe I just don't share the same interests, although I do make it a point to keep up with popular tv shows and such just to be able to relate to more people in general, not just women. And I have a multitude of topics I can talk about such as news, politics(bleh), technology, movies, anime/manga, video games, even sports though I don't actually count myself as a big fan of it.
And I hope to whatever higher power is/isn't there that the problem is not I'm unattractive. Because I can't be that bad looking. Sure, I'm 5'5 and Asian but I know people who are fairly good at this stuff regardless of factors such as height or race. Therefore it shouldn't stop me or be a problem.
And hopefully it isn't "The girls I am attracted to are out of my league" because I don't believe that. My preferences are not so outrageous that they are immovable or without exception(within reason) because of really awesome personality. For reference the general things I like are girls who are pretty close to my height(taller is fine too, I have zero problems with that and I would hope they don't have a problem with it either.), not extremely anorexic thin but not too much fat, decently intelligent, has a good looking face(or not bad looking to me), and easy to talk to.
As a note, just asking out of curiosity. Lately I've kept trying but really I do get tired of literally getting nowhere despite branching out and meeting a LOT of people and figured that maybe I will just keep working on my education for a well paying career to support myself. These types of things just elude me although I love thinking/talking about them since romance is one of my favorite things in some stories/media(depends on the story).
Do you by chance have a lot of insecurities, or have a hard time reading people or situations, or more in touch with your emotions, these are some time things women pick up on as turn offs, it could also be simply has cleanliness, or how you prosent yourself to others. if you find some one you like do you want to talk to them all the time, and is wanting to text all day long or hang out all the time, these are some things also they might effect how a women sees you, yes talking is fine and hanging out is also, but to much can push the women away, it could also be how you talk or some of the things you say.
I wouldn't say I have a lot of insecurities. I do have a few but they can be counted on one hand. Not any more than any normal person I would think and I generally try to hide them at least on the surface because they aren't things I share with people who I'm not close to.
I don't think I have a hard time reading situations as well, but I can't say with 100% certainty that I can determine things other than "This person is angry with me" or "I should stay out of this". I just try my best in that regard and usually it seems to work out.
By in touch with my emotions...? I guess I am, I don't believe that I have to be some emotionless guy. I get angry, sad, happy, ect like most other people. Having feelings and emotions could be labeled as "Sensitive" but generally things don't hurt me too much. Maybe I misread the question but I don't understand how being more in touch with my emotions is a bad thing. I don't end up crying all over the place except in very specific rare situations.
I know it isn't cleanliness because I generally try to keep myself clean with all the usual stuff.
Presentation to others might be a problem. Talking to people I don't really know and really don't share any common ground with can be a problem as it leads to me just not having anything to respond to or talk about. I'm fairly sure I'm not the most well dressed but I don't wear anything too bad. And the only reason I don't wear super tight pants or a shirt is because I don't have the extremely slim body for it. That doesn't mean I'm overly fat though.
Sadly I am a little guilty of wanting to talk a lot to the people I am close to in general but I understand the concept of space and I try not to overdo it in terms of talking a lot to somebody I'm interested in. I generally can read when a conversation is over ish in any form of text(or messaging system). I guess I would hang out with somebody a lot if they were ok with it but honestly I don't think I've ever been close enough to a girl that they would want to hang out with just me.
Hopefully this all helps. Maybe the problems are bigger than they seem to be for me personally because I do try to put my best forward and leave the negatives to myself. I may not be the stereotypical "manly man" but I do want to keep believing there is hope for me romantically even though I haven't seen any real chance.
That has nothing to do with it, and I was simple asking some questions to get a better handle of understanding what kind of person you are. so I can give you a better answer instead of some half ass right to the point that doesn't really help you in the end. I am taking your question seriously. So I will do the best I can.
And from it, I may be wrong but from what you said, You may be simple not used to being around the opposite sex, and not really to sure what to talk about, Do you by chance get nervous, or treat women like you would treat a male friend, Yes that does work with most women, but it also put you into the friend zone faster, it quite hard to be able to understand a concept of women, and be able to act on it, and treat them the appropriate way, in the attempt to be more then friends, because just about every women like to be treated differently, and you cant treat them all the same, it got to be certain way for each one, and to be able to understand that and adjust to each one change of personality is really quite hard thing to do, if you are not used to women already, it can also be the lack of understanding romance, and how to do it correctly, that is another thing that is different with each female, some like like one thing, and other like it a different way. women in general, are confusing as well, and con traditions, some women are simple and easy to understand, while others are really hard and difficult, there are also out there who try to make people think they are difficult to understand, but in fact are really easy, and the same the other way, some out there seam to be really easy to understand, but in fact, are really difficult. Judging women is really a bitch. Some guy are able to do it, because they are comfortable around women, and we are able to pick up that vibe, and it easier for us to get along with those kind of men, while some are not used to it, and not sure, like yourself, and we also kind of pick up on it, and it makes us not sure about the male. On another note it can be something as simple as Pheromone that the human body releases, some attract some women easier, and others dont so much, but that goes down into your DNA and cromozones (spelling horrible i know)and it something that was just dealt with you. and cant really change it. I know I am not really able to give you a direct answer at the moment, but with some more talking to you and a bit of time, I may be able to help you get an understanding. would you have an issue if i asked to see a photo of what you look like?
Hmm I guess that makes sense. Not knowing what to say. I try to treat them the same as any other person I meet male or female. I do get nervous if they don't really engage in a conversation with me. Makes me feel like they don't really want to talk to me and I'm bothering them.
While the "friendzone" is a novel concept I don't believe that it really means that because you are friends they don't want to date you. It is more of a nice way to say "I'm not interested" rather than it being a reason because you are a friend. I know this because the girls I am good friends with say they are actually more likely to date somebody who was their friend and some of my other friend's girlfriends are also similarly their best friend.
The part after that pretty much is just reinforcing that "It's complicated". I'll see about sending a picture in a pm. Not too comfortable putting it out in the open too much besides my facebook profile.
I don't see any problems with how you look, ofcorse there will always be people who are attracted to the way you look and some who are not, and in my book a friend zone, is some one who company you enjoy, but don't see them as possible love mates, or relationship material. I think some interaction with women, more often would help you better understand how to be around women, but that right there is a cache 22
That is unfortunate. But I guess not unforeseen. I guess just continue with the same old stuff. It'll happen eventually, I do try to talk to women but usually it is just as friends. Haven't really met somebody I talk to or see often enough that I am attracted to/connect to recently. Though if I were completely honest about being attracted to/connecting with somebody, one of the girls I'm good friends with is somebody I consider very attractive and one of my best friends. We joked around once that if she was not taken she would consider dating me lol, but I didn't take that too seriously. She has a boyfriend though so that is a no go for me.
She might of been seriously interested in you, and was simply seeing if it would even be a chance of you two going out, but with a response like that maybe she felt that you where not as interested in her as she was in you. Or it could have been a complete joke, or even a trap to see your true intentions of being friends with her is. Women can be evil and manipulative.
and on another note, I updated the vn thread again right after you probably saw it.
haha, maybe. I seriously doubt it though. Again, she has a boyfriend who I am also friends with. He is a cool guy and we are good friends because we are very similar. It sounds very complicated lol though I can't see her being manipulative, she is one of my best friends and that is that. Eh, gotta look elsewhere which is no big deal since it has always been like that. I'm kinda thinking that I should put romantic goals off for a bit more since it really isn't working out actively looking. Gotta get dat career first.
I'll make sure to keep up with the visual novel's development and see if the end product is something I'd be interested in. I tend to not like constantly updating with each new version XD.
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Just a quick question, are you a professional on this subject, or is it just because you're enthused on this subject? Have you gone and got education on psychology or anything? (Not being rude by any means either, just curious)
Also, is your interest on relationships, or sex as well? They both go hand in hand.
Also, is your interest on relationships, or sex as well? They both go hand in hand.
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623
FAKKU QA
SkelliDrops wrote...
Just a quick question, are you a professional on this subject, or is it just because you're enthused on this subject? Enthused.
Also, I have a question for Illumia. I went out with a girl in high school for 2 years and it was a pretty good relationship but she was occasionally emotionally abusive, threatening to break up if I didn't do X, etc. When I left for college and she kept pulling this shit, I finally had enough and just said "fuck it, fuck you, I'm done" and it ended in a pretty messy break up over the phone.
Over the course of college I learn not to be a little bitch and, from what I hear, she stopped being crazy and matured. So fast forward about 5 years (a year ago), I decided I'd give her a random visit at her house because I wanted to see what she was like. She was surprised, obviously, but we talked for like 4 hours and it wasn't really that weird. Apparently she had gotten a boyfriend who's like 3 years older than her. I don't really care.
So I go to Japan for a year and now I'm back, but I've had dreams about her every now and then, so I wonder if I still have latent feelings for her. And back in high school, we really did get along well aside from the shit she'd occasionally pull. So, now that we're both older and more mature, I sort of want to try going out with her again. However, she kind of has a boyfriend. So, it's like, should I tell her?
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623 wrote...
SkelliDrops wrote...
Just a quick question, are you a professional on this subject, or is it just because you're enthused on this subject? Enthused.
Also, I have a question for Illumia. I went out with a girl in high school for 2 years and it was a pretty good relationship but she was occasionally emotionally abusive, threatening to break up if I didn't do X, etc. When I left for college and she kept pulling this shit, I finally had enough and just said "fuck it, fuck you, I'm done" and it ended in a pretty messy break up over the phone.
Over the course of college I learn not to be a little bitch and, from what I hear, she stopped being crazy and matured. So fast forward about 5 years (a year ago), I decided I'd give her a random visit at her house because I wanted to see what she was like. She was surprised, obviously, but we talked for like 4 hours and it wasn't really that weird. Apparently she had gotten a boyfriend who's like 3 years older than her. I don't really care.
So I go to Japan for a year and now I'm back, but I've had dreams about her every now and then, so I wonder if I still have latent feelings for her. And back in high school, we really did get along well aside from the shit she'd occasionally pull. So, now that we're both older and more mature, I sort of want to try going out with her again. However, she kind of has a boyfriend. So, it's like, should I tell her?
I intend to respond to all questions. But with my computer shot to shit it will be hard answering all questions in one post.
I think you may indeed have feelings for her still. May it be love. Or longing for the friendship and closeness you two used to have. You said she chatted with you for 4 hours. So she oviously does not hate you. And if she matured. I say go for it. Atleast keep in touch often. If she ever brakes up be there for her. But there always a chance she has found the one for her. And these feeling for her could both end her and her bf relasonship. And also yours. It could also be this dude who has helped her mature. Chances are. If you put the time in and didnt end it with her like you did but simply talked to her about the problems instead of fighting. You might have a diffrent outcome. Ofcorse the world and life is always filled with what if"s
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when i look for a freind \ best freind \ girl freind there is one trait that will make me their freind at least dbz lol but girl freind wise hmmmm i dunno say if i died what wuld you do if they awnser this one thin corect your going to be the number one thing on my take care of list lol i just made that up oh and if you cant understand this its because it was writin in 30 seconds